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  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

The Joke Thread - Try and make it funny, eh?

I like my women how I like my toaster

With 2 warm holes and doesn't leave the kitchen
 
I saw a woman in the supermarket, struggling to control her kids. She looked really stressed. Then she accidently knocked over and smashed a bottle of milk.

She dropped to her knees and burst into tears, surrounded by spilled milk. It reminded me of something my dad used to say to my mum, so I walked over to her and said;
"Get a fucking grip, you stupid bitch."
 
swedger77 said:
I saw a woman in the supermarket, struggling to control her kids. She looked really stressed. Then she accidently knocked over and smashed a bottle of milk.

She dropped to her knees and burst into tears, surrounded by spilled milk. It reminded me of something my dad used to say to my mum, so I walked over to her and said;
"Get a fucking grip, you stupid bitch."
Click to expand...

Hahaha! =D
 
I was watchin Fatima Whitbread during the week in a skimpy bikini ,having a shower under a jungle waterfall and thought to myself ,please dont get an erection please dont get an erection.........But she did......
 
having said that........................im sick to death of all these Fatima Whirbread jokes.............at the end of the day she's still someones son
 
Now on sale at IKEA - Lesbian beds, no nuts or screwing involved, it's all
tongue and groove
 
Nudist Colony

A man joined a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he took off his clothes and started to wander around the area. A gorgeous petite blonde walked by, and the man immediately got an erection.

The woman noticed his erection, came over to him and asked, 'Did you call for me?'

The man replied, 'No, what do you mean?'

She said, 'You must be new here. Let me explain.

It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.' Smiling, she lead him to the side of the swimming pool, laid down on a towel, eagerly pulled him to her and happily let him have his way with her.

Later, the man continued to explore the colony's facilities. He entered the sauna and as he sat down, he farted.

Within seconds a huge, hairy man lumbered out of the steam room toward him. 'Did you call for me?' asked the hairy man. 'No, what do you mean?' replied the newcomer.

'You must be new,' answered the hairy man, 'it's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.' The huge man easily spun him around, put him over a bench and had his way with the newcomer.

The newcomer staggered back to the colony office where he was greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist, 'May I help you?' she asked.

'Here 's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee.'

'But Sir,' she replied, 'you've only been here a few hours. You haven't had a chance to see all our facilities.'

'Listen lady,' he replied, 'I'm 78 years old. I only get an erection once a month, but I fart 15 times a day. I'm outta here.'
 
Drinking and Driving

As the Christmas spirit will be flowing over the festivities I thought I would share this experience about drinking and driving.

As you well know, some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.

A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many margaritas and some rather nice Merlot.

Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before.

I took a bus home.

I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise, as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got this one.
 
swedger77 said:
I saw a woman in the supermarket, struggling to control her kids. She looked really stressed. Then she accidently knocked over and smashed a bottle of milk.

She dropped to her knees and burst into tears, surrounded by spilled milk. It reminded me of something my dad used to say to my mum, so I walked over to her and said;
"Get a fucking grip, you stupid bitch."
Click to expand...

ROFL, shouldn't be funny but is.




What has two legs and bleeds a lot?.....................................................Half a dog!



A man walks into a chemist and asks the assistant where the tampax are. He returns a few minutes later with a bag of cotton wool and some toilet paper.
'I thought you wanted some tampax' says the woman behind the counter looking confused.
'Yeah I did' says the man 'but I asked her to buy me some fags the other day and she came back with a pouch of rolling baccy so let's she how she likes rolling her own!'
 
Roses are stupid
Violets are silly
Grease up your flaps
Cause here comes my willy

dude ur fat.
It runs in the family
Mate no1 runs in ur family!
 
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