Vent/Rant Thread vs. Don't get in my way

[THECATINTHEHAT]

I'm so sick of being a pathetic mess. All I do is stay in bed too depressed to face the world. I get too anxious to leave my bedroom and get too scared to get water till night time. I'm too ashamed to bump into my housemates and let them see me how I am.

Sorry for the long rant. Any advice on how to sort my life out? I desperately need some guidance.

I can really relate to that. I'm not in such a bad place atm but I know how it feels. Did things not work out with the subbies?

I'm probably stating the obvious here but really it was a case of finding a way to just start breaking that downwards cycle for me, once I got going things got easier and easier. As it seems so much of the time the first step is the hardest.

I know how it feels to just be stuck in that shitty isolated space, perhaps it is a case of you needing some form of treatment and having to go private. Are there any support groups working locally you can try getting involved with first? Have you checked out Battle Against Tranquilisers? They might have some help near you.

Getting funding for rehab can be really difficult if you have any form of stability in your life. In most areas you have to be living a really chaotic life (heavy IV use, ODs, homeless etc) to stand any chance.

Sorry to hear you are struggling again, much love It's nice to see you here again and reaching out for help though, as long as you're wanting to get better then there is hope. Don't lose faith.

 

[sadkid]

O my fucking God what the fuck is wrong with everyone y can't people just shut he'll up and fuck off why can't they understand that no-one gives a shot and anyone who does can go fuck themselves.

 

[blahman8000]

Careful evey your post is showing strong signs of the addict characteristics. This throws up a red flag of warning that you may be exspierincing an addictive push. Even though what you have stated feels real to you, it is not reality. It is delusion of your condition. You will need to find a way to flip the cycle or you will be driven to drink and this will not make you feal better. Instead you will have the same unhappy experience as always, with the same negative results that you always regret.

How can you flip the cycle?

Here is the list again, its not real, its clear symptoms of your condition

Hi. I know I'm not the original person you were talking to, so I'm sorry to intrude. I have a way of getting obsessive about things, and I ended up Googling a line of symptoms you listed, and I arrived at an article that apparently describes a kind of pathology. I am not blaming you for why it's troubling me, as you were only trying to help another person. But I kind of feel now like my whole life and every action, every word I say (including every word in this post) is governed by symptoms. But how do I know whether or not this is me? Does this dictate my whole life?

Forgive me, I'm a little messed up. It must be obvious. But I'm guessing you have some knowledge about this. I've already read too much into it and thought too hard about it.

 

[Corazon]

that list is scary NSA! a lot of those can apply to me when I am frustrated

 

[Eveleivibe]

Thanks NSA. I calmed down after n thought how I'm going to sort things out get back into exercise n lose weight.

I think that a lot of those on that list are me.

Evey

 

[mydrugbuddy]

I would imagine that atleast some things on that lists apply to everybody. Many of them are genaral flaws and weakness of human nature in gereneral it seems to me. If anyone scored 23 out of 23 Congratulations, life would never be boring for you !

Evey why have i come home once again to the joyously pleasant surprise of another one of your lovely thoughtful and insightfull FB rants again, this time complaining about me ignoring you (i think that was the gist of what you were trying to say) when this is the first time that i have logged on all day. (Well since i got up today atleast, my hours have become completly twisted, so that im going to bed @ 6am and getting up at 1pm. Tomorrow i have to start work at 6am. Fucks sake. 8))

Maybe at least check if im actually online before you next accuse me of ignoring you I cannot speak for anyone else, or why they do or did what they did or do, but from a quick glance it doesnt appear to me that you've been ignored by anyone. I'm blocked am i ? I will resist any easy sarcastic remarks about that, as there's no need for me to be cruel if you're hurting about something. But there's no need for you to keep taking your anger out on me either, it really comes to something when i can get attacked for not being online at your beck and call allday.

 

[neversickanymore]

^Nice work evel If you learn to recognize signs that indicate your symptoms have kicked up you can use the techniques you used to counteract it. You can also eliminate the symptoms by continuing to address your addiction and really focusing on healing from its effects.

I'm not surprised that allot of us are like shit a bunch of that list is totally me. Hazelton is one of the top rehabs and addiction research facilities in the world. They studied addicts for many years and its a list of characteristics that they encountered over and over.

The chose the worst name in the world. Nothing like telling a person who hates criticism, fears rejection, is always having a crises and gets pissed and frustrated really easy.. yeah your a King Baby. One of the worst names ever chosen.

Here is some literature on the concept. Personally I think the explanations of whats going on here sound like something freud would have written after being up for two weeks straight on a bender. The traits are very real, the thought processes are very good as well, but the big picture explanation is crazy talk IMHO.

hazelton king baby<

that list is scary NSA! a lot of those can apply to me when I am frustrated

7. are often immobilized by anger and frustration

The presence of the two together is totally natural and in fact the emotion is used as a tool to let that type of thinking flow freely out.
The list can be a little scary, but the mind and the way it thinks is very placid. I used to have strong characteristics from many areas on that list. I altered the way thought and worked on a few other things and now I hardly show up on their at all.

Hi. I know I'm not the original person you were talking to, so I'm sorry to intrude. I have a way of getting obsessive about things, and I ended up Googling a line of symptoms you listed, and I arrived at an article that apparently describes a kind of pathology. I am not blaming you for why it's troubling me, as you were only trying to help another person. But I kind of feel now like my whole life and every action, every word I say (including every word in this post) is governed by symptoms. But how do I know whether or not this is me? Does this dictate my whole life?

It can be very influential in your life. How we perceive our lives is based of how we think. Trates indicate how we think. The way we think dictates our whole lives. So yes it dictates your whole life. The cool thing though is we control our thoughts. We can choose to think anyway we want. Not that we can just instantly say well im going to think this way and instantly think that way. We instead identify where we want our thought to eventually be and then work on changing little parts untill we reprogram the system and get to where we want to be. Say one of the things we decide to change is that we have always been a pessimist. We always see the bad in everything. So we decide we are going to focus on instead consciously makeing ourselves find the good in everything. At first its not natural and takes conscious effort, but it get easier and easier untill it comes naturally most of the time and we only need to focus on doing it when we are in a rough situation.

 

[Allein]

I honestly no longer worry about me lack of close friends, I'm not easy to get on with and mostly happy with things, I have my partner and kids for which I can never be grateful enough for.

I used to blame others ( certain family members mostly ) for my unhappiness but came to realise how pointless and wrong that was. I couldnt achieve real resolution to some of those problems, people can't always be who you want them to be. I made peace with a number of people either directly or by letting go and it helped my life no end.

Externalising your unhappiness is to not take control of your own life, it just traps you in a corner and drives you further away from making any progress, only you can change you and that can start in a moment. This isnt aimed at you Evey, it is genuinely about me and my struggle, maybe you can see some commonality

 

[Xorkoth]

It can be very influential in your life. How we perceive our lives is based of how we think. Trates indicate how we think. The way we think dictates our whole lives. So yes it dictates your whole life. The cool thing though is we control our thoughts. We can choose to think anyway we want. Not that we can just instantly say well im going to think this way and instantly think that way. We instead identify where we want our thought to eventually be and then work on changing little parts untill we reprogram the system and get to where we want to be. Say one of the things we decide to change is that we have always been a pessimist. We always see the bad in everything. So we decide we are going to focus on instead consciously makeing ourselves find the good in everything. At first its not natural and takes conscious effort, but it get easier and easier untill it comes naturally most of the time and we only need to focus on doing it when we are in a rough situation.

Very insightful post. I've been very conscious this since I got off opiates and it's working for sure.

 

[blahman8000]

Damn. I look at all of these other threads, and all I can feel is such shame. I didn't start doing opiates because of physical pain. I just did them. However, opiate is not my drug of choice. It is alcohol. I just cannot exit from this. And then I think really hard about it, and I realize that everything is fucked up. It's raining right now. I feel like that is insane. But most of all, I am. I am a man going on 27 years old who moved back into his parents' house months ago, and has no career, no direction, absolutely no future. Nothing. Nothing. I look at my hands and the skin is peeling from my fingers. It's because I don't eat.

The worst part is how ashamed I'll be by what I'm saying right now. And about everything I say and do. I am close to giving up. I'm a nuisance. Ultimately I mean nothing to anybody. This life is meant to be ended on its own terms.

 

[Corazon]

Growl

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

Failing myself again. Don't know why I keep on doing this.

 

[wanting]

Failing myself again. Don't know why I keep on doing this.

When I reach for perfection, I always fail. After years of therapy, I learned that "good enough" is a better goal. And on days when I can't manage "good enough," I try just to "be." Whatever is going on in your life, just let yourself be for today...tomorrow you can try again to be good enough.

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

The issue is that I could have managed 'good enough', and I still didn't. I guess I'll just have to get used to just being sometimes. Seems kind of pointless being alive if all I can do is 'be', but maybe that's an attitude I need to examine. Thankyou for the encouragement.

 

[sadkid]

My cousin is so mean he just told my mom and my aunty that I have a boyfriend and there gonna disown me but what the actual fuck I mean she is always saying how much she wants me to be happy and now that I actually happy she notched at me, you know what I'll die alone and on my grave I'll write parents tucked her over so she is burried alone.oh fucking God that rant felt good.

 

[Corazon]

I hate this fucking life. Looking at shit on a computer is not living or socially interacting. Fucking jerking off to porn is not sex.
Tomorrow some family comes into town, and they are being a huge help, and some of them are going to drive me to see a good heart surgeon. This is very encouraging, and boosts my outlook a great deal. I have to not be a complete eccentric fucking monster around them. I can be nice, but I feel like shit, and let's face it - I'm a unique mother fucker plain and simple.

Have a pain doctor appointment on Monday, and if that goes well, it could be another life improvement. I have been persistent but I have butted heads with incompetent doctors and this Monday will be 5 weeks from when I began seeking the referral. I currently have some fucking 5mg vicodin and some buspar in my arsenal. Basically like fighting ISIS with a BB-gun.
I have no idea how it will go. He could be a reasonable logical doctor, or he could be a stigmatized goofball. I have to fight the negative associations that I have from the high-stress 5 weeks of dealing with goofballs.

If I don't die I will eventually be winning.
Not being in pain would be a plus as well.

I have to deal with my problems, so that I don't hate people once I actually reach the point of being able to participate in society.

I also need to avoid letting the shitty current circumstances harm me psychologically.
I hate this fucking life, but I know it can get good.

 

[Abject]

Just had someone threaten to kill me
Just had a piece of wood in my hand ready to defend myself
If he shows up again he will be waking up in hospital

 

[Eveleivibe]

Failing myself again. Don't know why I keep on doing this.

What's wrong, Owen?

^Nice work evel If you learn to recognize signs that indicate your symptoms have kicked up you can use the techniques you used to counteract it. You can also eliminate the symptoms by continuing to address your addiction and really focusing on healing from its effects.

I'm not surprised that allot of us are like shit a bunch of that list is totally me. Hazelton is one of the top rehabs and addiction research facilities in the world. They studied addicts for many years and its a list of characteristics that they encountered over and over.

The chose the worst name in the world. Nothing like telling a person who hates criticism, fears rejection, is always having a crises and gets pissed and frustrated really easy.. yeah your a King Baby. One of the worst names ever chosen.

Here is some literature on the concept. Personally I think the explanations of whats going on here sound like something freud would have written after being up for two weeks straight on a bender. The traits are very real, the thought processes are very good as well, but the big picture explanation is crazy talk IMHO.

hazelton king baby<





The presence of the two together is totally natural and in fact the emotion is used as a tool to let that type of thinking flow freely out.
The list can be a little scary, but the mind and the way it thinks is very placid. I used to have strong characteristics from many areas on that list. I altered the way thought and worked on a few other things and now I hardly show up on their at all.



It can be very influential in your life. How we perceive our lives is based of how we think. Trates indicate how we think. The way we think dictates our whole lives. So yes it dictates your whole life. The cool thing though is we control our thoughts. We can choose to think anyway we want. Not that we can just instantly say well im going to think this way and instantly think that way. We instead identify where we want our thought to eventually be and then work on changing little parts untill we reprogram the system and get to where we want to be. Say one of the things we decide to change is that we have always been a pessimist. We always see the bad in everything. So we decide we are going to focus on instead consciously makeing ourselves find the good in everything. At first its not natural and takes conscious effort, but it get easier and easier untill it comes naturally most of the time and we only need to focus on doing it when we are in a rough situation.

Thanks, NSA.

Evey

 

[Eveleivibe]

Ugh life's so boring n longggggg. There's just no excitement but a complete empty void.

Seriously WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT?????

No one wants to know. No one answers their texts, E-mails, PMs. What the fuck is the point to this life.

Its just a complete endless bore. Cant wait until its all done with.

Argggggggg

How do people get through each day without feeling empty inside n wanting to be fucking included????

Annoyed with being on the outside people are doing this to me on purpose to be cruel n mean.

They all knew i was lonely after becoming a single mam. Did any of them care? Nope. Out of sight out of mind. Selfish the lotta them n I'm glad I dumped every single one of them.

Ahhhh i feel better. Nothing like a good moan to cheer ya up eh.

Evey

 

[inf3ct3d_m1nd]

Paws...fucking paws..FUCKING PAWS...I pray to just feel something and when I finally do, I turn I to a sobbing mess on the kitchen floor. I don't even know how I would feel if I could though. I'm staying at a lady's apartment that doesn't speak a word of English and I don't speak any Spanish. Maybe PAWS is doing me a favor....

Horray for junkee lifestyles