Vent/Rant Thread 1 (POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING)

[Help me please]

Your gut is trying to tell you something about this wedding...as in don't go! So don't. Not only will you save money but you won't risk losing your sobriety. Send a token gift and your apologies and then call a local friend and go out for a movie and dinner. You won't be ruining anything since you aren't in the wedding party.

 

[RedLeader]

^ Ya I thought about that, but there are a lot of people attending this wedding I have not seen since college and it would be fun to catch up. Plus a friend of mine is catching a ride to the wedding with me, and I don't want to leave him stranded. But ya, not going is tempting.

 

[Help me please]

RedLaeder, maybe that would be the friend to take out to dinner and a movie. Just saying...maybe that person has no interest in going either. There can be other times for a reunion with the rest of your buddies. Hey, maybe a college reunion? (I'll just smack me for that remark).

 

[RedLeader]

Ya I honestly don't think the friend is too keen on going either. But I've already put money down on the hotel, gifts, etc and RSVP'd. I might as well go. I'm just doing a bit of venting

I'm definitely NOT going to my HS 10 year reunion, though. No way in Hell. Looking forward to the first college one, though.

 

[Help me please]

Then I hope you have a wonderful and safe trip

 

[Help me please]

I'd like to vent please. I love my only grandson, who is 4 and a half, more than anything in the world. I babysit him 5 or 6 days a week. Sometimes I have him for 12 hours at a time. He is a handful to put it mildly. An only child, extremely bright and inquisitive and asks questions about everything. Tonight we were printing new checks and he had his face right up to the printer as it was working trying to see inside and figure it all out! He can drive already (for a year now)! Point is when I was on my full meds he was a handful. Now he is causing me to panic at times. He knows grandma is "sick" and I noticed today he was acting out to push my buttons. My son had called to tell me he was doing something with his new x box at home. So why couldn't he come get his child? Why do I babysit when he is home from work? He can take a shower and nap and eat and come get the child. My daughter in law doesn't do that but she works more evenings and son doesn't. When I had my surgery I still had to babysit the day afterward! I was leaking spinal fluid FFS! I feel like a doormat.

Ok thanks for reading. I'll be fine. I'll put some tunes on...2 hours till next dose of morphine and then I can go to sleep for the night.

11:40 pm, daughter in law called and asked if I would watch the baby Saturday night while they go out. I will have him from 6:30 am till 4:30 pm but they will pick him up so I can take a nap. Rotflmao...yeah my family is nothing but predictable. I said yes but not past 11:30 pm.

 

[Carl Landrover]

My best friend from college is getting married next weekend. We were best friends for four years. Ya, we went to different grad schools and have only seen each other a handful of times in the past few years, but based on who IS in the wedding party and who is not (ME), I feel kind of hurt. Ya, I get to save money and stuff, but it's still just a wierd feeling.

Anyway, the registries for the wedding gifts are for two stores: Sack's and Macy's. All of the wedding guests from out-of-town are being asked to book rooms at the Hilton (reception taking place at Hilton). Plus travel costs, cost of a new dress shirt, temptation to get drunk on free alcohol at the reception when I've been doing the whole sobriety effort, etc. I am going to be bankrupt

Not looking forward to this wedding.

Do you know how many people are in the wedding party? There's usually some limitations.

Weddings look incredibly stressful. I work at a banquet hall and we do a good number of weddings every year. There are so many decisions to make for a wedding and I really only know specifics of things that are at the banquet hall and during the wedding.

With that being said, figuring out who was going to be in the wedding party was probably 1 of 1000 difficult decisions your friend had to make for the wedding.

 

[Help me please]

This is serious for me! I have so much anxiety right now that it feels like those first two days on my lowered opiate dose!

We have fed birds and squirrels for years. We go through about 200 pounds of feed each week. This morning, my husband and I were at the dining room table having breakfast and our grandson was also eating though he was looking out the window for his baby squirrels and bunnies when he said "grandma, we have a mouse". So I got up and looked and Oh my MF'er, we have a Rat! It was eating on the ground alongside the morning doves and grackles! I am freaking out. Told the husband to go get bait and now. I want the feeders to go but he said no. Said he will bait and see what happens. I tolerate mice (outside) but rats are just a problem for me! The anxiety is out of control right now. I am scared to death. Help please!!!!

EDIT: I missed the point of my own post...If the clonidine patch can keep the anxiety from tapering/WD's away why isn't it helping with normal anxiety (the rat)? Husband has baited eveywhere and is weed wacking around the garage where the rat was seen coming from. I never park in the garage and it is detached so at least that's a good thing!

 

[**hAyzzZZ**]

Mmm I'm feeling the repercussions from the most lengthy drug binge I've been on since I was a full blown addict. It's not just my DOC, it's things I normally had no interest in taking. It's giving me huge anxiety using so much drugs again, so frequently. I can't get a good night's sleep, it's causing me to get stressed out easily and slip way too quickly back into old habits. They die so hard with me, every fucking time. Proof I can't just have 'one more weekend' doing this shit. I'm so burnt out, it's mentally, emotionally, physically exhausting and painful.

 

[n3ophy7e]

^^ Yep, the same thing happens to me too if I have a bender these days hun, I really feel your pain. I dunno how we used to do it regularly to be honest.
The bad feelings will pass

 

[phactor]

I hate my job and do not want to do it anymore. Its shit pay and puts major fucking stress on me all day and effects my sleep at night. Gotta keep taking the steps to get out of it.

I am saving up extra money so I can quit and take a month or two off while I look for a new job. Housing or food will not be an issue. If I keep reminding myself I will not be doing it for much longer then its better.

 

[User Name Here]

^ Seriously? Umm I am not going to ask the obvious, but if you start getting pain, I'd take that to a hospital, man.

--

Bottle rockets right near my apartment this morning at 8am? Seriously? Almost as bad as the landscapers!!

I'm seriously beginning to think that the landscapers target me by mowing grass directly below my window and mine alone every Tuesday starting at 8 a.m. on the dot. It just so happens that on Tuesdays I am able to sleep in. They must have found out and decided to come around for a rise out of me 8)

 

[User Name Here]

I'd like to vent please. I love my only grandson, who is 4 and a half, more than anything in the world. I babysit him 5 or 6 days a week. Sometimes I have him for 12 hours at a time. He is a handful to put it mildly. An only child, extremely bright and inquisitive and asks questions about everything. Tonight we were printing new checks and he had his face right up to the printer as it was working trying to see inside and figure it all out! He can drive already (for a year now)! Point is when I was on my full meds he was a handful. Now he is causing me to panic at times. He knows grandma is "sick" and I noticed today he was acting out to push my buttons. My son had called to tell me he was doing something with his new x box at home. So why couldn't he come get his child? Why do I babysit when he is home from work? He can take a shower and nap and eat and come get the child. My daughter in law doesn't do that but she works more evenings and son doesn't. When I had my surgery I still had to babysit the day afterward! I was leaking spinal fluid FFS! I feel like a doormat.

Ok thanks for reading. I'll be fine. I'll put some tunes on...2 hours till next dose of morphine and then I can go to sleep for the night.

11:40 pm, daughter in law called and asked if I would watch the baby Saturday night while they go out. I will have him from 6:30 am till 4:30 pm but they will pick him up so I can take a nap. Rotflmao...yeah my family is nothing but predictable. I said yes but not past 11:30 pm.

Aww I'm sorry they are walking all over you but the only reason they're doing so is because you let them (I'm sure you realize this but I thought I would say it anyway because it makes me angry to hear about sweet people such as yourself picking up where others are leaving off only to get taken advantage of in a huge way). Put your foot down already! You have a life too; you need to tend to your own things and not put everything on hold for them, ESPECIALLY if you are sick! I really hope you're able to find the strength to say "no more" at some point =/ I hope this post doesn't come off as rude...

 

[Help me please]

Thanks UNH. They do walk all over me and I let them. Normally I don't care because being a grandma is really a cool way to live daily. Yesterday I had him for 16 and a half hours and aside from me freaking out about that "big mouse" (rat) he saw by the bird feeders, it was a good day. I sort of got them yesterday though. I let the baby nap from 5:15 till about 7 or so. My son freaked out when he picked him up because he said the baby will be up all night and he and his wife were tired. I smiled and said "sorry". Lol...He kept them up till after 1 am and they both had to work today too.

 

[Mariposa]

I am fucking sick and tired of a problem I inherited (metaphorically) from someone else. It is a house, a lovely one, and I'm taking time out of my week to show the fucking thing. My business partner is constantly sleeping until noon, partying until odd hours, and although he is on point with cleaning the kitchen, he is young and I do not wish to teach him how unfair life can be. He is a good friend and younger than me.

We have a general contractor visiting at 7. I only wish to keep a roof over my head and not give up. It is such an awesome house, but I don't own it. I can give notice in 2 days and I'm about at that point.

T-32 days until Mariposa gets out of Bumfuckistan is how it appears to be. I am not perfect by any measure, but I have reached my limit. I'd rather travel and study than negotiate with this fail.

 

[izzy66]

I hate my job and do not want to do it anymore. Its shit pay and puts major fucking stress on me all day and effects my sleep at night. Gotta keep taking the steps to get out of it.

I am saving up extra money so I can quit and take a month or two off while I look for a new job. Housing or food will not be an issue. If I keep reminding myself I will not be doing it for much longer then its better.

go for it, phactor. you'll most likely be glad you did.

i quit my job ("officially" am on leave but i'll be making it permanent) a couple months ago. after 20+yrs in nursing, i'm done. i planned ahead and saved money so i could just breathe for awhile. now i'm trying to figure out what's next and where. i'm so sick of florida, the heat, the bugs, hurricanes, and way too many asshole ppl.
so... idk what's next but whatever, wherever i know it will all work out and i won't have regrets about leaving a profession that took much more than it gave.

best of luck to you, phactor.
-izzy

 

[User Name Here]

Thanks UNH. They do walk all over me and I let them. Normally I don't care because being a grandma is really a cool way to live daily. Yesterday I had him for 16 and a half hours and aside from me freaking out about that "big mouse" (rat) he saw by the bird feeders, it was a good day. I sort of got them yesterday though. I let the baby nap from 5:15 till about 7 or so. My son freaked out when he picked him up because he said the baby will be up all night and he and his wife were tired. I smiled and said "sorry". Lol...He kept them up till after 1 am and they both had to work today too.

Oh, I'm sure you love being a grandma and you sound like a wonderful one at that! It's just that surely you need a little time to yourself as well. Everyone does... There's nothing wrong with being a little selfish here in there ("selfish" in the way that you need to take some "me" time every once in a while and that is NOT a crime, so don't let them make you feel as if it is!).

And hon, you need to tell them that if you're gonna watch them all day every day, you don't need to take any flack concerning when the baby sleeps! They're the parents after all. It's up to THEM to instill a proper sleep schedule and be primary care-givers.

Grr. Hearing this is just so frustrating. So many people--especially young couples who do not plan on having children--simply pass them off to their own parents and get to live life as if they have no baby at all. I've watched so many young girls my age (I'm 22) over the past four years pop out children with no regard and hand them over to their folks to be raised instead of taking the proper time and effort to actually raise their own child. I just don't think it's fair to anyone, especially not the grandparents and most especially not the child!

I'm done ranting for now

 

[Help me please]

I have the day off today and baby won't be here tomorrow till 3:30pm. I like my mid week breaks

UNH if your met my son and DIL your first instinct would be to smack them both upside the head. They just assume everything, all the time. They take what they want but never volunteer to help here at all. My husband mowed their lawn for years till they got a riding mower but they never offered to come and mow our house. Not that my husband would let them it's just that they never offered. I but them groceries etc but we never get asked over for dinner...Just things like that. Neither of them were brought up that way and dil would never pull that shit with her parents who btw, do NOT babysit ever. They don't buy them anything or do any favors either. Nothing...but they get b-day gifts and we don't. Go figure! Things are changing though. I didn't get dil anything for her b-day and don't plan on buying son anything either. He'll bitch because he counts on mommy and daddy for that something he wants every year but can't afford to buy. Not thing year! I'm learning little by little.

 

[Carl Landrover]

I've been in the same cycle of using for the last several months.

I spend at least 2-3x a week WDing over night, but I never get off opiates. I lower my tolerance, I get closer to being off (or not physically WDing at least), but never make it there.

It's a fucking ridiculous cycle that completely fucks with my mind. It makes me exhausted and I feel like I end up missing 50% of everyweek between feeling shitty or doing some kind of deal or just waiting for the next day where I can feel better and be more productive.

I had been thinking about trying to taper off of oxy lately, but it's too expensive, too easy to just get high, and too hard to find a consistent supply.

Now I'm back to trying with suboxone. The only thing I can say right now is that it's not built up in my system, so if I can do a quick taper and keep it under 5 days I think that will prevent it from being a longer suboxone WD.


I was trying to do all this shit between May and June so that I wouldn't have to plan WDing around school AND work. My 2 summer classes started 8 days ago and I have to make sure I'm feeling ok at points or else there's no way I'm getting this work done. I guess I could try and stay on suboxone until school is over, but then it's going to be built up in my system for a few weeks again. Plus, it's going to take me several days to get off of it and then feel normal being off, which I imagine would take away a good part of the remaining portion of August and then in September I have the fall semester starting.

My ONE goal for this year was to not miss another summer because of opiate shit. So far it's not going so well.

 

[Help me please]

Carl if you are spending a few days each week in WD's then tapering off would make more sense. If I understand you correctly then you are going without for those days you are in WD's?

I think I missed something here. Did you want to taper to oxy's or off of them? I hear sub is hard to get off of if you take it for a long time. How much time do you have between semesters? Can you make it through summer without WD'ing and just slowly tapering off the opiates? Then maybe you will have time between semesters to do the sub and a quick taper from them to nothing. Just a thought. Geeze, there are times I just wish I could gather all of you guys up and bring you to my house and feed you and take care of you. Hold your drugs till you need that next dose and just keep you all safe and cozy. I have serious mothering instincts though my adult children said it was more smothering than mothering Words! hehehe