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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT | paranoid android

Venting The Vent/Rant Thread Vs. You Silly KnuckleHeads Can Go Fly a Kite!!

I feel like I'm burned out from working too much.
Need some time off!!
 
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Is there a name for a disorder that causes one to only remember bad memories and recall them so vividly even when trying not to think negatively? And if trying to think of good memories it is hard to remember any and if you can recall one it is hazy and hard to get joy from it, yet you get deeply depressed and almost go crazy due to the negative ones?
Is that PTSD? Cuz If so, my entire life caused me to be traumatized leading to my schitzoaffective (sp? can never spell it right) disorder, anxiety, drug use, agoraphobia and possibly PTSD.

Haven't been in TDS in a long time, but figured this would be the best place for what i had to say/ask.
You guys are great in recovery support, im on suboxone so i guess im in recovery (sorta). Maybe I'll frequent this subforum more often again.. that is if im welcome to.
NSA seemed to kinda dislike me before my 6month ban.. but that i can understand, i wasnt myself at all, but that's a whole other story ill get to another time.

-HOOD
 
^Of course you are welcome!

H00D, I think that we do ourselves a disservice by labeling everything a disorder when in a way it is simply life and trying to deal with it. In this culture we are encouraged to focus always on the negative. We focus on what we want but don't have, what we need but can't get and what makes us angry or fearful--we are actually habituated to do this over and over again by the general culture of dissatisfaction. This is why the Buddhist approach of appreciation makes so much sense to me. No matter how shitty life may be at any particular time (and many of us do get dealt a pretty shitty hand to work with) there is also a whole miraculous world out there that we are completely blinded to by our own misery. Try to walk away from those disturbing and negative memories by focusing each day on something that you see that gives you pleasure, that causes you to feel compassion or appreciation. Anyone can cultivate this habit and it opens life up in a very profound way.
 
Just found out that a guy who used to molest me died in a horrible car accident. Discovered this after running into his aunt and asking how he was. Karma? No one deserves that but I cant help think of how a life can ruin anothers so easy, especailly when you're young. I broke and told his family but somehow I'm still the asshole. fml.
 
I believe people live in the world they build around them. It's not common in my experience to see the karma working in the way we believe it does. There's a saying about this meaning something like; here we do, here we pay. Of course the original is more emphatic but somehow I find a bit of truth in these words.
 
That's a great thing! You'll find other people going through these feelings.
Assisted therapy for w/d could be much better.
Wish you good luck/success! :)
 
Going through a really rough time. Had a bunch of shit stolen from me and I have almost nothing now except my job. Fucking bullshit, karma will get that motherfucker..

"But wait, I've been through a whole bunch of shit before
So I oughta be able to withstand some more." -Guru
 
^I feel you! I left my car open last night and they went through it like a tornado. I had my gym bag with my waterproof ipod for swimming (only thing that gets me to the gym tbh) and my prescription sunglasses stolen and who knows what else--it'll become clear when I go to look for things probably. When I am going to learn that the last thing I do before bed should be to lock my car?!:(
 
So I did it! I finally broke up with my boyfriend. It was really hard, I've never had to do that before. But we both understand that we have to be away from eachother for the better. I'm really upset that it had to end that way but I don't want either of us to die, I want us to get better but I don't see us getting better together.
Today just sucks. I got a call back from a possible job offering telling me that I am not hired. I just wish I could find and hold a job, this is sickening already :(
 
herbavore said:
^I feel you! I left my car open last night and they went through it like a tornado. I had my gym bag with my waterproof ipod for swimming (only thing that gets me to the gym tbh) and my prescription sunglasses stolen and who knows what else--it'll become clear when I go to look for things probably. When I am going to learn that the last thing I do before bed should be to lock my car?!:(
Click to expand...
It's awful for sure, sorry to hear that. My house was broken into and I know who did it. I'm hoping so bad the police can catch the guy, I have them all the evidence I had but chances are I won't get my stuff back.
 
herbavore said:
^I feel you! I left my car open last night and they went through it like a tornado. I had my gym bag with my waterproof ipod for swimming (only thing that gets me to the gym tbh) and my prescription sunglasses stolen and who knows what else--it'll become clear when I go to look for things probably. When I am going to learn that the last thing I do before bed should be to lock my car?!:(
Click to expand...

Sorry to hear you've gone through this. The good side is that they didn't take your car.
 
I just ate a pound of bacon. Feeling pretty good. get my adderall prescription refilled this Monday so that's nice.

Gonna eat an orange in a little bit, or maybe the bastard sold me tangerines instead.

Life is a motherfucker. Keep it simple. Stay sane ya'll.
 
Holy fucking god I dont care if this is TMI, don't read past this line if you don't wanna hear my womanly bullshit...

goddamn ive never wished so hard that my friggin time of the month would come already! Ive never pms'd this hard in my life!! Im sooooo angry and crabby for no reason. I cant stop eating this fucking chocolate and I just wanna cry because my phone just deleted a bunch of nice photos I wanted to post on facebook. Fuck this shit im sooo mad!! I hate being a woman! i HATE IT. fucking kill me please. Im so glad this forum has somewhere that we can just vent out our anger because Im ready to throw my phone across the room ,and this isnt even my phone its the loaner phone my service provider gave me because MY phone is almost equally a piece of shit and broke on me after not even a month of use.. Why am i so angry right now!?!?! I just wanna explode!!! D:
hfuisdvhasdihfawpepefhinjviugiuipwvuansvsD WHYYYYYYYYY
this is the absolute worst, i hate being pissed off and not knowing why i am pissed off. It just makes me more pissed offf...
at least typing off of the top of my head is a good release. maybe im just really letting this "meeting my doctor for the first time" thing get to me.. i dont wanna fucking do it.
I dont wanna go on methadone, i dont wanna quit, but i dont wanna die either. I just want this to be over!! OVER!
fuck opiate addiction, I just wanna tear all my skin off and not exist anymore. my god i realy hope no one really read this whole thing, its just a ranting bunch of rubbish. But i needed to get it out, my mum is sleeping and i am literally about to scream if i didnt type or get it out somehow.. I never write to myself anymore cause typing is way faster and this place seems to be a journal of sorts to me.
Time to eat everything and wish i didnt exist. :( :( :(
 
Papaverium, fucking shit sucks hey.
i hate emotions. so many days i can be happy then BAM im spiralling out of control like an emotional wreck, hating on myself for letting heroin fuck up my life.
im with you. fuck opiate addiction. i also feel like tearing off all my skin and not existing anymore... i already feel like my skin is falling off anyway, and semi non-existent.. i wish i could take back the last bunch of months worth of drug abuse and never have touched the devils dust.... but thats merely a wish. reality is im fucked, and also anxious as fuck about meeting my new doctor for the first time..
seems like we are both going through similar shit. except i dont get 'the time of the month'.. that must make things so much worse.
anyway. take it easy papaverium, and anybody else feeling this way.
 
You know I never really truly considered killing myself but lately that seems to be the only option. Coming off of a two year benzo run, and I can't seem to get it back together. It's been two months and things are only getting harder. I can't stay sober, I don't even want to stay sober. I can't talk to people. I can't even drive my car. My girlfriend says I used to be such a strong, ambitious person. I don't remember that. I don't want to see a doctor. I don't want to take psych meds. I can't meditate anymore. And now I am drinking wine. Another day wasted, even though it's beautiful outside. Fuck it.
 
CG,
You never know what's on the other side. Besides what if it doesn't work and you wake up partially invalid..It happens everyday. Trust me!
I trust you have the power to get your life in order. You seem to be intelligent, young.
This is only a phase. Years from now you could be someone very different.
As cliché as this might sound - you can do this.
Stay strong!!
 
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