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Vent/Rant Thread 1 (POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING)

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If you do not accept yourself as you are right now, you will still not accept yourself no matter how productive and successful you become. Obsession with personal development and improvement is the same thing as drug dependence; it is based on a lack of acceptance and a constant need to change in an attempt to feel better.

You are identified with your behaviors but these are just behaviors and your value is independent of them. By changing how you feel about yourself and how you perceive the world you will change your experience of it and your behavior will change without effort.

You can do everything possible to improve yourself but if it is all based on self-hatred it will not provide the results you are looking for. Your life is an external reflection of your inner state so the only way to make lasting changes is to work with the cause rather than the effect.
 
I can relate man... i'm such a mess these days i spend half my day finding ways to feed my head to fill the void that opiates used to. I find that when i am working the depression goes away somewhat because i feel i have more purpose but i am out of work right now and its a project just to keep my room clean.

I seem to always want to get high and stay in my comfort zone on the computer... it's gotta stop at some point. Wish i had some real advice for you but i can't help. Your story reminds me of mine A LOT and i am the same age.
 
I hate when people owe me money

I'm a pretty laid back guy and quite understanding, so I let it slide for a while, but then people make me hunt them down and I have to be kind of a dick to get the money that I'M OWED. When I finally do collect it's like they're doing me a favor; so annoying.
 
Carl Landrover said:
I hate when people owe me money

I'm a pretty laid back guy and quite understanding, so I let it slide for a while, but then people make me hunt them down and I have to be kind of a dick to get the money that I'M OWED. When I finally do collect it's like they're doing me a favor; so annoying.
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I hate that. An aquaintance has told me he'll pay me the money he owes tomorrow. But he's fucked me around for weeks now, and I've run out of patience. If he doesn't pay up tomorrow I'll be getting a couple of mates to send him my regards, so to speak.
 
There is not a single day that goes by that I do not think about what someone attempted to do to me, has done/and probably still is doing to others.

Stay the FUCK out of my head...you sick, sick fuck!
 
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I seriously need to review my social circle and stop hanging out with the liers, freeloaders, two-faced cowards, and shit-stirrers.
 
SOoO:
dont take this wrong, and i am speaking from experience, but dont give that sick fuck the credit of controlling your emotions further.
its something else that takes acceptance, and time... you arent just going to forget, and thats not good if you did. but knowing the immediate danger and fear, harm is over will break it down eventually.

sounds like a pathetic simpleton who loves to control people, with fear by using particular means that somehow manifested in that form.

you can honestly be as assured that he was arrested, shot, or crippled, in a automobile accident - as assuredly as you can hes out playing predator still.


any awful circumstances which i cannot control, and knowing that accepting them helps, but snt helping. then the realization that~ everything is happening all the time everywhere ~puts my emotional and physical pain into a new realm of prospective.
one where i am forced to hear, see, feel the pain of others, and how my pain doesnt have to make more sense then theirs does, and that i must accept just as they should.
i have to.


_______________
iam about to go stir-crazy in here...
i need out, people, sound im not controlling/glasses and silverware, conversation, shared ideas, people bustling about, sashimi, fresh air, the sound of the air blowing through a car window, cars honking, lights, smells, a turn a round to get a movie, the long way home...

stimulation of senses, and mind..!
to speak.
to listen.
to laugh.
 
panic in paradise said:
SOoO:
dont take this wrong, and i am speaking from experience, but dont give that sick fuck the credit of controlling your emotions further.
its something else that takes acceptance, and time... you arent just going to forget, and thats not good if you did. but knowing the immediate danger and fear, harm is over will break it down eventually.

sounds like a pathetic simpleton who loves to control people, with fear by using particular means that somehow manifested in that form.
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^ Control would be the understatement of the century. As would other things. The part you mentioned in regards to not letting abovestated "sick fuck" have the power to control my emotions further, is completely how I honestly feel. It doesn't upset me that you said that the least bit, as those are akin to my thoughts. Since early childhood, I have ALWAYS been the type of gal who would not give someone the power to upset me. With that said, the fact that I AM this type of person who is normally strong to a fault, is BRUTAL in this situation. It just ends up manifesting itself in anxiety. I get flashbacks, panic attacks, heart palpitations, high blood pressure, feeling as though the walls are closing in, ect. Those are the things that make me feel as though the control I want to have—that power I do NOT want to give that person—is harder to attain. Like you said, though...the more I continue to conclude that I am free from harms way, and that honestly in all reality, I have won the battle (not the "sick fuck"), the more I will be able to break free.
 
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i really wish that YOU WOULD WASH YOUR FUCKING DISH'S!

I am not my brothers keeper. I refuse to wash any more of ur fucking dishs.
 
well that all sounds assuring.
:)

from a different prospective:
"I get" flashbacks that = "panic attacks, heart palpitations, high blood pressure, feeling as though the walls are closing in, ect."

you had mentioned recognizing triggers previously with drug use, do you recognize the triggers for the flashbacks?
this may turn the tables on many your addiction traits.
dealing with each will become progressively easier, i think.
or ive experienced.
 
i was cutting grating oneday at work and it smelled just like crack. i had to step back because my heart started to race, and i started to get that feeling.
it suckd because i couldn't go to my boss man and tell him lol.
so i toughd it out and told myself that its bad to breath this stuff. hahaha


but yeah.. the dishs in the sink are piling up :|
 
roommates who don't wash dishes......the bane of having roommates.

this world is very unfair. I think I might boycott the news.
 
not the same "type" of trigger, but... same affect over all.
ive wanted a chance to post now, for YEARS lol that at this really really cool painting job i had, AMAzing houses, 10+million dollar homes, sanding the chips out of $15k doors... sounds silly, but sanding those beautiful doors, was like s e x!
and i was trying to keep my jaw up, when i was asked to do the job, refinishing wood, is very therapeutic, sensualll, $$$ if talented D's its a very underlooked functional art, and it literally gives life back to the wood.

i used and abused cocaine for a long time, and i would hunt out triggers in people, invoking them, and soon either moving on, on giving them some f'n coke/or myself rather.
but there was a primer used only a few times-
that stuff, after forgetting what it smelled like from so many years, brought it flying back in, i really really needed my ventilator back on, back it made wonder, remember, and wonder WTF this smells way too much like a lot of it.
?-cut!
idk, some ingredient in there...
 
Feeling blue, but on a phone so I don't want to type an essay. So in lieu of that:

Bumppity!
 
i cant stop farting. my stomach hurts, these farts fucking SMELL and i think i need to go to sleep with a piece of toilet paper in my undergarments so that i dont wake up with hershey's kisses on my bedsheets.

geesh, can fentanyl cause diarrhea? or really bad smelling gas, thats loud and painful/hot? the kinds of farts that crust up on you and kinda hurt after a minute- pardon the vulgarity. im just as pissed as my asshole hurts and i keep farting and that makes it worse

plus the room smells and im out of febreeze.
shit.
 
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