Well hi i'm back ...

[S.M.F.G]

hi everyone i was posting in here for a while a couple of yrs ago. basic story was i was worried that the benzos were takin a bit of a hold on me i was tryin to quit weed whilst doin all sortsa other crazy shit and it was a nightmare i wouldnt wish uopn my worst enemy...... ever since i been ok up unitll maybe 8 months ago when the classic high anxiety shit came up and the worst fits of panic iv ever had before....thusly im here now seekin some oppinions im now up to 2mg Xanax per day last 3 months or so, but in the odd occasion i been finding myself having one more mg (3mg in total), i been to the docs and was honest about this and he said that i should def not raise the dosage so i find these fucking pills starting to take ahold of me again, thusly i fight not to have it...my mornings have been fucking horrible, im reluctant to go out although i have to sometimes and if i dont take it i end up panicin out.
Today i had to go and get a CT scan of my chest to look 4 smoking/abspestos related shit as ive always had a hacking cough and had to go and pick up my new Xanax script the whole morning was spent in the worst state of anxiety but i still fought not to take them.... to sum it up i was just a total mess alll morning but got thru what i had to do, got home took Xanax, chilled out oknow,,,
so i'm gonna go back to the doctors tomorrow, what should i do? im terrified about him cutting me off them, and of the possible bad things that came from the scan, ive been into all sorts of herbal teas like passionflower catnip mugwort etc, kava, to fight taking these pills but never quite gett there, i went for a day or two without em last week...just felt like dogshit..and ended up jus takin em, u all were awesome help 2 me last time, any feedback would be apprecieated. ty S.M.F.G

 

[slortaone]

if you really want to quit the benzos the best advice i can give is to be completly honest with your doctor (like you have been) and see if he can organize a taper with valium.
i know its hard, anxiety and panic attacks are no fun but in the long run, xanax is just going to make it a hell of a lot harder to deal with lifes problems. xanax can be good medication if used no more than ONE to TWO times a week, imo.. daily dosing or several doses a week is no good for anxiety/panic attacks, its no good for anything really.

i may have missed it, but how often did you say you were dosing?

edit: sorry, i just read that you're dosing daily, on average 2mg everyday for the last 2 years?

 

[S.M.F.G]

^nope fortunatly its only been like the last 3 months that iv been doseing daily.... have been perscribed it for on and off for the last two years, but up until recently one box would last me 4 ages...now though it just seems to b spinnin outta control i needs it everyday im fucked till its in me... i just fight the urge to take it, kinda hold off and just deal with it but as of late thatt has not been possible
im also on a tricylic called amitryptline that is mainly to help me sleep @ night but is also supposed to be an anti depressant and pain killer from what iv read... the hangovers from that were real bad to start which just meant i had to stay in bed a cople more hrs, now it just gives me restless legs if it doesnt zonk me out after a couple of hrs..
a vallium taper is a good option although my emotions seem to run wild in the past when ive used vallium for more than a week.... i was going to ask doc if there was maybe a more suitable benzo for me that maybe has a longer halflife.. but dont want to sound like a pill freak. so im not quite sure how to approach that thanks 4 a reply i probably shouldhave included the above info in the first post i was just tryin to keep it simple as i could...
just been out n took another mg on the way as i was quite uncomftorbale 3mg again today FACK! ohwells, i could always go n get some pot but imo anxiety n weed dont mix too well sometimes..could make it worse....still kinda lost
im now also on a med certificate so i can kiss my job goodbye...this also doesnt help

 

[slortaone]

try to look at the bright side, atleast it wasnt daily dosing for 2 years.. you can beat this

there is another option, valium is not the be all and end all when it comes to benzo tapers, clonazepam has worked for many people, its very effective. i know how hard it can be to not take benzodiazpines when the anxiety gets too much, i am prescribed xanax myself.
you're probably right about the pot not helping, i wouldnt throw any other drugs into the mix at the moment i think your best off trying to maintain on the lowest dose possible until you can get in to see the doctor. do you have a good relationship with your doc? i dont think he/she is going to think you're a pill freak for requesting a different benzo for use in a taper, i understand your concern tho and all doctors are different.

excuse my ignorance but what is a medical certificate and why will it get you fired? im from australia aswell so i probably should know haha
i feel for you S.M.F.G you're not alone on bluelight, many people know what you're going through and are more than willing to help, if you ever need to talk feel free to pm me.

 

[TheBollocks]

If you were only using every day for a few months then please just quit now. Back when I was only on klonopin as needed 6 years ago I remember feeling shitty when I didnt take it but a few days would go by and I would feel like myself. Now I have been taking klonopin for 6 years 3 pills a day and I tried to get off them recently but I suffered for months as the wds actually got worse so I had to go back on the pills. Quit while you have the chance please trust me and just tough it out for a week or two.

 

[S.M.F.G]

^yer thats what im kinda thinking best i quit early i have been thru it like this once before and maybe was foolish in thinking that i could have em around and manage to just b ok....but yer i dunno what happened my symptoms just got worser i was under a lot of presure @ home and @ work i recon that would have helped. anyways im going to the doc in a couple more hours, i suppose il report back in here after we have talked....

slortaone..... thanks 4 ur reply the medical cert thing actualy covers u for the period which the doc sias u cant work... i was just a casual were i worked so they would have just immedtly replaced me coz im off for a couple of months....
n thanks again BL u all r truly gr8

 

[slortaone]

glad i could help, anytime.
if it was any other benzo id consider cold turkey, but being xanax and using for 2 years, the 3 last months daily i think ull find it very difficult. maybe you could try using xanax to taper, only when you feel you absolutly need it and slowly cutting the dose, but its so hard to stick to the lower dose when you still dont feel well. in my experiance when it comes to benzos, taper taper taper.

anyways the doctor knows better than me, make sure you report in to let me know how you went! good luck.

edit: just so you know, xanax really is the last benzo you want to be tapering with.. it just has way to short of a half life as you probably already know.

 

[S.M.F.G]

ok wells i went to c tha doc...
long story short the valum taper was suggested but i said about my emotions running wild after useing it 4 more than about a week, so @ the moment theres this new med thrown in the mix some sorta anti psyc called Seroquel (quietiapine) sposta get me ready to taper with something as far as i can gather...i mentioned about t possibly tapering with klopin but he didnt realy say much more than come back next week so im just havin to perisist my dose of 2mg a day, maybe use some grapefruit juice il have to keep it @ that coz thats alls i got left
if anyone knows anything much or has had any experience with this seroquel stuff id love to hear from u......
iv found some stuff about it but personaly i dont really understand why i need it...zyprexa was suggested also but iv had those before and there fucking big time snooze n dribblers
i suspect if i took this during the day id be quickly asleep

 

[S.M.F.G]

shamefull self bump.... the last two days have been living hell, i fucking hate this new med quietapine feels like it's fuckin me up worse, has me up @ like 5 AM now im fighting an extra couple of hrs before i take my benzo.... feel terribly alone right now, i have no where else to turn Bluelight, i fear that i have riuned my current relationship and i just cant remember much about the evenings now im assumeing due to the seroquel. i dont know what im writing here for even, it feels like everythings pointless im constantly in tears..... im really glad 2 have my child as she is the only thing that keeps me from ending my life right now.. il never do that 2 her, i just feel really alone and empty, a shell of the person i used to be.... i suppose i just wanna vent all of this an heres the only place..... so pls excuse my double post.. i just had to get this out

 

[slortaone]

seroquel is an anti-psycotic, id imagine its for sleep otherwise i have no clue why you're on it. i never liked it, it would knock me out for 12 hours and id wake up like the living dead. it works for some people though.

it seems clear enough that a simple cold turkey approach wont work here, i really think you should speak to your doctor more about clonazepam. just so you know, clonazepam isnt called klonopin here, its called rivotril.. it could come across suss to a doctor asking for klonopin.

does your S/O know about all of this? family? friends? you need some support in real life, bluelight is good but its not enough. i wish i could be of more support, i really dont have the right words.. i just know what you're going through and would love to hear of you getting help.

stay strong, when the going gets tough just think of your child, its all worth it.


-R

 

[S.M.F.G]

ok well the seroquel has been chucked... it immediatly made me worse imo, i read the authority on the script and it said monotreatment for up to 6 months, of an episode of acute mania associated with bipolar l disorder.......BULLSHIT my last gf was bipolar and i can say for certain that i am most certainly not bipolar....
i think it was given to me to help maybe ease wd's. which would fit as i seem to be wakeing up now very anxious and am pretty certain wd's are starting as all of the xanax would be outta my system due to the short half life....
didnt fight 4 long today ive already had my 2 mg im starting to settle and the horrible feeling, twitches, pain and shakes are going away.....
my mother, my daughter, my S/O,my ex, and my doc are the only people who know about this, as i have few friends always tried to keep to myself.So im back in to see the doc on thursday, and have timed this so il have my last 2mg before i go, and plead wit him to taper me with clonezapam, he did offer a vallium taper and well if he wont give me tha klopin, il take the valium although it seems to make me abit emo after a week or two, im hpoeing klopin will not do this but will just have to see..
its destroying my gf to see me in pain and hangin in the mornings, my mother is gonna come up here on thurs, the day im booked in to see the doc. so that will help a little, but between now n thurs, ive 2mg per day with one lot of 1mg mg set aside for emergency, ive been trying to extend the halflife of the xanax with grapefruit juice, but ran out today and have no money till tomorrow, legal herbs have been helping but very little, may have to get some real weed to help me thru, i dunno, im also havin a kava pill here n there n persisting with the anti depresant as wel as slpiery elm powder and tha macca ginseng. all i can say is that the seroquel has been dumped and i feel better for it, ive just gotta fight a few more days n im bak @ the doc.... so i am hopeing that all is not too bad @ least ive not abused it that much, am just tryin to think well it could be way worse. will report in again later i appologise if this seems to be a self indulgent thread, im just seeking some support

 

[theotherside]

We are all about the support here Glad to see you posting again....my brain is small so reading large paragraphs gives me headaches Everyone is different, but I and everyone I've ever known in person has never had good luck with SSRI's....they "work" for some but they made me feel like a person who I wasn't(not in the I'm high kind of way) but a totally different person. I'm wishing you all the luck I can!!!

 

[S.M.F.G]

thanks theotherside26....... as a fellow bluelighter said the other day, "once a bluelighter always a bluelighter" im kinda guilty that im bak here after a while an im in the shit, but im happy to be part of this community, and hope 2 c more of everyone here...

ok OT: went early today with my dose, ran outta grapefruit juice so was sorta worried i started feeling like shit this arvo so i downed my amitryptiline about half an hour ago, ive a spare mg of extra xanax sitting there just in case so i wont get into any danger, money comin thru tomorrow so that will help at least i can get some cigerettes more juice and some more herbals. Lets see how i go il b reporting in often enough it brings some comfort to be able to offer kind words to others here also even though im in a bit of a mess
bluelight truly kicks ass

 

[S.M.F.G]

appologies again for double post, has turned into kinda a log but anyways.....
FUCCCCK.....talk about one of the most unpleasnt nights ive ever experienced, went to bed feelin kinda ok, 2 movies later i turn tv off n lay for what seemed an eternity... maybe 20 mins i might have drifted off for, seemed like 2 seconds, by this time i was feeling quite unpleasnt...4AM shit already no..... but yup.
When i became more consious i arose at 6:30 ish (thats what time my liln is wakeing to get ready for school) could barley walk it seemed, coughed hacked and had a good chuck althought i didnt have much to bring up, cradleing the sink im thinkin i need some fuckin xanax right now so i decided to use my spare mg, stoped feelin as bad was ok by about 7:30 but still hell edgy...

thankfuly by 9 i had some money i got up to the store, ciggys,grapefruit jc etc
back home huge effort 2nd dump 1.5 mg today has been ok after that... i was able to aquire a small bud of an old friend that helped. movie goin on now... night night bluelight, will just have to see what tomorrow will yeild

 

[S.M.F.G]

well hi all, its been a few days tbh i havnt had the time or energy to post, but to sum it up last two days have been ok, after getting over those few days of seroquel 2mg held off as late as i could, had juice, n tha endep knocks me out fine @ night n is raising me up early enough to get my squid ready..
.
so off to the doc today thinkin id b given a taper.... nope after describeing how the last week had been, and the fact of my teth (i have to wait months to get fixed),
my xanax regiment is mow 3mg daily (raised by 1mg) which is cool as i can have 2 like i usualy do......
but in the morning one or one to go to bed so i didnt expect that, but doc said it was about the end of the line 4 me like that, im prolly gonna need it all my life now which is a little depressing, more therapy is on the way and i finaly got some pain killers that arent gonna fuck my liver with paracetomol so i can wait things out

imoa have ta leep loggin here, mods if this is not the right place pls feel free to move, but id like to share this story with others .
so yaaaaaaaaaaarp. feelin pretty warm right now i can kick back n have a little me time

 

[BrahamCracker]

Do u want to quit? Like really quit? Benzo's took my life for a while and it took a lot of soul searching to realize im better off without them. My days are more boring but honestly after a while you will learn to deal without them. It seems like you cant right now, but trust me you will be smiling after you make it without them. You'll be so free, it'll be a feeling you've never experienced.

Nobody is mentally stronger than someone quitting an addiction. Take some pride in that. You can do it!

 

[S.M.F.G]

you bring up a good piont grahmcracker...... i was really wanting to quit as i been fearing that by takin those extra mg here n there during the last few weeks would b considered abuse and worried i may have been refused further treatment, i mentioned all this and weather we were gonna taper and also how bad tha other medication fucked with me, and in Doc's oppinion id not really "abused" them @ all so thusly ajusted my dose, its due mainly to its shitty halflife, and i dont go real well on valium, tends to be an emotional rollercoaster after a while, so yer thts where im at right now foe at least the month or two..
so herbal teas, 3mg xanax, n amitryptiline @ night
now on beter painkillers for my teeth that have to wait till feb to fix.
overall feeling ok gona try an go out early again today, get everything done with before all the assholes come out

 

[S.M.F.G]

reposting progress, mods if this needs to b moved pls do, havnt posted 4 a few days as i just been outta it, ive lost alot of motivation, but feel beter within mself, im still useing xanax daily (3mg) it gets me out there to do what i need to, ive felt compelled to drink on occasion but am really tryin to fight that as im already on two CNS depressents, im trying to get my life back together but it seems like an impossible task right now, as im not likeing the outside world and seem to be in a state of cbf.
i do what i need ta to keep me n kiddo fed, play with her in the arvo if shes not glued to the tv, we like frisbee atm
hangin in but not sure if im better or worse right now, id love to hear oppinions if anones reading this still
S.M.F.G

 

[S.M.F.G]

FUCK... tripple bump mods please put away ur paddles....
ive been feeling well a little better in the past few days, till my psycologist session, and it turns out ive got surpressed memories, differed grief, and a list of other shit, was painfull and hard sesh, but i got a few things out and im told that we cant dig to quickly, so atm still 3mg xanax per day, 75 mg amitryptiline using herbals both smoked and in teas,
it could be that a lot of my problems are comeing out now as i had hypnotherapy when i was young and they did something to hide my trauma and now its manifesting in trouble copeing with life anxiety and extreme moments of panic.... so yer the plot thickens, i asked my mother what had happened to me and she wouldnt tell me she sais to let the pros do their work and i was not ready to hear it... hangin in there all, i hope someone out here , reads this and relates, im very confused right now and feel terribly alone

 

[unsettled]

If you're going through a particularly stressful period in your life I'd wait until things settled down a bit and then try and get off the xanax.

I've been on xanax daily for a two year period and it turned into a living hell, I'm now on klonopin and it's still a pain in the ass to be dependent on benzos. So if you've only been on a couple mgs of xanax for a couple months I'd try and quit soon, but if there are more pressing issues in your life at the moment try and just get through those first.

But definitely the sooner the better as far as quitting goes, sucks to be hooked on these things, especially when you need them for anxiety. I imagine if I didn't have such horrible anxiety and panic attacks it would be much easier to taper off of the klonopin.