What the hell am I dong wrong? (Dating websites)

[nuttynutskin]

I've been trying for a good 3 weeks probably to get a date or at least some correspondence on pof with pretty much no success. The most I get is maybe an answer to a question and then hear nothing. WTF am I dong wrong? I've tried all sorts of different approaches but it seems nothing is working. If anyone wants more details I'll gladly tell you.

 

[Mysterie]

i would use time on introspection to further myself so that i am confident and can then form a positive relationship with a girl

but in terms of just lookng for a bang, internet dating rly is bottom of the barrel alot of the time at least where im at

i just wouldnt waste time on it

 

[nuttynutskin]

No offense but that doesn't really help me... I mean why would all of these local women join if they're not looking to meet? I mean my profile I think is pretty normal and I'm not bad looking or anything. I think a lot of people might not get my sense of humor tho.

 

[missmeyet?]

You haven't been showing them the band names carved into your arm are you? :D

Ok I'm pretty much just teasing you now (from where you said you had carved band names into your arms on the other thread). But seriously...and you are probably not...but that is the kind of thing I wouldn't show and tell until you get to know someone (as far as dating site goes...BL is cool). A lot of women might think things like that are a little weird.

As far as what you may be doing wrong its pretty hard to tell without knowing what you are doing. You said you get short answers back and then nothing...what kind of questions are you asking? What are you opening up with?

 

[nuttynutskin]

what kind of questions are you asking? What are you opening up with?

It really just varies between members... I'll usually try to come up with something to ask them about their profile like a band they like or such. If they don't list much on their profile for me to work with I'll usually just say hi and tell them I would like to know more about them.

Here's a few examples...

Me: Hi there... Ok I just have to ask, what the heck is environmental services at a hospital? lol
Her: Housekeeping
Me: Ah ok, I used to do that for a bed and breakfast. How are you?
Her: No reply

Another...

I ask a member who I was talking to what she was up to. She says getting ready to go out of town with her kids. I ask her where she's going. She takes it like I'm going to fucking stalk her or something and blocks me. lol

As far as people I haven't heard back from...

Me to someone who was putting down their looks on their profile: Hey how are you? Was looking at your profile, you shouldn't say you're not as pretty as most, you have some nice features.

Me to someone who claimed they had never been on a date before (although I think they were lying): Hmmm so you've never been asked out on a date... So wanna go on a date? lol Would like to know more about you.

Me: Hey there... I read your profile, sounds like have some things in common. Would like to chat some if you're interested.

Me: Hey how are you doin? That's a cool shirt where did you get it?

Me on someone's bands that they like: Props on the Pantera and Hank... Have you ever listened to Hank III?

Me: Hey how's it going? What do you think about asparagus?

Me: responding to someone who was actually topless in their photos lol: Wow you're not shy about your body. Very nice.


That's probably enough examples.

 

[gr33n3y3z]

Get the chicks in real life,

I could never understand dating websites they seem cheesy and desperate no offense.

LMAO they even have dating websites for Christians that's just weird. Like they can't meet up in a church?

 

[Wyld 4 X]

First, stop using "lol" when corresponding. I know its the Internet and all but showing some sign of grammatical intelligence will help you stand out. Save all the text lingo for texting (or sexting) later on.

Second, dont have high expectations for responses in kind. We all have different motives for putting ourselves out there online and watching your inbox for responses will drive you crazy.

Third, I think you are starting out okay by reading their profile and asking questions in regards to that but just take it with a grain of salt they are not interested in you. Big deal. This is actually a good way to practice what you may talk about to someone you meet for real. Asking a woman questions and have her talk about herself is an easy icebreaker and a good way to find out if you really are interested in her. Plus it boosts her self-confidence which is very important!

 

[gr33n3y3z]

Wow you should visit the pet peeves thread if "lol" really bothers you that bad.

 

[alasdairm]

op, i don't know 'you', i only know your words on bluelight - your bl persona, if you will. how close that is to the real 'you' is a matter of opinion.

your bl persona is a bit of an asshole, tbh. you insult people and disrupt threads with off-topic posts designed to inflame. to me, you just don't seem like a very nice person online. maybe they're picking up on that from your profile or your interaction with them, albeit briefly?

maybe they're bluelighters who've seen your posts here?

alasdair

 

[missmeyet?]

Lol! (<ha!)

Actually that is somewhere along the lines of my next question which was going to be IRL, how are your interactions with people socially? You do come across as a jerk at times on the few threads I have read and sometimes it is hard to tell if it is intentional or if you just go about things without much grace and with some awkwardness. Of course I haven't seen the threads where you have done as mentioned above.

No matter what you hear, if you come across as an asshole on the dating site, women aren't going to have shit to do with you. Maybe it is not intentional or maybe you do put a better foot forward there than you do on BL.

I also noticed you had quite a few comments on BL about being depressed and some other issues. Maybe you need to get yourself in a better place personally before you try for a relationship. If you are extremely unhappy it is often not attractive.

Do you have anything on YOUR profile that might be causing women to turn away? Anything regarding not being happy and content? Any strange personal tidbits? (For example, your personal quote on your profile here on BL might come across as a little too much...)

 

[Wyld 4 X]

Wow you should visit the pet peeves thread if "lol" really bothers you that bad.

It doesnt, but it doesnt make a good first impression if your first correspondence makes you seem like a 15 y/o either.

 

[nuttynutskin]

Third, I think you are starting out okay by reading their profile and asking questions in regards to that but just take it with a grain of salt they are not interested in you. Big deal. This is actually a good way to practice what you may talk about to someone you meet for real. Asking a woman questions and have her talk about herself is an easy icebreaker and a good way to find out if you really are interested in her. Plus it boosts her self-confidence which is very important!

Thanks for the advice... I don't really have a problem talking to women in real life but I don't really get out much lately and really despise cold approaching someone unless I'm like sitting at a bar or something.

 

[nuttynutskin]

op, i don't know 'you', i only know your words on bluelight - your bl persona, if you will. how close that is to the real 'you' is a matter of opinion.

your bl persona is a bit of an asshole, tbh. you insult people and disrupt threads with off-topic posts designed to inflame. to me, you just don't seem like a very nice person online. maybe they're picking up on that from your profile or your interaction with them, albeit briefly?

maybe they're bluelighters who've seen your posts here?

alasdair

Ummm I don't know if you're talking about things that I posted over 2 years ago before my ban or just recently. Because since I've come back all I've really been posting for the most part is topics on mental health. Besides one thread where I was just getting ragged on I don't really see how I've been an asshole anywhere at least now. Hell I think half of my newer posts I was trying to help people. Either way, I don't act like a jerk when I'm trying to get dates. It's kind of counterproductive.

 

[alasdairm]

Either way, I don't act like a jerk when I'm trying to get dates.

i qualified my comments as, again i don't know you but you may not be doing it consciously. maybe online communication/dating isn't your thing?

this is just an example - and it may be completely irrelevant - but look at your bl avatar. somebody is going to make assumptions about you based on a simple thing like that. what message do you think that sends? what about the handle that you chose: nuttynutskin? what does that say about you?

alasdair

 

[nuttynutskin]

Actually that is somewhere along the lines of my next question which was going to be IRL, how are your interactions with people socially? You do come across as a jerk at times on the few threads I have read and sometimes it is hard to tell if it is intentional or if you just go about things without much grace and with some awkwardness. Of course I haven't seen the threads where you have done as mentioned above.

Again I don't know if we're talking about 2 years ago or currently. But anyways, in real life? It's kind of hard because it really just depends on the situation. I can be outgoing, I can be reserved, I can be a lot of things. But I'm generally friendly to people and can shoot the shit with anyone if I respect them. If someone gets on my bad side tho I have no problem letting them know. I used to not be like that but now I don't have as much of a problem speaking my mind. It can be good and bad. lol

No matter what you hear, if you come across as an asshole on the dating site, women aren't going to have shit to do with you. Maybe it is not intentional or maybe you do put a better foot forward there than you do on BL.

I've never been an asshole on there even when I had reason to be.

I also noticed you had quite a few comments on BL about being depressed and some other issues. Maybe you need to get yourself in a better place personally before you try for a relationship. If you are extremely unhappy it is often not attractive.

I'm good at hiding it when I need to. On here obviously I can just dump out all of what I'm thinking or whatever, but this isn't a dating site as far as I know. lol

Do you have anything on YOUR profile that might be causing women to turn away? Anything regarding not being happy and content? Any strange personal tidbits? (For example, your personal quote on your profile here on BL might come across as a little too much...)

If you read it again that quote isn't something I said. It was something another member posted that I thought was really stupid. Was the same guy who wanted to stay with his girlfriend after she cheated on him and broke his nose. Again this was over 2 years ago. As far as what's on my dating profile, I'm not really sure. I don't want to post exactly what I said on there for obvious reasons. Don't need the internet detectives finding out my personal information ya know?

 

[nuttynutskin]

i qualified my comments as, again i don't know you but you may not be doing it consciously. maybe online communication/dating isn't your thing?

I'm starting to think that any sort of communication isn't my thing. Things I say come out wrong or creepy when they were totally not intended to, people don't get when I'm joking or not. You name it.

this is just an example - and it may be completely irrelevant - but look at your bl avatar. somebody is going to make assumptions about you based on a simple thing like that. what message do you think that sends? what about the handle that you chose: nuttynutskin? what does that say about you?

Honestly I think you're reading into things a little too much. I thought the avatar was funny and so was the user name. What does it say about me? Whatever people want to believe I guess. And again, these are not things I use on dating websites.

 

[Droppersneck]

Okay rule one: being overly nice is gay and will get you no where just get to the point of what you are looking for and cater to no ones feelings
2) post good pics of yourself doing things like climbing, playing gigs, picking up copperheads, form fitting shirts that show you arnt a pussy(dont go with shirtless shirts as girls dislike it for some reason)etc
3) dont give a fuck you are online and who cares. I sent a message to a hot man hating style girl that had a bitch profile that hated on men, I messaged "yikes" and got into a big convo and I still messaging her at atm.
4) Express apathy to the whole online dating thing on your profile and talk about how you really just want to find someone to connect with but you are not sure you ever will.
5) never say anything sexual when texting and be funny via the interwebz as best as possible
6) Rep your status, job, education and if your sisters have kids talk about how much you love spending time with them and watching them grow up.
7) In your photos have pics of yourself with some less attractive female friends
8) dont sweat shit. If it is meant to be it will happen

I am curently chatting with this chick that is a toyota mechanic and hot using the current tactics. She sounds awesome. I am able to talk to her about cars and what not!

 

[Max Power]

Me to someone who was putting down their looks on their profile: Hey how are you? Was looking at your profile, you shouldn't say you're not as pretty as most, you have some nice features.

Me to someone who claimed they had never been on a date before (although I think they were lying): Hmmm so you've never been asked out on a date... So wanna go on a date? lol Would like to know more about you.

Me: Hey there... I read your profile, sounds like have some things in common. Would like to chat some if you're interested.

Me: responding to someone who was actually topless in their photos lol: Wow you're not shy about your body. Very nice.


Me: What do you think about asparagus?

I bold-ed that parts where you went full retard anyway. Basically, if you omitted these parts from your message your chances would dramatically improve. In short: cut to the chase. I've never been part of a dating website, but it figures that if you contact someone else on there it's because you want to go out. So just say it. Don't ask for permission, don't be overly nice, don't act like a bitch.

Honestly, online dating is for the birds. It's retardedly skewed towards a female bias. Every girl has like 20 messages daily from everyone guy on the planet because it's 10x easier to handle rejection when you don't PHYSICALLY walk up to them --- all you do is press 'submit' and that's it. Dudes who would otherwise lack the balls to talk to a chick IRL all of a sudden have an avenue towards their attention. If you want REAL advice, start talking to women in real life and forget about that website. Otherwise, read Droppersneck first rule and also never forget that it's a numbers game.

Finally, SO ===> SLR.

 

[nuttynutskin]

In short: cut to the chase. I've never been part of a dating website, but it figures that if you contact someone else on there it's because you want to go out.

I've tried that approach and then they give me the well I need to get to know you better, even when I suggest something in public like coffee in case they're afraid of getting raped or murdered. I can't win.

Another thing I've thought of recently is I wonder how many women on these dating websites actually have really no intentions of meeting, but just get off to random guys messaging them about how pretty they look. lol

As far as going full retard, one time the first message I sent someone was will you marry me and I actually ended up going on a date with them.

 

[gr33n3y3z]

And I'm the asshole... Hmmm.

Thank you I take this as one of the best complements I received all day.:D