Vent/Rant Thread vs. 2 (POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING)

[Bojangles69]

Ok so yeh still feeling mentally and physically great but starting to take it for granted a bit lately I guess.

I have one fucking cap in my whole mouth and of course last night the back half of it just snaps right off as I'm brushing my teeth. Look in the mirror and oddly my teeth actually look better lol. Mainly because the dentist 18 years ago who capped that tooth (I was like 11 I think) closed in the gap 100% (I naturally have very small gaps between my teeth that was the only tooth right up against the one next to it) and now my teeth do actually look straighter.

The problem is the cap now has nothing to hold it on and I honestly have no clue why the entire thing didn't fall off and expose the skinny carved down shit looking tooth under it. I've always had straight teeth just for that one fucked up tooth when someone threw a rock at my face and chipped it when I was younger. So now everytime I brush my teeth, chew gum, eat, or even drink coffee I'm just worried the front is gonna fall off.

Then aside from my tooth issue all I can really say is I have been extremely perverted lately. Must be because I'm down to 2.25mg of sub now. But I can not control my sex drive and hate it. Today was behind this black girl I work with who is the only black girl in the business and I also happened to realize today she has one of the most insane asses/bodies I've ever seen before in my life. But she is also only 19. I am a fucking grown man. Still knowing that I do not care.
All day long for 8 hours I watched her bend over to bag groceries and I'm not gonna lie I must have peaked at her ass about 300 times today, maybe more. Don't think anyone saw me. And people may hate me and think I'm disgusting for venting this shit but you have to understand if I could cut my dick off and be happy about it I would. But that little mfkr I think was hard for about half of my entire shift today I kid you not. Thats like 4 hours of boner induced mania. I was almost humping peoples turkeys as I was ringing them up I am just really one sad desperate fuck.

I mean I got laid 3 weeks ago but g/damn I just really am a sexually obsessive person. If my game was a little bit better I'd definitely be a full blown sex addict. I think the only 2 things I thought about the entire day today was my tooth and how badly I want to do this black girl. I've never done a black girl I am somewhat intimidated by the roundness of the booty of this one g/damn it is just like nothing I've ever seen before in my life. Almost doesn't seem human how much it protrudes from her tiny little wasit. I'm just a sad sad dog of a man really. Going to go cry now as I masturbate and fall asleep in the fetal position. Thanks for listening lol.

 

[effie]

Hey Bo, moved your post to the vent/rant thread, hope that's okay

Also, hope you are okay. The tooth stuff sounds pretty frustrating.. as does the sexual frustration! Glad that overall you are feeling okay though

 

[Bojangles69]

OMG thats the second time I did that this month lol! I don't honestly even know where I posted that so sorry about that whoevers thread I hijacked. Got me working overtime this week so I'm a bit out of it. And thanks for the kind words I am at least feeling mentally good for the most part just obviously those couple things go me stressing a bit. Everyone have a goodnight time to hit the sack!

 

[effie]

Hehe don't worry, it was the photo thread sleep well!

 

[Midazle]

I've got a herniated disc in my neck which gives me pain I wouldn't wish on anyone. Fucking shooting pain down my left arm and passing out. Well I call in to refill my Oxycodone and my doc isn't in...great. Well the on call is some addiction rehab specialist fucker so me being diplomatic (I have a high level of vocab) I explain to him on a recorded call I don't want shit from him and I just need him to tell my doc to mail my script (yes you can mail CII stuff). The bastard hangs up on me! Great...I get a call on Monday from my doc saying I asked for a script from this guy, he LIED to my doc and said I was drug seeking...she cancels ALL of my scripts..Ive had a herniated disc for 6 months from athletics and degenerative disc disease and another illness that has NO cure (but plenty of pain!)for 3 years. I was on Percocet 5-325 3-4x a day for 2 months...anyways my psychiatrist I see for ADHD couldn't write for opioids and she felt bad since she nearly had to repeat med school from the same things upped my dose of Klonopin from 0.75mg to 2.5mg...I told her I had like one oxy left. I took 2.5mg of Klonopin and 5mg of oxy after literally screaming in pain and I don't feel shit other than slight pain...haven't slept >4 hours in 2 weeks. I took this all 3 hours ago...am I going to stop breathing? I'm so pissed. I was comfortable on the oxy and low dose kpin and I could actually FUNCTION. Now I can't even sit in a chair, hold a pencil, walk for more than 5 minutes. My doctor is nice but now she thinks I'm some massive junky..

Also what are the ethics of this addiction specialist lieing to my doctor on a recorded call? I'm a generally patient and caring person, but all this fucking pain is quite frankly driving me insane and I'd like to know if I can hang the lieing sadist out to dry past his malpractice coverage, then make sure his kids are eating roman noodle tell the end of time in a cardboard box. Anyways wtf do I do for pain? No pain doc tell like 1 month.. Yes this is a rant and a question...

Tldr; some POS doctor lies to my doctor calling me a drug addict and my doc pulls all my pain meds. Can I sue the liar? Also psychiatrist upped my meds to 2.5mg k-pins, wtf is going to happen to me?

----
The withdrawal was near inhuman (though I'm sure others have had it worse). I'll quote myself as directly as possible as to what went down when I called:

Friendly Nurse/receptionist: "***** Internists how may I help you?"
Me: "Hi my doctor was supposed to write a prescription and have it sent statim (latin for right away) to the pharmacy closest to me but that never happened. Since I am partially disabled, I can not drive and both my parents work. Is there anyway I can get a message to my prescribing physician to remind her? Its just inconvenient having pain for even one day..."
Nurse: "Yeah I would but I don't have any contact info or your chart so I'll just page you through to Dr. ****** (the addiction specialist).
Me: "Okay thanks! I appreciate it! I know its saturday and this is not a good time..."
*Cheezy elevator music*
Dr. *******: "Dr. ******* what can I help you with" (pretty sure I heard his wife and kids in the back so his haste made sense)
Me: Hi Dr. ****** is it? First off I want to make clear I am NOT asking you for a prescription but a way to get a message to my doctor as she forgot to refill my pain medic---
Dr. *******: Who's your physician?
Me: Doctor ****** I'm sure she just forgot to mail the script since she doesn't work Fridays or Mondays...
Dr. *******: Well I can't write you schedule II narcotics, that's not why I am here!
Me: Yes I understand the whole drug seeking issue, ethics, me breaking contract with my physician I just need you to get a message to my physician as she does not work on Mondays.
Dr. *******: Well whats the problem? Can't you just call your doctor on Monday?
Me: Well you see she doesn't work on Mondays and my parents both work and I can't physically drive..
Dr. *******: Well whats wrong with you?
Me: Well I have severe pain from not only a herniated disc but ***** disease you see...
Dr.*******: Well I'm not writing you any prescriptions, just call your doctor on Monday!
Me: Well maybe I didn't explain it clearly, she doesn't work on mondays
Dr. *******: Just call her on Monday *Click* (He hangs up on me)

Well my thoughts were, okay he's a typical deuce bag that thinks that since Im 18 I must be a drug addict if Im on oxycodone even for legitimate SEVERE pain. I mean 5mg percs 3x a day? C'mon that's kiddy doses..I just brushed it off.

On monday during school well nearly throwing up from a combination of pain, a cold and possibly early withdrawal I get a call on my mobile. Its not my doctors nurse. Its her, this was surprising since I've never had a physician actually talk to me on the phone! She says:

"I just heard from one of my partners that you called him over the weekend asking for narcotics, he said you had pain from the disc and ***** disease. I just feel like you are totally misusing this drug and I will not refill your script. Sorry."

I was shocked. My doctor has been very good to me for years, and always respects my word. I have called in and told her my discomfort and she was always hesitant to call in any meds but would always have me seen ASAP which I was content with. This time her tone of voice was condescending, flighty and just weird. I went in to see her 3 days later with bronchitis and she and her staff were so "concerned" about it. When I tried to talk to her about what happened she said "I can't talk about this right now I have another patient sorry, and ran off". Now she was a Lieutenant Colonel in the Airforce and chief of Internal medicine as well as a psychiatrist for solders for some time and she doesn't have the balls to be candid with me or even treat me like a human being?

I gave her my word that I was not lying, on top of the fact that she believes I have pain! She knows I'm an honorable person and I've served my community and she is treating my like some scum bag...I could easily go to the ER and get a supply of oxycodone or even oxymorphone as last time I went the ER physician was super nice and had a kid that went to my school (preppy school) so he knew I wasn't some addict, but if you do that enough then well you'll get labeled for sure. Plus the ER sucks..

EDIT: Sorry for the terrible grammar and scatter brained posts but bear with me...I'm on 3mg of klonopin and while it doesn't seam to be doing anything, I'm sure its effecting my typing skills..

I'm so pissed. Not only am I mad about a physician lying, not having pain relief, but its a point of principle. My doctor of 3 years who trusted me just threw that all away because this addiction specialist fucker (who I would like to seriously sue) had a personal agenda and lied through his teeth. I have work, school, and a life. I was a national level athlete a year ago, kicking ass and now I'm a fucking cripple because of this D-bag. I am soooo tempted to hang him out to dry but I will wait to hear the whole story but he's not out of my cross hairs yet (no I'm not going to physically hurt him, I just hope he has horrendous diarrhea, mistakes tylenol for methadone and goes through insane withdrawal while I sue him 3x his crappy internal medicine malpractice insurance coverage).

 

[D n A]

I'm so FUCKING PISSED right now. It's been a while since I've been this angry. I feel like fucking killing someone.
I've been sober nearly two weeks now and I really want to just go out and get fucked up. I want to get so fucked up that I can't see. I've been betrayed by people I loved. Stabbed in the back over and over and over. Constantly being spoken to and treated rudely and just taking it because I don't want to lose that person. No sleep. No food. Fucking up my future. Failing those around me. I'm so stupid. I keep trying to kick myself in the ass, and get back to reality, but I just keep fucking up. What am I doing? What have I done? Why do I let them him treat me like this? Why would she do this to me?
I thought that I had finally fucking hit rock bottom. But someone keeps throwing me down another shovel and tells me to keep digging.

 

[xstayfadedx]

FUCK, everything is going kind of well but then again I don't know. And holy fucking shit I'm setting up my own relapse all over again and I know I shouldn't but then something inside of me is like who gives a fuck? Then I hear myself saying go to NA maybe you can stay on the right road then the other part of me is like if you go to NA you're just going to find some more connects... I really did think about going to NA but I know too many people who go. They all don't know about my problem with drugs. One is a crackhead who does my hair and my mothers...she's off again and on again clean but I'm worried if she sees me she'll be striking up conversations with my mother that don't need to be brough up. Yet the MAIN person I am worried about seeing me is my friends father. He's an ex-crack user but if he sees me there he is going to talk to my friends mother and everyone else telling my friend she's not allowed to hangout with me. Even though we're both eighteen and use to get high together all the time. Its also the fact that I don't want to ever admit I am an addict. Always will be.... Its like who else thinks about using 24/7. Ugh, I wish I could go back to the kid who smoked weed and drank alcohol only occasionally... Those days are long gone. It just makes me shake my head at my ownself knowing that I've done more drugs than someone who's way older than me and have already spun so far down in this road of addiction. In the end I just don't wanna die too many of my friends ect. are dying too young and I don't want to join them.

 

[ErikTheRed]

my cat is such a fucking fag. i hate him sometimes. i think he knocked my glasses off the table and then took them somewhere. i cant find them anywhere and i know i left them on the table.

he purrs so fucking loud too. wtf? im not even touching him and he just starts purring and making this clicking noise. it wakes me up from downstairs and then i cant go back to sleep. then if i let him in the room he starts kneading at the sheets and my leg like hes drinking milk. the other cat is silent and looks like hes humping when he does this. his ass also shakes really loud. they are both gay cats. then theres the biggest cat hes cool though since he never comes inside. probably from all the gay the 2 cats spread.

WHY DID I THINK GETTING ANOTHER CAT WOULD BE ALRIGHT? HES ALRIGHT BUT HES SO FUCKING ANNOYING. WE HAD 2 THAT WAS FINE. THEN I THOUGHT ANOTHER WILL BE FUN. IT WAS FUN FOR LIKE 2 DAYS THEN HE TURNED FAG. FUCK I SHOULD GET A DOG TO EAT THEM
at least i would name a dog. the cats name was "Kayan" when we got him. i thought it was kayak and liked it more but we just call him kitty. such a fucking fuck cat

This post makes you sound completely homophobic. I know this is a rant thread, but you sound completely ignorant. I guess that is my rant- I really despise this kind of ignorant language.

 

[Bojangles69]

Do you single out claustrophobic people too?

His post was obviously in good humor. You sound just as ignorant tbpo.

 

[Dave]

Replace "fag" with "ni....", and you'll get why he's upset. And I, for one agree with him-- in context it was used as just a general derogatory term toward his cat, but the nature of the derogatory is offensive. Claustrophobia isn't a form of bigotry, and as such is not a valid comparison.

 

[madog11]

Arrrrghhh... not drug related but need this vent. My stupid fucking housemate told me yesterday that she was moving out today. Has totally screwed me as i cant afford my rent at the end of the month now. So now i have to pack up and move fast! I could move into a shared house but have amassed a whole house of furniture that i don't want to give away and couldnt sell in time... not that it would be worth it anyway... wtf! why are people such complete cunts!!

 

[InhaleDeep]

I hate being sober. I would give anything to get completely drugged out for the next few months. Or for the rest of my life, for that matter. I'm just too lame to face reality, always have been.

 

[Bojangles69]

Replace "fag" with "ni....", and you'll get why he's upset. And I, for one agree with him-- in context it was used as just a general derogatory term toward his cat, but the nature of the derogatory is offensive. Claustrophobia isn't a form of bigotry, and as such is not a valid comparison.

Yeh idk but where do we draw lines he wasn't even refering to a human being?

I call my dog a fatass at least once a day if anyone is just going to read that word online and get offended over it I feel more sorry that they have no life then the fact they are likely fat. We just seem to like to call a lot of different types of people "bigots" now and days even when its not really justified.. just because 1 word was said its like we don't even care what the persons real intentions were anymore.

I mean are you actually getting offended at the word or the person? If he said "my cats a faggot and I hate faggots" idk that seems like reason to call people out. Anything else seems like overly sensitive pc bs.
I do have an issue with analyzing things too much though maybe I'd feel different if I was gay idk. I just know I'm italian and if you call me a guido I laugh at you. "Fag" the "N word" were all orginally developed to refer to something specific. The n word one just dates back to slavery I believe and was just used to refer to blacks. It never became offensive till someone used it offensively then everytime someone said the word afterwards we lost the ability to percieve it as a neutral term. Same thing with fag. At one point it just meant a male homosexual. Now apparently it means gods hates fags. We just love to overreact about these things in society maybe its good maybe its bad I don't honestly know I just know I think its for the most part .... well idk... lame.

 

[panic in paradise]

i havent been wanting to do this, but i am going to need to stage a reverse-intervention...


"... what do you want me to do about it?!?"
try

_________________________________
while working on old 70's retired naval ships,
cough***
my lymph-nodes began swelling and dying off, then
my WBC's were marked as elevated in my, an odd test...
here i am with them swelled up again in my arm-pits,
and im sweating profusely but its 63 degrees in my house...
high blood pressure is when i start smelling copper and sweating, as if there is a penny
in my mouth - like atm, along with the sweat.

 

[Dave]

Bo: the word is a hurtful slur. That is the point of the word; it is meant to hurt. It never had a neutral connotation, or if it did, it certainly doesn't now. Sure, it was directed to an entity that such a term would not usually be directed, but (IMO) that is not the point. Would it be appropriate to say "my cat was such a fucking nig...!" I'd say, no. N... used to simply refer to a person of West African ancestry, but it is certainly not used in such a way now.

But anyway, we probably should continue this discussion via PM if we're going to. This has gone past Venting to a debate, and while I love a good in-depth discussion this isn't the place for it.

@PIP: I'm trying to picture what that would entail, and am having a LOT of trouble.

 

[panic in paradise]

@PIP: I'm trying to picture what that would entail, and am having a LOT of trouble.

i have had some people offer already, psychiatric and drug/alcohol counselors....but, i didnt like the sound of it.

at the end of the day, this though, i/we are actually sick of this.
... they wont have any part, if it isnt believed to be about me, only.
if they think they are going to be questioned, it wont happen.


the(MY) wording is what is difficult, an intervention is an intervention.

 

[panic in paradise]

they also offered me a job, and want me to speak to groups there, im not a nut .. but. i would much rather work p/t at a local store that sells Indian food and herbs, and has a massive wine selection, of whom the distributor i personally know, and made a shit load of money for in all relativity, for a small local convenience store.

she would absolutely remember me as great wine-salesman.lol.from after i was working on those boats, and from before i got sick.
but, i need my family to hear me, them saying i am an amazing inspirational person means nothing until they do something about themselves.

my family, i just want them to hear me, and help me, help them leave this damn state for starters.

 

[Bojangles69]

Friend told me I inspired him today! I love when people tell me that its a really nice feeling and obviously most people don't get told that everyday.

Everyone is over my house drinking/smoking pot & watching wrestlemania (I think thats what it is I don't really watch it) and I was busy blending veggies/fruits down and cooking my grains for tommorow. Had just came home from work. People were looking at me like wtf when I turned the blender on (lol its my fucking house I live here too fuck PPV). Then someone asked me and I just explained how different I've felt and all the benefits of a healthy diet.

Dude wound up being really knowledgable about health just not real motivated about his own. He said just by how "drastically" different I look he is now going to start eating better tommorow. I was way more talkative he also observed and said I even come off more cocky (I'm not really cocky irl just very sarcastic sometimes). I just really do feel good in my skin focusing on nutrition like this has been by far the most beneficial thing I've ever done before. And my anxiety and depression seem to have smoothed out a lot. I was not horribly depressed but was definitely a bit depressed. Very irritable a lot of the time now I just feel so easy going and relaxed all the time. Its only been about 3-4 weeks but my skin seems lighter and redder almost like a gym glow its weird. Well I have ben running too when I wasn't before either.

Today it was BUSY AS FUCK worked 9 hours fast paced retail food for thanksgiving. People all being cheap and aggressive about their discounts but still guess what? It just didn't get to me. I'm not really particularly angry about anything that happened today and the one irate customer I had wound up siding with me at the end of our tiny arguement and becoming very nice. I could have responded bad, I did not. I feel pretty chill right now and am not even high. How fucking weird all of this shit is now? Even work can't stress me out. Going to be earlier, WAKING UP earlier. G/damn this can easily become my new long term addiction. What do I have to complain about ?

..really..

What? My job? What I get paid? Not having a gf? That I'm short? Just graduating from college and being in debt? Being addicted to drugs? I can complain about anything I want. But thats not original. Original is just being happy.

 

[xstayfadedx]

The other day I was at the table and my mom had her rite aid bags full of different things. Then I noticed one bag and thought it was something else but no it was her bottle of hydrocodone (a new bottle full of more than 60 it looked like). Ugh now I can't stop thinking about them and I found myself looking for them today but couldn't find them ): I felt bad looking for them anyways so I didn't try again but the addict in me wants them so bad.

 

[S.M.F.G]

I'm not gonna go on a huge rant here less to say im just fucking pissed off, this last week ive been kicked down to near rock bottom ,fallen back into bad habits, and it seems that the universe will send me one or two good days a month IF IM LUCKY... and the rest theres always some kind of physical or emotional problem dwelling in me racing thru in concentric headfucks or some other form of fucking bullshit thats distressing me in one way or another.
Cant a motherfucker have some more good days for the effort I put in? That sounds fucking selfish but i cant fell that atm as well as a range of other emotions, im just an angry blank pad today, Void of anything but still very angry. but not letting it out.