So bad judgement and benzo rages are things you're prepared to accept as facts of life now?
no, they are things i am clealry prone to undfer the influence of benzos.
You have me on ignore already and you're in no state to take this on board.
how do you know ?> are u telepathic ? (i love being underestimated by people and then beinmg able to take them totally by surprise when thy realise they've done so, its one of my gratest pleasures in life to proove wrong all the doubyters ive encountered alomh ,my path - ha you didnt think i ccould do that did you you bastard (not aimed at you elvis, just an example of my thought processes)
Nevertheless, I'm not going to tread on eggshells,
GOOD
as it's obvious that you're selectively reading people's posts, rejecting any criticisms
(possibly)
and mistaking people's reluctance to upset you for encouragement to continue this dangerous behaviour you seem so keen to perpetuate.
also possible
So for the sake of anybody in a similar position who's reading this who might be in a more receptive frame of mind, here goes:
not
You are going to end up hurting yourself,
( not wrong, could haave easily killed myself accidentally about 12 times already this year)
getting arrested, getting beaten up or worse
(possibly)
No question. Your own thread demonstrated that these benzo rages are not confined to this forum. You've injured yourself on your bike, and you've had conflicts with neighbours.
(to be fair, who doesnt have conflicts with their neigjhbouts, although my stance was fuckin pathetric) You've destroyed your own crockery. This is not normal behaviour.
(it is in greece haahh - its great fun. i knoiw its not normal)
Benzos give me a huge bravado/disinhibitory effect to the point that i believe i become LESS of a target for a beating because i have no aura of being a TARGET OR A VICTIM. As long as aggressive eye contact is avoided with the wrong person. Rightly or wrongly, I believe most crimes are pepetuated against people seen as victims. Many people are cowwards and if you just face them down theyll back down IME. That guy was twice TRYING to intimidat mne, it didnt work. Im not rying to say Im hard im a chicken shit fairy without benzoa but they gibe me the confidence of the gods. Do you begin to see why its so hard for e to stop when they apparently help me so much in many ways (of couurse youve alos opened my eyes wide to the negative consequences also though)
You seem to regard drug addiction as a viable long-term escape from reality - c
onsidering it - sme junkies make it to theie 70s - i dnt really wanna fo9llow that route though
Reality always comes knocking though, and it's a bone-jarring bailiff's knock at 5am, not a gentle pitter-patter on your window. Are you ready to find that out first-hand?
Oh ive been there, thats why i turned to dtugs !!!!!!!!!
You are not making use of the real-life assistance available
(i am - just nit the full amount avaialable)
Maybe your GP is useless; maybe your drugs worker too. In that case, you have the power to make a change.
(ive just exercised me right tro researcxh and choose my own anti depressants which doc was fine with') new drugs worker is efficient and together as fuck. She may well help me.
What I will say is that you seem to think that the NHS is there to enable the addictions you seem determined to bring upon yourself, and it really isn't. You've mentioned trying to 'beat the system'.
i might have been rfering trying to gert a medicated benzo taper. what is wrong with that, if youyre criticising me for that then you are contradicting tourseof abt me not making full use of serviuces
You are unemployed and not looking for a job
correct - im returniung to college
Alright, so you hated your last job. There's no reason to do a job you hate (though thousands of people are left with little choice) but do you think unemployment is going to be easy, or good for your self-esteem? You seem to need the distraction if nothing else. Sometimes a boring job can be a blessing in disguise for those inclined to substance abuse.
i repeat im returniung to college
You will alienate yourself from people for good
oh youd be amazed how people can be won round if you try hard enough. Most people are very forgiving by nayure No one thinks they are perfect or likes holding on to grudges IME. Often just a litlle jesture or ollive branch will suffice
There are people on this forum (and probably in real life) who show concern, yet you throw that back in their faces at the drop of a hat.
yes thats sucks, i should make ammends.
Okay, I understand that mindset, but don't be surprised when people just give up. It sucks, yeah. But they have feelings and lives of their own too.
Everybody's pain is unique and subjective, and I don't know what you're going through. I do know what I'm talking about -
yes your own sum of experience
I've spent my whole adult life watching myself go from crisis to crisis, with plenty of heavy drug abuse inbetween. I've watched myself destroy relationships, lose jobs, become homeless, slip into psychosis, behave in reprehensible fashion and erode my support networks slowly but surely. I was eventually diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but drug abuse masked this reality and exacerbated the self-destructive behaviour for long enough for me to do real, lasting damage to myself and my future prospects.
now that changes my opinionof you totally - i imnmediatekly like you MUCH more .
You may know a little about bipolar,
(i have about 4 bipolar friends)
but my particular case involves extreme anhedonia, which basically means I can no longer enjoy activities the way I used to.
Social interaction is uncomfortable most of the time,
(i have crippling self conscincsciosness without drugs. to even be in a room, let alone converse with people ie beyond any current reach of mine)
sex is unsatisfactory and most 'entertainment' of any kind fails to grab me, apart from in an extremely perverse, perhaps cynical, fashion. Drugs allow me a break from the emptiness that lurks right at the centre of my existence, to say nothing of smoothing out the extremes of depression and hypomania. Yeah, you get it - I suffer. What a saint.
So I do understand the appeal of Big Dumb Oblivion, but I also know that going down that road tends to make you lose everything you value, if not your life. I understand this all too well. So I refrain from giving in to the temptation, even though the alternative is an existence which (at least most of the time) many people would find more or less devoid of life.
As I've said before, your choice.
wow man, why couldnt you have said that first time !! 
why did i have to act up like such a prick last night ? i dunno ? gonna be more careful with benxos now though and change their prority of cutting down on them.
i believe the realirty for me that i may be for ever dependant on benzos, maybe also subutex. If youve been brokjen, then i find it impossible not to take something that fixes me.
i thinkj we both got each other compoletekly wrong yesterday. Im used to it, Popel always assumme that my shyness is snobbery when it could nt be furhher from the tryth,
well elvis elvis, i dint know why yiou devoted all that energy to me and my ilk, byt thank you for doing so.
bttw elvis none of me medical tem are csared of poinmting out dangers foir fear it will upset me. i dont hink many perople are here eityher tbh. Ive got Pontifix walking on eggshells for some reason which aint rightm, gonhjna have to sort that 1 out.
