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Vent/Rant Thread vs 3 (Triggering Content)

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I have no more coke. I have no more k. All my friends are gone, and I'm finishing my last tiny dose of DHC. Why the fuck do I do this shit
 
Stopping clonidine is a pain in the ass. I've been feeling horrible for days.
 
infectedmushroom said:
I have no more coke. I have no more k. All my friends are gone, and I'm finishing my last tiny dose of DHC. Why the fuck do I do this shit
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Drugs are very addicting and it is up to you to have self control over it. Do you consume drugs every day infectedmushroom?
 
Pretty much. Some days I'll have nothing. I have a codeine dependence so for the past 6 months no longer than a day or two without either codeine, DHC or pst (codeienes my doc)

I get very moody after stim use...such was the reason for that post...I use stims very irregularly.. the idea of the impending hangover and no opiates scared me
 
^^ For the most part that's exactly how my coke use went as well. There was however a short period of time where I legitimately accepted the fact that When I come down It won't have been worth it, but somehow that made the high more worth it while it was happening, just knowing what the outcome would be and that I had no power over that made it easier to handle I guess? I don't know.

Suffice to say coke, especially crack, is all bad.
 
It sucks. I live in Australia and our average gear is terrible. This stuff was meant to be above average according to my source and then further research as to what good coke look/feels like backed up that claim.

Even so, i think I'll stick to infrequent MDMA use instead. Atleast I might fucking learn something along the way and be higher for more than 20 minutes; with a comedown I can justify.

Although I can never say I wont use it again, I hope to god I have the sanity not to buy the stuff again. Thankfully price discussion isn't allowed because the prices down here are appaling.
 
Maya said:
Drugs are very addicting
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They are!?!? NO. WAY.

Sorry. I couldn't help that. The wording of your response Maya was just so a smack my head kinda thing <3

I really may need to look into a block for numbers on my phone. I can't fully blame these girls for my daily backsliding, but they make it much more difficult for me to ever get through this first 24 hours of sobriety. Still I need to answer to myself for my fuck ups. I think I'm at least gonna turn off my phone for the first 24 hours.
 
Does it feel like I am nagging you? Hahaha well good then! Snap out of it! ;)

I am not perfect as well as I have relapsed many times but it is your will to fight it that will bring you to a successful long term sobriety so don't you give up son!
 
Maya said:
<3 aw greeney I hope it works out hun
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Thank you it will work out. I'm just nervous about getting back on the sub again, but this time I'm going to give it all I have & stay clean for good this time.
 
gr33n3y3z said:
Thank you it will work out. I'm just nervous about getting back on the sub again, but this time I'm going to give it all I have & stay clean for good this time.
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yep keep fightin it girl! We always gotta try to fight it somehow right? Just try not to give up and give it all you've got. I am here if you need to talk to someone.
 
1. Going to the methadone clinic every fucking morning is slowly destroying my soul. Into the doctor on Monday to sort this out - I'm clean and working whereas I two friends of mine are still using and unemployed yet one gets weekly take-aways and the the other is only required to arrive twice a week for pickups.

Fuck sake - I've been on this clinic (@90mls) since April 25th 2013 and the aim has always been to get my shit together within a year and the progress I've made so far has been huge: I'm acting in a television series, tomorrow I'm signing up to an acting agency and I'm currently on one of my longest stints of sobriety ever...but these daily pick ups are causing a certain yield to all this progress. When I do get a call to come in to work on a scene I have to actually miss my dose for the day, so I'm working while enduring withdrawal which fucks up my progress with the methadone...

Anyone agree that this is just fucking ridiculous? To the doctor on Monday.

EDIT: Make that Tuesday - Bank Holiday.


2. Guess what I just found out? My main from when I was strung out before getting on methadone was mixing the fucking gear with cocaine and I had no idea - so I was strung out on both without a notion in the world.
 
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I know how you feel. I was fed up with going to the pharmacy each day for my suboxone - but the doc has gone easy on me n I go on Monday, Wednesday, Friday now, which is a bit better
 
gr33n3y3z said:
Thank you it will work out. I'm just nervous about getting back on the sub again, but this time I'm going to give it all I have & stay clean for good this time.
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I wish I had an opportunity to get on the sub - just for a week though. I'd never do maintenance. Just 4-5 days on low doses of sub and I usually am off w/ nominal pain. Throw in a benzo and it is a cake walk.

endlessnameless said:
Guess what I just found out? My main from when I was strung out before getting on methadone was mixing the fucking gear with cocaine and I had no idea - so I was strung out on both without a notion in the world.
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Unless you only jacked up that guy's gear I would think it would be pretty hard to miss the effects of IV cocaine. I'd have killed for that connect at one point in my life.

And form what I've seen, MMT is the most dubious of treatments for heroin addiction. Out of countless people I know to have undertaken the program, only my cousin has succeeded in staying off heroin and getting off the methadone. And it took him 12 years. I'm sure it is better than living as an addict though, no matter the case.
 
i think the reason i love what ruins me is because it's familiar it all started as a kid with alcohol and growing up in the hardest part of town i loved starting fights with grown men even when i was only 7 and i'd do anything to win a fight won't go into details cause i'm not sure it i would go to prison for a lot of the shit i did i've grown up a lot since then but i still get attracted to women i know will be bad for me and i still love drugs even though they have brought me to my knees i don't like when things are going good because it makes me uneasy being in that "new" state of mind
 
It has been n extremely stressfull week at work and I'm at my breaking point again. Its really frustrating to work with people who are not reliable and multitasking and has the nerve to give you attitude. Wow hands down!! I'm so done with dealing with people like that. So starting from monday no more work for her. I'm done giving her chances to be productive at work but everytime I try to reach out she does not participate. Thats it for me she can just stay in that position if that's where she wants to be.
 
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