This is a sad story but here it is. I had the perfect girl in high school-her name was hollie. She was beautiful inside and out. She was so pretty she never had to wear makeup. She was a model in junior high and high school for some companies and magazines. Definitely my first love-we were together for 6 years and were inseparable early on. We did everything together, her family LOVED me, we were engaged, and even had a kid together. Unfortunately, my dumb ass had just began using meth heavily about 4 years in to our relationship. I was lost and badly hooked on this new favorite drug of mine. I chose getting high over every damn thing in my life. I would disappear for 3, sometimes 10 days without calling any of my loved ones (this was back in the 90s by the way-america was not online yet, and there were no cell phones yet. Payphones were it.. Anyway, She put up with me for 2 more years-tried like hell to help me get out of the hell I was entering, but was unsuccessful. and then she left me for another guy, threatened to take me to court if I didn't sign my parental rights away for my son, and moved to friggin Alaska with this new guy..
I was crushed-heartbreak like I have never felt since. I never blamed her one tiny bit-i was fully aware the situation was where it was 100% because of me and my choices-i HATED myself.. I immediately stopped smoking and snorting meth and instead graduated to the needle-something I was always 100%against--****something I DO NOT recommend by the way-IV is much more dangerous than other routes in countless ways****But I didn't care back then, I just wanted life to end sooner than later. My usage increased at an alarming rate, I disappeared from all family for at least a year and a half, and experienced an inner anger I didn't think was possible, and my IV meth use just enhanced that anger 10 fold. Deep depression, regret, guilt and shame consumed me completely.. The only way I could make the inner pain stop was to slam dangerous amounts of meth which would silence every bit of stress and allow me some temporary inner peace.. I was 21 when I began IV use, and unfortunately-i still struggle to stay clean for a long period of time.. That was 23 years ago-i'm 44 now, I've been to 4 different inpatient rehabs in those 23 years and have been shot at multiple times, robbed several times, jumped and beat up more times than I can count (probably 5 concussions), been arrested probably 20 times (didn't catch any felonies thank god), been homeless a handful of times, been tackled by the cops more than once, gotten terrible cases of cotton fever probably 6 different times


, etc, etc--...
Fast forward to today-my one and only doc is IV meth. I successfully completed school 6 years ago and am now a registered nurse, been married 11 years-have 3 step kids, a house and a good life. I still keep in touch from time to time with my first love--i will always consider her to be 'the one that got away'. I have also since sincerely apologized to her and her family as well as my son who is 25 now. My son and I talk often-which is a true blessing.
I am involved in NA, and have been for about 15 years. 2 and a half years is the longest stretch of clean time I've ever attained. Today I can honestly say I'm not clean-i have struggled alot the last 6 months.. but I have made a commitment to myself to always return to recovery as many times as it takes instead of suicide-which I've seriously considered a few times in the past... It's a struggle for sure.. That IV meth high stands alone in it's own category of intense euphoria-i've done every other drug out there and nothing comes close to it's intensity. I think if I stuck to smoking it, I'm certain of 2 things: I would have a much easier time staying clean, and my teeth would be rotten out by now for sure - they amazingly never suffered adverse effects from my meth use.
My apologies for being excessive with the brief version of my life story, but whenever I think of hollie, I automatically think of my addiction and how it owned my ass beginning when I was with her and caused such a dark almost 10 years of my life after that..
I will always love hollie.. I know for a fact that if I was not an addict we would be living happily together still today

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Good day everyone--