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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

took sub this morning, copped H this afternoon . WTF?

Jake, I feel you man. Right now I'm currently in your spot. I Want to get high and am withdrawaling, have suboxones but don't want to quit. Back in March I went to rehab. It worked out for me for a bit then eventually I fell back into what I was doing.

The other night I told my parents I relapsed and atleast they KNOW what is going on. They cannot be mad at you for having an addiction. (Well, they can but if they do get angry then they do not understand). If you have health insurance and live in the Philadelphia area i'd reccomend you to check out Livengrin in Bensalem. You could either go the detox route and or rehab as well. Detox is 7 days there, combined with rehab for a full 28 days in-house. You sound like you really need it bro. If you have never went to rehab it is worth a shot because suboxone isn't going to help you if you still want to use.

I would go back to rehab but I personally DO NOT HAVE health insurance and am currently looking into welfare as I am jobless as well and my father out of work for good..


You can do it bro.. Today I am giving up. I have 2 of 8mg suboxones and I have split one of them into 1/4s and plan to take them as needed but hopefully just 2mg for 4 days and then split the other pill into 1/8ths and just take a 1mg dose every other day after I finish the first pill. I am coming off of a 160-240mg oxy habit as well as other things such as H and benzo's mixed in.

I really need to stop. Back in February I went to prison, Rehab in March and then just started fucking around with the same crowd same shit again. Whatever you are doing daily you have to change bro. Replace the old with the new.

I am jobless and with these new oxy bullshit OP's hitting the streets and the old pills costing up to $80 a pop I cannot afford it. Copping dope is a hassle as well as I do not have a driver's license..

None of that matters anyway it is all an excuse to "quit"

Either you WANT IT or YOU DO NOT bro...

Money, Jail, Institutions, Death, WHATEVER IT MAY BE DO NOT STOP PEOPLE from getting high. Please remember that. You should know this already from attending N.A.


Things COULD GET A LOT WORSE so if I were you and you do not want to end up in CFCF getting your ass raped by some bible thumper or nod out and kill somebody or even worse... end up as a vegetable for the rest of your life i'd advise you to quit..
 
made it a week on subs , using H on top of the subs two of those days, then did methadone 3 days , about 20-30 mg each day , then copped today , and did 3 bags
 
Bro are you even getting high off the H like that? I just don't know a lot of people who actually do that. I mean I know people do but you're most likely skulling 5 times the amount of dope you need just cause you took sub the same day.

Couldn't imagine the H is actually getting you that high can you even feel it when you do that shit?
 
Bojangles69 said:
Bro are you even getting high off the H like that? I just don't know a lot of people who actually do that. I mean I know people do but you're most likely skulling 5 times the amount of dope you need just cause you took sub the same day.

Couldn't imagine the H is actually getting you that high can you even feel it when you do that shit?
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It really depends on how much sub your taking I take around 1mg a day and I can shoot my normal amount of dope later the same day and feel 90 percent of the usual high. the methadone is kind of a head scratcher though if you have access to done why not just trash the suboxone and maintain with that it just seems like suvboxone is not working to help your cravings in the slightest.
 
Why did you score today? I know thats a stupid question but other than having an urge to use. Did you do a methadone [step down/3 day thing] and than just folded and wanted dope or did you just pick up some methadone from the street/friend/whatever?

That cycle of using, going back on subs, using, etc. can be a bitch. I am sure you know that though. I would stay away from the methadone or fuck get on a steady dose, I dont know. Getting clean is the easy part [does it seem easy?] but changing your thinking and staying clean is a bit harder. It is hard to really suggest much, I have been there many times. Taking advice never worked for me I always had to do what I wanted. I take it a inpatient detox is out of the question with school? That is what I would suggest try to get a fri/mon free and just check into some place even if only for 4 days as the structure always helped me to stay clean for a little bit, kinda. Thinking back though in the back of my head I was never 100% committed to staying clean and well I didn't. Even being dedicated to that decision sometimes doesn't help. I really dont know what finally pushed me to get/stay clean? Probably alot of different facets to that but I do know I was sooo fucking tired of having to take pill/whatever to even be able to function. I had a bad amphetamine run at the tail end and was basically losing my mind bigtime.

My parents wrote me a letter, I dont know why they didnt talk to me about it, :) probably because I was an irrational speed freaked doped up on benzos and opiates and I probably would have bit there heads off. They listed 10 things I should consider: rehab, volunteer work, get a job, get a new doctor, move, go back to school, etc. For some reason going to rehab [again] never even entered my mind until I read the letter. As much as the situation could be worse if your parents know [which I wouldn't doubt they have some idea something isn't quite right] it could make the situation SOO much easier and better. Everybody is different though so I dont know just rambling.

peace.
seedless
 
Why did you score today? I know thats a stupid question but other than having an urge to use. Did you do a methadone [step down/3 day thing] and than just folded and wanted dope or did you just pick up some methadone from the street/friend/whatever?
I thuoght i wouldnt feel sick at all after the 3 days of methadone but i still felt kinda crappy and thought a few bags would get me right . OBSESSION hit me , got in car and went to the hood
I had gotten 100 mg methadone from someone and split it into 3 doses for 3 days after trying the sub thing for a week and messing up those 2 days on top of sub . and yea i sitll felt enough from the dope on top of subs to get me off E. (had taken a whole sub that day and still felt sick) i had tried to get into a detox last friday but they wouldnt take me because me health insurance is good , you have to have medicaid to get in...............a regular hospital . so i cant afford a detox because mine has a 500 dollar charge that you need to pay the rehab you go to up front..............anyway hoping i dont cop today..........i saved about half a bag for a wake up so i wouldnt go to school sick ............and have my klonopin
 
hey jake i feel u man i really cant stop this whole sub back to dope thing but ive bin getting better at it i used to make it 2 or 3 days or maybe a week at most n go back to dope but nowa days im up to making to to a month or two before i cave so i guess i can say maybe im making progress but i really wanna get to my ultimate goal which is to stay clean for good i never tried sub maintnence i always jump off the sub after a week or 2 at most evreytime ive had a couple months clean ive never tried staying on sub the whole time i just tough it out but apparently that is not helping me cuz i can get clean i just cant stay clean ive succesfully gotten off the subs and evreything alot of times just 2 go right back in i really dont know what to do anymore i keep reading n reading n i dont know what for i keep trying to find a solution to my rpoblem i really just want to quit n give up but i dont want to die so its one or the other n i really wanna live and experience the good things in life but i just cant fuckin do it sorry for my rambling good luck man
 
Man just doing those 3 bags yesterday after the 3 days of methadone had me sick all over today BAD........................Luckily i got a suboxone or i would be assed out now............HOping takin one 8 mg sub for today and next 2 days will have me over worst of withdrawls
 
You know what?
When I think about it clearly, right before I quit I felt exactly like you (Jake). And I mean the way your body is right now. You ALWAYS seem to be in wds, no matter what you take or how much you take. And I'm sure you're getting high, like I use to, but I would be back in wds lightning fast. Even with the pods those last few months I vividly recall being sick like 70% of the time I was on them. I could take a massive dose, and 6 hours later already be starting with the hot flashes. I DO NOT recall the begining of my habit ever feeling like that. Sure I would get into my points where I was sick, but its wasn never as much as towards the end.

I think after a long time on opiates the liver starts to go crazy. I think it starts breaking down opiates so fast you're always being pushed into wd. All I know is one of the main things that made it easy for me to quit, was when I realized that tapering actually did not technically feel any "worse" than when I was using.
When I used I took fairly large doses, which were followed by fairy strong wds.
When I tapered, I started using smaller doses, and with in a week the actual intensity of the wds felt better than the wds I was getting from those huge doses. The lower and lower you get the less the "swing" is felt.
You are feeling a pretty nasty fucking swing with what you are doing.
I wish you could realize that tapering would make you FEEL BETTER. Using sucked, and tapering sucked, but tapering actually sucked less. I think thats why I was able to do it. You need to get it into your head "I'm gonna be sick anyway and everyday most likely, so WHAT THE FUCK do I have to really lose?"

I was scared the first 2-3 days but once I started to feel the rebounds from smaller doses it gave me power to move forward. Just wish you understood that tapering is not really going to put you in any more pain than your current habit isn't already putting you through right now.
 
^ what Bo wrote is very true. i've been trapped on "diesel" all year. like you, i have subs, but after my first induction i used the first chance i got. so, i decided to wean down and do an H taper. for some reason i find this much easier than some sort of crazy yo-yo between meds. i was using between 4 and 7 balloons, and i've been able to steady myself at 2 per day. i want to make sure that i'm ready for this sub thing... only want to do it once. the first couple days are so shakey. at 2 balloons, i'm not waking up sick. this route is much easier physically.

dude, you should put school off and deal with this. the economy sucks, and i don't know what yer studying, but you aren't benefitting by being in a detox haze. the last months of school should be spent brown nosing and networking, or else it's a waste. can't you tell the parents that you have Lyme Disease, or another major illness? that way you can 'be sick' at their place, and not have to drop out in total disgrace. idk...
 
i told my mom and she isnt that mad but my dad would flip out and id be out on the streets if i told him........
Bo i am tapering i think , i just dont do it right or mess up in between days here is my latest regimen
a week of suboxone 8mg down to 4 mg to 2 mg messing up and doing a few bags of H on 2 of the days i was on 4 mg i think
after that i took methadone 3 days at about 30 mg then 20 then 10
then i was still real sick and bought 3 bags next day
then yesterday was still sick and took 2 mg of sub
now i have 4 mg of sub left , plan on taking in today and tomorow and stopping
 
Your gonna be sick no matter what bro. Sub and methadone and heroin are opiates and you've been taking subs for a long ass time, they have withdrawal effects themselves you know...
 
Exactly^^ He's been using the suboxone for a really long time and I think he thinks by using it "as a taper" then just stopping (even at 2mg is a high ass dose) then he wont feel withdrawals...I find suboxone withdrawal to be worse and longer lasting than my heroin withdrawal was.

Jake, when you run out of that 4mg sub again you're gonna be sick, it's an opiate thats why you're NOT sick when you take it..so obviously once it leaves your system you're gonna be feeling withdrawal for at least a week, probally even more than that. So get some detox meds and get ready to face withdrawals, or keep prolonging the inevitable...
 
Your parents should have cut you off a long time ago. Your story, from all that I've read, reflects in startling detail a good friend of my own. The specifics do not matter, but this guy just continues to bang his head upon the fault line, and is able to do so because of someone paying his bills. Whatever your situation is, and the reasons why they do this for you are beside the point, and have changed drastically from the initial conditions in which they were set. If you really want to get clean - successfully clean - you should tell your parents the truth. This seems like a direct course of disconnect from the financial support which enables you to continue your many addictions. It would be truly sad, and harmful to your health, if they did not do so. Your fear of your parents does not lay in their perception of you, but rather in your wallet - Your shit is backwards as hell, man.

P.S
Look into checking yourself into a hospital. I have overcome addiction, but through different methods, so I am not at all certain if this is the same as rehab or just a public health service that you should take advantage of; I'm sure the community knows. I don't wish 'good luck', and I doubt that you'll take this advice; although you really should.
 
Counterintuitive said:
Your parents should have cut you off a long time ago. Your story, from all that I've read, reflects in startling detail a good friend of my own. The specifics do not matter, but this guy just continues to bang his head upon the fault line, and is able to do so because of someone paying his bills. Whatever your situation is, and the reasons why they do this for you are beside the point, and have changed drastically from the initial conditions in which they were set. If you really want to get clean - successfully clean - you should tell your parents the truth. This seems like a direct course of disconnect from the financial support which enables you to continue your many addictions. It would be truly sad, and harmful to your health, if they did not do so. Your fear of your parents does not lay in their perception of you, but rather in your wallet - Your shit is backwards as hell, man.

P.S
Look into checking yourself into a hospital. I have overcome addiction, but through different methods, so I am not at all certain if this is the same as rehab or just a public health service that you should take advantage of; I'm sure the community knows. I don't wish 'good luck', and I doubt that you'll take this advice; although you really should.
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I agree with this. You're just wasting everyones time now. Grow up and learn to ask for help. Start with being honest, with your parents.
 
Yeah ok , hey dad i got a dope habit . And you think he is gonna say Oh no problem "after we have helped you out for 10 years and your still messin up its ok " LOL He is gonna say hey your own your own now and im gonnna be SOL
My health insurnace doesnt cover rehab and he aint lettin me use my money to go ...............
So i dont have much choice but to try to do it on my own
plus im only 3 classes away from an associates , and dont say i cant do it , i got A and B in summer classes..................
And yeah i know there will be w/d after Subs still but it should be a hell of a lot easier than if i was just coming off dope or methadone , especially only takin sub a week or two .............
 
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