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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Venting The Vent/Rant Thread Vs. You Silly KnuckleHeads Can Go Fly a Kite!!

Thanks Erikmen, I'm just letting him get to me lately because I'm staying here under their roof right now so I feel obligated to just listen to what he has to say... I mean, he does have some god ideas too but its constant that whenever i have an idea, he finds some kind of way to make it sound like a bad idea, then I dont even want to try.

For instance, i got hired at this call centre, yeah its a shitty job and they hire everyone, but I went for one day. I was gonna go back the next day, but didnt cause he (and my mum but shes nont as bad for it) told me he read the reviews and that it wouldnt be worth my time busing an hour across town just to have a shit job. its friggin confusing because they are the ones really enforcing the "find a job already" mentality. So you'd think they would be happy with anything i find. but no, there's always some kind of complaint. And they try to pass it off as constructive criticism but I really dont feel that way about it..

Earlier, my mum basically found a nice way to ask me when I'm gonna "grow out of" my style... I wear a lot of elfy/hippie, colourful clothing... and I tried to explain to her that I clearly wouldnt wear this stuff to a job interview, or to go apply for jobs. Obviously i would wear something more accepted by society. But it really seemed like she wanted to know why i dont just "dress normal".. I dont get it, why cant someone wear what they want to wear? I told her that.. i told her I dont like what most stores have for sale. Jeans, dresses, and blouses aren't my thing, they never have been. I much dislike wearing "boring" (with lack of a better word) clothing. I can admit, yeah when i was 16 I used to feel like I needed to look different, but now that I know there is an entire sub-culture of people that like this style, I know that ther eis no such thing as being unique. I dont dress to be different anymore, I dress because I like what it looks like on me, and how comfortable it is to wear. How hard is that to understand? I'm not "growing out of" this style anytime soon, it's part of my personality. It just hurts to think that she wants me to change how I dress so that I look more "mature". and i said this to her, and she tries to say "its not that i dont like what you wear, but do you really think you are gonna wear clothing like that until you are 40?"
I said "yes" this is what im comfortable wearing and im not changing it for anyone because their opinion dosnt matter. I dont dress to please anyone but myself.
Like I said, I can admit that I used to dress really weird to stand out. but that's when I didnt know what style I liked, and trust me, I look a hell of a lot more mature now than i did when i was a teenager. I dont weear tonnes of neon colours and kandi kid bracelets in public anymore. I definitely grew out of that. I feel at home in earthy, baggy clothing. what's so wrong with that??
 
Nothing wrong with that. Besides, there's no such thing as 'normal' from my experience.
IMO you were trying to grow up when you've tried the job, regardless.
Sometimes it's more about having something to do, making grounds for your future.
But I understand them. They want the best for you. I had a very similar experience with my parents.
Take care!
Erik
 
Hey Papav. I think you are doing a great job, just reading what you are going through reminds me of myself long ago. You sound like you have a great head on your shoulder being obligated to listen to step dad and all. It sounds like you are a very respectful person doing that, try and give yourself credit cause it is sure due. Why can't we just be ourselves, always trying to conform to what others tell us. My daughter can make a skirt out of a curtain and I would tell her she looks great. I am old school and always trying to do what everyone else suggests and I am starting to see this as my downfall, though I take full responsibility for my actions. I agree that your family wants the best for you, hang in there, I'm hoping things lighten up
 
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Skipped my psychology session today. For no good reason at all.. Ugh.
Got offered a job interview for tomorrow morning 8:00am.. Its not the type of work that i would like to jump into.. I feel like i need to do something more with my life, rather than just jumping into the first random job opportunity that is presented to me.
 
^ Agree. It will be great for you!

I'm so much tired of discussions and the worst part of it is that I always bite the bait. :?

I mean, when someone tells me something which is nearly an absurd and that same person truly believes that is okay - and forces me to think alike when I clearly don't and won't - silence sometimes is not an option.
And by entering in the ring it's never a good ending - not even if I win. :\

But that's life!! I used to have a magic powder that would make all of these bad feelings disappear, but I'm not like that anymore.
 
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I wish my dog would just go to sleep... It's waaay past his bedtime..!!
Being a Dalmatian, he's always very switched on & if there is any kind of action happening around him, he just HAS to be a part of it..
GO TO BED PUPPYYYYYY!!!!
 
I know. My dog loves us too much and would never sleep while we are awake.
If we go out for an hour, when we get back it's like we've spent weeks away!
Can't live without them. :)

I wish I'd have my dog's life for a couple of days.. I'm so tired. I can't even sleep out of tiredness.
How can that be I wonder..:\
 
You can't subdue me with rhetoric.

I know what I know is truth. It's not arrogance because I don't believe in arrogance, or see it's reason.

You cant pretend/feign love.

It is, or it isn't - fooling me; doesn't work - I'm not a fool.

I know myself. I know my weaknesses; my shadow and I/they. have been very accustomed to each other.

I make mistakes. I'm human...but I won't be fooled by anyone - because all I need is genuineness and I refute anything other than that - life is too short.

:) <3
 
Why is it all so complicated ? work, friends, family, work.....

I once watched a program about a guy who went to work one morning on the London underground (circle line) and never went home, he just rode the train all day and slept rough at night. It was 3 months before he managed to seek help.

I really felt I understood how someone could do that, still do, to just leave it all and become a non-person and just fade away....
 
I can relate to that in some extension.
Every year I try to vanish travelling to an adventure so that I can reset.
It doesn't have to be expensive or fancy. Just plain and simple.

At this point I do tell everyone where I'm going though. People often say we make life as complex as it gets but do we always?
 
I suspect I make my world more complicated than it needs to be by not dealing with things well and overthinking many things.

I fear that at times my escape is inward, shutting myself off from everything and getting my 'under study' to stand in 8)
 
What a great insight Allein. You are doing good from my perspective.
When we realize things like this it means for me your heading to a right direction.

About the second comment. Who doesn't. ;)

Take care!
Erik
 
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Fuck you bitch. Fucking mandatory overtime on a weekend is complete bullshit. I never get to see my family, it's been four goddamn months and you can't make an exception for me. I put in a lot of overtime as it is.
 
Erikmen said:
What a great insight Allein. You are doing go from my perspective.
When we realize things like this it means for me your heading to a right direction.

About the second comment. Who doesn't. ;)

Very kind but I merely talk the talk, it helps me pretend I'm addressing the issues but in reality I've no idea how to even start.

Your last comment means something, I struggle to really understand how others see the world. I'm think we all have many common feelings and perceptions but I'm not very confident about it.

Take care!
Erik
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PerfectDisguise said:
Fuck you bitch. Fucking mandatory overtime on a weekend is complete bullshit. I never get to see my family, it's been four goddamn months and you can't make an exception for me. I put in a lot of overtime as it is.
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Work....mehh... they all want so much these days, it's been like a war zone at my place this week, finger pointing and selective memories 8)

Try not to let it grind you down, I let it all get the better of me a few years ago and became quite ill but I got back to work and even moved on elsewhere. I's like to do something else but I'm unsure what and I make decent money which provides for others and gives me a comfortable life.

Your place sounds rough, have you got any plans to find something else?
 
It seems we end up being the hostage of our incomes which at the end it is what supports my family and give us a reasonable life. :\

I've moved a lot in the past but nowadays we are trying to settle where it's best for all of us. There's a need to heal daily and continue moving on.

An interesting thing I'm fighting hard not to let some else's bad energies get into me.
I listen, do what I have to, work as hard as I can and try to leave my emotions out of it.
A tough game I'll say.
 
For me anyway 25 years of working in technology and the last 15 in one very specific niche field has brought a level of income I would never have expected. My work has enabled my partner to take several years off work whilst our children were small and enabled us to have a modest but comfortable house in a nice quite area and not have to worry about paying the bills.

We don't have a huge mortgage and avoid debt and credit as much as possible, we could downsize the house, have no mortgage and reduce our outgoings if I found myself without employment or unable to work but it isnt something I would consider by choice.

My job options are quite limited if I wanted to retain the salary and given I have no ambitions based around work and I know from past experience that whilst I have stresses lower paid jobs don't equate to lower stress.

I would like to find a way to make a living working for myself and want to make a start towards this over the next couple of years, probably online retail of some kind so I could start whilst still working. I find these things come in time if you keep plugging away, my last job move took 12 months but in the end I was headhunted out of the blue.

As I mentioned I had a total breakdown a few years ago and whilst work was a long way from being the sole cause it was the catalyst, I was having a really rough time in a highly political and amoral business. I was off for 3 months but I returned to the job and found a means of dealing with things as well as dealing with everyone knowing I had been mentally ill. Many people at work and in my family thought this was a bad idea and that I wouldnt cope but the episode taught me much and made acknowledge issues with myself that I had been pretending werent there.

If work is really getting you down and, like most you can't just walk away start making real steps to find something else, it will happen but you have to keep going and put any knock backs behind you...good luck <3
 
Thanks Allein, great post! <3
I can relate to you. My work has enabled me and my family to make a niche and at the moment I feel I would need to invest more time in myself so I don' absorb the bad energy that's been around so much lately. And above all, respect my limits so I don't ever get sick again only to achieve deadlines.

But if in the seek of having a great income i get sick in the process, then it' no longer worth it.
And I've done that so I'm now just trying to cope with my share but not at all being their 'conveniently' workaholic as I used to be.

I've been totally burned out before but I found that most of what was happening to me was due to my own diligence. In that process when I'd let myself go into their waves of excessive work simply out of fear. Regardless of the income at the end of the month, I'd had to evaluate what's more important and make a priority where my health and family comes first.
 
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Not taking time to vent, just saying I hate living this life and it is probably going in the direction of suicide - maybe I'll use a gun or use dry ice and starting fluid+a bottle of temazepam and alprazolam and other sedatives to turn my cellar into a gas chamber in the middle of the night. Living this life is feeling like it is not worth it anymore. I am ready to give up and I just stare at the wall or ceiling when I am not sleeping with no will to do anything, just like I am waiting to die.

The only thing good in it is my pets and I spend a lot of that blank time with Lucky and staring at the ceiling or closing my eyes while my macaw Baby watches. The only thing that could keep me from offing myself in the near future is them the way I feel. I've really gotten close to Lucky in the last 6 months or so but I feel my inner life dying away now and nothing can stop it unless tripping again could bring me back or I could stop being a useless piece of trash (don't tell me I am not because I know my worth is probably less than nothing).
 
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