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Venting The Vent/Rant Thread Vs. You Silly KnuckleHeads Can Go Fly a Kite!!

we are getting old indeed but we are wiser too right guys? :) congrats to both of you
 
Try to stop for a couple of days. Just 2 or 3, then I believe you´ll get more strength, more energy to refuse. Don´t give it up man!
I wish you the best!
 
I can't shake these negative thoughts I'm getting. What is the point in being here when I'm obviously such a horrible person n a waste of space. So tired of feeling this day after day n nothing I seem to do lifts it. It's like I'm ok some days n back to this constant negativity. It's horrible living with myself when I hate myself at the same time n can never get the fuck away. How long do i have do endure this, want it over with.

Evey
 
Erikmen said:
Try to stop for a couple of days. Just 2 or 3, then I believe you´ll get more strength, more energy to refuse. Don´t give it up man!
I wish you the best!
Click to expand...

cheers but its got to the point of being a struggle just to get up and do anything these days in two weeks my homeless report is up and the woman at the council has made it clear that she will stop my payments to the pub because its not illegal for me to have to sleep rough and i just dont know what to do any more

now looks like i could be getting busted for something i lost in my room
 
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Those God damn voices in my head. Almost every day, almost all the time. Telling me to grow up. How to sit, stand, breath, move. What to do, when to do it. I guess everyone did this sometime in their life?

I never did it. Now I'm 30 years old bombarded with voices all day every day. It makes me wanna get back on bupe but bupe is a mother fucker.

The voices have made me throw out my adderall script 5x this year. Fucking shit does adderall make life tolerable.

Fuck...nothing like being told you are Jesus Christ all day every day to make you feel sane.
 
@FoolsGold,
I guess some of us have experienced this at some point. As weaker as we get more we tend to think the task is impossible.
You need to trust that you are in charge of your instincts and know that it all depends on you. Find the force within yourself. Find your motivation.
Try again, don´t give up. Look for help. I literally wasted decades of my life trying to escape something I´m still running away from.
It´s possible to change, try not to convince yourself otherwise!

No body but yourself can decide what´s gong to happen next.
Search for medical assistance, go to an ER and talk to any doctor if you can´t get the proper help.
Keep trying. If you really want, they will administer medications that can make this a bit easier to begin.

Sober living threads can also help.
It´s difficult to start but it gets easier when you take your decision in your favor, just like it gets more difficult when you don´t.
What did you loose? How about a day? Try one day - 24 hours. And from there you´ll see how it goes.
It´s interesting how sometimes good things start to happen when you use this immense force we all have.
Don´t give up on yourself! Keep trying.
 
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@Evey,
I´m sorry to hear that.
I know this might sound silly and ordinary but it will pass!
It happens with me all the time. This too shall pass.

Erik
 
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Erikmen said:
@FoolsGold,
I guess some of us have experienced this at some point. As weaker as we get more we tend to think the task is impossible.
You need to trust that you are in charge of your instincts and know that it all depends on you. Find the force within yourself. Find your motivation.
Try again, don´t give up. Look for help. I literally wasted decades of my life trying to escape something I´m still running away from.
It´s possible to change, try not to convince yourself otherwise!

No body but yourself can decide what´s gong to happen next.
Search for medical assistance, go to an ER and talk to any doctor if you can´t get the proper help.
Keep trying. If you really want, they will administer medications that can make this a bit easier to begin.

Sober living threads can also help.
It´s difficult to start but it gets easier when you take your decision in your favor, just like it gets more difficult when you don´t.
What did you loose? How about a day? Try one day - 24 hours. And from there you´ll see how it goes.
It´s interesting how sometimes good things start to happen when you use this immense force we all have.
Don´t give up on yourself! Keep trying.
Click to expand...

cheers man i hate sounding like a fucking troll with this shit but it's just one thing after another of late and no matter where i turn i get fucked over time n time again
 
I understand. I believe everyone has its own timing and you are the only one who can take this decision.

I remember having a constant dream for years where I was climbing the stairs and the place was always getting narrower and quite high in altitude, until I couldn´t return anymore.

Then I´d vividly seen myself standing up alone in no real place with no exits and no where else to go.

People often say that you even quit because you want or because you are forced to due to a number of reasons.

I´m sure you know that when you decide what´s best for you, there will always people that will be there for you and support.

Have you tried going to AA/NA meetings? They don´t care how you get there as long as you go.
There are moments in life that you can only go up.

Keep wishing you the best!
Erik
 
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My long rant regarding the rehab I just came back from:
I wish to find other places on the internet to post this as well.

NEW LIFE LODGE (NLL), BURNS TN, NEAR NASHVILLE.
WHAT YOU MIGHT WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THIS 12 Step-based substance REHAB.
This is about New Life Lodge (NLL) in Burns TN, near Nashville.

Be very careful in selecting your treatment. While New Life Lodge has some nice features, most of the key and core services are egregiously deficient.

Before I begin, one sort of humorous dynamic turned up. This rehab place, NLL in Burns TN, is in the South. I'm from northeast WV (West Virginia is pretty South in the minds of most folks), it is country yet in some ways more Atlantic than Southern in culture, but some of both. Having to work inside the DC beltway, means you have to build quite the vocabulary. I was told by the Clinical Director at NLL, that I came off as "entitled". It's absolutely preposterous as my style has always been to treat people in a respectful and gentle fashion. While most of the 20-something aged patients were blurting out demands for more free granola bars and gatorade, I would only kindly make requests that I thought were important. For example, even though I asked, it took four days to get my clothes washed. I kept saying "whenever you are ready" to the floor technicians. I dealt with stinky withdrawal laundry as well as I could, including washing in the nearest sink. This was anxiety during acute withdrawal that did not need to be added to, all I can ponder is why? But that is just a small incidental compared to what else I have to share about this Rehab.

I did recognize that my English and writing skills in general seemed to be different than other patients or staff. I lacked a heavy country/southern accent. There is nothing really notable here though it did seem that things added up no matter how polite and mature I behaved compared to other patients. So, if you are adept at putting together the Queen's English, expressing yourself, don't carry lots of extra body weight, and don't have a southern accent, chances are you will be considered an "entitled punk". I mean, I didn't draw any immediate personal conclusions to the fact that well over half the staff is obese or XL, other than the idea that southern food is really good. Sure the food is good, and probably hard to put down just like an addictive substance, but I'm just pointing out that if you act intelligently and are physically well kept, you might want to dumb down a bit, or you could be put at the back of most lines at NLL. On the surface my last statement seems like something completely ridiculous, but going inside the DC Beltway to going deep south, can make strange appearances. I just thought staff people in this business of addiction would have had that covered long ago. We’re from all over, and I am almost too polite bordering on pushover. How a guy from Berkeley Springs WV in the same mountain range as Burns TN grows the ‘entitled’ tag a few states from home is pretty odd. Good thing folks from London, Paris, or Rotterdam don’t often land at NLL.

The general setup at NLL works like this. I'm going to emphasize opiate addiction treatment, since that's what I needed, and if I had to guess, over 70% of the entire patient population were also in for opiates as well. You stay in detox where you can rest any time of day till you get to be able to function without danger (falling down, passing out, etc). If you want to try and make groups, you can, after a red arm band is removed. At some point unbeknownst to you, they will change your status to residential. All's that I could tell it was based on patient numbers or room maintenance, but nothing health based. I asked many other staff and patients to try to understand the process (Like the red arm band for keeping you from moving too much, a blue one and a photo lanyard is given allowing you to be more mobile). Neither band seems to be preceded by a medical visit, certainly not process wise. Once moved to residential housing, you are locked out of a room from 7:30am till 8:30pm. That is pretty darn ambitious if you are over 45 or 50 and have medical issues. It is ambitious for many people both young and old who are only on their second full week of eating meals and seeing daylight still wondering in a detox state. I simply wanted to see the Doctor before being moved. I never did, through many written (sick calls) and verbal requests, 11 days went by, so I left on day 17. I was still having withdrawals and among others things, I wanted to see if I could get a pass to shower multiple times a day, as that was the only time-out I could get from the symptoms. They completely missed or dropped my last appointment I had with the Psychiatrist as well. She was a bright point there, but for some reason they dropped that privilege from me. No word, clueless on that one. It became clear to me that asking about it was going to get me nowhere. Even if I had the ear of higher-ups for a brief moment, it seemed fruitless. I gave up, and just started doing time as they say. I was trying to feel better. There was activity that was greeted by police or an ambulance; I figured I would keep a low profile. One of my earlier roommates, a young guy, was escorted out by police. I think he was disrespecting the young women there. He really was acting like a combination of a 15 year old and a general pervert, I was glad he left.

I was there 17 days and never spoke to a counselor one on one. I'm not counting the one where they surprised-called my wife without first conferring with me and then I talked to a supposed counselor(detox) who was so taken by her own generosity of letting me use a phone, that I felt if nothing else, maybe I found and advocate. No, I didn’t find an advocate in her, as she closed the window in my face on my speaking about trying to get to see a doctor some weeks later. I did get about 20 minutes with the top counselor, Mike, the last day. It was the "don't leave" pitch, and while he seemed very sincere, it was frankly too late for me to trust. The people there are not bad, perhaps overwhelmed and lacking a solid framework for process, but not bad. However; the results and angst caused from this situation is all bad, despite the good works of individuals almost no good comes from the NLL state of operation. Part of his opening statement was “well we can’t seem to do anything to please you”. That rings a bit hollow, and everyone involved would have clearly seen that if someone would have talked to me 10 days prior, things might have been different, even that is doubtful after having viewed the situation as a whole. I was a somewhat upset about that part, put I’m not cold hearted about it either. I could clearly see that people may have been heavily overworked and outnumbered. To think that sticking the extra days out would somehow right the whole universe and managed to push me beyond any doubt of relapse is not right. How’s about getting to know me a little better, I don’t feel special above other patients. Yet there are a couple OH, UH HUH moments that might shed some light on things had any counselor had some insight into me.

I shared at the groups, but nothing came up where some seriously helpful target type material would have been raised. My main counselor was on vacation, and by the time she was due back, I had a week left. I didn’t see a positive glow emanating from the possible last week. Even the royal Dr. G said on my second day at NLL, that I should have seen my counselor within the first 24 hours. Two weeks went by and then my counselor went on vacation. Everyone needs vacations; I’m not upset about that. It is what it is. I got confined, was well fed, and it is simply my turn to go home and finish the rest to the program. A word on a couple of the groups; let’s start with one day of Expression through Art Therapy. To make a long story short, we had a nice yoga type start to the group, at the end we (only 2 men in this session), each drew a picture. The therapist claimed I had Mommy and Daddy issues. Part way through I could see where this nutty sort of therapist was going. I played my hand, no deception. She claimed that I was my Mother’s perfect shot at perfection and Daddy hurt me through a lack of words. Well, until my mom got a thyroid disease, she was a dedicated and terrific mom, a little strict but she was born in 1929. Afterword, we had our problems, but I understood she was struggling with disease. My father, as many echo my sentiments may have been the best father that ever lived. I must have had over a thousand baseball/football/theater practices and games/shows…and I to this day cannot remember that he ever missed a single one. Not a single one, and he was always the rock showing me how to do things but never put me down because I was not a star at any of it. I was just OK at that stuff and he made me feel like a star. I became really good at some other things later in life and owe it to him and my mom for the successes. Other patients had similar complaints about how mostly our Daddys messed up our lives and inferring that they drove us to substances. Shame on the, don’t know what else to say, but shame for letting someone like that come through.
As far as wacky therapy It doesn’t stop there. I served in the war against Castro’s Cuban/Russian alliances and FAPLA. This was in Angola, Southwest Africa, various flavors of war were there long before I ever got there. The presence of the United States being on the ground in that war was not made known and declassified until 1999 give or take a year or two. I remember seeing this in USA today and thinking, oh, I can talk about this now, cool. I was there from September 1987 to March 1990, by 1990 we pretty much finished it and it was over. I was trained under the SADF, and wore the South African Flag. I was turning 24 through my armed training there. I had already graduated college and was sent as a boots-on-the-ground point targeting officer. I was mature, I volunteered for the assignment. I had no children or wife at home and I was in top physical shape. Those are part of the reason that I got the assignment, mainly it was because other regular enlisted did not have my target training and cartographic skills, it came out of the agency then known as DMA, now known as NGIC. Now, while I was there I was almost killed multiple times. I saw and did things that were my job. It did not bother me as I was following orders. On one of the Expression through Art Therapy sessions, low and behold I remembered something I almost forgot. It wasn’t just that I remembered something (lost touch with my unit for about 8 days), it was again another session with only a couple people, and for the life of me I cannot fathom why the therapist picked at this issue. But she did, and throughout the day I did not appreciate it. I do not have PTSD. These therapists can be rogue waves if left unchecked. Oddly enough I like the therapist and kept coming back. It is funny, she is almost always off base. But she does it in the kindest way, I can’t see myself telling her that she is wrong. Anyway, my point is, even with some of these groups, processes are dangerously loose, vague, and unguided. What if the patient such as myself really did have serious PTSD. As far as Angola, if my back felt OK and I wasn’t happily married like I am, I would do it all over again, right now. I went in there a mature person and came out even more grown up. I don’t have kids, but if I did, they would be in the service if they chose not to go to college.

BACK TO THE BOTTOM LINE ON NEW LIFE LODGE
I did tell my insurance company that they should have only paid for lodging and meals, as I didn’t get much of anything else. They claimed an audit could be performed, but I am not sure I want to go through with that. I think I could probably just help people researching the internet for Rehabs. If you read my entire post (a tall task, I know, lol), but this place could be perfect for some people and a horror for others. I will make it clear again as far as horrors; it it very simple. If you have any special medical needs, or physical/pain issues do not come here to detox or rehab, search elsewhere and get promises in writing. If you like to flirt with pretty young rehab girls or guys, want lots of sneaky places to do things, and stay well fed, this is your place.

A little more on Mike's (the Clinical director), his pitch to get me to stay. Tears started to well up from his eyes, he seemed to mention people passing (Perhaps passed away), a specific person, a good person, an honorable person. Did I remember him of this person? I'm thinking, dang, this guy needs more help than I do, and he's in charge of the whole counseling staff here. Ouch, I'm stunned for a moment. Got a little heavy. I thought how odd and heavy; you know me now? And didn't know me before. He said "I really like you". I don't know exactly my strengths, but damn, I knew this person had some deep inner issues and was tossing them about in a clinical environment with me as a semi-target orgoal. Not cool, this was not group with the tissues and all, I was in a security office with my bags packed. Totally not cool, my resolve to depart became more real. I just remained polite as usual and let him finish.
DR. G. NEW LIFE LIKES TO SHOWOFF DR. G IN ITS ADVERTISING. WHY NOT THE LOLLIPOP GUILD OR THE LULLABY LEAGUE TO GREET US? THEY BOTH SEEM REAL ENOUGH BUT WERE NOT SURE IF WE’VE ACTUALLY SEEM THEM.
In New Life Lodge advertising and reviews, you are certain to come across something about Dr. "G", the doctor and medical director. He has become somewhat of a facility mascot and beyond. And what a wonderful wiz he is. Mostly when you ask where he is, he is whizzing across the country to some forum or symposium, the where the twister pickups and lands, we shall never know and it’s none of our business anyway.
The famous and reportedly much loved Dr. "G", is only there Monday – Wednesday and even then sporadically, I call him Dr. "Gone". In his absence which is most of the time, you get a Nurse Practitioner of dubious disposition. She will more likely to advise you to "stop living in sin and marry that girl", than to address any medical need. The aforementioned quote was said to my roommate. Another young lady patient was having apparently crying all day and had some medical issues to discuss; she hadn't complained prior, the NP told her to "get over it".

You are not going to get many needs met here, simply because there is far too few staff and with what is left, you are rolling dice. You are not going to die, the cafeteria people are always on time. It should be the subtitle for NLL advertising; NLL – ‘Your Not Going To Die’. Although that could stir up some conflict with certain families as 3 people did die here before it was closed and CRC took over. That is another story and time altogether that you can google if you like. If you have any medical problems or mental issues that require a little more than 12 step groups , definitely stay away. Depending on your issues, it's so bad, that your health could be at risk. Also due to the understaffing, they are unable to keep the drama , sex, and skirmishes that occur with the under-30 crowd to at least a reasonably mitigated state. It didn't bother me, I was distantly entertained, but I saw that it did bother other mature people, both young and old.

Some bright spots about NLL:
The campus is naturally pretty and well kept. The pond offers decent fishing recreation if you feel well enough to try. The cleaning staff is quite good, and the cafeteria staff does have some southern knowhow in food prep. The hardest working folks were the food staff and cafeteria staff. Some of the other staff had such body weight issues, I sometimes feared they would'nt make it through the days. As indicated in the NLL advertising, there really are dogs and ducks that are therapeutic. 3 dogs, and 2 ducks, all as sweet as you can imagine. One dog is very old (14 I think), but still enjoying his life. Don't bother worrying if they are fed, watered or medicated from fleas and ticks. They are well handled and taken care of. I enjoyed seeing them.

The staff is generally nice, yet the "entitled" moniker I got, did take me by surprise as I was a "yes mam, yes sir" person the whole way. I have no advice really to counter that. Dr. "G" is so highly lauded in reviews and elsewhere, and while he may be a nice fellow, he isn't often there and I question if he's keeping up with treatment practices. Examine this for example, most (If not all) of his subutex tapers end with 2mg. Even a layperson with some reading behind them, should know the new best standard is about 0.5mg. This can help diminish symptoms of the "detox" which occurs at NLL when your locked out of your room. Kind of odd, I thought. But then again, no one died over it.

On a ten scale, I give the place a 4. But if you want to get lost in the mix, get good meals and possibly flirt, for you it could be a 10! I have some experience in Process Improvement, trained at Carnegie Mellon institute. Writing SOPs (standard op procedures), would not help this place at this point. There is too few staff, they need third party help. Then get more staff, then a second doctor, let Dr. Gone be a medical staff head/greeter or something. The current Nurse Practioner is not suited for the dynamics of dealing with addicts, especially of varying age and culture origins. Senior home or a military facility would likely be a better fit. I know this seems harsh, but you go in for a visit or two with this person, and lets here what you think.
I'm usually very easy on people that have chosen to work with addicts, I have mad respect. The poor fit is obvious, and it's important because this is your doctor here Thursday - Sunday.

Some of the following paragraph is going to be brutally honest. It is what I observed. I'm 51 and happily married, and even if I was 21 would have more than just second thoughts about being intimate with IV users.....but here is truth:
If you are young and strong, want a chance at getting laid in a chaotic, less structured environment. This may be the place for you. Maybe you are on court order and like the idea of a bed and 3 square meals. Also, this might be for you. Getting completely locked out of your room, without any recourse may blow the fun some. But if you don't have arthritis, and don't look like hell, chasing the girls (or guys) around could make the time seem shorter. Seems like they are trying to do something about the proximity of men and women to each other. An unorganized county carnival could have solved this in a day, but they started talking about it and a week later I saw like one unenforceable change go into effect. I actually had a few more details to express what I witnessed and heard regarding the 13th step at NLL. I removed that material seeing that it could actually identify persons, and I’d rather leave that to the wind.

The spirit of getting and staying sober is there AT TIMES, if you want it. Its really there most of the time, just not in every corner or room all of the time. That is not unusual. The spirit of sobriety and living a better life is usually controlled by the current contingent of patients. Find some mature, determined people (patients) with leadership skills and you should be ok. For the most part , your access to staff won't cover that.
Also note: I overheard a drug arrangement that was apparently being setup, an H dealer was supposed to meet someone near a woods, and the place is surrounded by thick woods. I didn't confirm or follow up on it. I had already learned too much. I didn't see that this was rampant, but between that and another third party discussion, I counted 2 potential incidents of possible drug activity. Each time, I got far away before I could learn any real details, names etc. Maybe more disturbing is that I stayed to myself more than anyone, yet still ran into this. Maybe they thought I was ‘cool’ or something. Young people at these places are not that smart for the most part. I was lucky, at 24, for me, it was be smart or die and go home in a box, but that was 26 years ago.
Well, this is all truthful material about events, facts and the current overall situation at the Rehab center known as New Life Lodge. Wanted to share my story and get some things off my mind. I just wish I could convince my insurance company to look into what they are paying for.

PS. I am personally doing fine. It seems that my odyssey with opiates is finally over. I suppose I was ready and did need to be locked away for the first part of the withdrawal phase. I realize the next few months of PAWS can be a bit of roller coaster, but I won’t give this time back. I know the 12-steppers would have conniptions and try to pray over me seeing that I still have a beer now and then. Beer didn’t help me try to finish off my soul though. I needed opiates to help me do that. So long as that is THE one substance I never touch, the rest of life could be pretty nice.
 
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Eveleivibe said:
With mental health you have to be off drugs so long before they're able to properly diagnose you as they don't know what the impact the drugs, and withdrawing from the drugs, will have on you, Foolsy. That's why they've referred you back to the drug workers. Hang in there, things will get better xxxx

Evey
Click to expand...

This is the truest thing I have seen today. It applies to me. And the fact that you included the withdrawaling is even more prophetic. No diagnosis till the drugs are long gone. So true.
 
timetohunt said:
My long rant regarding the rehab I just came back from:
I wish to find other places on the internet to post this as well.

NEW LIFE LODGE (NLL), BURNS TN, NEAR NASHVILLE.
WHAT YOU MIGHT WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THIS 12 Step-based substance REHAB.
This is about New Life Lodge (NLL) in Burns TN, near Nashville.

Be very careful in selecting your treatment. While New Life Lodge has some nice features, most of the key and core services are egregiously deficient.

Before I begin, one sort of humorous dynamic turned up. This rehab place, NLL in Burns TN, is in the South. I'm from northeast WV (West Virginia is pretty South in the minds of most folks), it is country yet in some ways more Atlantic than Southern in culture, but some of both. Having to work inside the DC beltway, means you have to build quite the vocabulary. I was told by the Clinical Director at NLL, that I came off as "entitled". It's absolutely preposterous as my style has always been to treat people in a respectful and gentle fashion. While most of the 20-something aged patients were blurting out demands for more free granola bars and gatorade, I would only kindly make requests that I thought were important. For example, even though I asked, it took four days to get my clothes washed. I kept saying "whenever you are ready" to the floor technicians. I dealt with stinky withdrawal laundry as well as I could, including washing in the nearest sink. This was anxiety during acute withdrawal that did not need to be added to, all I can ponder is why? But that is just a small incidental compared to what else I have to share about this Rehab.

I did recognize that my English and writing skills in general seemed to be different than other patients or staff. I lacked a heavy country/southern accent. There is nothing really notable here though it did seem that things added up no matter how polite and mature I behaved compared to other patients. So, if you are adept at putting together the Queen's English, expressing yourself, don't carry lots of extra body weight, and don't have a southern accent, chances are you will be considered an "entitled punk". I mean, I didn't draw any immediate personal conclusions to the fact that well over half the staff is obese or XL, other than the idea that southern food is really good. Sure the food is good, and probably hard to put down just like an addictive substance, but I'm just pointing out that if you act intelligently and are physically well kept, you might want to dumb down a bit, or you could be put at the back of most lines at NLL. On the surface my last statement seems like something completely ridiculous, but going inside the DC Beltway to going deep south, can make strange appearances. I just thought staff people in this business of addiction would have had that covered long ago. We’re from all over, and I am almost too polite bordering on pushover. How a guy from Berkeley Springs WV in the same mountain range as Burns TN grows the ‘entitled’ tag a few states from home is pretty odd. Good thing folks from London, Paris, or Rotterdam don’t often land at NLL.

The general setup at NLL works like this. I'm going to emphasize opiate addiction treatment, since that's what I needed, and if I had to guess, over 70% of the entire patient population were also in for opiates as well. You stay in detox where you can rest any time of day till you get to be able to function without danger (falling down, passing out, etc). If you want to try and make groups, you can, after a red arm band is removed. At some point unbeknownst to you, they will change your status to residential. All's that I could tell it was based on patient numbers or room maintenance, but nothing health based. I asked many other staff and patients to try to understand the process (Like the red arm band for keeping you from moving too much, a blue one and a photo lanyard is given allowing you to be more mobile). Neither band seems to be preceded by a medical visit, certainly not process wise. Once moved to residential housing, you are locked out of a room from 7:30am till 8:30pm. That is pretty darn ambitious if you are over 45 or 50 and have medical issues. It is ambitious for many people both young and old who are only on their second full week of eating meals and seeing daylight still wondering in a detox state. I simply wanted to see the Doctor before being moved. I never did, through many written (sick calls) and verbal requests, 11 days went by, so I left on day 17. I was still having withdrawals and among others things, I wanted to see if I could get a pass to shower multiple times a day, as that was the only time-out I could get from the symptoms. They completely missed or dropped my last appointment I had with the Psychiatrist as well. She was a bright point there, but for some reason they dropped that privilege from me. No word, clueless on that one. It became clear to me that asking about it was going to get me nowhere. Even if I had the ear of higher-ups for a brief moment, it seemed fruitless. I gave up, and just started doing time as they say. I was trying to feel better. There was activity that was greeted by police or an ambulance; I figured I would keep a low profile. One of my earlier roommates, a young guy, was escorted out by police. I think he was disrespecting the young women there. He really was acting like a combination of a 15 year old and a general pervert, I was glad he left.

I was there 17 days and never spoke to a counselor one on one. I'm not counting the one where they surprised-called my wife without first conferring with me and then I talked to a supposed counselor(detox) who was so taken by her own generosity of letting me use a phone, that I felt if nothing else, maybe I found and advocate. No, I didn’t find an advocate in her, as she closed the window in my face on my speaking about trying to get to see a doctor some weeks later. I did get about 20 minutes with the top counselor, Mike, the last day. It was the "don't leave" pitch, and while he seemed very sincere, it was frankly too late for me to trust. The people there are not bad, perhaps overwhelmed and lacking a solid framework for process, but not bad. However; the results and angst caused from this situation is all bad, despite the good works of individuals almost no good comes from the NLL state of operation. Part of his opening statement was “well we can’t seem to do anything to please you”. That rings a bit hollow, and everyone involved would have clearly seen that if someone would have talked to me 10 days prior, things might have been different, even that is doubtful after having viewed the situation as a whole. I was a somewhat upset about that part, put I’m not cold hearted about it either. I could clearly see that people may have been heavily overworked and outnumbered. To think that sticking the extra days out would somehow right the whole universe and managed to push me beyond any doubt of relapse is not right. How’s about getting to know me a little better, I don’t feel special above other patients. Yet there are a couple OH, UH HUH moments that might shed some light on things had any counselor had some insight into me.

I shared at the groups, but nothing came up where some seriously helpful target type material would have been raised. My main counselor was on vacation, and by the time she was due back, I had a week left. I didn’t see a positive glow emanating from the possible last week. Even the royal Dr. G said on my second day at NLL, that I should have seen my counselor within the first 24 hours. Two weeks went by and then my counselor went on vacation. Everyone needs vacations; I’m not upset about that. It is what it is. I got confined, was well fed, and it is simply my turn to go home and finish the rest to the program. A word on a couple of the groups; let’s start with one day of Expression through Art Therapy. To make a long story short, we had a nice yoga type start to the group, at the end we (only 2 men in this session), each drew a picture. The therapist claimed I had Mommy and Daddy issues. Part way through I could see where this nutty sort of therapist was going. I played my hand, no deception. She claimed that I was my Mother’s perfect shot at perfection and Daddy hurt me through a lack of words. Well, until my mom got a thyroid disease, she was a dedicated and terrific mom, a little strict but she was born in 1929. Afterword, we had our problems, but I understood she was struggling with disease. My father, as many echo my sentiments may have been the best father that ever lived. I must have had over a thousand baseball/football/theater practices and games/shows…and I to this day cannot remember that he ever missed a single one. Not a single one, and he was always the rock showing me how to do things but never put me down because I was not a star at any of it. I was just OK at that stuff and he made me feel like a star. I became really good at some other things later in life and owe it to him and my mom for the successes. Other patients had similar complaints about how mostly our Daddys messed up our lives and inferring that they drove us to substances. Shame on the, don’t know what else to say, but shame for letting someone like that come through.
As far as wacky therapy It doesn’t stop there. I served in the war against Castro’s Cuban/Russian alliances and FAPLA. This was in Angola, Southwest Africa, various flavors of war were there long before I ever got there. The presence of the United States being on the ground in that war was not made known and declassified until 1999 give or take a year or two. I remember seeing this in USA today and thinking, oh, I can talk about this now, cool. I was there from September 1987 to March 1990, by 1990 we pretty much finished it and it was over. I was trained under the SADF, and wore the South African Flag. I was turning 24 through my armed training there. I had already graduated college and was sent as a boots-on-the-ground point targeting officer. I was mature, I volunteered for the assignment. I had no children or wife at home and I was in top physical shape. Those are part of the reason that I got the assignment, mainly it was because other regular enlisted did not have my target training and cartographic skills, it came out of the agency then known as DMA, now known as NGIC. Now, while I was there I was almost killed multiple times. I saw and did things that were my job. It did not bother me as I was following orders. On one of the Expression through Art Therapy sessions, low and behold I remembered something I almost forgot. It wasn’t just that I remembered something (lost touch with my unit for about 8 days), it was again another session with only a couple people, and for the life of me I cannot fathom why the therapist picked at this issue. But she did, and throughout the day I did not appreciate it. I do not have PTSD. These therapists can be rogue waves if left unchecked. Oddly enough I like the therapist and kept coming back. It is funny, she is almost always off base. But she does it in the kindest way, I can’t see myself telling her that she is wrong. Anyway, my point is, even with some of these groups, processes are dangerously loose, vague, and unguided. What if the patient such as myself really did have serious PTSD. As far as Angola, if my back felt OK and I wasn’t happily married like I am, I would do it all over again, right now. I went in there a mature person and came out even more grown up. I don’t have kids, but if I did, they would be in the service if they chose not to go to college.

BACK TO THE BOTTOM LINE ON NEW LIFE LODGE
I did tell my insurance company that they should have only paid for lodging and meals, as I didn’t get much of anything else. They claimed an audit could be performed, but I am not sure I want to go through with that. I think I could probably just help people researching the internet for Rehabs. If you read my entire post (a tall task, I know, lol), but this place could be perfect for some people and a horror for others. I will make it clear again as far as horrors; it it very simple. If you have any special medical needs, or physical/pain issues do not come here to detox or rehab, search elsewhere and get promises in writing. If you like to flirt with pretty young rehab girls or guys, want lots of sneaky places to do things, and stay well fed, this is your place.

A little more on Mike's (the Clinical director), his pitch to get me to stay. Tears started to well up from his eyes, he seemed to mention people passing (Perhaps passed away), a specific person, a good person, an honorable person. Did I remember him of this person? I'm thinking, dang, this guy needs more help than I do, and he's in charge of the whole counseling staff here. Ouch, I'm stunned for a moment. Got a little heavy. I thought how odd and heavy; you know me now? And didn't know me before. He said "I really like you". I don't know exactly my strengths, but damn, I knew this person had some deep inner issues and was tossing them about in a clinical environment with me as a semi-target orgoal. Not cool, this was not group with the tissues and all, I was in a security office with my bags packed. Totally not cool, my resolve to depart became more real. I just remained polite as usual and let him finish.
DR. G. NEW LIFE LIKES TO SHOWOFF DR. G IN ITS ADVERTISING. WHY NOT THE LOLLIPOP GUILD OR THE LULLABY LEAGUE TO GREET US? THEY BOTH SEEM REAL ENOUGH BUT WERE NOT SURE IF WE’VE ACTUALLY SEEM THEM.
In New Life Lodge advertising and reviews, you are certain to come across something about Dr. "G", the doctor and medical director. He has become somewhat of a facility mascot and beyond. And what a wonderful wiz he is. Mostly when you ask where he is, he is whizzing across the country to some forum or symposium, the where the twister pickups and lands, we shall never know and it’s none of our business anyway.
The famous and reportedly much loved Dr. "G", is only there Monday – Wednesday and even then sporadically, I call him Dr. "Gone". In his absence which is most of the time, you get a Nurse Practitioner of dubious disposition. She will more likely to advise you to "stop living in sin and marry that girl", than to address any medical need. The aforementioned quote was said to my roommate. Another young lady patient was having apparently crying all day and had some medical issues to discuss; she hadn't complained prior, the NP told her to "get over it".

You are not going to get many needs met here, simply because there is far too few staff and with what is left, you are rolling dice. You are not going to die, the cafeteria people are always on time. It should be the subtitle for NLL advertising; NLL – ‘Your Not Going To Die’. Although that could stir up some conflict with certain families as 3 people did die here before it was closed and CRC took over. That is another story and time altogether that you can google if you like. If you have any medical problems or mental issues that require a little more than 12 step groups , definitely stay away. Depending on your issues, it's so bad, that your health could be at risk. Also due to the understaffing, they are unable to keep the drama , sex, and skirmishes that occur with the under-30 crowd to at least a reasonably mitigated state. It didn't bother me, I was distantly entertained, but I saw that it did bother other mature people, both young and old.

Some bright spots about NLL:
The campus is naturally pretty and well kept. The pond offers decent fishing recreation if you feel well enough to try. The cleaning staff is quite good, and the cafeteria staff does have some southern knowhow in food prep. The hardest working folks were the food staff and cafeteria staff. Some of the other staff had such body weight issues, I sometimes feared they would'nt make it through the days. As indicated in the NLL advertising, there really are dogs and ducks that are therapeutic. 3 dogs, and 2 ducks, all as sweet as you can imagine. One dog is very old (14 I think), but still enjoying his life. Don't bother worrying if they are fed, watered or medicated from fleas and ticks. They are well handled and taken care of. I enjoyed seeing them.

The staff is generally nice, yet the "entitled" moniker I got, did take me by surprise as I was a "yes mam, yes sir" person the whole way. I have no advice really to counter that. Dr. "G" is so highly lauded in reviews and elsewhere, and while he may be a nice fellow, he isn't often there and I question if he's keeping up with treatment practices. Examine this for example, most (If not all) of his subutex tapers end with 2mg. Even a layperson with some reading behind them, should know the new best standard is about 0.5mg. This can help diminish symptoms of the "detox" which occurs at NLL when your locked out of your room. Kind of odd, I thought. But then again, no one died over it.

On a ten scale, I give the place a 4. But if you want to get lost in the mix, get good meals and possibly flirt, for you it could be a 10! I have some experience in Process Improvement, trained at Carnegie Mellon institute. Writing SOPs (standard op procedures), would not help this place at this point. There is too few staff, they need third party help. Then get more staff, then a second doctor, let Dr. Gone be a medical staff head/greeter or something. The current Nurse Practioner is not suited for the dynamics of dealing with addicts, especially of varying age and culture origins. Senior home or a military facility would likely be a better fit. I know this seems harsh, but you go in for a visit or two with this person, and lets here what you think.
I'm usually very easy on people that have chosen to work with addicts, I have mad respect. The poor fit is obvious, and it's important because this is your doctor here Thursday - Sunday.

Some of the following paragraph is going to be brutally honest. It is what I observed. I'm 51 and happily married, and even if I was 21 would have more than just second thoughts about being intimate with IV users.....but here is truth:
If you are young and strong, want a chance at getting laid in a chaotic, less structured environment. This may be the place for you. Maybe you are on court order and like the idea of a bed and 3 square meals. Also, this might be for you. Getting completely locked out of your room, without any recourse may blow the fun some. But if you don't have arthritis, and don't look like hell, chasing the girls (or guys) around could make the time seem shorter. Seems like they are trying to do something about the proximity of men and women to each other. An unorganized county carnival could have solved this in a day, but they started talking about it and a week later I saw like one unenforceable change go into effect. I actually had a few more details to express what I witnessed and heard regarding the 13th step at NLL. I removed that material seeing that it could actually identify persons, and I’d rather leave that to the wind.

The spirit of getting and staying sober is there AT TIMES, if you want it. Its really there most of the time, just not in every corner or room all of the time. That is not unusual. The spirit of sobriety and living a better life is usually controlled by the current contingent of patients. Find some mature, determined people (patients) with leadership skills and you should be ok. For the most part , your access to staff won't cover that.
Also note: I overheard a drug arrangement that was apparently being setup, an H dealer was supposed to meet someone near a woods, and the place is surrounded by thick woods. I didn't confirm or follow up on it. I had already learned too much. I didn't see that this was rampant, but between that and another third party discussion, I counted 2 potential incidents of possible drug activity. Each time, I got far away before I could learn any real details, names etc. Maybe more disturbing is that I stayed to myself more than anyone, yet still ran into this. Maybe they thought I was ‘cool’ or something. Young people at these places are not that smart for the most part. I was lucky, at 24, for me, it was be smart or die and go home in a box, but that was 26 years ago.
Well, this is all truthful material about events, facts and the current overall situation at the Rehab center known as New Life Lodge. Wanted to share my story and get some things off my mind. I just wish I could convince my insurance company to look into what they are paying for.

PS. I am personally doing fine. It seems that my odyssey with opiates is finally over. I suppose I was ready and did need to be locked away for the first part of the withdrawal phase. I realize the next few months of PAWS can be a bit of roller coaster, but I won’t give this time back. I know the 12-steppers would have conniptions and try to pray over me seeing that I still have a beer now and then. Beer didn’t help me try to finish off my soul though. I needed opiates to help me do that. So long as that is THE one substance I never touch, the rest of life could be pretty nice.
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Great read. Sounds about par for the course as far as rehabs go. You should repost this in this thread so more people can see it.
 
Good review timetohunt. Like Herbavore said your experience is sadly pretty common. But you lay out the problems eloquently and from a perspective of maturity that many of us young people lack. It's Sad on multiple levels. The first one simply being that you didn't get what you paid for. The points you make highlighting best practices in the industry being often lacking or simply ignored is something I have experienced myself in treatment. Sucks because you don't know until you know and by then your money's spent.

I found an investigative journal piece on NLL that was commenced after several preventable deaths at NLL in 2010. The specific content may not still be accurate but they basically make the place sound like a "factory" rehab. They make there money by pushing as many patients through as possible. In a situation like that even if you get a quality case manager if you don't have a magnetic personality your going to get lost in the shuffle. They mention having 200 beds. I would be surprised if people werent having sex and getting high. I've never been to a rehab where people were not screwing like rabbits. In theory out of control rehabs sound fun but I think it would just make me feign out as using a scoring would be super stressful.

Good on you for speaking out. I encourage you too make as much noise as possible. Many people invest a life's savings into what they believe is a family members best and only hope. The least they should get is the truth about what they are paying for. If you would please copy and paste this into the thread Herbavore linked that would be beneficial for people searching google.
 
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Thanks folks, I will clean up some of
the grammatical errors, and bad starts and stops (I pasted this from a word document and some of the paste got messed up a bit). I will move it where you all suggested tomorrow.
 
well ive got a roof over my head for one more week then basically been told i can sleep rough as they say ive caused this myself how the fuck am i after paying off what i own meant to rent a room at £35 a night and feed myself on £145 but do they care do they fuck ive got no family or friends ive got people wanting to fucking stab me and they wonder why ive ended up drinking again
 
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