Well since first a hospital stay cut off most of my meds & now my doc cut off the rest in a slow taper, I'm pretty fucking pissed.
TBH trying to decide if I should just end it & call it good as after 10-15 years on 6mg Klonopin + other benzos & GABA agents & massive doses of painkillers I'm not exactly in for a fun time.
Combined with the fact that I have major health issues & possible surgeries coming up, really thinking it's the best option.
Though with the surgeries they might not have a choice but to keep me going for a while, but I digress.
I'm craving tonight when I can get a rig, & stop staring at my old script of Dilaudid 8's & instead bang the shit out of at least one. As my tolerance is low atm, they have me on 2 Morphine 60 ER a day, which leaves me in constant minor withdrawals plus 8-12hrs of full on shit.
Just hoping I can hit as I've always shaken like a leaf so always had GF or someone else help register/push the plunger once I'm in the vein. Don't think i'll have that option so hoping to any deity that may exist that I can hit the fucking thing & not miss.
Not that I care about vein hygiene anymore the hospital stay ruined them all for me.
I had 16 IV's in at once so yeah my veins are officially trashed. I spent years slamming everything that came in front of me, from pills to speedballs with no little to no vein damage. I used microns & 31 gauge 5/16th's, hell rarely even left a mark.
1 hospital stay & my veins are complete garbage, collapsed, hard lumps, etc.
Hell half the time they didn't even bother to register before shoving shit in the IV's even after I'd tell em, uh Nurse that IV isn't in the vein it's come out the other side or slipped out, etc...
After a month & a half of that torture to end up losing all my meds anyways when I saw my doc, yeah craving that wonderful dilly rush.
Maybe I'll eat a handful of morphs for longevity to go with it.
Hell since it's all going away maybe throw in some Klonopin, Valium & Soma's & call it a last hurrah.
Now if only I had a large enough rig, then I could really make it a last hurrah, as I don't have a micron handy which atm I really don't care for a dillie shot or 2, but trying to make a high enough dose one to really make it a last hurrah is pretty impossible filtering with an oral syringe back loaded with cotton & 1ml Insulin syringes.
Oh well, least I can enjoy a good rush after all this hell & beyond that fuck it, I'll worry about it later.
Sorry to vent instead of just posting what I crave but it's been one of those days & seems like it will be for a while.