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Vent/Rant Thread vs 3 (Triggering Content)

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@MOE yea sub is the only thing that will keep me clean & thank god I'm prescribed to k-pins 1mg 3 times a day for anxiety or else id be going crazy. So i have 3 more days until i get my sub...oh god I'm dreading that day.
 
Raze said:
I'm so disgusted with myself. I was doing well tapering off benzos, got from 100+mgs a day to 15mgs, then about 13 weeks ago had a messy suicidal night which led me to completely isolating myself from my friends due to shame. I got ahold of someone I thought might have an opiate link, I was going to buy a large sum of whatever and just end it. The guy bought me heroin, instead of ending my life I just kept using with him and now am completely addicted, dropped out of uni, selling myself, shoplifting. I can't believe what I've become- everything I despise. My last hope is rehab, but I can't afford it and nhs funds are low. Everyday is consumed by drugs, getting enough money for them so I don't go through opiate withdrawal hell.
I just don't know what to do.. I'm going to a substance abuse place and trying to get a script but am too hopeless to make it to appointments, so my addictions just getting worse, tolerance is shooting up, I've started injecting just so I can feel some kind of high. I hate myself so much. I need to end it, I know things wont get better. I can't go a day without using. I hate this drug. I never meant to get addicted, I should of stayed to my plan of taking a successful overdose but failed. My body and mind is a fucking mess, I need a way out.
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Oh Raze I am so very sorry. Please PM me so I can try support you. My addiction was only codeine but it was still addictiin n I'd somehow like to support you through this.
Evey xxx
 
So I have one more day to use :( then after today ill be on the sub and going through full wds off narcotics and booze :!. So ill try to keep posting throughout my sobriety.<3
 
I am very pissed off at women who get tattoos on their arms and show the world that they don't care. Women are supposed to be the creators of life and caring, they have all rejected me and they tattoo themselves and have so much apathy. They show every minute of the day that they don't care about me or the world. It makes me so mad, so freaking selfish, they don't care about anything but themselves, and beyond that they are stupid, so they are feeding a dumb stupid egotistical mind with negative energy and make sure they act like brats to men. They are totally fake. The stupid world taught them, and the world doesn't even love each other, so they are like a mirror reflection of hate that bounces of everywhere.
 
Excuse I have tattoos on my arms and am offended by that
How dare YOU judge others?
Really angry today as im trying to give up alcohol.

Edit: both users ignored i don't come here to be judged Right off to work out.
 
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Rox said:
I am very pissed off at women who get tattoos on their arms and show the world that they don't care. Women are supposed to be the creators of life and caring, they have all rejected me and they tattoo themselves and have so much apathy. They show every minute of the day that they don't care about me or the world. It makes me so mad, so freaking selfish, they don't care about anything but themselves, and beyond that they are stupid, so they are feeding a dumb stupid egotistical mind with negative energy and make sure they act like brats to men. They are totally fake. The stupid world taught them, and the world doesn't even love each other, so they are like a mirror reflection of hate that bounces of everywhere.
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....go on:\
 
Rox said:
I am very pissed off at women who get tattoos on their arms and show the world that they don't care. Women are supposed to be the creators of life and caring, they have all rejected me and they tattoo themselves and have so much apathy. They show every minute of the day that they don't care about me or the world. It makes me so mad, so freaking selfish, they don't care about anything but themselves, and beyond that they are stupid, so they are feeding a dumb stupid egotistical mind with negative energy and make sure they act like brats to men. They are totally fake. The stupid world taught them, and the world doesn't even love each other, so they are like a mirror reflection of hate that bounces of everywhere.
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Lol.

You feel women are selfish because of what they decide to get done to THEIR own bodies? How old are you, dear? You have a lot to learn in life. When you get older, I'm sure you'll understand life/people better.


r2ub8y.jpg


Women with tattoos are hot :p
 
Glad you think that behaviour is acceptable, gr33n. Quite frankly im disgusted with the pair of u n will put you both on ignore. I don't come here to listen to judgemental bigots.

Lol @ pic ab lid. Can't stand people like that. I'm having some more of my sleeve done on Tuesday n have lots on my arms haha
How are you doing???
 
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I'm going to get my half sleeve done in the very near future =D I wish I could get a full sleeve, but I think work would flip out lol. Unless, of course, I just cover with long sleeve shirts or my lab coat =D

I'm doing okay, thanks for asking! Just really tired from my new job so the weekend is my time to sleep as much/as long as I want lol. Oh and my cramps aren't helping either :eek: The joys of being female.
 
Eveleivibe said:
Glad you think that behaviour is acceptable, gr33n. Quite frankly im disgusted with the pair of u n will put you both on ignore. I don't come here to listen to judgemental bigots.

Lol @ pic ab lid. Can't stand people like that. I'm having some more of my sleeve done on Tuesday n have lots on my arms haha
How are you doing???
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wow sarcasm doesn't get by you does it? Ahem I was being sarcastic with his post, I think it's an odd post at that! Well put me on ignore Hun that's fine;).
 
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if it wasn't for hate no music would be good

that's why my pen needs a pad cause my rhymes on the rag
Just like I did with addiction I'm 'bout to kick it
Like a magician, critics I turn to crickets

so please keep hate in your hearts for the good of humanity
 
Ha I like well done sleeves on ladies.. I will dig up this photo I had as desktop background and post it later.
 
I like tattoos in general on males or females. I've been contemplating for about six years now what I'm going to get idk, still thinking on that one. I do know I want a tat on the back of my neck and both of my wrists done.
 
Ace. Would like to see that. Love tattoos x

I AM SOBER!!!!!!!! No alcohol yet I feel restless n have lots of energy pumping through me. I am actually sober in the evening.... WOW! I also worked.
Weeeeeeeee I feel hyped!!!! But still can't get my homeostasis right. Ill feel hot as in sweating n ill feel cold as in shivering n have done sincebeing on suboxone.

I do not understand thus restlessness n the energy its like i'll go through phaises iof feeling that way then I'll have phrases where I'm nodding off n reading the same sentence over n over. Wtf is up with me??? Is the nodding in the day from all the vodka, gyn, barcadi or rum i drink at night cause I can easily drink up to a bottle of it. Strange thing is i used to take that much codeine that by evening i was nodding n could not do anything

Today i haven't n I'm wondering - why am I feel restless n not nodding which I tend to do especially if sit down to read or type something. And when cor how will I regulate my body temperature n again? And now ive started feeling sleepy again.

Please help me work through. Whydo oo
P
E
Evey
 
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Meh I'm not too excited about my doctors appointment tomorrow damn it! I'm actually having major anxiety about the whole Suboxone thing and just telling my doctor that I failed to maintain clean since my last go around with the sub. I just hope my doctor doesn't look at me like a failed junkie, because I'm not I'm just lost and depressed and then I use. At least I have the tits to own up to my addiction, I just pray that he doesn't look down upon me.
 
gr33n3y3z said:
Meh I'm not too excited about my doctors appointment tomorrow damn it! I'm actually having major anxiety about the whole Suboxone thing and just telling my doctor that I failed to maintain clean since my last go around with the sub. I just hope my doctor doesn't look at me like a failed junkie, because I'm not I'm just lost and depressed and then I use. At least I have the tits to own up to my addiction, I just pray that he doesn't look down upon me.
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I hope it all goes well greeneyes and I hope he doesnt look down on you too. If he ever does let me know and I will go over there and nag at him =D
 
Got a Dr's appointment today. Going for a general check up again but mostly to get a referral hopefully to some kind of specialist. My kidneys have been feeling off lately, been having episodes where I feel like they're failing on me. Also my bladder and stomach overall never feel very good. I'm worried a lot of it has to do with my Methoxetamine abuse...

Still sober. Fucking angry as fuck today. Frustrated, pissed off at everything. I'm punching pillows, kicking dresser draws, stupid childish shit and I can't stop. I just want to smoke a bowl to calm down. I can't live life sober, I just can't fucking do this. All the negative thoughts, the negative emotions. I can't deal with it. It makes living not worth it, it really does. I want to live as good of a life as I can, being sober is one way of doing that...but I can't! Every time I'm sober I get such rage, I become so impatient. I'm considering asking my doctor how I can go about this. Maybe I need a low dose script of Xanax or Valium. I don't even like the stuff so I wouldn't be using it to get high (I've abused both before, not my cup of tea anymore). I just need something to take the edge off. I can't live like this, I snap at people, yell and scream...I can't do this :(
 
Okay getting ready to take my first does of sub...I feel like a fuck up, but I know that I'm just bettering myself in the long run. :\
 
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