What's going on in your life?

[Dakeva]

Tonight...

I feel as though I’m on the verge of a breakdown.

I could write paragraph after paragraph about my obsession with building a career, a future, a better lifestyle, and a better-looking body, with going a step further then the person next to me, working that extra hour, with pushing forward a little harder then I probably need to.

I think I’m at the crossroads of a late manifesting type A personality and a quarter life crisis.

As a result I’ve been selfish lately. Maybe partly by design, mostly out of necessity. Time & emotional energy are a cherished commodity in my life and I’m not willing (or able) to give anyone very much right now. I don’t think it would be very fair for me to try to (to me or anyone else).

That said there is ‘someone’ around my life (I say around because we are two people with crossing paths that rarely have much time together). With one look she has the ability to allow me to forget everything else. I can’t say what will or won’t become of it; I don’t even want to think about that. So many things right now have expectations, conditions, and deadlines. I’m so happy with the things that ‘just are because they are’ not because I make them and not because they have to be.

Despite everything though I’m happy. I wake up in the mornings and I attack the day and when it’s done I (usually) know I used my time to the fullest. It’s a good feeling even on the nights were it feels like it might kill you.

 

[Strawberry_lovemuffin]

^^^ I'm almost the exact opposite of you at the moment.

My life feels like it's going no-where... I do the same thing every day, my brain feels dead and I feel like my mind is asleep behind my open eyes. What's more I've got no motivation to do anything about it. Where's the passion gone?

That goes for my relationship too. I caught him out the other day; a casual acquaintence showed me a suggestive text message my bf had sent to her one night after a night out drinking... so now he's propositioning my friends? Trust issues all over the place. My self-esteem's shot, I feel like a bit fat ugly dog and I think he's looking at every girl who's even slightly thinner or blonder than me and it's driving me insane...

So yeah, that's it in a nutshell.

 

[Strawberry_lovemuffin]

Oh I'm such a pathetic bloody whinger :D lol.

It's funny when you read over your big sooks ... I think the message thing got me down that's all... bit of a blow. Perspective, girl, perspective. *repeat ad nauseum*

 

[Sweetpea]

I'm going on a business trip to DC tommorow- woo hoo! Lately I've been partying just as hard as I've been working. I'm going to focus on more rest in the next few weeks. I'm Turning 26 on Saturday .

A lot of money has to go out this month, so I have to watch my spending but one of my goals is to get a professional massage by the end of the month.

 

[jakoz]

well...

*sigh*

watching myself slowly failing at a degree i hate, because i hate it so much i cant bring myself to study the subject material, and im far enough through that theres no point getting out of it.

fighting severe apathy towards pretty much everything. its not that my life sux... it doesnt - i have a great fiancee of many years, live in a nice place, etc. but then i dont care enough about anything enough that i ate a packet of sleeping pills last weekend largely for the hell of it, because i didnt really care either way what happened, and it broke the boredom. at least these days i fill in the wasted time by coding for this site, so theres something constructive that comes of it.

got a nice job, a large contract with not much work for all the money, and nice life. i think its probably uni thats making me feel so much like lifes backing me into a corner. thats got to be it... since my normal nature is to be extremely carefree.

what also sucked is that i spent my summer holidays recovering from a shoulder reconstruction. not that im trying to bitch - i knew it was coming - its just that i dont feel like ive ahad a rest for a long time, and i feel mentally very, very weary.

was nice to vent... i dont do it often. one of the things that sux about being a mod or admin is that you dont get to much... too many people remember it and ask you about it later, whereas its nice sometimes just to let a post be a post.

 

[M8]

Mmmm Jakoz, good vent M8. I am sure it just all needs to come out eventually and why shouldn't you guys do it like the rest.

Your last line, "....its nice sometimes just to let a post be a post", has a lot of merit, and hence maybe I'd best do just that and not say to you and SLM that it will all turn out OK and you will wonder what you were worrying about. Hope that makes sense

As for me, well I'm pretty damn excited about moving to a new city with work. Woooo Hooooo Brisbane, warm weather, beach, babes, beer, lifestyle, here I come..........

 

[grapeape]

so i'm i think i'm having a mid-life crisis... well not quite mid-life- but close enough.


I hate where i'm living, all my freinds and my family are an hour away in san diego- i feel so lonely. i wish i had a freind that i could just call at the spur of the moment to hang out... watch tv. whatever.

for the past 3 years my bf and i have been living together- i feel like every place we've lived was for him and we've always been close to HIS freinds. I love him to death- but i just REALLY need my OWN friends close by and it's starting to take a toll on me- i'm like one of the guys now, it's always me and like 10 guys.... and they are a bad influence too- we always end up going big like every weekend, and i i think i'm ready to be over that- i'm 26 for christs sake. i'm ready to move on tot he next stage in my life.

i also hate my job- with a passion - i'm not getting paid shit- i have a college degree and i'm doing the work of someone with a high school education- not that that's bad- but i need more, and i didn't go to school and spend a shit load of money to make shit. i need a REAL job- the field i have my degree in sucks right now, i'm pretty much screwed in that dept.

I just feel like i'm sooo far behind where i thought i'd be and need to be at this point in my life- i don't think i know how to make a change though........ i'm so confused i don't know what to do.

everything sucks. the only things that make me happy are my kitties.....

 

[Strawberry_lovemuffin]

for the past 3 years my bf and i have been living together- i feel like every place we've lived was for him and we've always been close to HIS freinds. I love him to death- but i just REALLY need my OWN friends close by and it's starting to take a toll on me- i'm like one of the guys now, it's always me and like 10 guys.... and they are a bad influence too- we always end up going big like every weekend, and i i think i'm ready to be over that- i'm 26 for christs sake. i'm ready to move on tot he next stage in my life.

^^ I completely hear you on that.

I've been living with my bf for 2 years now, and I'd actually like to live closer the city, where I might get a better paying job and get involved in some more interesting pursuits than drinking beer at the "local" and getting stoned watching DVD's.

But he won't leave his beloved mates either. And while I love them all to death and enjoy being 'one of the boys', I find myself drinking 4-5 days a week now, I don't jog anymore and I could list my hobbies other than bluelight one one... finger (reading). It's time for 'me' very soon, methinks

SLM

 

[Ima_ swEEtcandE_ravEr_2_79]

I am trying to be happy with my life right now, but when I think about the small amout of good things in my life... something happens to take that way from me.
I try to talk to friends but they are too busy with their own lives to really listen to what I have to say. So I don't even bother. Besindes why do I want to bring them down with my ish. So I feel alone in this world right now. Trying to figure out who I really am and what I really need and want.....

 

[MissTwitch]

Grape Ape, SLM, and Ima_ swEEtcandE_ravEr_2_79....I know things are rough at this time for y'all...but keep your chins up! All of you seem to be great people and I know life will make its changes for you. Just hang in there, as a old flame used to always remind me, It could always be worse!
My life well, I have gotten so used to coming to this thread and my life, well, I always seemed to just think it was so horrible!
Lately, My life has really been great! Everyday I get more and more excited about bringing this little on into this world. I have my sonogram in less than 2 weeks, hopefully to find out if it is a boy or a girl. Like LP, I have the girls name decided, Joselyn Micheline (after my grandmother), however a boy's is still in the air.
On Wednesday morning I woke to the phone ringing, and nothing could have made me happier than answering the phone at 6 am, to hear Geoff say "I love you Emily"! I immediately started crying. It was great I actually got to talk to him for like 20 minutes. Usually he has been able to say when he will get to call back, but he informed me that they told the guys, call now, because they are headed in and who knows when they will get to again! That broke my heart! I have been so worried about him, just been trying to keep as positive as I can though. I have discovered that the less I think about it, the less morning sickness I have actually had. I know my stress level is not good at all, but really, who wouldn't be stressed over all this. I have been keeping track of one military wifes story, her husband was a POW, and she is 7 months pregnant. I included her in my prayers every night, though the worst has happened and they found his body! It is great to see the stories on t.v., about the families that are getting to see their sons, and all, that helps me alot. I have to admit though, deep down, I am so worried whether this little one is going to have a father coming home or not.
I need to keep as positive as I can though, I called my doctor's office because I have still been horribly sick to my stomach, atleast 3 times a day, even waking up in the middle of the night. I have getting really dizzy ALOT, which is normal to a little, but not this much. I am really worried he is goingto put me on bed rest, though I am sure it might be the best for me,and this little one. I am already at high risk due to other medical conditions.
All I think about is this baby, and its father. He is great! His family has been really supportive, even 2 of his brothers called this week just to check on me nad the pregnancy. His stepmom, and dad sent me a HUGE giftbasket, called a country spa, tons of bath stuff, and candles, then today from his motehr flowers, and a stuffed easter bunny! They are all jsut really sweet. We all constantly keep in touch through email. We are all jsut really worried.
As my belly seems to be growing by the day, things are looking up, my life is actually even though my love being where he is, I am at one of my happiest I have ever been. I don't want him there by any means, but just having him in my life, has made it better than it ever has!
Besides reading alot, excercising as much as I can handle without pushing myself too much, and helping out at the nursing home alot, This is really what my life consists of lately. Oh, and ofcourse, writing letters everynight! Also, my parents bought a new house, and we are moving, AGAIN, I swear they do this atleast once a year...lol!
LP, I want you to know, I am really proud of you! We have been through alot, and this jsut proves that you are still just as strong of a person. I am always just a phone call away, please don't forget that! As for me making it home, I am going to have that decision after I talk to the doctor on the 23rd!
Well, that's all for my life in a sum! Fun huh?
~Twitch (and this bundle of joy inside me)

 

[fizzygirl]

Life is just strange right now altogether. It seems I've had a desire to re-visit a lot of things from my past recently, and I've learned a lot of things about myself---been let down a little, but also had some feelings I've always felt lingering in the back of my mind reinforced.

At the same time all of this is happening I'm being sucked into school as if it was some giant black hole. There is a neverending schedule of things to do, and recent time taken off has shoved it all into a shorter span. There is actually the possibility that I will be able to finish my data collection for my thesis by the end of May, and thus possibly be able to graduate with my M.S. in August and move forward from there. Regardless of how far along I am, fall is the last semester I have any classes that I need to take, so I will be able to concentrate on my research from then on.

 

[Goddess]

my life at this moment...

I’m one year older 8(
At first, I was kind of freaked out then I thought about it and realized that age is nothing' but a number.
I had a nice birthday; many of my co-workers surprised me with gifts and it felt nice. Wyrm and Peanut got me flowers (i love flowers) and other things :D.

On Sunday it will be my hubby's (Wyrm) birthday and I'm kind of stress out about it because I'm throwing him a semi-surprise party at home.

that's all for now...he just got home so i can't type...

 

[Ima_ swEEtcandE_ravEr_2_79]

MissTwitch... Thank you for your very kind words. I am hopeing that one day things will start getting better. Just right now it just seems like that day is so far off.
I would also like to Congragulate you in your Baby

 

[faithfully dangerous]

to everyone with birthdays: hope they were/are happy!!! to everyone who is confused about where they are going in their lives: i think it's safe to say you're not alone head up, chin up yo.

as for me, to make long long long long stories short:
*my first year away form home @ school is about to end in less than 4 weeks and i'm really looking forward to getting away from dorm life and starting to work and chill with my friends back home. plus, i scored a sweet job @ a really nice private golf course/ country club, so that could be cool. i'm also looking forward to the bagillion mini-trips i'm taking plus the, like, 2-3 weeks tay and i will be in cali.
*i've fallen for someone completely unattainable, however, i really can't get myself into trouble with him because he's THAT untouchable.
*jordan (my best friend, the guy i lost my virginity to, very close family friend, has some major probs though...) poured his heart out to me, basically confessed his love to me, and wants me to move to melbourne, florida with him just for the summer. this curve ball was thrown at me last night... causing mass confusion.
*if i could see myself spending the rest of my life with anyone right now, it would be jordan... our parents would have a hay day planning the beach wedding, he and i share similar dreams and want to live in similar places... it's cool but i'm only 19.
*making the transition from ohio to like... 2500 miles from here seems easier every day. with jordan, i'm sure it'll happen quickly and smoothly. but first i have to get through alllll of this... arg.
*also, this kid i had a thing for for over 10 months (until this past february) decided it would be a good time to tell me that he really could see us working things out and being good... ha. perfect timing buddy... NOT.
ha, so that was the shortened version. LOL. i guess... when it rains it pours.

 

[honEbee]

God, I'm so tired all the time...

The last two weeks has been a struggle to get out of bed in the mornings. It makes sense since I can't sleep at night. I feel like a zombie at work.

Other than that, I started working out in the evenings with a friend from work. I'm hoping to lose a little weight by the time the warmer (shorts weather) is here.

Monday I had oral surgery. My gums in the front of my lower teeth had reseded because they are thin and I tend to brush my teeth too hard. The surgery wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but it wasn't pleasant either. They cut a big hunk of the skin on the roof of my mouth and stiched it unto the front of my teeth in the front. There really isn't any pain with it now, but it feels bizarre having this graft there. (Plus it looks like something Dr. Frankenstein made). I have to be careful what I eat until it heals.

 

[shannabanana]

I have a lab exam tomorrow night and I am the least prepared for a test that I've been all year, so I am stressed out and that makes it even harder for me to focus. So I thought I'd post here instead.

We moved in January to a 2 bedroom townhouse. I am still not crazy about this town we moved to last year, but one bonus is very cheap rent. So we are in a fairly new place with a garage. We have in-suite laundry (which, after living in student housing for so many years) is a must for us, but we had to buy the stackable washer/dryer, which are EXPENSIVE, and we already had a washer/dryer but they wouldn't fit. So now we have an upright set, and a washer/dryer sitting in a garage that we will probably sell. Our townhouse is so perfect for us in size, we love it and will probably stay here until either we buy a house or we move back to Vancouver (which isn't really a plan right now, but who knows, so it is more likely we will move out of here when we buy a house).

Tomorrow is the last day of classes, and then I have exams until the end of April. I start my summer classes the first week of May, but they are correspondance courses so I can be flexible in the summer. We already have a hiking trip planned and a kayaking trip planned and a fishing trip planned (I don't fish but I love being on boats).

We just found out that my sister is pregnant. This is an unplanned pregnancy but she is mature enough to handle this (she will be 24), and her and her boyfriend had already moved in together and he seems like a responsible man. He has a morgage, job, vehicle, etc. So we have all decided to be thrilled instead of worried for her. Even if things don't work out (which happens), my sister will be well taken care of. The really exciting (and scary) part is she is having twins! They will be here in November. I have to admit, I am scared of babies (haven't really been around any, ever) and even more scared of twins, but Christmas is going to be so fun with 2 little babies present. They will be spoiled rotten and I am becoming thrilled with the idea of being an auntie. I will just have to learn how to old babies I suppose.

Ok, now I really have to get my ass in gear and study. That is what's going on in my life.

 

[KidChameleon]

just a fine time for a ticker-tape parade

update: the arteries and veins are still in place and working fine. gallbladder's still down there, and alot of vanilla hostess cupcakes (the one with the vanilla squiggle on top) sit in my stomach.

 

[grapeape]

SO something big has FINALLY happened..... change is now in motion- i'm moving to san diego-

i told my bf how i feel about the whole lonliness situation (in my last post) and told him that was moving to san diego- whether he was coming or not (well not really, we've been together for 4 years- i just said it for shock value- and it worked- HA!) So he was cool with it- he figures we can't do any worse than we already are, and his job could only get better and that change would be good. SO i've been looking for places the past few days. i am SOO excited and SOO ready for this move back to my home city!!!! wooohooooo! I haven't found a job yet- but i'm not too worried about it..... it'll all fall into place... hopefully 8(

 

[Sweetpea]

^ !

 

[MissTwitch]

Besto f luck Grape Ape, and congratulations! I am so happy for you. See things are working out, and I am sure all will be great!
And shanabana, happy to hear your sister's news! Babies are a little intimidating, but once they are here, you'll feel just quite comfortable!