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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Vent/Rant Thread 1 (POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING)

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^ Hope you might meet some new people there, keep an open mind, there are other places to find friends. Although it sucks in transition, it will be worth the effort if your own life is on track- keep yourself at the top of your agenda, even if the change is temporarily difficult.
Good luck with the job! <3
 
Uh! I don't get how someone can get SO hung up on ONE bad interaction with someone (even if they represent a large group of people that they should have NO problem with) that they would always talk nasty about the WHOLE group but if you just forgave them...then they could be a GREAT asset. Christ in a small community you have to forgive people or you will have NO ONE on your side!
 
What's the deal with mothers??? There are few people that I get angry with but it is like she was specifically designed to push every single button I have. Everybody goddamn time I go there is another comment about how I never visit, blah blah blah. Always snide little remarks that are made out to be jokes but they are really her passive-aggressive way of saying what she wants to say.

Half the time I've spent in therapy is dealing with family bullshit and then I have to deal with comments about me not spending enough time there even though it's for my sanity! If ever I have kids it's damn sure that I won't be some Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde that programs my kid to live in fear and then wonder why they don't want to be my best friend for the rest of their life.

Oh and I just quit smoking so maybe that's why I'm feeling so bitter. I don't care though, I'm dragging everybody down with me!!! *ROOOOAAAARRRRR* ;)
 
my mom is this way...

except she thinks its funny, and she does it with others, at best with the people i knew whom where not the silliest or most humored. she stares them through in this mousey way, then BAM.
out-comes the truth in a colorful, "how do i take this" manner.

~
lol
 
People pleasing annoys me! I have been/am subject to it myself but I dont respect it in myself without some kinda substance behind it, just seems dumb otherwise. Really though, some people can't even admit to that they are gutless -wonders and hide behind, well basically nowt, cause they cant even create the illusion that they are hiding. Ah its funny, although I am far from clever, I sure as hell could do better than that. Maybe am just older. Good. Thank heavens for vapid, gutless- wonders and all they have to not say:) ;)lol
 
@ carl labdrover:

25, 20,35, 40, 82...

these numbers are not the sum of oneself...
if you worry about time too much; fear it. the virtues and priceless lessons learned from it will pass by.

myself, if i woke up younger, id be damn pissed!!!
ive been through fucking hell! annnd, im not doing it again.
if i dont have to
the acumen of age, is truly priceless.

~:-)
 
Asclep: Thanks <3 Vapid, gutless wonders! That's a line that I've got to keep for future use

PIP: Do you avoid or accept? ;)
 
with my own inert-spirit Legerety, i proverbiat 'or'; and leave it out the structuring & context of words like "I" & "myself" -- as to prevent any possible furthering confusion...

... get it? got it. gooood.

~;-)
 
last week it was 30F at night, 55F during the day. this week it's fk'g 80F and the sun is blazing. so naturally when i got home the a/c, the *NEW* $4000 heat pump a/c, was fk'd up cuz it's hotter inside than outside. i can't stand crap breaking down. i'm not a plumber, electrician, carpenter, roofer, a/c tech but, because there are so many incompetent rip-off assholes in this god forsaken swamp, i have to figure out how to fix 90% of the crap myself. like the friggin' a/c -i flipped the breakers and it came on. but now i'll be paranoid and listening to hear it cycling properly instead of sleeping. this weekend i get to climb on the roof and put that nasty tar stuff around the plumbing stacks cuz last time it rained there was a big puddle in my bathroom.
very soon i get to turn into tv repair person too cuz all of a sudden the tv has started to randomly turn itself off for no reason.
i'm so friggin' agitated, aggravated, overwhelmed, and exhausted i'm gonna lose it. i can't do this anymore.
fuckin 80 degrees in february... wtf??? i used to think this goddamn swamp was purgatory but wrong again. it's Hell and my hair is burning.
-izzy
 
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it was 63-67F in my house the past few nights/days, my cat and i both were pissed.
but i know what its like to have your fans churning muggy air all around too...

im so so tiered of doctors, asking for anything, depending on for everything.
especially when it comes to shit like klonopin... i suppose the safest thing to do is go
to the ER in the morning... maybe 2 hours worth of benzo's in my system and 10 left, until what would probably be wednesday and its hardly sunday/

i took Lyrica, ~40mgs. i stopped that stuff after two 75mg pills in a day for a reason, a bad ones but this was not worth it. neurotin i can tolerate, the burning skin sensations come after it has built in my system, and i get 'migraines' after so much.
there is still the CNS storm going, and now itchy burning flashes on my arms and chest, and i feel messed-up, which im not accustomed to or feel very thoughtful while being; disruptive and not pleasurable.

fucking sick of it.
but, maybe next week this time ill not be on the opioids, for a much better reason then to not be on them, but to not honestly them;; because of reasons like this with the lyrica etc.
then maybe, hopefully be off the klonpin by my B-DaY.
 
^ That sounds awful... I hope next week is an improvement for you, hang in there(an overused cliche but meant sincerely all the same) ;)<3
 
t/y
its very strange feeling, laying on my side there is still some pain at the bends of my ribs, my leg doesnt hurt constantly either, only if i place it off sitting, or move it wrong; stairs are still pain, but...

im very very annoyed with how insatiably hungry ive been, im dead damn serious when i say, this and more has been 24/7 since 11/23/09 at 1:50-ish pm...
so hungry though, not an empty sensation, or no thought of food for up to 3 days straight often, now, i eat a "large" pizza, and its like a piece of bread after 15 minutes. my poor fkn body, im trying to not gooble stuff like pizza, but lots of pears :) grains, cereal, rice-pudding :) cheese, blue-berries, peanut butter, chocolate, pecan pie (which ive detested since a wee') cashews, fishes.

yeah, more in 3 days then in a week for me, since.

going to check my mail was awful, just pain and exhaustion for 15-20 minutes afterwards.
idk what to say, i feel like collapsing and sobbing with relief, that these pains in-particular ( theres more established arthritic jazz ) but thats a different story... im just enjoying moment by moment for now.. my god, to breath painlessly easlyli.kgkj

feels like utter luxury.
 
I think my group of friends think I'm gay. I had some deep issues from the result of a lot of stress and a bad roll that amplified it. I went crazy and was depressed for months suffered from depersonalization and other things. I started making up conspiracy in my head and when I was explaining one to my friends when I was messed up I said something like "my boyfriend" instead of "my mom's boyfriend". I saw them both look at each other and their reactions on their faces looked shocked.. The thing is I didn't bother to tell them I didn't mean that and just told them to take me home (we were smoking in a car).

I now feel when ever I am around them I feel like they can hold that against me or something. Last time I was with one of my friends I was talking to him about this girl I met named Alex.. I couldn't think of her last name and then he said a last name of some dude.. Idk if he was joking or not but it made me feel agitated. Another recent time is my friend was talking to me about this online class we are both taking together and we decided not to go that day and my friend Billy (who i'm cool with and doesn't think i'm gay) said "fuck it" and my other friend thought he said fag it and laughed asking if he called me that which i quickly corrected what he said..

I'm 18 and a virgin and I'm not gay. Although I have nothing against them, I'm all for equal rights, and my best friend's mom is bi. Being in high school where every one says "no homo" and "that's gay" is annoying. I even heard my basketball coach talk shit about gays, he's an old guy who also teaches pe classes. I sometimes feel it's worse for me to not go with flow and bash on gays like my friends do on high school do.. So any ways it feels good to write this out. Even if no one reads my block of text.

I might be shrooming with these guys next weekend, I'm trying to bring a friend I know doesn't feel that way about me.

On a side note about when I was messed up from my bad roll.. It really ruined my first semester of senior year. I have never felt depression before. When I was in my pre-calc class it totally fucked me up, I started thinking about how math could be used in terrible ways against people. I do think it woke me up to the harsh realities of the world though, and made me think of things I didn't think about before (how shitty people can be, how easy people hate and are manipulated) When I was messed up in the head I thought I was god and the devil the same time for a little bit, and realized how hard of a job it must be for god, and how lonely the devil is.

So this probably sounds like i'm a nut. I took a big break from drugs and have only smoked and drink a couple times since the big incident. It took me a while to recover from the depersonalization. I feel a lot better now though and don't think crazy shit like i was. This was the only thing bothering me as I have kept it all to myself.

If any one wants I'll add more about the crazy shit i thought up of. lol
 
I Cannot TOLERATE FAKE FUKIN PEOPLE who go round and act like their shit doesnt stink when in fact they are master manipulators who most people cant see through....GRRRRR!
EGO's run fukin riot....makes me sick! Sick of coming across people like that in my life, had to deal with toomuch of that shit all my life, dont want to even think of people like that let alone be expected to kiss thier ASS! Fukin Hypocrites!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:X:X:X
 
^^FUCK EM!!

I can't tolerate myself this week. Too much of everything, avoiding reality at all costs. Need to clear out this daze and come back to the world of thought and emotion.
 
Two words: relationship problems. Egh fuck life.

All the time, when a girl likes me, I don't like them. I'm not one of those slimy snobs "Oh she's not hot? DAMN WHY DO I ALWAYS GET UGLY CHICKS!!". It's just that I don't like them back. Then sometimes when I know that someone's not in my league, I feel like I'm not in their league when I decide to do anything serious with them.

Also, the people who DON'T.FUCKING.UNDERSTAND.SUBSTANCES. This girl who asked me out a week ago who I decided to give a chance with started bitching to me. She starts texting me "Crack is whack stop doing it omgomgomogmomomomg hyperventilate" and I respond "I don't do crack...do you even know what crack is?.." then she's like "Don't do drugs" and I say "I don't do any besides alcohol." then once again she tells me not to do crack. I have only done Hydrocodone (but it's not something I want to do again, and it was only once so I don't consider myself a drug user, although I do plan to do some psyches in the future). Stupid bitch has no idea what she's talking about. She can't tell the difference between fucking crack and weed. Huge difference, bitch.

^Paraphrasing all of the quotes.

And I've been wanting to get this off my chest. I hate hypocrisy. We ALL are hypocrites. If you say you aren't one, then you are one. We all hate when other people talk shit about someone, but then we talk shit about people too. It's one of those elements in life you can't stay away from. Bugs the living shit out of me. I fucking hate myself sometimes.

But hey, there are good things. This girl who I think I like has been giving me strong ass signals. :)
 
I'm pretty frustrated with the people surround me. Everyone always talks about relatively unspectecular stuff like it was lifechanging. "Oh my god, you can't get a good joob without having at least one year exchange to a foreign nation during your school time." Seriously, like it was important objectively, but somehow it just turned into something that was necessary to get a job, kind of like it was in fashion.
what the fuck when i did start typing this ? <enjoy - OverDone>. lol just read through it, im really such a miserable fucker.

Er dont worry, th world will be fine in the end :)
 
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i have been repetitively bashed by this life-
questioning this is useless i know.
but i believe im to the point where i may ask of
-
i do not wish to take anything from.
its been proven i have a life worth living,
very much so.
ive grown a great respect for life-
i have faith and art, know of love and pain.
i bare these accumulations, and am sick
of not receiving, or demanding more results.
 
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