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Venting The Vent/Rant Thread Vs. You Silly KnuckleHeads Can Go Fly a Kite!!

I am at this time ..... not ready to end my life. Honestly ,I would think that some people would still be wanting to end it ,If they knew how abrasive ,and how annoying my Wife is.She has not ever ,ever been into having Sex ,besides the use of pro-creation. Just like her other 2 Sisters. who 1 - is a Spinster,and the other is a instant divorce-ee as soon as the Husband realised that there was never .ever Going to be Sex in his lifetime so he bailed................
 
My Wife is the ultimate ,non-sexual asshole Bitch. Cunt ,Librarian twat ,ball-buster ass-sniffer. I wqs ,before I met this Ball busting cunt, a fucking riddla ,libia licking ,g-spot twitching miester of the female Orgasm and anal whoregasm....My tongue could reach out a hotties' outer ear ,from her Anus, to show her the way to her nail appointment ........................................................................................ My cunt Wife could not find her way of a Chuckie Cheese if she was electrified from inside out !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
herbavore said:
So do you mostly take them for sleep?
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Pretty much. I used to be very badly addicted (taking them every morning and throughout the day) but I've now got myself back to a point where I mostly just take them nightly for insomnia. That being said, it also helps a lot with my back pain, and my anxiety as well.

I've been talking with my psych about other meds for sleep, a few of them seem fairly effective, but even so I'm scared to lower my benzo dose because the rebound anxiety will hit me like a train :/
 
ShadowedLight said:
Detox tomorrow, going to miss my family like hell :(
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Good luck! Every time you feel that pang of missing remind yourself that you are doing this so that you will not have to miss them in the future. You are doing a good thing and a hard thing and a courageous thing. We'll be here for you during and after!<3
 
Having a bad day today. I am sick with a pretty bad cold at the moment so a lot of it could stem from that but...

Work is shit, friends are few, family is difficult and life is hard.

I feel like i'm just going through the paces day by day and not actually getting anywhere. My job feels dead end, Uni is becoming difficult / motivation is low. I haven't had a meaningful relationship in almost 4 years.

Sometimes it all just feels... Pointless? Like, what am I actually doing? What is my plan? I think I need some new friends.

Perhaps it's the government trying to deport my father? Perhaps it's coming to terms with the fact that I actually care about him again after everything he put me through in the past? Life is one giant balancing act at the moment and it all seems like it's at tipping point.

Maybe it's just because I have no one to talk to.

/end rant.

~Trip.
 
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Tempted to get back on bupe. 2 plus weeks without a drink/drug. I hate that stuff but it gives me a good bit of stability. Such a pain to get off.

Wish the fucking doctor would simply put me on vyvanse not adderall and testosterone. That's it. It works.

Shoulda never moved back to home. Kinda hard to reinvent myself when I don't have the stuff that works and I'm surrounded by my old bullshit. It's fucking August and I'm wearing jeans and a hoodie, time to move back to the Carolinas after this semester/college stuff is done. New York is old bullshit to me. Stewing in everything that used to drive me nuts, no wonder I'm thinking of reaching for the bupe.
 
I B Profane said:
Pretty much. I used to be very badly addicted (taking them every morning and throughout the day) but I've now got myself back to a point where I mostly just take them nightly for insomnia. That being said, it also helps a lot with my back pain, and my anxiety as well.

I've been talking with my psych about other meds for sleep, a few of them seem fairly effective, but even so I'm scared to lower my benzo dose because the rebound anxiety will hit me like a train :/
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Your not alone. I myself have had a hell of a time with benzo's & for much longer. I've been on various ones for 15+ years. When I was younger & stupid I abused them. I would give an example but don't want to trigger anyone or make someone think the doses I used at that point are advisable or more honestly survivable. I've since switched to using them for anxiety etc. as prescribed by a Dr. Sadly by the time I gained the knowledge of pharmacology I have now I had been upped to 6mg Klonopin daily & was at that dose for years. After a horrific time where my so called Dr. decided to drop me from 6mg to 0 in 4 weeks after the aforementioned 15 years of usage, well seizures & hell ensued. Since then with the help of other medical professionals it was raised back to 3mg where I don't have seizures. I plan on tapering it down & discontinuing after reading some studies & some input from another BL'er. I also take Gabapentin, 1600mg per day, which I also plan on tapering & discontinuing for again mental health reason's based off of studies & Neurontin's method of action. Regardless I just wanted to give you the example of the fact that after 15 years I was able to reduce from 6mg Klonopin to 3mg in just a few months. Though I do not recommend doing so, any further reduction will be done according to the Ashton manual.

If your not familiar please take a look. It's the gold standard for Benzodiazapine reduction as far as I know.
BENZODIAZEPINES: HOW THEY WORK AND HOW TO WITHDRAW

As for myself just going through the motions of life myself ATM so I can feel ya trip. Though circumstances differ greatly I hope that your circumstances improve. For me I guess I'll just rant at the system. So sick of waiting to get stabilized on the proper dose of my pain meds. Also sick of waiting to get this DT over with & hoping it's accurate. As most have been wrong in the past. I've done everything right, taken everything right, so it damn well better show up right! :\ On the bright side having shy bladder syndrome lets me set my own dates as I need to be catheterized so kinda defeats the whole random thing at least. Anyways I'll leave it at that as I don't want to tread into territory that skirts the edge of the BLUA on that particular topic.

Hope that everyone is doing as best they can with the situations they are facing.
 
^ Thanks for that last sweet thought, IS. I hope that you find some relief soon. I know how exhausting chronic pain can be.

And to everyone else, hang in there! <3
 
To the outside world, I seem fine. If ever I mention to anyone that I'm not happy in my life (which is rare), they are shocked. The truth is I fucking hate my life. Almost everything about it is wrong. If I stop to think, it's overwhelmingly painful and I think I might breakdown one of these days.

Nevertheless, here I find myself, and from here I must make my way forward. Fuck.
 
Fuck the begrudgers.

bah.
hrumph.
thump.
bang.
*other apparent acts of of adversity* in asterix
 
I've been struggling. Things aren't going well. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to figure it out. I don't have any real support. I don't even want to be alive. I've been thinking about getting away more.
 
Hey, Abject. I'm here if you want top PM. Going out for a few hours now but back around this evening. Sorry things are not going well.<3
 
Abject said:
I've been struggling. Things aren't going well. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to figure it out. I don't have any real support. I don't even want to be alive. I've been thinking about getting away more.
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I'm so sorry to hear that Abject. I've been where you are and I know how endless this feeling is and it's frustrating indeed.
But things change. They take a great while to happen but they do. Please let us know how can we best help you!
Keep posting though! It feels well to put it out sometimes.

Herbavore is a great person and I trust she could help you a lot! Whatever you are going through remember the saying 'this too shall pass'. I know it might sound like a cliché but it does happen.

Hope you feel better!!
Erik
 
My run is officially over. My left bicep is one big swollen hard bruise when only a couple of days ago I discovered a big rope like vein. That's gone now. Because my rig would get clogged, and not realizing that, I'd be digging side to side and back and forth trying to find it when probably I was in it. Last week my abdomen was so sore that it hurt to bend at the waist because I went very deep with a 1/2" tip.
Oh not to mention I have less than 200 dollars in my checking, and over 7,000 in debt on cc's, and NO JOB. waiting to find out if I'm even eligible for unemployment. Please cross your fingers for me, I promise not to waste or abuse the money. Promise not to you but to myself. If needed I'll just turn it all into gift cards immediately or give it to someone I trust for safekeeping.
I am on MMT but have been missing every other day, sleeping until past noon. You can miss one day without consequence, but if you miss two you have to sit around and answer a bunch of questions, give a UA and have your vitals taken, and explain to the doc what happened and why and plead your case. So yeah. Every other day.
Um that's what I've got in terms of ranting. Hope I didn't break any rules, tell me if I have. I've been watching the how Narcos on Netflix, maybe it's triggering? It's like a fairytale.
 
@phobic, X (^.^) X, its great to set an intention for how you wish things to unfold, once the game loses its hold over you, and some clarity comes back, it makes sense to quit.

if an urge comes and you notice it and you know where that road goes, it gets easier each time to ignore it and it loses its strength.

u didn't break any rules, far from it. ive been enjoying narcos recently as well, i like that they use archive footage and mix that with the dramatisation of the events. i didn't realise how far escobar was willing to go in order to 'win'.
 
Wow.. are you one sick fucker.

I dont even know you but I bet you tell yourself they left because your a workaholic... quit lying to yourself. They left you because your a delusional abusive control freak.

I guess I got totally blindsided... kinda tends to happen when some totally random wako just slides righ in.

Your a total losser and will loose this one too;)

Going to be the theme of your pathedic life.
 
Neversickanymore, who are you talking to? And why would u be so mean/rude? A lot of us on here are already so fragile and self loathing, feedback like that after taking the time to open up online could easily be more than one can handle. Wouldn't you feel hurt if someone called u "pathedic," regardless of who?
 
Phobicgadfly said:
Neversickanymore, who are you talking to? And why would u be so mean/rude? A lot of us on here are already so fragile and self loathing, feedback like that after taking the time to open up online could easily be more than one can handle. Wouldn't you feel hurt if someone called u "pathedic," regardless of who?
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ill just jump in for NSA here and say i'm 100% sure he is not referring to you at all. this is the vent/rant thread, so he is venting/ranting about someone he knows in his personal life, NSA isn't a mean guy ;)
 
^Perfect!

I knew it had nothing to do with Phobic's post. Just tried to figured if it was from previous postings.

@Phobic, I feel it's not over for you. You can change your situation. Don't try to see how this all could be changed at once as it will make you feel down. It's difficult to change, specially if things are not going well. Make an agenda, plan what you can change and move on in small steps. Just take one day at a time.

Focus on your priorities. Replan your life. If you intend to look for a job, work on your resumé. Remember that it's all about moving on by doing small tasks whatever you think it's possible to do at this moment. If you don't move backwards it's already progress. Most of us have been where you are at some point in life and if we focus on all the negative issues, we tend to feel despondent.

What can you do to improve your life today?

Wish you good luck!!
 
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