SameOldShit101
Greenlighter
Two words. Two simple words that are connected to drinking alcoholic beverages. (I like to call them cocktails, because, thats what they are. They are cocktails of different chemicals and we consume them to get high. No one but us, us true junkies, see alcohol in its true dirty, synthetic, mad scientist light. We feed yeast huge amounts of sugar and, regular yeast insn't enough for our advanced, 21st century society, oh no. We need to use hybridized yeast fungus, yes, hybridized. We don't just throw some bread yeast into a glass mug, with a few mashed raw potatoes and a teaspoon of cane sugar, let it sit for a few weeks, and then boil it over a camp fire until its condensed into 1/4th its volume. That was the 19th century and its obsolete to the MAX now. NOW, ohhh boy, now is a whole new game. We need hybridized yeast that our mad scientists spent a decade creating, in million dollar labs funded by billion dollar lads. This hybrid yeast eats 10 times more sugar molecule and pisses 10x more potent alcohol. Now, now we have to add more sugar, AND more yeast, throughout the fermentation process, because, well, the hybrid yeast consumes more sugar, creating more potent alcohol, and more alcohol in general, the yeast is resistant to high alcohol volumes, AND it is hybridized to not die as soon as regular yeast, but still, it dies, it dies a little less quickly than traditional yeast, only a little less quickly, because, it also pisses more alcohol, which kills it. (you'd die too if you swam around in your own piss and shit with no oxygen for 2 months, hybridized or not 
) Anyways, they add more sugar, they add more yeast, and in return, the hybrid yeast gives us more alcohol, and more potent alcohol. Then, instead of boiling this "wine" or "mash" over a "crude" camp fire like the olden days... OHHH, now we need to make it in BULK because our population has exploded to unhealthy and un-standardized levels. The agriculture facet of society has exploded and is feeding us more and more unhealthy garbage, higher and higher volumes. 
We're suffocating ourselves. Million dollar corporations, with millions of dollars invested in million-dollar equipment. 2000 gallon drums with sophisticated heating elements that need tons of permits which need tons of money to keep up to date. These giant copper coated tin Chinese imported drums boil thousands of gallons of this hybridized alcohol mash and a giant copper tube collects every morsel and every drop of the evaporated liquid and spits it out into another million dollar drum that automatically transfers into a million dollar filtering system which transfers back into another drum, and then into another filtration system, and then another drum, and then another filtration system, and then, then, thennnnnnnnnnn, one lonely man (who desperately needs a raise to afford the escalade his wife literally cries herself to sleep over each night it comes up in conversation with her coworkers earlier in the day) (who, coincidentally, is actually very content with her... financial caste, err, "bracket" if you will, but, still "RELATES" and "sympathizes" with the people she hears about on the news that are also "struggling" to keep their $600,000 suburban homes) (who, and this is the last parenthesis, I promise, who... "coincidentally, are... "republicans" or, [and heres the funny part, right?] "tea-partiers" right? They feel they need to protest against the government because this economy is really screwing with the exchange rate of their mutual funds. "WE ARE BROKE! MY WIFE HASN'T HAD A JOB IN A YEAR AND A HALF!! DON'T YOU GET IT? THE US IS IN A RECESSION, WE ARE COMPLETELY BROKE... I'm SORRY sir!!" they exclaim as they walk by the homeless man that sells art outside of/sleeps in the alley next to their son's karate classes building) ONE man, stands by the tiny LCD screen, next to the plexiglass box surrounding the bottling and capping machine, checking to ensure all is going well, before the loaded 6 packs are picked off the conveyer belt and placed into krates and shoved into trucks and brought to big warehouses where more broke men are dying for raises and checking LCD screens and going home to blonde wives and two kids and a big trampoline in their back yard next to the hot tub and pool and the shitty 7 year old minivan with the embarrassing 3/4ths inch thick dual LCD screens with barney and the wiggles playing for the kids parked in the garage. ALL to make this stupid, silly, funny, weird, grassy, brown, hop flavored drink, that the man loading the truck embarrassingly drinks 3/4ths of a 30 pack of a night, and his wife polishes off the rest of them. The same wife who cries herself to sleep every night that one of her coworkers points out that all of her tires are dangerously bald, on her 1995 chevy caprice, and the donut on the front passengers side loses enough air to appear flat every 2 days and the kids are out of pawl-mart's brand cap'n'crunchballs and the super-nintendo isn't enough for them anymore, IS IT? Noo, now they want a PS3 like all of their friends! (Even though they got them to agree to the Super Nintendo just 3 months ago, because they promised them they could get tons more games and more presents with it than if santa them an xbox360 for christmas. Now its just a joke to them. And they say "WE'RE BROKE!! DON'T YOU GET IT? WE'RE IN A RECESSION BUDDY! SORRY!!" everytime they pass by that guy that sells his wacky art down the street from their favorite pizza joint, and the package store where his wife works and they get the hybridized beer and the hybrid booze from the hybridized yeast... and the CEO and the Owner and the shareholders in his family make millions every year and, meanwhile... well.. both of these families are "struggling" ...aren't they.
) Anyways, they add more sugar, they add more yeast, and in return, the hybrid yeast gives us more alcohol, and more potent alcohol. Then, instead of boiling this "wine" or "mash" over a "crude" camp fire like the olden days... OHHH, now we need to make it in BULK because our population has exploded to unhealthy and un-standardized levels. The agriculture facet of society has exploded and is feeding us more and more unhealthy garbage, higher and higher volumes. We're suffocating ourselves. Million dollar corporations, with millions of dollars invested in million-dollar equipment. 2000 gallon drums with sophisticated heating elements that need tons of permits which need tons of money to keep up to date. These giant copper coated tin Chinese imported drums boil thousands of gallons of this hybridized alcohol mash and a giant copper tube collects every morsel and every drop of the evaporated liquid and spits it out into another million dollar drum that automatically transfers into a million dollar filtering system which transfers back into another drum, and then into another filtration system, and then another drum, and then another filtration system, and then, then, thennnnnnnnnnn, one lonely man (who desperately needs a raise to afford the escalade his wife literally cries herself to sleep over each night it comes up in conversation with her coworkers earlier in the day) (who, coincidentally, is actually very content with her... financial caste, err, "bracket" if you will, but, still "RELATES" and "sympathizes" with the people she hears about on the news that are also "struggling" to keep their $600,000 suburban homes) (who, and this is the last parenthesis, I promise, who... "coincidentally, are... "republicans" or, [and heres the funny part, right?] "tea-partiers" right? They feel they need to protest against the government because this economy is really screwing with the exchange rate of their mutual funds. "WE ARE BROKE! MY WIFE HASN'T HAD A JOB IN A YEAR AND A HALF!! DON'T YOU GET IT? THE US IS IN A RECESSION, WE ARE COMPLETELY BROKE... I'm SORRY sir!!" they exclaim as they walk by the homeless man that sells art outside of/sleeps in the alley next to their son's karate classes building) ONE man, stands by the tiny LCD screen, next to the plexiglass box surrounding the bottling and capping machine, checking to ensure all is going well, before the loaded 6 packs are picked off the conveyer belt and placed into krates and shoved into trucks and brought to big warehouses where more broke men are dying for raises and checking LCD screens and going home to blonde wives and two kids and a big trampoline in their back yard next to the hot tub and pool and the shitty 7 year old minivan with the embarrassing 3/4ths inch thick dual LCD screens with barney and the wiggles playing for the kids parked in the garage. ALL to make this stupid, silly, funny, weird, grassy, brown, hop flavored drink, that the man loading the truck embarrassingly drinks 3/4ths of a 30 pack of a night, and his wife polishes off the rest of them. The same wife who cries herself to sleep every night that one of her coworkers points out that all of her tires are dangerously bald, on her 1995 chevy caprice, and the donut on the front passengers side loses enough air to appear flat every 2 days and the kids are out of pawl-mart's brand cap'n'crunchballs and the super-nintendo isn't enough for them anymore, IS IT? Noo, now they want a PS3 like all of their friends! (Even though they got them to agree to the Super Nintendo just 3 months ago, because they promised them they could get tons more games and more presents with it than if santa them an xbox360 for christmas. Now its just a joke to them. And they say "WE'RE BROKE!! DON'T YOU GET IT? WE'RE IN A RECESSION BUDDY! SORRY!!" everytime they pass by that guy that sells his wacky art down the street from their favorite pizza joint, and the package store where his wife works and they get the hybridized beer and the hybrid booze from the hybridized yeast... and the CEO and the Owner and the shareholders in his family make millions every year and, meanwhile... well.. both of these families are "struggling" ...aren't they. 
