• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT | paranoid android

Venting The Vent/Rant Thread Vs. You Silly KnuckleHeads Can Go Fly a Kite!!

Thanks Herby! I'm going to try another approach this time.
I have always had this perspective about getting old and experienced in a large enterprise as a good thing from my early days but so much has changed since I've started.

It's not been so long ago we didn't have internet.
And people would actually had to wait for good results. Now everything is for the next day. You receive tons of emails and they've all expect answers as if there weren't other important matters to follow up.
A day is passed you get the very same email. Come on!

Even calling home (long distance calls) were something we would consider. Now we just pick up the phone and dial their extension. :\

We are fewer, have less and less time and the demands for efficiency grows as we speak.

I miss working without the pressure of the immediateness that the technological world brings us more and more.
 
I'm very depressed and pissed off. I just had a beautiful baby girl and I named he isabella Ryan. Her middle name is named after my little brother who died by an old lady who drove her car through his elementary school. Since I have had my daughter I have seen him in my dreams more and what seem to be visions. Eight months into my pregnancy I found out the father of my child is basically a pervert. Trading nude photos of ex girlfriends to other people on local thread sites, Facebook pages so he could harass is ex with. He has a porn addiction for several different kinds of porn and jacks off in my bathroom three times a day. I had one of his ex co workers and her husband call me and tell me about him trying to get pictures of her. He got laid off in the winter and sits on his ass now. On top of my shitty relationship and my brother I also feel as if my life is over. Me and him don't enjoy the same things and I can't drive because I have epilepsy. No one will hire me because I am a liability. I can't shoot pool anymore due to no baby sitting and my mom thinks I am a dumbass that can't raise her own kid. My dad is on a brink of bipolar so bad we are all just waiting for him to snap and kill us all. What the fuck could I have done to put me in a position of this magnitude? What the fuck was I thinking? I don't even want to get out of bed. The thought of going to take a shit leaves me feeling sad and exhausted. Fuck my life....fuck it
 
This is heavy and you've got to do something for yourself. How can you live with your husband knowing that he's like that.
Is he willing to admit he has a problem. This all seems too toxic and you've got to move out of this situation you are in.

You are alive and you have a daughter. Parents are never what you expect from them, in some cases the contrary.
From my perspective this situation you are in is one of those you can't afford to wait and see what happens. You have to move.
I don't know how you can do this. You have to find out yourself.

What are you going to do about this relationship? Confront your parents. Your mom. She's family at least.
Life is not what people make of us it's what we do with what people make of us. Think about moving on.
suggest you try to convince your husband he needs help or leave IMO. How can this be bearable to you?

Why are you surround by people with problems? I mean if you want to make a life out of this you can't be attaching yourself to people that makes you feel like that.

The family is nothing you can do about it, but your husband? Like I said this seems to be like a snowball you can't just sit and watch. Work out something better for you. Find someone that can be there for you. I don't know but you can't carry all of this weight. Besides, from the way you describe your husband behavior this is something that is soon coming after you IMO.

Fight for your life. I know it's hard but you have your daughter to inspire you and life can be really shitty specially if you keep attaching toxic people as you move on.

I'm sorry you are going through all of these problems. I have no clue on how you can solve them and I'm not trying judging you or telling you are a bad person. On the contrary I'm trying to help you realize you must do something even if don't know what that thing may be. Program yourself to react and move on, think of ways to deal with this.

Small steps at at time. It can't be worst but it could if you do nothing about it in my opinion.

I truly wish you well!
Erik
 
Missing my friend. Re-read some article's online that were made after his death/a drug bust ended up happening because of it (so glad the police never found a way to contact me because they were looking for me, but I wasn't under arrest or anything...because I am sure my name would have been put into the mix just like everyone elses). Then went on facebook and re-read some messages we both shared. It's so sad that he died... and I feel bad because I still feel like I could have done more. Next month will mark two years.
 
I'm sorry you going though all of that. Feelings difficult to deal with and that we carry for life.
In different ways but through out your entire life.

I have lost my sister and know how hard it is to see someone that close alive in so many places.
 
I know I've said it before to no avail, but I really want to cut back on my drinking. It's giving me crazy rebound anxiety which lasts almost all week after a hard drinking weekend. I already have social anxiety disorder so this is the last thing I need. Being sober just isn't for me though, I always need at least something. I'm trying to find ways to get high/satisfy the cravings that just don't go away. I went two months sober and It's the longest I've gone. There's a void in me that can't be filled, I've tried everything. It's hard to put on my game face at work knowing that underneath it all I have major depression, ocd, and social anxiety. Every day is a mental struggle. Trying to find peace but the outlook is bleak.
 
Family dying, "friends" are a fucking pipe dream, I'm more lonely than I've ever been and spend half my time downing Vodka and the other half crying to my fucking dog.
My life is a fucking joke.
 
^ Come on Sprout. Do something. You know you can!!
Your life is not a joke. Start over my friend.
Erik <3
 
I've just got the vodka. Parents gave away my pets while I was away and I am also lonelier than I have ever been. I have made more money this year that I can keep up this crippling drug addiction. I get clean for a bit and no one notices so then I binge for a bit and still no one notices. I wreak of alcohol and sleep at my desk at work and apparently it makes me unique and endearing. I do silly things like search the internet for hours trying to find my pets to avoid sleep because I want to prolong the time I have before going back into the office because I know if I sleep then the next thing I know will be waking up to go to work to sit there and waste my life away. I started coming in hours late every day so they created a late shift for me. No one cares enough to react to my cries for help. I end up getting wasted because dealing with drug addiction makes more sense than having to deal with the reality that is my life. Its easier to forgive a drug addict than someone who has everything at their fingertips but is too busy being fixated on being negative to do anything with it. There are people in the world who are sick, starving, have real problems and I sit here and attention seek and complain about having it all and getting away with it every time. I am so ashamed and disgusted with myself and still I do nothing about it. I don't deserve to be happy. I am a self fulfilling prophecy.
 
Sprout said:
Family dying, "friends" are a fucking pipe dream, I'm more lonely than I've ever been and spend half my time downing Vodka and the other half crying to my fucking dog.
My life is a fucking joke.
Click to expand...

Sir sprout don't lose hope.

Some jokes make millions!
 
ensta said:
I've just got the vodka. Parents gave away my pets while I was away and I am also lonelier than I have ever been. I have made more money this year that I can keep up this crippling drug addiction. I get clean for a bit and no one notices so then I binge for a bit and still no one notices. I wreak of alcohol and sleep at my desk at work and apparently it makes me unique and endearing. I do silly things like search the internet for hours trying to find my pets to avoid sleep because I want to prolong the time I have before going back into the office because I know if I sleep then the next thing I know will be waking up to go to work to sit there and waste my life away. I started coming in hours late every day so they created a late shift for me. No one cares enough to react to my cries for help. I end up getting wasted because dealing with drug addiction makes more sense than having to deal with the reality that is my life. Its easier to forgive a drug addict than someone who has everything at their fingertips but is too busy being fixated on being negative to do anything with it. There are people in the world who are sick, starving, have real problems and I sit here and attention seek and complain about having it all and getting away with it every time. I am so ashamed and disgusted with myself and still I do nothing about it. I don't deserve to be happy. I am a self fulfilling prophecy.
Click to expand...

I'm sorry to hear that but you need to react. Do something for you. Don't want to be lame but try to be your best friend.
 
God damn. Narrow minded family members are doing my head in.

My parents can't accept that
1) I'm on stupid ESA and am too ill to work. (I pass out frequently and incredibly weak, it's hard to walk. I have to see a doc the same amount of times a normal young person goes out, and I have shitty lungs. First winter without pneumonia, yay.)
2) I finally don't give a shit my body sucks, so am volunteering where and when I can to help depressed people, or people with any problems.
3) That although I have had an education, I refuse to give up and want to continue it online. (Becoming a paramedic, but am not physically fit enough yet).
4) They don't understand why I love logic and science, and till I'm fit enough *need* to god damn improve my A-Levels. Not to impress anyone, but to keep my self sane!! (They never went to uni as they wanted to become parents and make money.. I am probs infertile and don't give a shit if I'm rich or not. I just want a roof, food and to be and feel safe).
5) And HATE god damn addiction, (not the people addicted, the drugs themselves if not used in moderation due to the amount of shit that comes with addiction), regardless of whether it's socially acceptable or not. (Father needs alcohol , cannabis and smoking to deal with stress. I'm a recovered addict that *needs* fucking education, learning and vaping to deal with stress. Apparently I'm a total biatch for not being an alcoholic too and not wanting to hang around that or any shit any more.)
They can't stand me, and scream and shout at me for all the above. I know education is expensive. I don't give a flipping shit if it makes me happy. I don't care if all my/ tax payers money goes on it.. surely it's better than drugzz? (I don't go on at people about it, I just want to be able to get on with shit about people bitching..
I don't lecture them (or anyone) about their self destructive behaviour, although it worries and upsets me. So why can't they god damn support me? Or at least not give a shit? lol. I'd be happy if they got over their (fixable) problems. Soz I'm not socially anxious, depressed, on drugs and bed ridden 24/7.. Lol. This is the most stupid thing in the world I've had to vent about!


Ignorance is fucking bliss!
 
Last edited:
@Kace,

Although you are going through a lot of challenges that I probably can't even imagine I think you are pretty tough! Have you tried talking to your parents?
Try conversing with them in different ways, develop new strategies.
Show them how you are feeling. And that you are in control. Like you've told us.

I'd strongly suggest that you find a good Psychotherapist for you. It will make you feel good.
I have done therapy most of my life and it really helps. Seriously give it a try.

You can find ways to deal with your issues and be happy. Satisfied. You should be able to try to do anything you want.

Your life is tough and it requires tough measures for you to be well and not mad or unhappy.
Put it all out, but in a good way.

Great post! Hope to 'see' you around!! :)
Erik
 
Erikmen said:
@Kace,

Although you are going through a lot of challenges that I probably can't even imagine I think you are pretty tough! Have you tried talking to your parents?
Try conversing with them in different ways, develop new strategies.
Show them how you are feeling. And that you are in control. Like you've told us.

I'd strongly suggest that you find a good Psychotherapist for you. It will make you feel good.
I have done therapy most of my life and it really helps. Seriously give it a try.

You can find ways to deal with your issues and be happy. Satisfied. You should be able to try to do anything you want.

Your life is tough and it requires tough measures for you to be well and not mad or unhappy.
Put it all out, but in a good way.

Great post! Hope to 'see' you around!! :)
Erik
Click to expand...

Aw thanks Erik :). Trust me, I'm not tough though lol! (Just trying really hard to not give in to the shitty dark side of life, how tempting it is sometimes haha).

Yeah, I've tried speaking to them, but get accused of "lecturing them with words they don't understand"..
soo, made it more understandable/ shortened it down, and try to be assertive, informative (without droning on), then leave when I see signs of them being irrational/ unsupportive/ angry/ emotional. I've never ever been someone who is blunt or likes speaking up, I hate upsetting people.

I know they can't help it, I think they are just being maternal, and can't accept their kid (who's in their 20's) has seen and done gruesome shit. (they'd rather think I'm bullshitting, lol). I understand that, and that they aren't used to me being around (didn't see them for 6 years, since my teens to protect them), talking or wanting to (it seemed easier, but meh, sick of having to lie "going to a friends" when really going to get medical treatment.), or being honest about the shitty side of life.

Yeah, I gave up with therapy in '12 (felt like a time waster and really struggled to leave the house/ be around people without going into panic attacks from '12ish- this year). I want to work in the health care profession though, and know if I can get physically healthy enough, it's not good to have any secret untreated crap (regardless of how well one thinks they hide it, haha), so am seeking and waiting for treatment. I sort of self CBT, but the ptsd is driving me nuts, having a stupid "anniversary" date soon of the 'trauma'.. meh. (not good on those days, before i've given in farrr too many times to suicidalness and can't risk that shit again). I'm paying someone 60 quid to keep me sane on the next one.

Edit: holy shit, my dad was just honest about some of the gruesome shit *he's* gone through, for the first time ever. (drunk, but still.. ) :) sign they are beginning to accept me? hopefully.

I hope you're doing well anyways Erik, thanks for your kind and helpful response hun, message me if you're ever bored or wanna chat m'kay? :) x
 
Last edited:
Alright Kace :) I believe you have a clear vision of things around you.
You're welcome!
Erik
 
Thanks man.


I'm sorry to be depressing, I've got nobody to turn to (who wants to deal with grim shit/ be a burden around xmas? i don't. ) I'm terrified of being in hospital. Today my doctor said I need to go back asap, see a neurologist and have an ECG. I got out on Tuesday ffs! I just want one normal week without seeing any doctors, machines or being on a ward. There goes my dream of being a paramedic. Damn. I guess it will be good to know why I have no recollection of things, keep waking up in weird places and have no memory of '13.

I guess on a more positive note, I'm clean?
 
Last edited:
random post...

“Armaments, universal debt, and planned obsolescence—those are the three pillars of Western prosperity. If war, waste, and moneylenders were abolished, you'd collapse. And while you people are overconsuming the rest of the world sinks more and more deeply into chronic disaster.” - Huxley

Happy Holidays
 
^ Happy Holidays!! :)

"There was something peculiarly gratifying about shouting in a blind rage until your words ran out. Of course, the aftermath was less pleasant. Once you'd told everyone you hated them and not to come after you, where exactly did you go?"


 
(thc = <3) Saved me from going bonkers tonight from stress. :) oh thc, you beautiful thing.

Yay, I've just realised that now I'm clean, I stand a chance of getting my ps4. :D
Positives from being clean-- what?!! haha

Peace x
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top