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Update on opiate journey..........

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I would definately go to detox or rehab. Sounds like a great idea! And definately coming up with a decent recovery plan and support network when you leave is vital. There are loads of things out there, S.M.A.R.T, NA,AA,CA, Rational Recovey, S.O.S. ... whatever works for you!! NA works for me. But having ongoing plan is vital!

I wish you luck my friend, I'm sure you'll be able to beat this in the end!
 
yeah im hoping at clinic they will let me taper down to 20-30 mg over the next month so i can get into a detox. my friend had a 2 bun a day habit and kicked at some house in north philly where its cold turkey but they charge you 90 a week.............see my insurance only covers 70 percent for rehab so it would still be mad expensive to go to a regular one............i just have a feeling im gonna end up doin dope again even if i stay on the clinic cuz i have checks coming soon to me and its gonn be tempting...........sucks that i got honest with all my n.a. support network ive known for last 2 yrs almost and they all kinda are lookin down on me for not getting clean still after all this time coming to meetings
 
If you think you are going to end up back on dope even while on methadone, doesn't that mean you are going to *definitely* use dope when you aren't on methadone?

I don't see the point of going to detox if you are just going to stay on dope
 
jake99 said:
yeah im hoping at clinic they will let me taper down to 20-30 mg over the next month so i can get into a detox. my friend had a 2 bun a day habit and kicked at some house in north philly where its cold turkey but they charge you 90 a week.............see my insurance only covers 70 percent for rehab so it would still be mad expensive to go to a regular one............i just have a feeling im gonna end up doin dope again even if i stay on the clinic cuz i have checks coming soon to me and its gonn be tempting...........sucks that i got honest with all my n.a. support network ive known for last 2 yrs almost and they all kinda are lookin down on me for not getting clean still after all this time coming to meetings
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This is why people worry about you not having a good support system which can help you not to use even when you've got money.

$90 per week is nothing. I'll bet you'd spend more on dope than that when you have money. But only you can decide how you're going to spend those cheques when you get them.
 
bought clothes today and going to a movie so i didnt get dope . i did do some zannies thuogh
 
I don't see going into detox as a viable option. You said it yourself
jake99 said:
i just have a feeling im gonna end up doin dope again even if i stay on the clinic cuz i have checks coming soon to me and its gonn be tempting
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You aren't ready to be sober. Nothing wrong with that. For the last year or two you have spent your time on bluelight devising ways you're going to get clean. Getting clean isn't easy, but it doesn't take someone 2 years of planning a kick schedule to get it done. You need to accept the fact, you're just not ready.

If I were you, I'd stay on methadone maintenance. Let your life improve, finish school, get a job, start a career, get married, have kids, do whatever you want to do in life. Worry about kicking when you're ready.

I've been on Suboxone for 3 and a half years. My life has done a complete 180 since I started. I never imagined my life could be this normal again, and it feels great. Some people can do it on their own, some can't. All I can say about that is thank god for replacement therapy! It's there for us who need it, why not take advantage and use it to improve your overal life?

I honestly feel that if you were to go to a detox/rehab, you would be back on opiates within a month. This is just my most current thoughts on your situation, and as always I wish you the best.
 
u are probably rite. only thing that sucks is that the clinic is kinda far from my house and hopefully the wont kick me off for finding out im on benzos but from what i hear it takes a long time to get kicked off............theyexhaust all other options first (sending u to a benzo detox, etc......) and even when they do kick u off they just detox u fast which is like 5 mg every other day i think. but its not like they can jjust kick u to the curb coming off 60 mg or whatever dose u are on ) i assume most clinics are like this because then theyd be liable if someone couldnt stand the withdrawals and something happened to them medically..............
 
Jake,I just noticed that you are from New Jersey.That is where I lived and started my heroin addiction.I became homeless and stayed in N.Y.After about 25 years of trying rehabs,detoxes,AA/NA, I moved to Massachusetts.I still got high here but nothing like back home.It was too easy to get high there and the drugs here are much more expensive plus they suck in comparison.

I keep reading all your schemes,detox on methadone,then buy a bundle,then check into a detox or psych ward (which I mentioned and someone else too).Why don't you cut the crap Jake.You are safer on methadone or suboxone.You talk about college and careers,you won't have either if you start piling up felonies.

Addiction is a tricky motherFer.It will tell you that you are ready to stop,when nothing is further from the truth.At my age,I have seen so many good people go down.Die,Jake,that is what happens.Unless they wound up locked up for years.

Reading the stuff you post Jake reminds me of my first few years with a habit.Back then I thought I had some control.In reality,I had none.The more the years pile up Jake,the more bewildered I became.I didn't want to be a junky.

I remember the first time I woke up dope sick.I told my boyfriend "Well,we are junkies now".He got outrageously pissed and said "We are NOT junkies,we just like to get high everyday".I laughed but it took him a year to admit he was a junky.

This is serious shit Jake.Stay on the methadone and keep yourself alive and out of jail.As someone else just said,you don't wake up one day and decide that you don't want it.I'm on suboxone now and in two days I will be 54 and I still want it.That is why I have lived in Massachusetts for almost ten years.If it wasn't for the dope,I would leave here tomorrow.I miss home.I still don't like Ma. but if I go home I will still get high.

I am depressed most of the time but the one thing I am grateful for is not waking up sick and having to scheme and lie to everyone.
 
Yeah i already have been to prison twice. im 29. been to 4 rehabs, hospitals, all that crap...............longest clean time i had was 15 months in n.a. but was on probation on that time.............i guess i need to stay on the methadone and just wean if i can ..........problem is when i have no money im ok but soon as i get it i want to buy dope
 
You have me beat Jake.The most clean time I ever had was five and a half months.I never even made ninety days before that.I had 86 and 87 days,it came down to bag of dope or NA key chain,it's obvious what won.

I don't see why you think you should get off the meth so fast when as you state when you get money you get some dope.Plus you're on the meth and still eating benzos.I know that the combo F's you up.

The only thing I can think is that you want the dope too much.When I used to go on meth,I still did dope.I didn't want to give it up.I wanted to want to quit but I couldn't make myself feel something that I didn't.

What a waste of my life and yours.I don't see how people could be drug counselors.Very few addicts can get what they are saying.Must be a frustrating job.

Hell Jake,I am frustrated with you.You are too much like me except for gender.I hope you somehow get out of this mess and live.

Today is birthday 54 for me.My next door neighbor told me not to eat my suboxone today because she was going to get me some oxies for my birthday.I never even said I wanted any.BUT if she shows up at my door in the morning I'm sure I'll eat them.

I don't know what to do with my life that doesn't include drugs.I'm usually depressed and bored and instead of shooting dope,I eat seroquel,xanax and clonodine and knock myself out everyday.

I won't kill myself because I won't hurt my kids and the people that love me but I am tired.I wish I would get cancer and have this life over with.
 
adicabrady said:
Jake,I just noticed that you are from New Jersey.That is where I lived and started my heroin addiction.I became homeless and stayed in N.Y.After about 25 years of trying rehabs,detoxes,AA/NA, I moved to Massachusetts.I still got high here but nothing like back home.It was too easy to get high there and the drugs here are much more expensive plus they suck in comparison.

I keep reading all your schemes,detox on methadone,then buy a bundle,then check into a detox or psych ward (which I mentioned and someone else too).Why don't you cut the crap Jake.You are safer on methadone or suboxone.You talk about college and careers,you won't have either if you start piling up felonies.

Addiction is a tricky motherFer.It will tell you that you are ready to stop,when nothing is further from the truth.At my age,I have seen so many good people go down.Die,Jake,that is what happens.Unless they wound up locked up for years.

Reading the stuff you post Jake reminds me of my first few years with a habit.Back then I thought I had some control.In reality,I had none.The more the years pile up Jake,the more bewildered I became.I didn't want to be a junky.

I remember the first time I woke up dope sick.I told my boyfriend "Well,we are junkies now".He got outrageously pissed and said "We are NOT junkies,we just like to get high everyday".I laughed but it took him a year to admit he was a junky.

This is serious shit Jake.Stay on the methadone and keep yourself alive and out of jail.As someone else just said,you don't wake up one day and decide that you don't want it.I'm on suboxone now and in two days I will be 54 and I still want it.That is why I have lived in Massachusetts for almost ten years.If it wasn't for the dope,I would leave here tomorrow.I miss home.I still don't like Ma. but if I go home I will still get high.

I am depressed most of the time but the one thing I am grateful for is not waking up sick and having to scheme and lie to everyone.
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I live in MA and believe me when I say this you escaped one and I am moving to tampa because shits so dirt cheap and available it makes me fucking sick....

... give me 2 days in tampa and I'll find anything I want - boils down to self control only.

where bouts in mass ? I'm 10 min north boston
 
funny i was born in newton mass...................so what do they have up there stamp bags like Nj ?
hey art of war , u been on meth clinic b4 ?
 
3 xmas in that line, never fuckin again brother. 7 week kick - brutal. then again i stormed out of the clinic and my dose was 260mg
 
wow people were arguing today in that long ass line waiting to get their holiday take home..........what a zoo. then i was supposed to see the psych , waited a hour for her , then had to re schedule so i could get to class on time. theyre so unprofessional . guess you get what u pay for and i dont pay anything so f it . lol
 
Somebody please help me. i dont know what to do ..........................i would go to a detox but i gotta finish these 3 wks of school or my fam would kill me. i want off the clinic and only way i can think of is if i had the willpower to do couple bags of D a day to avoid the meth withdrawal, or just skip 2 days at clinic and get my dose cut in half to 30 mg..............i would go to detox now but if i dont finish school my fam will never let me live it down
 
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