Vent/Rant Thread 1 (POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING)

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^^^ My guess is they threw lyrica at you because they didnt want to give you a REAL painkiller. They could have atleast have given you some percocets. Lyrica is only good for neuropathic pain so if your pain is not neuropathic it ain't gonna do fuck all.
 
Customers have been such DICKS lately, besides a select few. I've been so annoyed with them, anyone who slightly pissed me off got told off bad (apparently I made one guy cry tonight... That made me happy.. I'm such a bitch).

Lol! Making a guy cry, at a strip club no less, is a great feet.
 
First of all I'm pissed that BL keeps logging me off after like 15 minutes.

To my ex--

You were my first and I feel stuck. You said one night not too long ago, "We're gonna end up stuck together aren't we?" And I said yes, that seems so. "You're the only one who's gonna take care of me aren't you?" At that moment, yes. "Just keep loving me." And I have. I love you to death. But you probably meant to just keep loving you as a friend. There I go taking things the wrong way, you would say. But we were together just 9 months and I feel like you are a bigger part of my life than anyone has ever been. We used to be so close. But those fucking assholes had to hook you up the other night, and get that girls number. I wouldn't mind, sure it takes time to get used to and get over and shit. But you don't understand that. You just expect me to love it and want to be her friend. It wouldn't be as hard if you didn't turn into a royal bitch everytime you see a girl. I've seen you do it before. But you won't listen to anything I say. You always have to be right. You say I'm just like the other 19 year old girls.Well I'm not. And I'd appreciate it if you'd stop making me feel like you hate my guts one minute and love me the next. It would fuck with anyone's head, not just me. I'm more mature in some ways than you will ever be. You have flaws too, I would be with you again in a heartbeat but that won't happen ever it seems, or unless you choose. Sure in 10 years maybe we'll be together again like in your vision. It hurts to see you do all this shit that is wrong but I have no say, its your life. Make your mistakes. I will always be here and love you to death as a friend. We had so many memories together. I hope we can again. We're just better when we're not living together and I hvae to do what's best for me and waht will keep us from being enemies. It's sad, even when you push me awy I'm sitll right here waiting. You make me feel like shit for feeling any emotion, sadness, guilt, confusion, anger, hatred. Ideserve to feel. And you deserve to be told when you're being a bitch, like you've told me to tell you before but never listen. You can't expect people not to take things the wrong wauy when you are the way you are. YOU have flaws too. Yes I am jealous to an extent. But I'm still getting past that you're with someone else. You still count the days since your first love died. Instead of telling me to get the fuck over it, help me, support me, help me heal. At least make me feel like a human being instead of a slave. Just cause I tend to feel alot doesn't mean I'm weak. You feel too, you're just better at hiding it. WHat's worse is, I live with you and have to watch you two kiss and shit, while I sleep on the couch, and get looked at like I'm wrong when I leave the house and try to get away, like I should just deal and drive myself insane. I have to act like I hate you sometimes so I can keep my sanity.

Funny, I felt a ghost around me as I was writing this. IT's Grandma. Telling me she's been there too. Yet I feel so alone.

I'm on a fucking roll. I've had amy heart chewed up and spat out three times in the past 2 years. First tiem was gma. That's no one's fault. Second was sarah. that was....well we won't go there. Third was her again. And this time I blame myself. We weren't even together again. Yet I let myself get hurt again. You said you hoped you hadn't hurt me but guess what, you ahve, and it's NOT all my fault.

I'm drunk, happy fucking thanksgiving. mY friend ditched me on plans and I don't feel like going where you are to be with the only family who cares about me, so I'm here alone.

I will always be here for you. You just have to let me know you want me to be. I'm still a tortured angel.
 
What the fuck is with my brain as of late? Why in the name of fuck am i so depressed and utterly fucking miserable? Seriously ok i hate the town i live in and im going stir crazy i know but i will be out of here by febuary at the latest unless things go really fucking wrong. I guess im not so good at just waiting out situations anymore because every goddamn nerve fiber is screaming get the fuck out of here now! Run away from here so fast your heels will be hitting your ass on the way down the road.

I can't even think for fuck sakes! So how do i deal with it? Why like any self respecting junkie would i pop more morphine pills thats how. In the long run that will make me 100 times more miserable because morphine withdrawal really does wonders for depression right?

Fuck me :(
 
I know we all have our own shit to deal with, but alot of the time it helps me to talk to people and try to help them out instead of wallow in my own shit. So if anybody wants to talk, my screenname on yahoo is arohnr. PM me if you'd rather text or something. I'm here for anyone.
 
^^^ My guess is they threw lyrica at you because they didnt want to give you a REAL painkiller. They could have atleast have given you some percocets. Lyrica is only good for neuropathic pain so if your pain is not neuropathic it ain't gonna do fuck all.

well, i have had 3 docs think i had fibro. i repeated that over and over, this is for neuropathic pain, opioids may not actually address the pain either(inflamation), but at least give me sleeeeep, and the ability to not focus intently to ignore extreme pain.
 
well, i have had 3 docs think i had fibro. i repeated that over and over, this is for neuropathic pain, opioids may not actually address the pain either(inflamation), but at least give me sleeeeep, and the ability to not focus intently to ignore extreme pain.

Well opioids don't actually adress any pain now do they? They don't cure my trigeminal neuralgia but hey they do a good job of stopping me from being in blinding pain. That is what they are meant to do really.

If you have fibro then lyrica may help that and it would be worth a shot to see if it helps that but you need a opioid to help the other pain you have. Maybe try being more forceful in the future? One time i had to tell a doctor that i was not leaving his office until he gave me something for the pain. He coughed up that script after abit of noise from him which i ignored.
 
here i am again in the throws of withdrawal. goddamnit. i don't even feel bad physically. my mind just can't wrap itself around the notion that i'm not high on an opiod. the thought of not getting a high tonight depresses me more than anything. but in a few days it will be over with.

in my head, i'm running over scenarios of maybe breaking my finger or toe so i can leave work and go to the urgent care center.

all i took was 25-30mL hycodan a day for a week. i thought my addiction was over, that i just had a problem way back when i was taking way too much oc. but no. i can't even handle coming off of narcotic cough syrup. i was legit. sick too.

opiates have been the single worst thing for my welfare.
 
Space Cadet

I just yelled at my pharmacy for not giving me one of my prescriptions that I had to wait on due to my insurance not covering it for a few days after I dropped off the script. I was sure they didnt give it to me. They gave me the signatures and I stormed off all mad. I found the script in my backpack and I had to call them up and apologize for yelling at them. They probably think Im a wacko now.

lol
 
Senti- I merged your thread here as it fits better being in this thread than on its own......

I too wear the space cadet hat from time to time.
I would like to blame it on some of my meds but that just isn't the case:) haha
I am forgetful too- you are not alone.
It is embarrassing but I am sure this is a lesson you won't forget.
Recognizing an error in judgement and calling yourself out is a good thing :)
Sorry that happened to you......
 
shannon, i am so goddam sorry. that word doesnt even begin to cover it. im so sorry i hurt you.

i fucked up
i fucked up bad

i left the goddam condom wrapper at my girls house and now i can never see my baby again.(her parents found it) its all my fault. it was the single best thing to ever happen in my shitty depressing life and now its gone. all because this fucking weed made me go retarded and not remember shit. i had everything i ever wanted, to love a girl who loved me. and i screwed everything up and now her life is shitty too. theres no fucking solution and im never gonna forget this, my complete stupidity. i would have literally given my life for her but now i cant. i can never feel that magic of holding her ever again..

she put the light in my dark life. i used to wake up thinking about dying... and then she came along. i had a reason to live again. neither of us had been in a relationship before. we gave up our virginites to each other. there was so much going on there.

because of me, she now lives in the same dark world. literally all i ever wanted was to make her happy. how can i live with myself after hurting my baby that bad


and no matter how high you get you cant forget and forgive yourself for something like that
 
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I'm still a drug addict, big time. Just not using every day. It's starting to get that way again and you know what? It's the fucking suboxone! 8) Taking them everyday sucked, but every 2-3 days, I can sniff up some and I'm feeling good. Starting to sweat on the nights I don't. :| Goody that I got a ton of pills left. They could provide me years of fun if I spaced them right.


I do a lot of coke too and pills (oxy) sometimes. I started drinking too, but at least that's social. Still smoke weed daily.

Yup.


I'd like to be sober, but it's hard getting out of this cycle. Plus, I still feel empty since my girl left. I started thinking of my top ten best moments from this past year since we're a month away from a new one. I stopped half way through since they're all with her. :(

I'm actually keeping a semi-decent front lately though, you know where you keep a good appearance on the outside, but you're really all fucked up. If I did get her back I got to be real. Decent on the inside.
 
She is very ill and her body is failing. I have no issues with death, although I have no way of knowing this as I have never lost someone close. I am scared I will show no emotion. I do not want to look like a monster.

I cant stand seeing my mother sad. It is unbearable. I want to be there for support, but I don't know how. I should feel sad, but I do not. What is wrong with me.
 
drscience, there's nothin wrong w/ you. sounds like you're up against one of those really difficult times n it's hard as hell. just hug ur mom n be there -with- her.
my heart goes out to you n your family...
-izzy
 
My student loan went into default!

I had called and got a forbearance for medical issues that cause me to lose my job. I never received the paperwork and I kept trying to call and never got ahold of them. With all the stuff that was going on with me and the recovery house and stuff, I guess it completely slipped my mind eventually.

Ughhhhh.

I'm filing bankruptcy now. I know it won't help the student loans, but I owe about 20k in other debt too, so at least that will be gone.
 
I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing.

I'm addicted to cocaine and stimulants. After spending majority of October feeling shitty to get off of them, I'm addicted to opioids again.


The brightest thought in my mind is the plan to purposely OD on New Years Day. These last few weeks would be so much better because they'd be my final days and I would know that. Money wouldn't matter. School is almost done, but that wouldn't matter anymore. Work wouldn't matter.

With the holidays and everything, I'd see a lot of people again. We could have fun one last time. I could end on a high note with everyone. I wouldn't be a failure, I'd be someone who died before their time.


What are my other options? Continue being depressed? Continue being an addict who is dwindling his resources and damaging his health? If I stop I have to go through the pain and effort of getting clean again. If history has taught me anything, it's that I'll have mild success, relapse, and slowly become addicted all over again.

Why grow up and show everyone I'm a failure when I could be potential never developed?
 
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