Vent/Rant Thread vs 3 (Triggering Content)

[gr33n3y3z]

I hope it all goes well greeneyes and I hope he doesnt look down on you too. If he ever does let me know and I will go over there and nag at him

Girl no worries ill set him straight, oh yea the appointment went well.

 

[Maya]

Lol.

You feel women are selfish because of what they decide to get done to THEIR own bodies? How old are you, dear? You have a lot to learn in life. When you get older, I'm sure you'll understand life/people better.

Women with tattoos are hot

+ 1 agreed!

I have tattoos but not necessarily on my arms but still thst doesn't make us selfish lol. I think that you are meeting the wrong type of women perhaps?

 

[Boupstarnm]

I'm at the end of my rope. Shit, I wish I was at the end of a rope. I let another person in and its just another person who thinks I'm a joke. I open my heart and someone shits in it. I don't deserve love. I don't deserve friends. I deserve a bullet in the back of my throat.

Why do I even bother? I'd tell the world I'd kill myself but then someone might try to stop me. I'm happy. Everything is perfect. I'm just as stupid as I look and walk.

 

[Maya]

^ hugs hun♡♡ I can totally relate. Ex lovers ex friends so I definitely know how to feel betrayed at its finest or get let down but at the end of the day you have to consider that people make mistakes and there is a possibility that person did not mean to say those things or hurt you but if that person constantly puts you down or lets you down you have to just cut that person out of your life. Dont close your heart entirely but be wiser and get to know that person well before you give your trust. The world is still full of amazing people so don't give up on finding the right friends.

 

[J.Wallace]

Going insane. Every day, more and more.

Constantly find myself back on here, posting bullshit posts or threads about my troubles. What is the point? Nobody can help me, not even myself. I'm constantly finding myself having these extreme ups and downs. Some days I'm fine, others I'm not. I hate this feeling so much.

I wish I didn't need drugs to feel okay with life. I constantly need to smoke, otherwise I'm restless and anxious as fuck. And it's not from the drugs, I've been like this before I ever started heavily abusing things. Something is wrong with me mentally and it can never be fixed. No medication helps, drugs only mask the issue. Am I destined to use forever until I croak from a heart attack?

I find myself sitting here. I'm off work, so I'm stuck inside my head, alone with my own thoughts. I have no bud, can't even smoke a bowl to relax a little. I want to do so many things, write music, play a video game, find out more about this school I'm hoping to attend soon, clean the house, etc, but I can't stick to any of it. I pick up one thing, put it down 2 minutes later. I'm going insane and nothing is fucking helping!

I sincerely hate my life during times like this. I'm so fucking alone. I have nobody but my father. My friends are no longer what I'd consider friends. Every one of them is a bad influence on my life, all I think about when I'm around them is what drug can I get and what will we do once we're on it.

My father is no help to me. We live in a one bedroom apartment, he gets one half of the apartment, I get the other. I'm stuck, most of the time, inside my room, staring at the four walls. Stuck with my computer, my guitar, and my playstation. I live a pathetic life. I constantly feel I'm not progressing to anywhere good. I constantly find myself hating myself, sulking. Often crying to myself, hoping my father doesn't hear me.

I have no love life. I have no real friends. My father is in his 60's, surely he wont' be around forever. I'm dreading the time where I have to watch him die next. First it was my mother, who I took care of by myself for 6 years of my teenage life, soon I'll have to take care of him, won't I? What do I get in the end? Nothing. A harder life, a more lonelier life...one where I know I'm not gonna have any support except that which I give myself. Working, busting my ass just to make ends meet. I have a future which I am not looking forward to.

What am I going to do? I'm always freaking out inside my head...I'm such a miserable fuck. What am I going to do to make it in life? The only good thing I was ever good at was <snip> I don't want to live that life...

I'm terrified I'm going to live the rest of my life alone. By myself. I fear I'm going to get sicker and sicker...and what happens when I can't take care of myself any more? Am I going to be homeless with nowhere to go? I don't want to die like that...

If I could just know everything was going to be alright I could take a deep breathe and release all this anxiety and frustration held inside of me, but I never know and it builds up and builds up constantly till it explodes out of me, hurting my father, hurting the few close friends in my life. I feel like all I ever do is send out negative energy to those around me, like I'm a virus. My efforts are never truly recognizes, my strains and constant struggles to make it never go noticed. I'm constantly being told of the good things others do, or how my friend admires this friend cause of this. Never is it about me. And while I think this, I think of how selfish I'm being in my desires to be the center of attention, I don't deserve it, thus I don't receive it.

 

[TweakFace]

I'm so fucking sick of Xanax! I hate it! I've been doing the best I can to cut my use down and I've been successful but I've also been abusing heroin in place of it, but things are getting better.

It's my best friend and within two months since he discovered "Xanax" he's changed so much. I'm supposed to be his best friend and last night he comes to my house without any notice banging on my door demanding 20 bucks. He's taking about 10mg per day and his excuse is "I'll just get a prescription so it will be okay." It's just pissing me off and I keep telling him how much addiction sucks but he doesn't listen.

Ugh, he's always so barred out I can't deal with it, even if I'm drunk or nodding out he still bugs the shit out of me and kills my high. I'm highly considering cutting him out of my life, and it's hurting a lot. I've also recently met this awesome girl and things are kicking off really well. I'm doing what I can a day at a time to cut my own drug use down, and then I see my best friend going the opposite direction... He's become a total self centered ass fucking hole who can't remember a fucking thing and his ideas and logic is completely out the window and it's so obvious it's because of the Xanax.... yeah thats all, just had to get this all off my chest.

 

[xstayfadedx]

My brother literally just started shooting up heroin. I ended up going over to his friend's house and they ended up getting dope... My brother was attempting to have me use with him. He then admitted to me that he shot dope the other night and this would be the second time he would be doing it. I knew his friend shot dope and I really didn't care if he did it in front of me... but watching my brother pull off his belt and have his friend stick a needle in his arm was the worst fucking thing ever. I literally almost cried. I don't know what to do at this point.

He thinks he's fucking invincible and this will be like any other mistake he has made. Sadly, he doesn't realize what he has gotten himself into. He tries to tell me he didn't really like it and he prefers crack and uppers in general, but I really want to slap him. He told me not to tell anyone, but I don't know what to do. Every time I come up to see him, he is just getting worse and worse. I can't believe he is shooting dope. I can't believe he would even have the audacity to shoot dope in front of me. He already knows about all the shit I'm going through and he obviously doesn't give a fuck. I'm already depressed and people just keep bringing me further down.

 

[tripnotyzm]

That really sucks, stayfaded.
I wish people would put more effort in to weighing up the outcomes before sticking shit in their arms.
I can't imagine how sickening it must be to watch a sibling take such a tremendous risk.
You need to knock some sense in to him before it's too late.
Is he educated on the seriousness of dope? Does he realize how easy it is to kill yourself and destroy the lives of those around him?
You need to drill it into his head. Keep drilling it in until he realizes what a mistake he is making.
I hope to god he does realize what kind of danger he is getting in to

 

[ad lib]

I REALLY want to fucking curb stomp this bitch I work with. Hard. Numerous times. She's a cunt.

 

[xstayfadedx]

That really sucks, stayfaded.
I wish people would put more effort in to weighing up the outcomes before sticking shit in their arms.
I can't imagine how sickening it must be to watch a sibling take such a tremendous risk.
You need to knock some sense in to him before it's too late.
Is he educated on the seriousness of dope? Does he realize how easy it is to kill yourself and destroy the lives of those around him?
You need to drill it into his head. Keep drilling it in until he realizes what a mistake he is making.
I hope to god he does realize what kind of danger he is getting in to

I've been trying to inform him, but he doesn't listen. Last night was one of the scariest nights of my life..... new dope was gotten and he was shooting dope earlier. Then he made a two bag shot of this new shit (big bags and his tolerance is fucking low anyways). His friend mixed up the shot and I saw how big it was.... my brother was begging him to shoot that up and I was like NO FUCKING WAY PUT SOME BACK ON THE SPOON. Even his friend agreed it was too much, but was going to give him the full shot still until I freaked the fuck out. Well, my brother did the shot and he was like this was good... whoa it's getting stronger. Then he wanted more... but then he started nodding and asked to lay on the bed on my legs, which he did.

After my brother laid on my legs, I was talking to his friend who also had a shot and then we heard a gurgling/choking sound.... his friend gave me this look and my heart dropped. I looked at my brother he had fell out and puked.... he got some on me and the bed, but the rest was still in his mouth and he was choking on it. We laid him on his side and I literally opened up his mouth with my fingers as his teeth clenched down so he could get the rest out, which luckily he did. However, I started freaking out because I looked at his fingers and they were turning blue as he kept making weird fucking sounds. I was like fuck we need to call 911.... I have bad anxiety and was really worried. His eyes were rolling in the back of his head... he would open them a little and then close them... not respond at all and finally kept them close. His friend was blowing air into his lungs to get him to respond and my brother luckily was breathing again on his own.

So we made sure he was propped up... watched him for twenty minutes... until he woke up and he didn't have a clue what happened. He told us it felt like a dream and that he was at peace... finally he was okay and that we should of just let him die. Then he started calling himself names and almost cried because he couldn't believe what just happened.

It was the scariest fucking thing ever and I literally started crying..... he said he would never shoot again, but this morning he ended up doing some dope with his friend... and he didn't shoot... well said he didn't, but I was sleeping. Well, other shit is also going on between us and we ended up getting in a big fight.... He dropped me off at the place I'm staying and I basically said I don't want to see his face again. He is so fucking selfish and all I wanted was to visit family. I wanted to have a good time and not get involved in dope, but my brother doesn't fucking care. He's just been causing problems back and forth between everyone.... because of him my sister's boyfriend almost beat the living shit out of me. He's on parole though and I threatened to call the cops on him because he raged..... he was smashing the steering wheel in his parents car and started punching himself and freaking out on me because of my brother and saying we all are two faced. That scared the shit out of me because this dude is very violent and even police officers know who he is... and know hes psycho. So I went over to my brother's friends house because my brother was also there and I was depressed enough... then had to deal with my brother falling out that same night.

I just want to go home... don't really have a home... just a place to live, however this whole trip up here is fucking me up mentally.. a lot more than I already was. Just makes me want to kill myself even more. I'm having a huge mental breakdown and I can't handle everything anymore. I can't handle everything being thrown at me.

 

[Vaya]

^Feeling like I don't have a home, either, stayfaded. I hear you.

I've been working,too, so hard these past two weeks in order to right the financial ship in my life.

My boss gave me more hours, I've been coming in on my days off, I've agreed to come in early when others don't show, staying late for the same reasons, and my body and mind are feeling it. My feet hurt so badly that I can't walk - working on my feet that long (4am through mid-afternoon, every day). Usually I come home and need to pass out in order to show up the next day and do it all over again the next day.

And the next.

And my struggles with trying to remain sober - and failing, lucratively - have been taxing my perception of self-worth heavily. That all came to a head last night when,for two hours, I had a wonderful phone call reunion with one of my best and oldest friends in recovery and, after hanging up the phone, realizing that without that in my life, I just feel... Like a frozen, arid, desolate rock. I don't catch the light of the sun, and thus cannot be seen - even by myself.

In this state, do I even want to be seen? I ask myself this all the time.

Invariably, I know, I do.
How to move a lone rock into that fabled light? With neither friction nor inertia at my disposal, movement feels like a distant galaxy. An inextricably distant phantom reality.

I need to rest. My cortex has clearly been spray painted a cornucopia of blues...

 

[bagochina]

Damn SF that sounds rough. When that shit starts happening drug use has way past it's expiration date of fun. Time to regroup and take care of yourself right now. Things will get better. That story reminded me of an OD one of my friends had roughly ten years ago.

NSFW:

My best friend and drug cohort were doing what we did, get high. I think that night it was xanax bars and excellent Nigerian imported heroin that was so rock hard it sometimes took a litte bit to get it into solution. We were stoned and decided to go get malts at a local ice-cream place. Where we ran into a friend who had been living in Colorado at the time. Talk turned to drugs pretty much instantly and he was coming off a tar habit from west coast dope and wanted to get high. I remember sitting in the booth with him and you could tell he was blitz’d on some tranquilizer. We asked him you're not high on xanax, this dope is strong etc. blahblahblah.

‘Nope no xanax here’ was his reply

Yeah ok sure. So lets go get high. We drove back to my friend’s house and we all proceeded to fix up. I remember the Colorado friend [I will call him B] kept egging my other friend [T] on a little bit saying oh come on just a little more dope in the spoon, just a few more pebbles. He got what he wanted. I remember him walking out of the bathroom needle still in his arm seconds after shooting, and saying OH SHIT this shit is strong. He than proceeded to bounce of the walls trying to walk to the couch. He made it as far as the kitchen table where he just fell out. His beer bottle bounced off the carpet spilling all around him as he lays starting to turn blue.

FUCK!!! Shit I knew it. What the fuck are we going to do? We were in a panic the only logical decision was 911 because it just needed to be done so my friend T scrambles around cleaning up all his dope and shit and stashing it under the deck out back. In minutes an ambulance and cop arrived. Questions, questions, questions… I distinctly remember looking at T and he just looked like a ghost pale white, short sleeve shirts we both wore and tracks on our arms.

We told the medics he was an old friend from Colorado and he went into the bathroom and came out stumbling and fell. I said he mentioned something about tar heroin. It was an obvious OD. It took the paramedics awhile to get him with it. Longest and most dramatic I have ever witnessed. Two shots of narcan and he wasnt coming around. One of the paramedics had me holding a saline bag over his head for dripage, after a while [minutes] it was really taking a toll on me watching what was going on and the police officer took over my position. Than they said his heart stopped and pulled out some defibrillator and set it on the kitchen table. I remember thinking this is not good, I still can see the little electronic screen on the machine. They shocked him once with it and something started happening.

By this time they already had him secured to a dolly and in restraints for violence upon waking. B started convulsing and then started throwing up this just black, dark, alien looking puke something I have never seen since. It wasnt your normal charcoal puke, pump your stomach shit. A couple more minutes and he started to come around restrained by the straps he didn’t know what was happening. Me and my friend were just frozen looking half dead ourselves. A few elementary questions from the police officer, he didn’t care he knew what was up and I believe he thought we just went thru quite a shocker and probably thought we would learn our lesson, not for quite a while longer. Have I learned my lesson? What the fuck kinda lesson? Drugs are bad?

B soon started to say he was fine and didn’t want to go to the hospital but it was going to happen no matter what. In seconds everybody walked out the front door and wheeled B out. We shut the door and just kinda looked at each other. I know personally I was used to events like that at that time of my life and I have never really let OD bug me or even as much as I hate to say it deaths bother me. I just kinda wouldn’t think about it, tune it out, I am numb already. I sometimes wonder if by not talking about all those things that happened back than has done something to me. I don’t think so but I can’t tell you for sure. Not dealing with traumatic issues can have consequences.

The rest of the night is kinda hazy. I am sure we shot some more dope and I think we watched some music DVD’s and probably said fuck man what happened a few times. B started to call the house from the hospital wanting us to pick him up. T didn’t want to and I didn’t blame him. I believe his parents ended up getting him and he either continued using for a bit or went into rehab and then continued using for a bit, don’t recall.

The post script of that story was that B passed away OD about 2 months ago and left behind a wife and 3 kids. So sad.

 

[Eveleivibe]

Arrrrrggggg!!!!!! I need to rant about this stupid peer mentor group I started going to n seriously wish I hadn't. I had some peer mentor called Tammy n I just feel awkward around her, awkward silent - don't know what to say etc but no offence but they treat me like a retard n I've had enough!!!!

OK I had an addiction IT DOES NOT MAKE ME STUPID but the way they treat me it feels that way. All I wanted was a friend or company / a group to attend for a few hours - last week they gave me a 'test' which explained what a noun etc is like I'm a 6 year old. I HAVE A PSYCHOLY DEGREE N AM DOING MY MASTERS FOR F***KS. It really is an insult to addicts.

Now this Tammy seems to given other mentors my number as today another one has text me "just to invite you to our drop in tomorrow." Arrrrrrrg I KNOW THE FKN DROP IN IS ON A Thursday I DONT NEED TO BE REMINDED EVERY BLOODY WEEK!!!!

Also last week I went there to hang out n this Tammy comes up to me saying "Evey do u need to talk about anything?" I said "no thank you," then she sits there n we're sitting awkwardly trying to make polite conversation. So I mention to her how I need to increase my suboxone especially now with the holidays coming up memories/triggers n all the BS n how I'm terrified of reducing n she makes some comment about replacing one addiction for another. And i start thinking -
FFS I DID NOT COME HERE FOR THIS!!!!! Not to be judged I get enough of that already besides i should hopefully see the doc tomorrow n its his decision whethere or not I can increase.

On the other hand the other group I attend are the nicest, most accepting n supportive bunch of people I have EVER met. I LOVE THEM!!!! I feel part of the group n accepted.

I'm sincerely sorry for the winge people - but it was either that or send them a nasty message telling them EXACTLY what I think of them n I really don't want to do that. If they continue to contact me I will change my number. I am done with them I really am.

Evey

 

[xstayfadedx]

Damn SF that sounds rough. When that shit starts happening drug use has way past it's expiration date of fun. Time to regroup and take care of yourself right now. Things will get better. That story reminded me of an OD one of my friends had roughly ten years ago.

NSFW:

My best friend and drug cohort were doing what we did, get high. I think that night it was xanax bars and excellent Nigerian imported heroin that was so rock hard it sometimes took a litte bit to get it into solution. We were stoned and decided to go get malts at a local ice-cream place. Where we ran into a friend who had been living in Colorado at the time. Talk turned to drugs pretty much instantly and he was coming off a tar habit from west coast dope and wanted to get high. I remember sitting in the booth with him and you could tell he was blitz’d on some tranquilizer. We asked him you're not high on xanax, this dope is strong etc. blahblahblah.

‘Nope no xanax here’ was his reply

Yeah ok sure. So lets go get high. We drove back to my friend’s house and we all proceeded to fix up. I remember the Colorado friend [I will call him B] kept egging my other friend [T] on a little bit saying oh come on just a little more dope in the spoon, just a few more pebbles. He got what he wanted. I remember him walking out of the bathroom needle still in his arm seconds after shooting, and saying OH SHIT this shit is strong. He than proceeded to bounce of the walls trying to walk to the couch. He made it as far as the kitchen table where he just fell out. His beer bottle bounced off the carpet spilling all around him as he lays starting to turn blue.

FUCK!!! Shit I knew it. What the fuck are we going to do? We were in a panic the only logical decision was 911 because it just needed to be done so my friend T scrambles around cleaning up all his dope and shit and stashing it under the deck out back. In minutes an ambulance and cop arrived. Questions, questions, questions… I distinctly remember looking at T and he just looked like a ghost pale white, short sleeve shirts we both wore and tracks on our arms.

We told the medics he was an old friend from Colorado and he went into the bathroom and came out stumbling and fell. I said he mentioned something about tar heroin. It was an obvious OD. It took the paramedics awhile to get him with it. Longest and most dramatic I have ever witnessed. Two shots of narcan and he wasnt coming around. One of the paramedics had me holding a saline bag over his head for dripage, after a while [minutes] it was really taking a toll on me watching what was going on and the police officer took over my position. Than they said his heart stopped and pulled out some defibrillator and set it on the kitchen table. I remember thinking this is not good, I still can see the little electronic screen on the machine. They shocked him once with it and something started happening.

By this time they already had him secured to a dolly and in restraints for violence upon waking. B started convulsing and then started throwing up this just black, dark, alien looking puke something I have never seen since. It wasnt your normal charcoal puke, pump your stomach shit. A couple more minutes and he started to come around restrained by the straps he didn’t know what was happening. Me and my friend were just frozen looking half dead ourselves. A few elementary questions from the police officer, he didn’t care he knew what was up and I believe he thought we just went thru quite a shocker and probably thought we would learn our lesson, not for quite a while longer. Have I learned my lesson? What the fuck kinda lesson? Drugs are bad?

B soon started to say he was fine and didn’t want to go to the hospital but it was going to happen no matter what. In seconds everybody walked out the front door and wheeled B out. We shut the door and just kinda looked at each other. I know personally I was used to events like that at that time of my life and I have never really let OD bug me or even as much as I hate to say it deaths bother me. I just kinda wouldn’t think about it, tune it out, I am numb already. I sometimes wonder if by not talking about all those things that happened back than has done something to me. I don’t think so but I can’t tell you for sure. Not dealing with traumatic issues can have consequences.

The rest of the night is kinda hazy. I am sure we shot some more dope and I think we watched some music DVD’s and probably said fuck man what happened a few times. B started to call the house from the hospital wanting us to pick him up. T didn’t want to and I didn’t blame him. I believe his parents ended up getting him and he either continued using for a bit or went into rehab and then continued using for a bit, don’t recall.

The post script of that story was that B passed away OD about 2 months ago and left behind a wife and 3 kids. So sad.

It was rough... it really did shake me up and it takes a lot for shit to do that. If we weren't there my brother would have been fucked... I really hope he can stay away. He said that was the last time and really was an eye opener... also the headline of the paper talking about strings of ods happening and a few people died. I hope we both get our shit together before its too late. I talked to my mom and she asked what will it take to save me? That really hit me hard... she then told me she doesn't want her kids to die. Didnt really know what to say.

And I read the story.... wow... I don't know what to say. Definitely can relate... we also said numerous times that night, "what happened?" We then began to group hug (literally did happen aa my brother thanked us as his voice began to quiver). Sorry to hear about B... it sucks how so many people die and shit. I wish I never got involved in this lifestyle. I need to get myself together.

You're right, its not fun anymore especially when you get to this point.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I'm so fucking sick of Xanax! I hate it! I've been doing the best I can to cut my use down and I've been successful but I've also been abusing heroin in place of it, but things are getting better.

It's my best friend and within two months since he discovered "Xanax" he's changed so much. I'm supposed to be his best friend and last night he comes to my house without any notice banging on my door demanding 20 bucks. He's taking about 10mg per day and his excuse is "I'll just get a prescription so it will be okay." It's just pissing me off and I keep telling him how much addiction sucks but he doesn't listen.

Ugh, he's always so barred out I can't deal with it, even if I'm drunk or nodding out he still bugs the shit out of me and kills my high. I'm highly considering cutting him out of my life, and it's hurting a lot. I've also recently met this awesome girl and things are kicking off really well. I'm doing what I can a day at a time to cut my own drug use down, and then I see my best friend going the opposite direction... He's become a total self centered ass fucking hole who can't remember a fucking thing and his ideas and logic is completely out the window and it's so obvious it's because of the Xanax.... yeah thats all, just had to get this all off my chest.

^ LOL it's that "I'll just get a prescription" mentality that'll put him through one hell of a gnarly withdrawal.

Just let him cold turkey. He sounds like he could use some humbling.

 

[hydroazuanacaine]

dude, because you took a few shitty sounding oxy after years of sobriety is hardly a fucking relapse. if you haven't already, do not use that as an excuse to get back into opiates. if you already did, cut it. you won't even get sick. do another drug if you are a junkie in recovery but having a hard time.

 

[neversickanymore]

dude, because you took a few shitty sounding oxy after years of sobriety is hardly a fucking relapse. if you haven't already, do not use that as an excuse to get back into opiates. if you already did, cut it. you won't even get sick. do another drug if you are a junkie in recovery but having a hard time.

+1 lov ya trip

fuck the god damn government health care website.. yeah fuck it in the ass.....

 

[Eveleivibe]

I can't handle anything.
Yesterday I fucked up after a long time and spent the entire day getting loaded on opiates..
Today I am taking it to the next level and making completely irrational decisions
It's getting harder and harder to think an act in a normal manner
It's like, my first initial fuck up has now opened up a gate way off completely unnecessary feelings and actions.

I want to elaborate more, but some of my problems are just too personal to bluelight right now

It's ok Trip.
You had a blip. It happens. We're all here for you if you want to talk. And if you don't that's fine too.
Please don't be hard on yourself. You can get back on the wagon.
Have you considered going to a meeting or is there someone that you could go to for ftof support??? You're not alone ok n no one will judge you - we're all here for more or less of the same thing. Not one of us can hold our hand up n say we've never made a mistake.

CH - sometimes in recovery we need to be selfish. I'm sorry that this is happening to your best friend but you need to concentrate on YOU n if your friend is interfering with your recovery it may be best to cut him out for awhile but only YOU can decide that.
I had a close friend for a year who decided to become addicted to codeine again in fact the VERY SAME tabs I started on.... I kidded myself that I could handle it but I couldn't... I was resemtful, hated her, found fault with everything n eventually we cut contact because I had to put ME first, made me realise I need more suboxone anyway my point is do something about this NOW before your resentment of him grows n has you thinking all sorts line using stronger / other drugs etc.

Please take care of yourselves, ok,

Evey xxx

 

[Eveleivibe]

In tears n just took some citralopram fuck it
Ive just read up on mirtazapine n it has increased appetite n weight gain. WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY DOING THIS? They know I'm upset over my weight. They havwn't listened to anything at all. Im so done with being under valued n it doesn't feel like I'm wanted on here either.
They just want me fat how could they do this prescribe something that would make me put om weight???
F it all it all just sucks

 

[T. Calderone]

How long have you been taking mirtazapine Evey? I took it years ago but couldn't stay on it because my son was a newborn, it was too sedating. But you have a good workout schedule right? Maybe your doc figured you might not be affected too much from it. I hate gaining weight for no good reason.

My aunt just asked me how come I got so fat and do I have lupus? I havn't seen my doctor since 2011 and easily put on 20 pounds since then. If I knew this was going to happen I would have fasted more and I don't eat much at all. I have no healthcare insurance so if I get sick or like last year when I had a stroke, I just go to the hospital. It's so frustrating having health issues and being judged for it.