Max Power
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What the hell am I dong wrong? (Dating websites)
- Thread starter nuttynutskin
- Start date
i'm also speaking from a position of personal experience with clinical depression.
no doubt? is that true, op? what analysis have you performed and what tools did you use to do it?
i could be wrong but i don't think that a person with depression (for example) is necessarily placed to solve an issue like this themselves just by thinking about it a bit. professional diagnosis may be required and, from there, the solution may be professional, structured psychological help.
that's not my personal experience of psychotherapy (i understand that's a sample of one).
are there any therapists reading this? is "just go out and try to find things that will make you happy" one of the first things you commonly tell a patient? has anybody here seen a psychotherapist? is "just go out and try to find things that will make you happy" one of the first things you were told?
that's not really what i'm suggesting he do at all. i think he likely needs professional help to solve these issues.
great for you.
at what point did you tell her that no matter what happens, you'd always love somebody else? that you think you're manic depressive or bipolar and it seems to be getting worse and worse?
i hope nuttynutskin has a great date and meeting this girl solves all his problems and they live happily ever after.
alasdair
I'd wish you good luck but you wouldn't know what to do with it if you got it.
Fucking lol.
So how did it go nutty?
caseface99
Bluelight Crew
I met and had sex with a girl I met on OK Cupid, probably 4-5 months ago. She was pretty good looking too. (in my opinion).
She wasn't someone I could really talk to though. We hung out one day, went to a show another day, then hooked up after the show back at her place. I definitely liked her, but like I said we couldn't really talk. Small talk was strained and deep conversation wasn't there. Just didn't really relate, and I'm not big on just fucking chicks, I like relationships. So I haven't spoken to her since then. (she hasn't tried either, I'm not bein a dick).
Either way, Just thought I'd share this experience to show OP that it's possible.. Took about a month of messaging girls to find this one. So just keep at it. Like I said, I was on OK cupid, not Plenty of Fish, not sure if one is better than the other.
A few weeks after this experience, I met a girl at an AA campout and our first conversation together turned into a 14 hour talk about EVERYTHING. Literally, met her at around 6pm, and we stayed up talking until 8am the next morning. Watched the sunrise and everything. Been dating this girl ever since.
That's what I like most in a girl, someone who gets me, someone I can relate to, someone I can talk to about anything and not fear judgement. And I doubt If I ever would have found a girl like this on a website.
If you just wanna get laid though, go for it? I don't know. Good luck with the internets. Maybe try a meetup website instead where people meet up in person for like minded activities, like campouts, hiking, sports, etc. There's TONS of meetups for anything and everything you could imagine. Nobody has an excuse to do something alone. Meeting girls in person just works better in my experience.
She wasn't someone I could really talk to though. We hung out one day, went to a show another day, then hooked up after the show back at her place. I definitely liked her, but like I said we couldn't really talk. Small talk was strained and deep conversation wasn't there. Just didn't really relate, and I'm not big on just fucking chicks, I like relationships. So I haven't spoken to her since then. (she hasn't tried either, I'm not bein a dick).
Either way, Just thought I'd share this experience to show OP that it's possible.. Took about a month of messaging girls to find this one. So just keep at it. Like I said, I was on OK cupid, not Plenty of Fish, not sure if one is better than the other.
A few weeks after this experience, I met a girl at an AA campout and our first conversation together turned into a 14 hour talk about EVERYTHING. Literally, met her at around 6pm, and we stayed up talking until 8am the next morning. Watched the sunrise and everything. Been dating this girl ever since.
That's what I like most in a girl, someone who gets me, someone I can relate to, someone I can talk to about anything and not fear judgement. And I doubt If I ever would have found a girl like this on a website.
If you just wanna get laid though, go for it? I don't know. Good luck with the internets. Maybe try a meetup website instead where people meet up in person for like minded activities, like campouts, hiking, sports, etc. There's TONS of meetups for anything and everything you could imagine. Nobody has an excuse to do something alone. Meeting girls in person just works better in my experience.
junegreenjeans
Bluelighter
The main thing is being true to one's self; The connection must be effortless, natural and right. When it's the right person, you'll just know deep inside, just know.
^ a lot of people have no idea who they are, either due to age or psychology. you can't be true to yourself if you don't who yourself is. it's hard to engage someone in an effortless way if you are still in love with somebody else and see that never, ever changing. if you think you're bipolar and it's getting worse. or whatever. again, reasons i believe that the op is nowhere near ready to date.
that said, it's been a couple of days with no response. is that a good sign? tell us what happened, nuttynutskin?
alasdair
that said, it's been a couple of days with no response. is that a good sign? tell us what happened, nuttynutskin?
alasdair
nuttynutskin
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Ha... Probably much to most of you guy's amusement that was the shortest and worst date I ever went on. She was about 10 minutes late so while I was waiting outside I popped my head in to see how crowded it was and there was literally no where to sit. When she got there she said I looked nervous and I told her I didn't feel nervous (I didn't) and then she asked me if that was how I always looked... WTF??? I told her how crowded it was and that I didn't think we would really be able to talk to eachother so we went in and she beckoned me to come back out. I asked her if she wanted to walk down and check out the mexican place that also had a bar that was in the same strip mall and she said no and that she was feeling sketched out and basically said see ya later and left lol. By the time she left the bar had emptied out a bit so I went back in and had more drinks for me lol. No idea what that woman's problem was. I mean, what do I look like an axe murderer?
Anyways, think I'm done trying to find any dates for now. And now I think the woman I really care about is having a change of heart.
Anyways, think I'm done trying to find any dates for now. And now I think the woman I really care about is having a change of heart.
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Didn't read whole thread, apologies if some of these have been already talked trough.
Where you from?
Post your pic so we know if you look axe murderer? Depending on how good looking you are and what kind of persona you are, you might select different kind of woman, who will be different to get along with. Bit ugly girls who don't have 'I'm ugly, so what!?' - syndrome are best fun for many purposes IME. Really good looking girls seem to be many times quite unbalanced, but actually often quite easy to get in bed with if you are good with words. Normal girls sometimes think they are more beautiful than they really are and they will care about your looks too much also. Anyway, even if you are like 10/10, avoid 10/10 who use online dating. Best girls to find are shy good girls, who are really smart and fun if you get them relax and open up with you. Those you don't find from nightclubs or bars.
Last few years (maybe cause I'm getting older) I've felt that cold approach is bit awkward/painful for everybody and western women being bitches about it because they usually have control in those situations. Not sure why anyone would think online dating would be desperate like someone stated on threads first page. If something would be desperate, going to talk random girl you don't know at nightclub would win that prize IMO.
Anyway, I've hooked up with few girls and have mostly positive experiences. I kind of take all experiences as positive. I've met few weirdos and sometimes I've felt like a weirdo also but I've had fun anyway, just shouldn't take it too seriously - nothing to lose right? One time I met girl at her place and she honestly tried to rape me all the time I stayed there, around 6 hours. I tried to leave at least 30 mins when I started to feel it wasn't fun anymore, but she kept first begging me to let her blow me and after that that I need at least show her my dick. Crazy world!
About your being-kind-of-dick style/humour that people mentioned, I wouldn't worry about that, actually opposite, that usually keep things interesting assuming you still know how to be nice if needed. About your opening lines, those are kind of okay, but how I see it, is that you should be more straightforward. If you like her looks, say it. If you want to meet her, say it (and yes, you should want to meet about everyone - many people are not good online, but after meeting them they can be awesome). And if you get yourself into right mind and attitude, meeting many people can be fun even if you don't match after all. At least you learn a lot by doing that. If you looking for wife, say it. If she have big tits, say it. If you want to have sex with her, say it. Last one depends of course a lot. I've met 3 girls asking them like that and one I actually still see sometimes. Probably asked around 10 so odds are not too bad. Problem with small talking, like you, do online is that you are still so distant to each other that it doesn't keep things interesting enough. And like I said, many girls have hard time communicating online, especially if they don't have any feelings towards one they would have to communicate. And even if you go straight to the point, it don't have to mean that you cannot talk a lot more before actually having sex or meeting in real life. You just get them more interested and hooked because they are then waiting for something to happen in their real life - not just some random guy asking random questions in the internets.
One thing to possibly make your next dates better. Meeting at the first time can be and usually is at least little bit awkward. That's why I usually talk about it before I meet anyone. I'm overly social guy who talks a lot, but I'm still 'shy' when meeting someone I don't know first time and maybe even sober. That's why I like to joke about something about the matter, depending what kind of girl I feel she is. One that I've used many times goes something like this: "I'm a shy guy, maybe we should get drunk and fuck first and then go to have coffee? Would be lot easier don't you think?", just something to break the ice and lighten up the mood. Usually I think it's also best to skip the formal part, but it depends if I suits your style. What I mean is, I show all my cards instantly. Like I could say stupid things like: "I've met like 10 girls from ______ now, but nobody seems to like me
", "My girlfriend left me cause I cheated on her", "I've stayed up now 3 nights so if I seem like a weirdo, it's just that I'm quite high at the moment", "Oh my god you are sexy! And how should I be able to talk with you when you look like that?". If she ask you to tell something about yourself tell her your dick size, even if you have small dick, without any hesitation and continue with "How big boobs you have?". With lines like these you can completely skip the "Hi! Nice to meet you? How are you?" - crap and go straight to being friends or some rare cases going separate ways. And if I don't skip like that, I kind of find it harder later on to take the step from being 'normal' to being real me. And I don't mean that I'm actually some creepy guy who would have to act to be as normal - it's same for everyone, we have that "We meet first time and for some reason I need to be nice to you" -self and then who you are with your friends. Be the latter even they are not your friends yet. And I'm quite sure girls like it when you do that. Normal chatting is empty and bland, ends quickly and usually don't lead to anything even between two people who could really match together when being more of themselves.
You shouldn't be too picky with the profiles, kind of mass mailing gives you better results and you can always choose later if you want to see someone. Just hit those inbox's with some stupid, trying to be funny, cheesy pickup lines:
"Hey! You wanna come listen how my neighbors have sex? Seriously they're like rabbits! Serving beer and coffee till midnight!" (Sounds stupid but works well if you really have neighbors like that but i've used it even without neighbors - inviting someone to your home to actually do something else than just drink coffee usually leads to good things, even if it's only stalking other people)
"Aargh, I've really bad hangover, bring me breakfast honey?"
"I was planning to get drunk, hit the clubs and hook up with some random girl today, you wanna join me?"
"I love your profile and wanna see if you are really like that! I buy you a coffee if you come proof me that?"
"Hey beautiful! I'm extremely bored so where you gonna take me today?"
"Hey girl, you seem like an interesting person. Wanna get to know you better, can I take you to ____?"
"What time you coming?"
Just tone it up or down depending what kind of person you are and what you are looking for. Just remember to include some kind of "call to action", otherwise you often get no action. Even if you don't really feel like meeting them, just ask many and see what happens. They probably are not going to meet you today, but they will usually start talking a lot more since it's now clear possibility that you meet some day. And then you can just select the best matches and actually meet in real life. Two most important things are; Don't be serious and don't give a fuck, remember those and your success is basically guaranteed.
Where you from?
Post your pic so we know if you look axe murderer? Depending on how good looking you are and what kind of persona you are, you might select different kind of woman, who will be different to get along with. Bit ugly girls who don't have 'I'm ugly, so what!?' - syndrome are best fun for many purposes IME. Really good looking girls seem to be many times quite unbalanced, but actually often quite easy to get in bed with if you are good with words. Normal girls sometimes think they are more beautiful than they really are and they will care about your looks too much also. Anyway, even if you are like 10/10, avoid 10/10 who use online dating. Best girls to find are shy good girls, who are really smart and fun if you get them relax and open up with you. Those you don't find from nightclubs or bars.
Last few years (maybe cause I'm getting older) I've felt that cold approach is bit awkward/painful for everybody and western women being bitches about it because they usually have control in those situations. Not sure why anyone would think online dating would be desperate like someone stated on threads first page. If something would be desperate, going to talk random girl you don't know at nightclub would win that prize IMO.
Anyway, I've hooked up with few girls and have mostly positive experiences. I kind of take all experiences as positive. I've met few weirdos and sometimes I've felt like a weirdo also but I've had fun anyway, just shouldn't take it too seriously - nothing to lose right? One time I met girl at her place and she honestly tried to rape me all the time I stayed there, around 6 hours. I tried to leave at least 30 mins when I started to feel it wasn't fun anymore, but she kept first begging me to let her blow me and after that that I need at least show her my dick. Crazy world!
About your being-kind-of-dick style/humour that people mentioned, I wouldn't worry about that, actually opposite, that usually keep things interesting assuming you still know how to be nice if needed. About your opening lines, those are kind of okay, but how I see it, is that you should be more straightforward. If you like her looks, say it. If you want to meet her, say it (and yes, you should want to meet about everyone - many people are not good online, but after meeting them they can be awesome). And if you get yourself into right mind and attitude, meeting many people can be fun even if you don't match after all. At least you learn a lot by doing that. If you looking for wife, say it. If she have big tits, say it. If you want to have sex with her, say it. Last one depends of course a lot. I've met 3 girls asking them like that and one I actually still see sometimes. Probably asked around 10 so odds are not too bad. Problem with small talking, like you, do online is that you are still so distant to each other that it doesn't keep things interesting enough. And like I said, many girls have hard time communicating online, especially if they don't have any feelings towards one they would have to communicate. And even if you go straight to the point, it don't have to mean that you cannot talk a lot more before actually having sex or meeting in real life. You just get them more interested and hooked because they are then waiting for something to happen in their real life - not just some random guy asking random questions in the internets.
One thing to possibly make your next dates better. Meeting at the first time can be and usually is at least little bit awkward. That's why I usually talk about it before I meet anyone. I'm overly social guy who talks a lot, but I'm still 'shy' when meeting someone I don't know first time and maybe even sober. That's why I like to joke about something about the matter, depending what kind of girl I feel she is. One that I've used many times goes something like this: "I'm a shy guy, maybe we should get drunk and fuck first and then go to have coffee? Would be lot easier don't you think?", just something to break the ice and lighten up the mood. Usually I think it's also best to skip the formal part, but it depends if I suits your style. What I mean is, I show all my cards instantly. Like I could say stupid things like: "I've met like 10 girls from ______ now, but nobody seems to like me
", "My girlfriend left me cause I cheated on her", "I've stayed up now 3 nights so if I seem like a weirdo, it's just that I'm quite high at the moment", "Oh my god you are sexy! And how should I be able to talk with you when you look like that?". If she ask you to tell something about yourself tell her your dick size, even if you have small dick, without any hesitation and continue with "How big boobs you have?". With lines like these you can completely skip the "Hi! Nice to meet you? How are you?" - crap and go straight to being friends or some rare cases going separate ways. And if I don't skip like that, I kind of find it harder later on to take the step from being 'normal' to being real me. And I don't mean that I'm actually some creepy guy who would have to act to be as normal - it's same for everyone, we have that "We meet first time and for some reason I need to be nice to you" -self and then who you are with your friends. Be the latter even they are not your friends yet. And I'm quite sure girls like it when you do that. Normal chatting is empty and bland, ends quickly and usually don't lead to anything even between two people who could really match together when being more of themselves.You shouldn't be too picky with the profiles, kind of mass mailing gives you better results and you can always choose later if you want to see someone. Just hit those inbox's with some stupid, trying to be funny, cheesy pickup lines:
"Hey! You wanna come listen how my neighbors have sex? Seriously they're like rabbits! Serving beer and coffee till midnight!" (Sounds stupid but works well if you really have neighbors like that but i've used it even without neighbors - inviting someone to your home to actually do something else than just drink coffee usually leads to good things, even if it's only stalking other people)
"Aargh, I've really bad hangover, bring me breakfast honey?"
"I was planning to get drunk, hit the clubs and hook up with some random girl today, you wanna join me?"
"I love your profile and wanna see if you are really like that! I buy you a coffee if you come proof me that?"
"Hey beautiful! I'm extremely bored so where you gonna take me today?"
"Hey girl, you seem like an interesting person. Wanna get to know you better, can I take you to ____?"
"What time you coming?"
Just tone it up or down depending what kind of person you are and what you are looking for. Just remember to include some kind of "call to action", otherwise you often get no action. Even if you don't really feel like meeting them, just ask many and see what happens. They probably are not going to meet you today, but they will usually start talking a lot more since it's now clear possibility that you meet some day. And then you can just select the best matches and actually meet in real life. Two most important things are; Don't be serious and don't give a fuck, remember those and your success is basically guaranteed.
And btw, if woman behaves like that, you don't want to know her. Sounds to me that she was just testing how confident guy you are (assuming you really weren't nervous) and you should have laughed out loud shocked and insulted and asked if she's always so rude to her dates. Some girls like to test your 'alpha'-status with stuff like that, but those are usually very problematic individuals who desperately trying to show how strong and confident they are when they are actually really insecure and weak inside - so insecure that they can't even think about it. Usually not worth the trouble to get them to understand that.
nuttynutskin
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Yup I really couldn't agree more with you. But yeah, it really was no skin off my back, so yeah...
nuttynutskin
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Uh thanks? I'm not too concerned, I'm done with it for now.
junegreenjeans
Bluelighter
Do you struggle with mania and depression? Any decent treatments for this accessible for you I wonder? Indeed it wouldn't be a simple piece of cake balancing a life and a relationship when one is in battle for that tight rope act. I haven't read all the threads and don't know as much as some but I do hope you find what you are looking for, that you get what you need to heal up; that you do get to know your 'self' and through this, someone else. Perhaps all these 'weird' experiences with online dating have a reason. Maybe its been a learning curb, some insight gained, some thread of healing to aid in your paths growth. I don't know. Just, good luck Nutty. From what I have read, seems you've got at least a few good folks sending advice and stories of their experiences; how very cool. Interesting how the anonymous heart goes out.
nuttynutskin
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I dunno, doesn't matter but thanks. I think my woman still has feelings for me so for now I'm just laying low and trying to take things as they come.
By the way nutty I'm sorry if I came off as a total bitch earlier in your thread. IDK I must of had a stick up my ass. I hope you accept my apology.
And I'm not being sarcastic or anything I mean it.
nuttynutskin
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By the way nutty I'm sorry if I came off as a total bitch earlier in your thread. IDK I must of had a stick up my ass. I hope you accept my apology.
Yes I can accept that. I don't even remember why we were getting along so horribly in the first place.