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Why do girls like to get played ? Merged.

Kyk said:
I never claimed to be nice. I'm just representing good people who are too damned nice to let you know what a big, fat ripoff this deal is.

Forget the doormat vs. supreme asshole extremes. Think of a nice guy in terms of this:

* Won't cheat on you
* Affectionate because he likes you
* Takes you out to do things
* Makes an effort to get to know (and get along with) your friends
* Has life goals
* Has relationship goals
* Treats you equally and with respect
* Is your friend

Notice how reasonable that list is. That's my criteria for a good relationship. That's not being a doormat.

A nice guy is not someone who will harbor you after screwing up your life. That person is a doormat. A nice person with self-respect will demand the best, treat them like gold and expect the same in return. A girl doesn't deserve a real 'nice guy' after submitting herself to the lowest common denominator of male predator. She is damaged. She has "issues." This isn't the fabled scene where Mr. Nice Guy enters, it's the scene where our poor damsel gets therapy.

So stop making it seem like women are victims of assholes. That's not true. Women are victims of outdated evolutionary ideals of how a man should be. They're victims of themselves. In summary, They're accountable for their own choices.

Imagine with me, if you will, a scenario.

Take a girl, perhaps 19, pretty, likes to party. She's fresh, fun and independent. - Her parents brought her up right. She has goals, ambitions, rather intelligent and fun to be around.

Now imagine she's out with the girls one night and meets a guy. He's attractive, rugged, brash, obnoxious, a bit unkempt, a bit coked up, drunk and LOUD.

So far, our girl has ascertained a few things and smiles shyly to our hero, a smile of submission.

NOW FREEZE

What just happened here? WHY in the fuck did she just do that? Tell me ~*kanderavErchick*~ - what possible rationale made that smile appear on her face?

What does she know about this character that makes him the lucky recipient of a pretty girl's smile?

Nothing - and the ensuing madness that takes her to either a higher or lesser extreme of misery is a product of her own poor judgement.

So don't tell me to be forgiving. I have the wherewithal to leave a relationship that doesn't meet my criteria for success. I have the insight to figure out when my needs are met.

And most of all, while I may be a judgemental idiot, I'm not an asshole.
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this is awesome!
 
I think this dilema is the same for both men and women, just as we live with the pressure to be the "cocky tough millionaire asshole", they live with the pressure of being the "always pretty and skinny trophy wife".

Those who devote all their life efforts to become these society's imposed and fake ideals in order to be widely accepted, at the expense of their self respect, self honesty and happiness, those i call society's puppets.

Though our society strives to make us think this fake ideals should be everyone's goals, and the media does a very good work enforcing the message (both for many reasons beyond the scope of this topic), the truth is there are as many and diverse ways to live and see the world as there are persons.

If you become another one of society's puppets you will surely end up having another one of those as your couple, and keeping those who share your now betrayed own true ideals away.

Be yourself
 
I have given up on highschool/college girls on being emotionally intelligent. They simply arn't. They are horny little schoolgirls and while it works out fine for me, that isn't what i'm looking for in the longterm.

I'm just another puppet in the puppetshow, it's not like I have control over the puppetmaster. You can try to tell yourself that your not going to be effected by society, but we both know that ain't true unless you are some hippy living on a convent.
 
The problem with being extremely nice

As for why super nice Ned Flanders type guys don't get laid and don't make friends easily, I think I figured out an interesting perspective on it.

Extreme niceness, I think, is often a way to compensate for or cover up some serious character flaw. Maybe the person in question is a pathological liar. Or a coward. Or sexually perverse. Or insensitive. Or very selfish. Or secretly vindictive. Or a terrible listener. Or... or... or... Point is, he has something about his personality that would make anyone lose interest in him quickly.

Although he won't admit it, deep down he knows he has this flaw, and he knows this flaw has the potential to drive people away. So he tries to snowjob over it by being obscenely nice. Going out of his way for people who don't deserve it, and/or in situations where it isn't appropriate.

Little does he know that most people see straight through this. It's like the person who sends 20 letters of recommendation to a college -- "what's this guy got to hide?" It's especially pathetic when his flaw is (unbeknownst to him) quite visible to other people, and no one has the heart to break it to him that he's dealing with other people all wrong. Would you eat a chocolate covered dog turd? But even when his flaw isn't visible, super niceness makes other people suspicious he has one.

In short, an obscene level of niceness is an advertisement of unfitness.

For those worried about not being nice enough, don't worry. Drop the act and be natural. Sooner or later someone, probably several people, will meet you with the same amount of sincerity you show and point out your flaw. You'd be best to eat humble pie, thank them, and work on fixing it. When you truly like and care about someone, being nice to them will come naturally. It's not something you have to try to do. Likewise, if you're in tune with your true nature, you'll naturally feel the urge NOT to be nice to people who don't rub you the right way. Follow that urge, and you'll be golden.
 
well one of my friends was so nice and cheery for years and no one knew why she could be happy all the time. later after things became more obvious it was because of her family life at home. her mom and dad were some piece of work. nothing was wrong with her at all, i think she was just so happy or atleast acted like it because she was trying to make up for it from her family life. so not all ppl have a big character flaw. but on the whole i agree with you
 
I think extreme niceness is often a sign of low self-esteem. The person is so desperate for people to like him/her but doesn't think that anyone will unless they lick others' asses all the time.
 
I think some people are overly nice out of nervousness or guilt or any number of other reasons, and others are just born that way...
 
The big test is if somebody does something to them that would elicit an expreme response from most people. If they retain the 'nice' attitude, chances are they're trying to hide something or trying to compensate for something else, but if they have even a short moment of being pissed off at the person, then go back to their more usual self, then they're most probably genuinely nice people
 
Hmm, are people complaining about people being nice?

Whats wrong with this? Why does someone have to be hiding something or have a character flaw or have low self esteem or be unfit or what not. Can't there just be nice people in this world? I've met plenty of normal very nice people in my life.

On the flip side i agree there are people that are overly nice to try and hide something. maybe they do have low self esteem. but what ever it is, why is that a problem. I would much have someone that is nice to me for some strange reason than someone that is an ass to me for that same reason.
 
fastandbulbous said:
The big test is if somebody does something to them that would elicit an expreme response from most people. If they retain the 'nice' attitude, chances are they're trying to hide something or trying to compensate for something else, but if they have even a short moment of being pissed off at the person, then go back to their more usual self, then they're most probably genuinely nice people
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ya i can agree with that, very true :)
 
hmmm, sorry, i don't know any people this nice. all my friends are quasi-jerkoffs.
 
phenomenal said:
Hmm, are people complaining about people being nice?

Whats wrong with this? Why does someone have to be hiding something or have a character flaw or have low self esteem or be unfit or what not. Can't there just be nice people in this world? I've met plenty of normal very nice people in my life.

On the flip side i agree there are people that are overly nice to try and hide something. maybe they do have low self esteem. but what ever it is, why is that a problem. I would much have someone that is nice to me for some strange reason than someone that is an ass to me for that same reason.
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agree wholeheartedly.
 
I'm very nice, but I'll be the first to admit that I'm fucked in the head.

Crazy--and sweet, loving--motherfuckers of the world, unite!

[It's been a long day ;) ]
 
Some people are genuinely looking to be treated badly.

Some people will be described by others as "nice" because there is nothing else good to say about them.

But usually when we're talking about the "nice guy" (or less often, but I still see it, nice girl) who can't get a date or can't develop a stable relationship, you're right, there is something off. Some people have major issues with trust or sexuality or intimacy, some are just nervous and anxious and it drives partners away which makes them determined to try harder, and so on.

I almost want to say I used to be one of these... but I never had trouble with getting some women interested, and I never was able to deceive myself that I was "nice" instead of damaged. But you do see it a lot.
 
I speak out of past experience. I'm not as eager to please anymore. It doesn't feel like a natural way to live. I think my big flaw that I was trying to make up for was unwillingness to try meeting people where they are and really understanding how they felt.

I'm glad a lot of people don't see a problem with niceness. I guess I just offer this as adivce to folks who find their niceness gets in the way of finding what they want in human relationships.
 
I think a lot of people confuse "being considerate" with "being passive-aggressive".

We all need to be a bit more considerate from time-to-time. It makes life a lot easier.

But a person who's being passive-aggressive is not being nice for the sake of being nice. They have a hidden agenda...usually a very selfish one.

That's all.

MushMan
 
Hands up who's an asshole!!!

*raises both hands*

But i think I'm like this because I have enough friends.
 
There is a huge difference between GENUINELY BEING NICE and trying your darnedest to APPEAR nice.
 
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