I must say that I am very moved by this story..I have read it many times & I have also read many responses ranging from calm acceptance of this PERSONAL journey to bitter spitting about attempts to sell books through to taunts about Redcats psychological state.
The fact that it has created these responses is a true testament to its ability to make people stop & read it. Any truly good piece will always emote response from people which in the end is only positive affirmation of how good it is.
I am also appalled that the moderator of this board which is supposed to encourage the OPEN discussion of issues relating to the use of E was suggesting the deletion of this story, this shows an obvious agenda by him to support only stories which show the use of E in a positive light.
Very 1984 like I think!
To the people who have flamed this story.
Let me just for one second convey a fact to you that you all probably need to step back & consider.
Why do people take drugs?
If you want to break it down in anyway you can ( as I have ) it comes back to one factor.
To make us feel something! or to alter how we feel about something!
People have a large list of bullshit reasons for why they take this drug.
I can feel the music better.
I can communicate better.
I feel so good & loving.
For spiritual evolution
I ask the BIG question why do we need drugs to achieve these things? If we are not looking inside to find these answers but instead just keep taking pills to have these feelings then we are really learning nothing.
If you need drugs to listen to the music, then you don't like it & you should find music you can appreciate without them.
If you need drugs to reach out or understand others then you need to find out what it is that has given you these inhibitions & remove them from your life.
If you want to evolve spiritually, well do what many highly evolved people have done & learn this through practice & patience's ( i.e. YOGA etc ).
In fact I would say to those who took the time to outline how they are in control & send there informed views on how they practice moderation are very deep in denial. So deep in they have to protect there beloved E? Why would you become upset by Redcat sharing this story if you did not in fact realize that this drug controls you also, just because it only controls you 4 times a year does not mean you are not using it to avoid some reality at the time.
If you are all so SPIRITUALLY evolved form E use then why not practice the ultimate moderation ABSTINENCE!
Why not learn to hug strangers without drugs..why not learn to dance to techno without drugs, why not learn to confess your deepest fears without E.
But you cant because you need E! & I mainly point this at those on here who have become defensive in there replies to Redcats post.
If you have ever taken a PILL to feel good because you have had a shit day then in my estimation you are an addict who should be asking yourself WHY CANT I FEEL GOOD WITHOUT THIS. If your day was shit don't wait to take a pill to plot it out, pinpoint the thing that is making you feel shit & have the balls to change it! If you hate your job change it, if your friends bother you then fuck them off, If your relationship/ Marriage is bullshit end it etc etc
But its all to easy isn't it? we can fix things that are difficult or require our effort or time to make them what we need to feel good about, our we can always take a pill & feel good about bullshit for few hours.
I mean come on everybody I am not afraid to admit that I have spent many a night standing in front of multi coloured light at a rave or club thinking this was the most wondrous /significant & amazing thing I have ever witnessed. Or that some guy playing some music had somehow enriched my life, how did this serve to evolve me spiritually?.
Sure I have had some profound & impacting changes to life bought on by my use of E, I was able to recognise hurtful things about myself that I concealed normally. I also was able to accept myself on a much deeper level.
But the real SPIRITUAL lesson came when I began my spiral into abuse of this drug, & then came to the realisation that I want to achieve all these feelings thoughts & experiences without using a pill to do it.
I want to look at a light show & enjoy it for what it is, & not have some BULLSHIT false life changing view of what it is. I want to feel the music without been deceived into believing that it is some spirit talking to me rather than just a cleverly constructed collection of patterns & samples. I want to bond with nice intelligent & fun loving people, who love life everyday. Not just when they are on DRUGS.
All these things take time to develop..especially rewarding friendships with wonderful people, I don't know how many times I thought I made deep connections with complete strangers & then realised the next day I have nothing in common with them accept our use of drugs & our need to spill our guts while on them..this is not the basis for a friendship.
How many of you can rave without E.
On the weekend I went to an OUTDOOR DOOF & took no pills. It was freezing cold but I danced for 3hrs, I can tell you that I felt all the same things that I felt when I was on E the only difference was that I didn't get caught up in some bullshit perception of how significant ( life changing ) they where.
yes I felt like we where a community all gathered in the bush to feel the music & dance.
Yes the light show was great & beautiful to watch.
Yes I was very into the beauty of the trees there & how the lighting played along them.
Yes the music was fucking fantastic.
& it even rained a little & I thanked nature for cooling me down.
I did all of this without my minds view of these things been clouded by some chemical, so I know the joy I felt in being there was real joy, I knew the music really was good & the lights stunning.
I had a great night because:
I was able to focus my mind when I CHOSE to on any part of the night & enjoy it for what it was.
I was also able to stop dancing when my body told me I was ready.
I could eat in the morning when I was hungry
& I could go to bed and sleep when my brain & body needed.
And go to work this week without suffering self induced Clinical Deppression
And I know that every thing I heard, saw & experienced was real & not a chemical speaking to me.
I had a profound thought dawn on me that night.
I have finally accepted responsibility for my life & my world, if I am unhappy with anything I must WORK to make it what I need to feel happy about it. This is REAL & tangible evolution that will impact my life in a beneficial way daily.
& I believe that Redcat has reached that point her life where she came to ask these questions, the fact that she had the courage to use her considerable writing skills to try & reach whoever may be struggling with the same issues is a testament to her level of SPIRITUAL evolution. Because she has created something of real & lasting meaning, a personal account of one persons journey to take control of there own existence. In a written form that manages to make people feel something whenthey read it.
You pissy people who sent your nasty replies should take a look in the mirror at what miserable & weak people you really are that you would reject a story that anybody with half a brain cell left can see is somebodies legitimate attempt to pass on a life lesson, solely to help you avoid having to suffer the pain of learning it yourself.
Redcat has absolutely nothing to gain by putting this story here for you assholes to read! In fact in my estimation this could become a best selling book or even a movie from which she could have made millions. She has exposed herself to the enormous risk of having this beautifully written piece ripped of by anybody else to be sold to the highest bidder.
You are obviously people who need E to feel empathy, where's your highly evolved spirituality now when your not all loved up with fake E motions?.
I congratulate you Redcat for having the balls to do this, but not only that for been so selfless that you have given it freely to those who need it the most. Rather than selling it to the corporation to edit, print & then capitalize on as I am sure you could have.
You are a truly evolved person, wonderful story teller & a teacher. Don't let the ratings of these drug confused people stop you from achieving happiness by sharing this experience with those of us who are able to learn form you.