• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Venting The Vent/Rant Thread Vs. You Silly KnuckleHeads Can Go Fly a Kite!!

I know you have been going through a tough phase but fortunately you are the only one that can change this.

Things change. That is as certain as the air you are breathing right now. Everything changes.
Go to a hospital and volunteer! You'll see plenty of people giving their last drop of hope to live for another day.

People who did not ask for the conditions they have. Go and visit the child's cancer area. They always need people there. And you'll feel good that you have done that.
You can't, or shouldn't simply give up. You are young and have a life ahead of you.

I've already mentioned I've been through this experience and it does not matter how you do it but you can never be sure of how dark, dry and cold the other side could be. I have had an experience like that 8-9 years ago and because of this spiritual world I can tell you something makes our instincts fight to be alive whether you want it or not.

People who OD will vomit while unconscious and a lot of them simply wake up after being in coma with a lot of new physical problems because you instinctively want to live. I have come back from the dead after being in a coma for a couple of days.
Without a voice and without being able to hear. It was the darkest time I've ever lived up to this minute. And I made it as 'impossible' as it may sound it happened with me. And it can happen to anyone. That shows how humans can be.

And trust me, nothing will give you guarantees that the other side will be any easier. Nobody knows, but there's a common knowledge from those like me who made it back who can affirm it's all dark, cold and lonely.

Do something about your life. Don't just expect things will just change although they will at one point. You seem smart and I can understand how you feel now, but I also know it's possible to change. Don't give up. There's no good endings when you chose the other option. Not from my perspective and experience in this particular case.

Take care!
Erik
 
Last edited:
Allein said:
Work....mehh... they all want so much these days, it's been like a war zone at my place this week, finger pointing and selective memories 8)

Try not to let it grind you down, I let it all get the better of me a few years ago and became quite ill but I got back to work and even moved on elsewhere. I's like to do something else but I'm unsure what and I make decent money which provides for others and gives me a comfortable life.

Your place sounds rough, have you got any plans to find something else?
Click to expand...
Well, it's actually the best paying job I've ever had..the mandatory overtime can get to be overwhelming but I can honestly say I enjoy my job for the most part. Things will only get better as I work my way up the ladder; which is pretty easy to do at my workplace. My least favorite part though is that I'm on 3rd shift. This won't change for years and years. The reason being that once you get promoted, you are bumped to the bottom of shift pick. Oh well. It does provide me with a comfortable life (outside of work.) I'm glad to hear you have a good work/life situation though. :)
 
^I'm at the other end of the spectrum to all you guys (Allein, Erikmen, PerfectDisguise--I love my work but make no money at it! If it were not for my husband's income all these years I could never have survived on what I make. We are always one step away from being broke which gives a little undercurrent of stress to our lives but we've lived with it so long without the walls caving in that we don't worry as much as we used to.

@Allein--good to see you back around!<3
 
My neighbor's apartment's remodeling is driving us crazy!!
They are getting loud today and doing it on Sundays (!).

But as soon as give them a ring they stop immediately and apologize.
They are a super nice couple +1 and that makes it hard to talk seriously with them.

I feel like borrowing a baby to take with me to reinforce my complain.
 
Last edited:
Guys, I'm sorry for my last post on here -
NSFW:

kace said:
Smoky, that sucks I hope you feel better soon.

I moved to the countryside to get clean, it worked. I managed to get come off heroin, and had all this awesome energy, was happy and shit. Then my housemates found out that I used to be addicted to heroin. They were all supportive and nice to my face, but screwed me over so bad. One of the housemates stole £200 from me, another spread rumours I had AIDS, and then I got man handled by another.

After that I didn't go back and became homeless. My ex then let me stay at his if I would help him out with money for heroin. By this point I didn't care about being clean, I felt so hurt, and accepted the offer. For 2 months I stayed at his, smoking him up, and became incredibly addicted myself once again.

I couldn't stay there any longer and am currently staying at my parents house. I have had no gear since Friday and have no hookups in the area to get any. I know I am lucky to have a roof over my head, but god damn, I just want to give up. I know it's screwed up, but for the last couple months I've had this very intense desire to sign a note declaring my wish to donate my organs (will that work?), get a shit load of gear, pin up (something I haven't done in years, I usually smoke), take a massive hit and finish this shitty life I have created. It's just not worth it anymore.

Meh. I'm sorry for the shitty post. I didn't mean to make it like this.. I guess I just wanted to say, if I manage to be successful, I wish you all the best of luck in the future. Thank you BL for being so kind to me. Please don't make the same mistakes as me.
Click to expand...

After isolating myself from the world since this last post, I've slowly managed to turn things round. I've noticed over time, I've gone from being savagely depressed and suicidal, to apathetic, to ok, to increasingly happier every day. It feels like a miracle! I can't believe I managed to get out of the rut I was in. It was deep, I was spending all my time with my partner (who doesn't like to talk, at all), either asleep, doing drugs, or being ill. But now, when I wake up, instead of being frustrated that I'm still alive, I actually feel okay and want to get up and do things. Please, if anyone is reading this and feels depressed and doomed- you're not! I know it's so hard to believe when you're down though.

I've got upcoming job interviews and I've managed to get clean from heroin. It's been extremely hard, but by moving away from the drugs/ bf, I've managed to sort myself out. I feel confident again, I'm talking to people again! I think I just need to be careful to not get too emotionally involved with people, especially bad people. I always am drawn to total sociopaths, I realise that now, and know I need to change that.

herbavore + Eveleivibe, thank you for being so kind to me. It's kind, empathetic and non judgemental people like you that make life worth living. Thank you for taking the time to reply to me when I was at my lowest point.
 
Last edited:
Kace this post made me SOOOOOOO happy!! If you had even told me that you were doing better with one of those accomplishments I would have been thrilled but it seems you found a way to get beneath everything plaguing you on the surface and healed something deeper. Even at your lowest point you were a survivor and I saw that as nothing less than heroic. But to have come through all that pain to a true ease with living is just amazing. My hat is off to you, dear lady.<3 Stay in touch.:)
 
^ Congratulations for all of your efforts and perseverance. A survivor indeed. And a strong one!
Life hurts us and when we are most vulnerable, besides, there's no one but ourselves to push us so we get up again and continue fighting.

I'm exhausted. Certain days make me think I've lived too much and made overtime with my private life.

I was too young when I left my home to work/study and became a father at 18.
Of course that led me to work too much and too soon. I honestly need a break.

Being sober makes all problems look much more intense than they might appear, I suppose.
I realize that life matters a lot but I shouldn't be afraid after all I've been afraid all my life.
I made it quite far but I fear to relapse, not to be able to support my family. To be left behind.

I feel sometimes that life has hit me hard and I need to deal with it at some point.
Unsolved issues makes us sick and I don't want to be sick ever again.
Not if it's up to me.
 
Last edited:
Aw thank you guys :) Honestly, without the support from people like you, I really don't think I'd be around. herb, your kindness is so inspiring :). I hope you know how awesome you are!

I've got an interview as a recovery worker, so excited. I'm putting every part of me into this, I really want to help those who feel ostracised get back into society.
 
^Good luck Kace!!

I'm so tired of feeling exhausted most of the times at work. I guess the end of the year makes me go nuts with all this workload.

I've already proposed a division of labor, let's see how that goes. :\
 
Woke up by a phone call from a colleague (not friend) who's in a different time zone.
Come on! We've gone through this..I'd be in the office in 3 hours.
 
Last edited:
Oh dear, I'm so sorry to hear that.
Rip<3
Erik
 
Last edited:
hydroazuanacaine said:
my dad just called to say my cousin is dead. he was young 20-something. goofy and kind. rip.
Click to expand...

I am so sorry, hydro. It seems so wrong when a young life is extinguished. I've lived long enough to start to see my friends and I begin to slow down--I don't want to use the word fade but perhaps even that is true-- but it never fails to shock me to see a young life full of energy and passion and futuresimply cut short.
 
Took my $700 LG P940 (same phone from James Bond Skyfall) into At&T because of spotty signal. After they inserted a new SIM card the phone dies. They refuse to pay for a new phone saying "it's a hardware issue". On the way out they had the balls to ask me if I'd like to sign up for AT&T U-verse wireless internet. I'm writing a letter to the CEO as we speak I'm so fucking pissed.
 
My agenda during these Christmas recess is simply too full.
And it's just few of us who is really getting the hard work.
I'm here for ages and every year I get to absorb someone else's position.
This is getting tiring man. I really need a break. :?
 
Erikmen said:
My agenda during these Christmas recess is simply too full.
And it's just few of us who is really getting the hard work.
I'm here for ages and every year I get to absorb someone else's position.
This is getting tiring man. I really need a break. :?
Click to expand...

You work so hard Erik---you don't deserve to be taken for granted.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top