I'm happy and relaxed, and yet do not want to be here.
I just got home from 2.5 months away from home, in Asia. It was a time of self peace, understanding and also, somewhat, doing things and meeting people I may not have ever experienced back home due to self control and restraint.
But now I'm home and am not so depressed over that, for I'm going to keep that happiness flowing for as long as I can, but I'm upset with what's going on with my family.
My brother was in a pretty serious car accident and totalled 'my' car, a Honda Accord. He's dealing with his own issues as well, something that I feel affects me on some level as well. He's outed himself and I've met his boyfriend and my brother pretty much thinks that I hate him, for reasons are pretty much dependant on his own delusions, I guess. My dad, who works in Northern Africa for 7 months of the year, found out as well, and we're just waiting for my mom to learn the news.
But she's going in for spine surgery on her birthday and is pretty dependant on me right now to take care of the house. So, in addition to going to work, worrying about whether or not I'm going back to University this fall in the program of my choice, stopping my brother from stressing my mom out and going out and such, I'm mowing the lawn, doing dishes, cooking and taking care of a 3 level house.
The other night at work some customer cracked a joke that wasn't funny and I've heard once a day everyday I've gone to work, and I didn't even fake laugh, very unlike me. He said "Huh. Looks like someone's got a case of the grumps" I just said the joke was one I've heard a lot, and that I'd had a bad day. The rest of the night was spent in a daze, wishing that I was away from here.
And to think I left out my whole relationship life woes.
BUT I FEEL BETTER NOW. Thanks! It feels like I just did the equivalent of what I did as a kid...scream into my pillow and bite it, hard, many times.
I just got home from 2.5 months away from home, in Asia. It was a time of self peace, understanding and also, somewhat, doing things and meeting people I may not have ever experienced back home due to self control and restraint.
But now I'm home and am not so depressed over that, for I'm going to keep that happiness flowing for as long as I can, but I'm upset with what's going on with my family.
My brother was in a pretty serious car accident and totalled 'my' car, a Honda Accord. He's dealing with his own issues as well, something that I feel affects me on some level as well. He's outed himself and I've met his boyfriend and my brother pretty much thinks that I hate him, for reasons are pretty much dependant on his own delusions, I guess. My dad, who works in Northern Africa for 7 months of the year, found out as well, and we're just waiting for my mom to learn the news.
But she's going in for spine surgery on her birthday and is pretty dependant on me right now to take care of the house. So, in addition to going to work, worrying about whether or not I'm going back to University this fall in the program of my choice, stopping my brother from stressing my mom out and going out and such, I'm mowing the lawn, doing dishes, cooking and taking care of a 3 level house.
The other night at work some customer cracked a joke that wasn't funny and I've heard once a day everyday I've gone to work, and I didn't even fake laugh, very unlike me. He said "Huh. Looks like someone's got a case of the grumps" I just said the joke was one I've heard a lot, and that I'd had a bad day. The rest of the night was spent in a daze, wishing that I was away from here.
And to think I left out my whole relationship life woes.
BUT I FEEL BETTER NOW. Thanks! It feels like I just did the equivalent of what I did as a kid...scream into my pillow and bite it, hard, many times.