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When will I feel normal

Yes, you have, and so what? I think addiction is a series of relapses, which could be a quite a bit in the beginning when trying to get clean. From what I have learned and seen on here anyway.


There is NO judgement here ok? From me or anyone else. What matters is that you get yourself back on track. As long as you fall down 9 times you get back up 10.

You can do this Yuba, oh and about what does your wife see in you.

Your wife sees you through all that you struggle with.

Let me be clear, someone's drug use or addiction does NOT define them as a person.


It's not who you are, it's just a small part right now.

You are heading back down a dangerous road again though, and you know that, and no, moving back will not be boring, just different.

When do you move back Yuba?

You know I will be here for you always, you just turn things around now.

And don't be so hard on yourself. ; )


Hugs,
your friend,
Ash.

yubacity said:
If I go through this thread I do the same shit on repeat.I have said this before aswell I seem to remember.
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We got your back buddy. Rome wasn't built in an afternoon.
 
Exactly.

Love you cj, you're so kind and smart, we are lucky to have you around here.

Hugs,
your friend,
Ash.
cj said:
We got your back buddy. Rome wasn't built in an afternoon.
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EPL1 said:
Yes, you have, and so what? I think addiction is a series of relapses, which could be a quite a bit in the beginning when trying to get clean. From what I have learned and seen on here anyway.


There is NO judgement here ok? From me or anyone else. What matters is that you get yourself back on track. As long as you fall down 9 times you get back up 10.

You can do this Yuba, oh and about what does your wife see in you.

Your wife sees you through all that you struggle with.

Let me be clear, someone's drug use or addiction does NOT define them as a person.


It's not who you are, it's just a small part right now.

You are heading back down a dangerous road again though, and you know that, and no, moving back will not be boring, just different.

When do you move back Yuba?

You know I will be here for you always, you just turn things around now.

And don't be so hard on yourself. ; )


Hugs,
your friend,
Ash.
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How's it going mate you getting ready for Christmas.Been clean again for a few days feeling sorry for myself as usual.Drove to the Sikh temple in gravesend today at 4 in the morning.Im not religious but I'm proud of my Sikh community.I was walking up to the prayer room and there were pictures up of Sikh battalions that fought in the world wars.I could not help it but the tears started flowing.My grandad fought in world war two in the British Indian army .My dad fought in the India pakistan war of 1971.And then there's me a fucking junkie who knows each time the right path but somehow justifies that I can handle it.But the truth is I get excited when I know I'm about to use nothing else matters at that time the regrets come later.That the reason I don't like going to the temple it makes me feel worthless I go now and again but same feeling each time.I hate my dad for the mental and physical abuse but truth be told he twice the man I am.Keep well my friend
 
I have got myself a pay as you go mobile apart from my dealer mate and other cousins in cutting everyone of.Its not their fault I relapse but I can't keep doing this.They can think I'm a cunt but who cares.Will keep this phone for web surfing.Is this my life as soon as coke or heroin comes out I leave the room.
 
Not a cunt, you do what's good for YOU and your family. You are the head of the household, remember that. Your family is good if you're good. To hell with what anyone else thinks. Are they paying the bills up in your house? No? Then fuck them.

You be your own man.


"Is this my life as soon as coke or heroin comes out I leave the room."

Don't subject yourself to that situation in the first place. You are the company you keep my friend. Plus you're just better than that, and you don't need to keep putting yourself in harms way.

And I know your father has taught you good work ethics, but there is more to a man than what he can provide. Do you hear me?

You are giving YOUR children a far better upbringing by NOT being physically and mentally abusive like your old man has done to you.


Try not to be so hard on yourself, tomorrow is always a new chance, a new start.

I think you're just extra depressed because you're not using now. I get it. And I'm here for you.


Feel free to pm me Yuba. Things are going to get better.

Hugs my dear friend,
Ash.




yubacity said:
I have got myself a pay as you go mobile apart from my dealer mate and other cousins in cutting everyone of.Its not their fault I relapse but I can't keep doing this.They can think I'm a cunt but who cares.Will keep this phone for web surfing.Is this my life as soon as coke or heroin comes out I leave the room.
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Ash on Friday when my pal rang me to pop down I knew what was going to happen he deals coke and knocks up the best crack in town.H
 
Ash the old man taught us a lot manners made us go boxing woke us up 7am on weekends and go to yard and wash company trucks.But it was 20 years of misery he loves us but he fucked us boys up.I have been happy clean the holiday with wife was so good.Even up to a week ago I was happy but this the main thing I was bored so fucking bored.The funny thing is I keep thinking of crack fucking crack something I never had a problem with.This whole thread is the same relapse get clean talk how happy I am then relapse depression regret then clean and repeat all over again.I try filling my day but I never been a clean adult so find it boring.I could have been back in states by now but I keep making excuses to stay.I don't want to go back ash I love my life here but that life is drugs and I can't stay.I could never kill myself my cousin did and I can't hurt family like that.I got a good business my wife will inherit over a couple of thousand acres with her sister and I got house paid of plus life insurance so sometimes wish I have a car accident and just end my misery and the trouble I'm putting everyone through.What man makes his mom cry her eyes red raw.I am no man just a pussy who can't man up and get on with things.
 
I just want my mum right now I want to put my head on her lap while she runs her fingers through my hair.I miss heroin even after all the shit it causes in wd I fucking love the fucking thing.Right now I got my wife hugging me while she sleep but that not enough.Im not bragging I from a working class family and I just worked hard and got lucky with a investment.I don't have to worry about mortgage or gas bill or any shit like that never had to rob to use.I could save 70 per cent of what I made with business and still live a comfortable life.I made 40 thousand after tax with my other job and that was all spent on gear and my other shit.Im known as a grafter but is that because I used while working first crank while driving truck and the Indian opium and heroin in my other job.I never got a tug from police luck has been with me all my life but here I am complaining while others have fucked their lives up on gear my friends even but they still carry on.
 
You ARE a man, and more of a man than someone who doesn't address his own problems.

And you're doing that, I have massive respect for you.

Stay away from the dealers/friends. Make a date to move back away from all that crap sooner than later.

Don't dwell on the past times you've faltered, no one is keeping score in life. I just want you to be happy.

I hope today is a better one for you.

How are you feeling today?

I love you and will always be here for you, you can pm me anytime.

Your friend always,
Ash.
 
EPL1 said:
You ARE a man, and more of a man than someone who doesn't address his own problems.

And you're doing that, I have massive respect for you.

Stay away from the dealers/friends. Make a date to move back away from all that crap sooner than later.

Don't dwell on the past times you've faltered, no one is keeping score in life. I just want you to be happy.

I hope today is a better one for you.

How are you feeling today?

I love you and will always be here for you, you can pm me anytime.

Your friend always,
Ash.
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Ash mate I must apologise for those fucked up posts a lot of those words were true the boredom making excuses for not moving back.But I cant explain it I woke up this morning and felt lighter and better mentally.I know I did poppy pods 4 times last week plus add crack to the mix plus pregabs I think I was having a minor wd that was all mental plus a little leg ache thats all I can think of.I know that sounds simple but on my whole family thats the truth
 
Yes, I figured you were getting some of those wd emotions surfacing.

No worries my friend, here for you always, how is your day going today?

Hugs,
your friend,
Ash.
yubacity said:
Ash mate I must apologise for those fucked up posts a lot of those words were true the boredom making excuses for not moving back.But I cant explain it I woke up this morning and felt lighter and better mentally.I know I did poppy pods 4 times last week plus add crack to the mix plus pregabs I think I was having a minor wd that was all mental plus a little leg ache thats all I can think of.I know that sounds simple but on my whole family thats the truth
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EPL1 said:
Yes, I figured you were getting some of those wd emotions surfacing.No worries my friend, here for you always, how is your day going today?Hugs,your friend,Ash.
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How you doing my friend Christmas fast approaching you got all your shit done.My kids getting in Sunday along with all the wifes clan.I am going to hug my kids and never let go I missed them som much.I feeling good getting physically fit going for runs in morning and doing bag work in the evening.I be back in states by feb end by the latest.the vows will be in June before peach harvest starts.I was at my dealer mates house and someone there was saying there is a technique in Russia where they take the addiction part of brain out or something like that I was pretty stoned but I be into that.This a hard part of year friends family all getting pissed and snorting a lot of coke but I sit at home watching Netflix or wrapping presents but it is how it is.
 
Need your opinion on my next move when I get to the states ash.The old man wants me to get into the family business which is trucking when I get back.If I go back and get my own truck and drive for another company it will cause a lot of fights in the family.If I get into the family business and bury the hate for old manila my brothers have it will be a lot easier.But to be around the prick every day will stress the fuck out of me and we know what a stressed mind leads to.I have love for old man but it's hard to explain
 
It all depends on your use. How long did you use? What and how much? And how did you do it? I used opiates for a long time. I became a true addict when I started black. I got clean by taking Suboxone but even after weaning off those I still felt bad for a couple weeks. I started using black a few months later. I first got clean the first time I went to jail. It took a good 3 weeks before I really felt "normal". Depending on your use it could be a month or more. stay active, hydrated and eat healthy. Good luck!
 
Well you're your own man,

So you do what will ultimately be best for YOU and YOUR family.

If it would cause you so much stress to be around your dad, that you went back to using, then that's not good, right?

Hugs,
Ash.
yubacity said:
Need your opinion on my next move when I get to the states ash.The old man wants me to get into the family business which is trucking when I get back.If I go back and get my own truck and drive for another company it will cause a lot of fights in the family.If I get into the family business and bury the hate for old manila my brothers have it will be a lot easier.But to be around the prick every day will stress the fuck out of me and we know what a stressed mind leads to.I have love for old man but it's hard to explain
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Opiatehi22 said:
It all depends on your use. How long did you use? What and how much? And how did you do it? I used opiates for a long time. I became a true addict when I started black. I got clean by taking Suboxone but even after weaning off those I still felt bad for a couple weeks. I started using black a few months later. I first got clean the first time I went to jail. It took a good 3 weeks before I really felt "normal". Depending on your use it could be a month or more. stay active, hydrated and eat healthy. Good luck!
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Thanks for your words mate.I detoxed from a 13 year addiction to heroin Indian raw opium and some poppy pods in feb.I smoked the gear never used a needle I have relapsed loads but clean time increasing now.How are you doing hope you are still clean and living healthy kelp me updated mate.
 
EPL1 said:
Well you're your own man,

So you do what will ultimately be best for YOU and YOUR family.

If it would cause you so much stress to be around your dad, that you went back to using, then that's not good, right?

Hugs,
Ash.
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I'm fucked either way I go my own way i be stressed and feeling guilty when he dies.I join the family business the stress of being around him every fucking day will do my head in.Im thinking join up and just do driving but then I'll get all the shit loads because I'm family.If I work in office my brothers pissheads so I be like a taxi service it's one cunting thing after another.Kids and family fly in tommorow so fuck the stress enjoy a clean Christmas and pick up this worry later.How you doing ash What you doing
 
My mates out getting pissed snorting coke.I used to love this time of year even when we got home in early hours they would have trouble sleeping.In a weird way I get great satisfaction knowing in my drug safe I had heroin which would take all the shit from coke away.Could not tell them because they think gear a scum drug.Also loved time with friends that used gear the heroin and crack binges were great.Instead my highlight tonight is match of the day and maybe some sex
 
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