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Vent/Rant Thread vs. Don't get in my way

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Corazon I am so sorry to hear what poor care you are receiving for your illness :(. Are you feeling any better now? I hope you are. Perhaps you could make a complaint about how they treated you? x

Wanting- Sorry to hear you are going through PAWS. They are evil things. Remember though, how well you are doing and how that good feeling will return soon. Keep on fighting x
 
kace said:
Corazon I am so sorry to hear what poor care you are receiving for your illness :(. Are you feeling any better now? I hope you are. Perhaps you could make a complaint about how they treated you? x
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thx kace, feeling kind of icky today but making progress. My Doctor wrote me a 6-day Rx for 5mg vicodin which I filled last Thursday afternoon, and will last me at most until Fri afternoon (8 days).
I still do not have an appt. w/ pain clinic. I have no idea what the issue is. My doctor's office claims that it is on the pain clinic's end and that I simply need to be patient. I have called several times, including yesterday(Mon) to make sure that I was doing everything I could (any info they possibly needed etc...) for my part in scheduling the appointment.

I also made it clear that I would need a new pain Rx for Friday morning, and made sure the doctor had hours Friday.


These people are incompetent and it worries me that in spite of the referral being written, I haven't even been scheduled for a pain clinic appointment yet.

In terms of actual feeling = icky. I've now been taking 5mg vicodin or oxy every 4hrs since 9/17. I already feel a tolerance and minor withdrawal symptoms. 5mg never completely controlled my pain when introduced on 9/16. At this point it basically covers the minor withdrawal symptoms and provides about 1-2 hours of minor relief.

I've been able to continue to do stuff like cutting the grass, and going shopping for my grandmother and attending and scheduling doctor's appointments.

I see an expert surgeon 10/29 to evaluate where I am at in terms of needing surgical intervention.

Hopefully I will have my pain under control some time in October. Really frustrating.
 
Oh look, and yet another post has been removed with zero reasoning!!!!

What's the point in having a fucking vent thread if you're not going to let people vent in it?

Fucking weak.
 
Yeah I've just started my second year of my degree which is helping. Ride my bike there and back every day and getting out for other rides as well.

Desperate to be able to kickbox again but I can't atm. Still, shouldn't complain too much as that will be remedied in time.
 
THECATINTHEHAT said:
Yeah I've just started my second year of my degree which is helping. Ride my bike there and back every day and getting out for other rides as well.

Desperate to be able to kickbox again but I can't atm. Still, shouldn't complain too much as that will be remedied in time.
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i feel like buying a 2nd bottle right now

i don't even drink usually
 
To the fuck stain that has dumped another huge load of old tires on the side of the road. I have set up surveillance and im going to catch you and then im going to haul that shit back to whatever ghetto slum you live in and dump it on your front porch. Then im going to squirt skunk sent all over it. Then im going to send the surveillance into the coppers. Hopefully they will take enough time off the utterly failed drug war to com arrest your pathedic ass.

Really 2 fucking cheap to pay for disposal of your old tires so you decide to drive outta your slum and throw them on the side of the road. I wonder if you will read this, ahh no you can't read. Yeah, so some person has to come pick up your filth and deal with it. Quit having bareback sex with every damn slut in the trailor park and you wont have so much child support to pay and then you can pay to have your waste disposed of properly. Your a pig and a looser and I bet you're missing more than a few teeth and have a well worn Quest card from the gov.

Parasite.
 
Corazon said:
i feel like buying a 2nd bottle right now

i don't even drink usually
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I've been there, as I'm sure you can guess by the fact I'm posting here. Life shitting on you atm or just feeling all over the place for no appparent reason?


NSA: Petrol on old rags, rags inside tyres, light. That'll give the cunt a real a real problem to deal with, try putting out a burning tyre.
 
^ glad I didn't over-indulge with the drinking.

It's now been 11 days since I obtained the referral to the pain clinic, and these doctors offices have been unable to schedule me for an appointment. I have taken my medicine as prescribed, and the last proscription finished yesterday evening. I was also told information counter to what was told to me upon calling the pain clinic and speaking with the receptionist.

Today in addition to pain, I have to deal with mild withdrawal symptoms and the stress of dealing with incompetent people who handle your pain management.

I feel like I am trapped as far as seeking another physician until these imbeciles can close their deal.
I need a new physician.
There is about 3 hours left before I will be left without pain medicine for the weekend.

In 3 weeks I travel out of state to see an expert surgeon. This trip requires some significant effort on my part to go and drive and gather medical records ASAP.
 
need to learn how to deal with stress. made it just shy of 2 weeks of no pills, then stress comes and as soon as i was about to sleep the phone rings with shit i need to take care of and im like ughhhhh fuckin walkin zombie been up for close 24 hours :( so messed up and popped a few percocets, all was chill but MORE shit comes up, and im just pissed off then pop more and felt nauseous. laid down for like 4 hours and must of been in a funky position cause no my shoulder hurts, so ima take some more percs and just watch tv all morning.

what really gets me in times when i feel powerless/out of control, only way not to use if there wasn't any around (easier said than done) i won't be living here this time next year so that will help but until then.... :\
 
I'm so sick of being a pathetic mess. All I do is stay in bed too depressed to face the world. I get too anxious to leave my bedroom and get too scared to get water till night time. I'm too ashamed to bump into my housemates and let them see me how I am. I havent seen my family or true friends for years. Meh.. All I can do is focus on losing weight and getting under 100lbs. 3lbs to go. I know it won't bring me happiness as it never has but it's my only achievement at the moment.

Tomorrow I'm going to try and get help once again. I am going to force myself to seek help- go to the substance abuse place and the doctors.. I feel there is no point as I've been seeing them since 2012. All I've done is be honest and all they have done is watched me turn from a uni student with a job, anxiety, depression and benzo habit to a unemployed fucked up sucidial heroin addict. Sorry. I'm thinking of trying to go private to get help, as I don't want to be on methadone for 3 months just to get a take out (substance abuses plan for me). I really hate how the substance abuse team have spoken to me about me using "special needs as an excuse".. And how "You're not sucidial as you are here", after failed sucide attempts. I've admitted to having recurring and scaringly vivid thoughts of me killing myself and just want help controlling them.. They have spoken to me like scum when I open up to them, and don't believe that my depression and anxiety disorder are messing with my ability to leave the house and get my prescription. I wish they believed me.. It's horrible enough having to tell someone my weaknesses and them not believe you.

I have been waiting for 2 years now to try and be referred to an inpatient rehab, but as I've been labelled as a stupid time waster I have no chance. :/

Sorry for the long rant. Any advice on how to sort my life out? I desperately need some guidance.
 
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^congrats.


everything is fear and hate. white males. black males. feminist women. police. shooters. the rich. the poor. i'm not above it and i have become engulfed. terrified of people. i'm not creating relationships because i spend most of the time thinking about all the reasons people want to hurt me and how i can beat them. i might be a crazy person.

and i am destroying me teeth. i cannot stop clenching and grinding. at day and night. i already saw my dentist about it and nothing happened. then my psychiatrist, who recommended acupuncture. come the fuck on. i am going to have a bite splint made, but not for two more weeks. they're so fucked up. my mouth hurts all day and i know every bit more damage is permanent. during the day, i'm supposed to consciously keep my teeth apart. i can't focus on anything. i want to take benzos so fucking bad, but what a stupid reason.
 
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^ keep pushing pants.. your doing great!!!:)


What the hell.. I guess I should just raise the white flag.. its literally impossible to keep everything in ones digital life unsynced.. my god I have fought this shit tooth and nail.. at pathedic.. they know everything
 
kace said:
Sorry for the long rant. Any advice on how to sort my life out? I desperately need some guidance.
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Wow, it sounds like you're having a really rough run of it kace <3

I've experienced some of that kind of complacency about thoughts of suicide, it's hard to understand what these people want you to say. I don't think that the issue is necessarily whether someone thinks that you're going to act on these thoughts, they need to understand that the thoughts themselves are extremely painful and debilitating.

We live in the same corner of the globe and I've had very mixed results with both doctors and drug counselors, my best advice is to keep on trying. If your doctor isnt helping find yourself another one, you can just sign up at another surgery without having to explain why or just ask to see another doctor at the same practice, a decent GP can be hard to find but they are worth their weight in gold.

I hope things improve, hang in there:)
 
I finally wrote you a letter and I am going to get stamps tomorrow so I can mail it out to you. I know you've been waiting for it for awhile now. Even though I try not to admit it, I do miss you. I miss you so much, but things have changed. Maybe things will workout or maybe they won't. Then again I'm not sure if they should. I am trying to rid my life of all the toxic things, but holy hell is this hard. However, I need to do this. I really have no choice. I am done feeling like a failure and coasting by in life. I am not just this severly depressed girl who wants to die. I am a fucking warrior who has gotten through a lot of shit and will still stand up again after this all. It has taken me awhile to come to that conclusion, but hey, it's not easy to figure out your purpose. If it was then life wouldn't be that interesting, am I right? I think so.
 
Never felt so low. I'm always on the outside looking me. Me ; miserable, hated, rejected, not wanted, misfit. Everyone else; happy, together, having fun with one another, wanted, need.

Is it so surprising I totally hate myself when everyone hates me n constantly confirms it?

There's only so many times I can be happy for others when I'm screaming inside why can't it be MY term to be happy; me in pictures, smiling with others rather than the one watching others alone?

All I've ever wanted is to be included n all others want is rid of me.

I wonder whats wrong with me that im so
Horrible people don't want me n I'm
Constantly on the outside.

If this is how it 's always going to be i really don't see the point :(

Evey
 
Eveleivibe said:
Never felt so low. I'm always on the outside looking me. Me ; miserable, hated, rejected, not wanted, misfit. Everyone else; happy, together, having fun with one another, wanted, need.

Is it so surprising I totally hate myself when everyone hates me n constantly confirms it?

There's only so many times I can be happy for others when I'm screaming inside why can't it be MY term to be happy; me in pictures, smiling with others rather than the one watching others alone?

All I've ever wanted is to be included n all others want is rid of me.

I wonder whats wrong with me that im so
Horrible people don't want me n I'm
Constantly on the outside.

If this is how it 's always going to be i really don't see the point :(

Evey
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Careful evey your post is showing strong signs of the addict characteristics. This throws up a red flag of warning that you may be exspierincing an addictive push. Even though what you have stated feels real to you, it is not reality. It is delusion of your condition. You will need to find a way to flip the cycle or you will be driven to drink and this will not make you feal better. Instead you will have the same unhappy experience as always, with the same negative results that you always regret.

How can you flip the cycle?

Here is the list again, its not real, its clear symptoms of your condition<3
NSFW:

1. often become angry at or afraid of authority figures and will attempt to work them against each other in order to get their own way

2. seek approval and frequently lose their own identities in the process

3. are able to make a good first impression but are unable to follow through

4. have difficulty accepting personal criticism and become threatened and angry when criticized

5. have addictive personalities and are driven to extremes

6. are self-rejecting or self-alienated

7. are often immobilized by anger and frustration and are rarely satisfied

8. are usually lonely even when surrounded by people
[
9. are chronic complainers who blame others for what's wrong with their lives

10. feel unappreciated and think they don't fit in

11. see the world as a jungle filled with selfish people who "aren't there" for them

12. see everything as a catastrophe, a life-and-death situation

13. judge life in absolutes: black or white, right or wrong

14. live in the past while fearful of the future

15. have strong feelings of dependence and exaggerated fears of abandonment

16. fear failure and rejection and don't try new things that they might not do well

17. are obsessed with money and material things

18. dream big plans and schemes and have little ability to make them happen

19. cannot tolerate illness in themselves or others

20. prefer to charm superiors and intimidate subordinates

21. believe rules and laws are for others, not for themselves

22. often become addicted to excitement, life inthe fast lane

23. hold emotional pain within and lose touch with their feelings[/quote]


 
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