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Vent/Rant Thread vs 3 (Triggering Content)

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Okay, fuck, I will take the higher road, but this rage was needed. I don't know if I'll be able to keep my cool though if I see her in public and she opens her mouth.... I will choke her with her own words lol. Fuck lack of sleep and drugs is making me crazy as fuck sounding.

I was typing thay before I saw your reply and lol my dad is already on my bad side and I'm on his. He had this bitch call me for him and talk shit... he laughed at me for being suicidal last night and the list goes on. Fuck him. Fuck them.

And I don't care about jail. Lol. I'm just not into violence, but sometimes it just happens. I'm going to refrain from it.... but.....
 
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xstayfadedx said:
Okay, fuck, I will take the higher road, but this rage was needed. I don't know if I'll be able to keep my cool though if I see her in public and she opens her mouth.... I will choke her with her own words lol. Fuck lack of sleep and drugs is making me crazy as fuck sounding.

I was typing thay before I saw your reply and lol my dad is already on my bad side and I'm on his. He had this bitch call me for him and talk shit... he laughed at me for being suicidal last night and the list goes on. Fuck him. Fuck them.

And I don't care about jail. Lol. I'm just not into violence, but sometimes it just happens. I'm going to refrain from it.... but.....
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Refrain.

Maybe you need to file the restraining orders?
 
Robv5 said:
I'm in Australia alone, moved from the uk, I was the happiest person ever I had a girlfriend a job that was going to give me a 4 year visa, the job was perfect as a chef , all the staff were social outside of work and then I took a holiday to the UK because I was homesick and when I got back I got fired..... Split up with the girlfriend, which I didn't want to do I was so stressed and confused that I didn't think straight.
Then I wasn't working for 3 weeks which left my racing head destroying its self to the point I take diazepam and Zoloft.
I have a new job were I start at 5am and finish at 2 so I'm left alone the rest of the day taking diazepam to avoid thinking about how my life has done a 180 from happy to apathy and crying all the time.
My family can only do so much 7000 miles away, perhaps it's time to call it quits and return home?
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Hi Rob,
I also live in a foreign country. I don't speak the language here. It can feel very alien and strange at times. I get homesick, but I know I can go home any time....so can you. If I was you, I'd tough it out for a while and see if things turn around. I bet you find a better girlfriend and a better job..don't be disheartened. Your lucky to be traveling and learning about different cultures (me too). Hang in there...things will get better.
You don't want a benzo habit. That makes traveling difficult.
 
probably gonna end up killing a coworker or getting killed myself


i fucking hate everybody cant trust anyone to give you any bit of respect at all
 
plmar said:
probably gonna end up killing a coworker or getting killed myself


i fucking hate everybody cant trust anyone to give you any bit of respect at all
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What went down, plmar?
 
Vaya said:
What went down, plmar?
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I don't know if I'm doing the right thing posting this all over BL i'm probably just incriminating myself. Probably because I haven't got anyone else IRL to discuss it with to get it off my chest.

I was doing my work as usual and this one asshole decided to yell out insults and ruin my whole week after talking shit to his fuckbuddy about me and laughing in my direction.
Then he sped off on his bike and I couldn't have done shit about it, but something's gotta be done, otherwise I'll probably feel sick with myself for weeks afterwards for allowing that to slide.
 
I've never posted in here before because I really try to keep my Bluelight experience low in drama but I'm seriously about to snap... I'm in active benzo withdrawal and I'm getting so SICK of all these threads about benzos and the snarky attitude that these idiots have of "oh, I won't get addicted, I only use them on x days or in x amount"

If that was the case then I would never have gotten addicted damn it! I took Xanax on a PRN basis for 6 months - averaging a pill every other week... Next thing you know, BAM! THREE TIMES A FUCKING DAY! Then TWO pills three times a day! On and on and on...

Fast forward NINE YEARS OF LIVING IN A FOG (almost a THIRD OF MY LIFE) and I've lost three jobs because of my disability (which started out with occasional panic attacks and has developed over the years into full blown panic disorder then GAD developed and now agoraphobia too and the early stages of neuropathy), I've been couch surfing since 2009, I'm fighting fucking SSDI and currently at the end of Colorado's FOUR YEAR waiting list to see the judge, my therapist and psychiatrist DROPPED ME because I moved to Denver so I'm now on the NINE MONTH waiting list for Denver "Health", I'm tapering off of Valium at the EXCRUCIATINGLY slow rate of 1.25mg every ten days and STILL feel like I'll never be better, and people want to sit there and tell ME that ABUSING benzos won't lead to issues when my proper prescribed use did?!?!

:! :! :! :! :! :! :! :!
 
MagickalKat777 said:
I've never posted in here before because I really try to keep my Bluelight experience low in drama but I'm seriously about to snap... I'm in active benzo withdrawal and I'm getting so SICK of all these threads about benzos and the snarky attitude that these idiots have of "oh, I won't get addicted, I only use them on x days or in x amount"

If that was the case then I would never have gotten addicted damn it! I took Xanax on a PRN basis for 6 months - averaging a pill every other week... Next thing you know, BAM! THREE TIMES A FUCKING DAY! Then TWO pills three times a day! On and on and on...

Fast forward NINE YEARS OF LIVING IN A FOG (almost a THIRD OF MY LIFE) and I've lost three jobs because of my disability (which started out with occasional panic attacks and has developed over the years into full blown panic disorder then GAD developed and now agoraphobia too and the early stages of neuropathy), I've been couch surfing since 2009, I'm fighting fucking SSDI and currently at the end of Colorado's FOUR YEAR waiting list to see the judge, my therapist and psychiatrist DROPPED ME because I moved to Denver so I'm now on the NINE MONTH waiting list for Denver "Health", I'm tapering off of Valium at the EXCRUCIATINGLY slow rate of 1.25mg every ten days and STILL feel like I'll never be better, and people want to sit there and tell ME that ABUSING benzos won't lead to issues when my proper prescribed use did?!?!

:! :! :! :! :! :! :! :!
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Dont worry about BL drama, just take a look at my posts, lol.

Benzo problems sound like hell, I hope you recover fully, nine years sounds fucking awful. :\
 
plmar said:
Dont worry about BL drama, just take a look at my posts, lol.

Benzo problems sound like hell, I hope you recover fully, nine years sounds fucking awful. :\
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I haven't always been a saint lol. Back around 2004-2010 I pissed off a lot of people myself. I've been trying to avoid that though lol.

Benzos really are hell. I've been addicted to so many things and nothing comes close to benzos. I'm just taking my time on my taper and taking it as it comes. Some days are bad but overall it hasn't been horrible. I guess the difference is that I've been cold turkeyed before after a rapid detox so I know just how bad it can actually get. This is much more manageable even if it still sucks.
 
FUCK my mom and her family they are no longer family to me i will never speak to them again
 
mrflowers00 said:
FUCK my mom and her family they are no longer family to me i will never speak to them again
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I know how that goes. Sometimes you're better off cutting ties, even if they're family. I no longer talk to anyone in my family except for my sister and on a very occasional basis, my father. There is too much bad blood with the rest of my family.
 
^ I hear you guys and think most times parents don't intend to hurt their kids. I really believe mine would have been half normal if they hadn't remarried assholes. Both mine did and when they died we had unresolved issues partly due to overbearing fucked up spouses. Also I was a stubborn bitch too but I wish I could have made peace with them. Especially my mom, lately I want to just call her because I need to talk and I can't.

It's hard this time of year with holidays coming up and people want to make plans with their families. I feel like I don't have anybody and more than anything want things back the way they used to be. I hate this place we moved to and having to pretend that I like it while I miss my son so bad. I have to pick myself up and move on with my life but it's a struggle. Guess that's why I'm venting. :(
 
fuck family

the only family i need is me my g pa and my dad the rest of my family can get murdered for all i care except my sweet aunti T
 
Hey flowers sorry you are upset with your family. Can you please provide us with some things you are looking to get help with in you situation so we can try and help you out sir?
 
I think I've felt like you have; family can't help you, doesn't understand. But I've come a long way & I think you can too. I never thought I would miss my family, but I do. I think in time you will appreciate them. I hope so, at least.
 
Mr flowers like what nsa said we would like more info so we can help you out. There will always be arguments and fights but family is family
 
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