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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Update on opiate journey..........

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^Dude you're like 29 and acting like you're a teenager seriously. Stop lying to yourself man, why are you so keen to get off of methadone so badly when you're here telling us how you would have a hard time not scoring, and while on 'done you're using benzos and shit anyways. If you get off of 'done you're obviously going to go cop..

You need to wakeup lose the self pity, act your age and just do shit that needs to be done.

Stay on methadone and just finish your school shit that your parents need to see you complete(wtf man you're nearly 30 live your own life), THEN go to detox... Whats the big problem? Now you're talking about couple bags a day to avoid w/d?

Man your plans are so retarded i dont even think you know what you want anymore.... Sounds so fucking stupid.
 
jake99 said:
Somebody please help me. i dont know what to do ..........................i would go to a detox but i gotta finish these 3 wks of school or my fam would kill me. i want off the clinic and only way i can think of is if i had the willpower to do couple bags of D a day to avoid the meth withdrawal, or just skip 2 days at clinic and get my dose cut in half to 30 mg..............i would go to detox now but if i dont finish school my fam will never let me live it down
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You're going around in circles again Jake. You need to stop doing that and stick with a plan.
 
theartofwar said:
3 xmas in that line, never fuckin again brother. 7 week kick - brutal. then again i stormed out of the clinic and my dose was 260mg
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lol thats hardcore 260mg...... Suicide shit there my friend god damn. I've heard of people w/ding hard from just 120mg, and tapering from that... fucking hell you're mad bro.

Must have epic will power.
 
Did everyone forget that METHADONE is the worst kick ? worse than dope ? and it is stronger than dope ? If i can get my methadone dose down to 30 mg instead of 60 who cares if i do a few bags if i can get them safely and i have the money for them ? Worst thing to happen would be for me to stay on a high dose of methadone and then have to kick that....................
 
Do you honestly think your gonne "use a few bags" to kick methadone

that is a joke

once you start actually getting high again why in the word do you think you'd be able to stop now, when you have a bigger tolerance/depandancy than ever before?

Kicking methadone will not be worse if you taper properly.. youve been on that shit like what 2 months>
 
Jake - You should stay on methadone till school finishes, then you need to think long and hard about what you wanna do. If you feel you can't handle being clean ever then maybe you should stay on it. But if you feel you don't wanna be on it for the rest of your life then get off it quick, each day you take your dose you are prolonging the PAWS symptoms, making it harder to come off eventually. Not many people every get clean when they been on opiates for long long periods of time. I mean lots of people do, but it is definately a general trend that the longer people stay on it the less likely they are to ever get off it.

theartofwar said:
3 xmas in that line, never fuckin again brother. 7 week kick - brutal. then again i stormed out of the clinic and my dose was 260mg
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Shit man, well done on that kick! That is hardcore! Methadone withdrawal aint nice!!
 
ummmmmmmmmmmm lowered my meth dose from 60 to 55.....................and i hate to say it but yea i have been gettin high still.............i feel like crap about it ...........i just am so depressed about my life and if i have the money i say screw it whats the point , id rather be high then be depressed
 
jake99 said:
ummmmmmmmmmmm lowered my meth dose from 60 to 55.....................and i hate to say it but yea i have been gettin high still.............i feel like crap about it ...........i just am so depressed about my life and if i have the money i say screw it whats the point , id rather be high then be depressed
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And when the money runs out?
 
If his parents ever cut him off he'd likely just tell them he was getting high and I see them taking him to detox. He'd get a job, then start getting high again. Jake you say you are depressed not getting high?
You know what, I think you're much more depressed on opiates. Look what your on bro. Paxil, benzos, methadone, dope, and what else? How happy do you really think ANY of these meds/drugs are making you?
You have to invest in some clean time and handle the depression and switch your meds. What you're doing right now isn't constructive can't you see that?
 
^^^
Although Jake was posting the other day that he'd go to detox right now if he didn't need to finish these last three weeks of college, I'm concerned that idea will be abandoned now that he's given himself a "pass" to use for the next three weeks and that we'll be back to the "trying to taper with 3 days worth of subs" threads within weeks.

You don't seem to have any plans beyond the next three weeks Jake, and I suspect that's a big contributing factor to both your depression and your anxiety. Once you finish your study, the world's going to have adult expectations of you and you can't fulfill those if you're changing direction every week.
 
actually yeah i thought gettin a few subs could get me off the meth clinic...............even though subs didnt work before...........ive heard lotta ppl say they switch over to subs and cut their habit in half quick and are ok without methadone, too bad i didnt save the hundreds of subs i had
 
jake you're obviously allowed to behave this way. We all I think get frustrated, cause we BEEN There, and we know the bullshit our own minds can spew out to convince ourselves and others concerning using and getting high.

Unfortunately jake, you chose to publically involve a forum, therefore, I swear people aren't trying to put you down or be mean to you jake - It's just if you can't take advice and say the same things over and over again and go in circles or ass backward, it's gonna frustrate us all to peices.

What you're doing with this long thread is making a blog out of it. So if you want a blog, then blog! I am almost 100% sure that everyone will read it and wantt to know your thoughts, as cyclical [that's how us addicts are!] as they may be!
But just stating your random thoughts (that yes, we can all relate to) over and over again under the guise of asking for advice and help and convincing us that you really wanna get clean, is just gonna make everyone feel crazy listening to you cause your blogging more than actually taking advice.

I wrote to you from my old account before, but I just feel for ya man.I think you're a cool dude and I really have come to like you, and I think everyone else has too, that's why they get angry. You can't feel passionate about someone you don't care about.... so our "anger" is really frustration, and is not a lack of support like you may have suggested. Not at all dude!

Try to realize how you're coming off in these posts- so that you can better understand US, and maybe in turn, we can better understand YOU!

please be safe dude, and finish school! i cant imagine the horrorshow of worries you'll have if you don't finish school- so do it up, it'll be a nice accomplishment!
But damn figure out some long term plans if you wanna keep asking us for advice.. give us some feedback man!
take it easy!
 
Feelin guilty about miles on car and meth clinic.............

Hey do you guys think this is stupid to be worrying about rite now ? About 2 yrs ago i got a brand new car that i used my trust fund money to get (grandfather left the money for me and my dad is in charge of it even tho im 29 ) but i got it few months after i got outta prison and it was brand new , 0 miles, now i started messin with the H again little after that , and since for so long i had no good H around A.c. area ,i was takin mad trips to cmd/philly (about hour away from here) a few times a week......................So i used for year and a half or so , tried subs , didnt get clean , and finally decided to go on meth clinic as last resort (didnt wanna drop outta college and go to rehab since im in last semester to get a degree for my first time ever plus my parents would never forgave me ) So after these 2 yrs my car has gotten up to 50 000 miles and i feel really bad because i know it shuldnt be anywhere near that many............And im STILL puttin on abuot 35 miles a day goin to the clinic and back .............im only on 55 mg and i plan on gettin off it as soon as i can or maybe goin to a detox when semester ends in a few weeks , but just curious do you guys think that is stupid to be feelin so guilty about the mileage, and the fact that my parents dont even know im on the clinic ? It eats me up inside.................
 
dude ive totalled like 3 cars nodding out on dope lol. i wouldnt sweat the extra miles.. sounds like the least of your problems anyway.
 
You've only been on the methadone programme a couple of months. Most of those miles did not come from trips to the methadone clinic - they came from you going to cop. The extra mileage going to the methadone clinic for the next few weeks will put on the car is insignificant compared to the 50,000 that's already on there.

If you don't want to stay on the methadone programme then don't, but take ownership of that choice instead of coming up with all these tortured - and not very credible - rationalisations for going off it.
 
Jake your emotional problems are all circling around opiates bro.

Taking your thread and adding this into I am seeing that you repeatedly use, beat yourself up, try to get clean - rinse and repeat. This is why although disease I don't throw around lightly - you need to view your addiction IN THIS LIGHT.

If anything you need to get your parents on the same page as you - the mileage on your car is jack shit compared to your life. Hiding a daily methadone clinic is something bound to eat you up inside eventually when you have people you care for. Also, I have inherited money in my life, it's a gift and curse to have something given to you when you know that something was left for you and yet at the same time it almost always comes with an air of "use this to become this man". I certainly carried guilt with blowing a vast quantity of money when my grandfather passed.

Keep your head up and consider your family relationship - that's surely more of a guilt trip then the mileage bro. Hit me up if you wanna shoot the shit - I've been on clinics, been the beneficiary of inheritance, and been up and down opiates for 8 years now.
 
Damn Jake,
I've followed all your threads and you really are a tortured soul. The car milage is nothing and as someone above pointed out you've only been on the clinic a short time.

You need to finish this semester. And then look at what you need to do for your own life. But you my friend need to take ownership of it and be at peace with those decisions. Whatever those decisions maybe..

I've been fighting opiate addiction in on form or another for 35 years. I wish you much luck on your journey. For this moment quit stressing and finish school. Then let the rest sort itself out.

Peace
 
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