HdoubleODeezy
Bluelighter
Why can i not find a fucking happy medium/normal mood state???
I don't even know what im doing anymore, i can't tell the difference between up and down and i dont even know what NORMAL really is!
I don't think people will ever understand me.
If im on my meds i cant function and struggle to think because im so sedated.
If i don't take my meds im happy, a better dad, more funny, feel better, more creative and feel as if i have a goal to reach..
But when i don't take my meds at the same time i feel good, i also feel like shit and am an asshole to certain people because my temper is so short fused.
I just wish there was a way i could be right in between all that and be myself, no matter which mood state im in most of the people in my life have something bad to say about how im acting.
The only ones who love it when im more energetic and fun are my kids and i love that.
But ive been trying different meds/med combos since i was 13 and no matter what im on it doesn't make anyone happy.
What's more important, what everyone in life thinks of me? or me being happy for me and being a better father to my kids?
I would give anything to be the best person i could be, but im either worthless or a pain in the ass to closed minded Hippocratic people.
Ugh, fuck life!
Now watch, in an hour ill feel ok again. What did i ever fucking do to deserve to be tortured mentally so bad.. i am not religious at all but if there is a God, he hates me.
I don't even know what im doing anymore, i can't tell the difference between up and down and i dont even know what NORMAL really is!
I don't think people will ever understand me.
If im on my meds i cant function and struggle to think because im so sedated.
If i don't take my meds im happy, a better dad, more funny, feel better, more creative and feel as if i have a goal to reach..
But when i don't take my meds at the same time i feel good, i also feel like shit and am an asshole to certain people because my temper is so short fused.
I just wish there was a way i could be right in between all that and be myself, no matter which mood state im in most of the people in my life have something bad to say about how im acting.
The only ones who love it when im more energetic and fun are my kids and i love that.
But ive been trying different meds/med combos since i was 13 and no matter what im on it doesn't make anyone happy.
What's more important, what everyone in life thinks of me? or me being happy for me and being a better father to my kids?
I would give anything to be the best person i could be, but im either worthless or a pain in the ass to closed minded Hippocratic people.
Ugh, fuck life!
Now watch, in an hour ill feel ok again. What did i ever fucking do to deserve to be tortured mentally so bad.. i am not religious at all but if there is a God, he hates me.