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Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

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It sounds like he’s a good guy.
That depression you get in wd, especially benzo wd, is absolutely miserable. One of the reasons I put off getting clean. The fear of being awake all night and wishing I was dead felt like staring down the barrel of a gun. And it lasts for f’ing forever. I consider myself to be a pretty manly man but faced with a month of that? I turn into a scared little kid.
 
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Hippy Flower Fairy said:
I had to edit my above comment I got myself conned out of £125 not my son, he's pissed off I fell for being conned as gets he knows I'm silly and trust people to much
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He’s looking out for you. You’re blessed to have someone in your corner. My wife is that person for me. I was sooooo scared to tell her the truth fir fear she might hate me. Turns out she just wanted to help.
 
Dundermifflin8699 said:
Middle of month...
Decision to taper and quit....

Round and round it goes....
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Every month. I was in that same exact spot every month for a couple of years. I would get my prescription filled on the 1st and make concrete plans. Initially it was a plan to never run out. After a year of that failing I changed it to just having one pill left at the end of the month, but I failed that more and more each month. Near the end I promised myself that I would just not use them except in emergencies (but somehow..... every day became an emergency). I asked my wife to ration my pills, but I got around that speed bump like a NASCAR driver.

The only way I was ever going to stop was to cut myself off completely. As far as my mind and body are concerned, those pills have only been a figment of my imagination for the last 3 months. I didn’t want to make it permanent, and thankfully I have a stubborn mule for a spouse. But if I had access to the pills, I definitely would have found a way to ‘need’ them.

I think we’re in the same boat. If you can’t find some way to remove your prescription from your life, at least for a few months, you might have no choice but to cancel that appointment. I struggled for a couple of months to get the words out. I wanted help so badly but I just couldn’t bring myself to say it. One day I just ripped the band-aid off and said it. If not for my wife...... I was going to have to tell my Dr so HE would have to cut me off. My fear of going that far is probably what kept me quiet for all of those months.
 
Squeaky said:
I had the exact same plan. Lifetime of needing pain management. In the end I was no better than a fat guy addicted to Diet Coke.
It’s an impossible question to answer, and every situation is unique. You have to do what’s best for you.
Don’t forget that prescriptions don’t expire for a year. If you need to travel with extra meds maybe you can bring this month’s script in it’s bottle and some of last months script in it’s own bottle. The authorities generally look at the patient’s name and date of the prescription. They might not even notice that you have two of the same prescriptions.
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Leave that fat bloke addicted to diet coke alone! I love that guy, I married him :ROFLMAO:

I was reading about classifications of drugs (UK) and discovered that buprenorphine is in the same class as gabapentin! It's a class C controlled substance, illegal without a prescription, slap on the wrist for possession, no big deal.
I'm amazed. Cannabis got moved back to class B (possession prosecutable) years ago. All other opiates seem to be class A (always prosecute).
That makes no sense whatsoever, but means I can do UK travel with all the bupe I like!
 
papercuts said:
Leave that fat bloke addicted to diet coke alone! I love that guy, I married him :ROFLMAO:

I was reading about classifications of drugs (UK) and discovered that buprenorphine is in the same class as gabapentin! It's a class C controlled substance, illegal without a prescription, slap on the wrist for possession, no big deal.
I'm amazed. Cannabis got moved back to class B (possession prosecutable) years ago. All other opiates seem to be class A (always prosecute).
That makes no sense whatsoever, but means I can do UK travel with all the bupe I like!
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I’m paranoid. My concern is I might get that cop who’s trying to make a name for himself, or just doesn’t know the law very well. I’m actually less worried about getting arrested than I am about getting my pills stolen or ‘impounded’. Imagine being half way into a week long vacation and suddenly find yourself out of bupe. It’s not like I can go to a gas station and get more. I just assume the authorities are capable of crime also, so I hide a day or two worth of pills in my luggage/car/etc (even going so far as to mail a few pills to myself in advance if its a long trip).

My nightmare was always that I get on a plane and fly several hours only to find my pills are gone. “Withdrawals on a Plane” sounds like a bad action movie where Schwarzenegger spends the action sequences running back and forth to the bathroom, on his cell phone trying to get the pharmacy to give him more meds. (In the USA you absolutely cannot get a prescription for opiates replaced, regardless of how legitimate or how serious the situation may be)
 
Squeaky said:
I’m paranoid. My concern is I might get that cop who’s trying to make a name for himself, or just doesn’t know the law very well. I’m actually less worried about getting arrested than I am about getting my pills stolen or ‘impounded’. Imagine being half way into a week long vacation and suddenly find yourself out of bupe. It’s not like I can go to a gas station and get more. I just assume the authorities are capable of crime also, so I hide a day or two worth of pills in my luggage/car/etc (even going so far as to mail a few pills to myself in advance if its a long trip).

My nightmare was always that I get on a plane and fly several hours only to find my pills are gone. “Withdrawals on a Plane” sounds like a bad action movie where Schwarzenegger spends the action sequences running back and forth to the bathroom, on his cell phone trying to get the pharmacy to give him more meds. (In the USA you absolutely cannot get a prescription for opiates replaced, regardless of how legitimate or how serious the situation may be)
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I was determined to break my dependency on the illegal stuff because of a similar fear.

My nightmare scenario is I'm rushed into hospital for any reason and must stay there going into withdrawal as it becomes more obvious it's opioid wd. All the nurses know, one tells a doctor and it goes on my medical records at a central level and I'd never be trusted by a doctor again.

Usually nurses are great, I was warned about my "drug seeking" behaviour by a kind nurse (they gave me an IV shot of morphine while I had been sober years, that kinda disturbed my equilibrium) and she didn't tell the doctor.
Another time a friend of mine had an illegal abortion and landed in hospital three days, she told the nurse and they both kept it secret from the doctor.
I've enough experience to know that Doctors aren't as understanding, they are forced to report things or lose their careers, hence my fears.

So I'm doing great, I've broken my physical dependance on illegals, making sure I leave a few days inbetween and my increased legal dose helps too.
Completely clean/sober just isn't on the cards for me any time soon. All things in moderation (haha, I know we're all thinking, "Opiates don't allow moderation". So be it then!).
 
Near the end of my recent bout with dependence I became very aware that I needed more than a few days to quit the pills. I was really worried I might lose my job/wife/house because of the side effects of prolonged withdrawals. One of the multitude of reasons I was reluctant to quit completely. People are surprisingly supportive when you start bearing your sole and tell the truth for a change. My half-assed excuses for not being able to show up to work or putting off household chores were not well received, but when my wife knew I was hating the world because of the wd’s...... she gave me a lot more slack for the honesty.
 
Squeaky said:
Near the end of my recent bout with dependence I became very aware that I needed more than a few days to quit the pills. I was really worried I might lose my job/wife/house because of the side effects of prolonged withdrawals. One of the multitude of reasons I was reluctant to quit completely. People are surprisingly supportive when you start bearing your sole and tell the truth for a change. My half-assed excuses for not being able to show up to work or putting off household chores were not well received, but when my wife knew I was hating the world because of the wd’s...... she gave me a lot more slack for the honesty.
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It took a whole month of only low dose prescription and occasionally a very low dose other relief from wd symptoms, to get to the point where my increased prescription is enough most days.
That was hard enough for me.
I'm lucky that I was able to stay sober, completely, while I'd kids. That was worth it and I'd hate myself if I hadn't. I did it while promising myself this time later.
So this is the time in my life I relax. Our kids are adults, our house is paid and my marriage is solid, so if I lose my job it would be a bit of a loss but tbh I'm bored of it.

I've done a lot in the physical world and been reasonably successful.
Now I've time to explore my head a bit more than when I was younger, it's fascinating in there!
 
Squeaky said:
That depression you get in wd, especially benzo wd, is absolutely miserable. One of the reasons I put off getting clean. The fear of being awake all night and wishing I was dead felt like staring down the barrel of a gun. And it lasts for f’ing forever. I consider myself to be a pretty manly man but faced with a month of that? I turn into a scared little kid
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I just re-read this and I couldn't of put it better myself, zopiclone is just as bad, sorry if I am repeating myself, on here or another thread, benzo brain, but I must have some bad reaction to zopiclone as I was addicted to it ran out for 2 days and yeah the insomnia the depression is bad, I couldn't eat, couldn't get out of bed, lost so much weight in 2 days, so as soon as they arrived on the Monday I took one felt a bit better, I carried on taking them for my insomnia for a few weeks and my depression got worse and worse WHILE I WAS TAKING THEM, I couldn't leave the flat I couldn't even take my bins out, ordered shopping online to be delivered,
I was so scared of going outside, when the bin bags pilled up I had to force myself to take them out, or my son did occasionally

The day I moved back onto benzos I felt like me again, started on such a low dose, but I've fucked up now, using them so much I'm to scarred to stop, and I don't know if I want to as if I get that depression again I don't think I'll cope, after the withdrawal from hell PAWS can last years, I'm not strong enough
 
Hippy Flower Fairy said:
I just re-read this and I couldn't of put it better myself, zopiclone is just as bad, sorry if I am repeating myself, on here or another thread, benzo brain, but I must have some bad reaction to zopiclone as I was addicted to it ran out for 2 days and yeah the insomnia the depression is bad, I couldn't eat, couldn't get out of bed, lost so much weight in 2 days, so as soon as they arrived on the Monday I took one felt a bit better, I carried on taking them for my insomnia for a few weeks and my depression got worse and worse WHILE I WAS TAKING THEM, I couldn't leave the flat I couldn't even take my bins out, ordered shopping online to be delivered,
I was so scared of going outside, when the bin bags pilled up I had to force myself to take them out, or my son did occasionally

The day I moved back onto benzos I felt like me again, started on such a low dose, but I've fucked up now, using them so much I'm to scarred to stop, and I don't know if I want to as if I get that depression again I don't think I'll cope, after the withdrawal from hell PAWS can last years, I'm not strong enough
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I feel for you, I've never had enough benzos in a row to get a habit and I'm so glad I only have opioid wd to deal with, yeah only. People say benzos are the worst, but I'll tell you what my friend did in the first half of this year. She went from xanax to diazepam to prozac in many stages controlled by her doctor, but she actually went down the doses faster than her doctor said, and yes we had night calls where I felt that if I hung up she might top herself, but I was off my face 24/7 and sleeping whenever I liked during the same time, so I helped her nights and another friend called in on days, this is difficult enough to need others. Her son isn't a help, he pulls all kinds of shit, your son sounds less selfish, more mature but I agree there's only so much you can lean on a teenager for.
What about talking to your doctor? Can they change you to another med, gradually, or find one that doesn't fuck up your thinking? I hate having benzo brain, even the day after I think stupid things are such a good idea to buy or do, it must be awful to have all the time.
Fear will stop you from doing anything, so you need a plan. Prozac and gabapentin and weed all cheer me up no end, I'm prone to chronic depression too, have you tried quitting/reducing with these on hand to help you?
 
papercuts said:
What about talking to your doctor? Can they change you to another med, gradually, or find one that doesn't fuck up your thinking?
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I'm banned from all antidepressants because I get very bad side effects and serotonin syndrome, they won't give me a thing for my fibromyalgia either
 
Hippy Flower Fairy said:
I just re-read this and I couldn't of put it better myself, zopiclone is just as bad, sorry if I am repeating myself, on here or another thread, benzo brain, but I must have some bad reaction to zopiclone as I was addicted to it ran out for 2 days and yeah the insomnia the depression is bad, I couldn't eat, couldn't get out of bed, lost so much weight in 2 days, so as soon as they arrived on the Monday I took one felt a bit better, I carried on taking them for my insomnia for a few weeks and my depression got worse and worse WHILE I WAS TAKING THEM, I couldn't leave the flat I couldn't even take my bins out, ordered shopping online to be delivered,
I was so scared of going outside, when the bin bags pilled up I had to force myself to take them out, or my son did occasionally

The day I moved back onto benzos I felt like me again, started on such a low dose, but I've fucked up now, using them so much I'm to scarred to stop, and I don't know if I want to as if I get that depression again I don't think I'll cope, after the withdrawal from hell PAWS can last years, I'm not strong enough
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I know that misery all too well. Fear, self-loathing, depression, anxiety, shame, all wrapped up in a package you can’t get rid of.
At some point I realized that I was worried my wd’s would continue for months to years, but I had made my life miserable for a couple of years already. I saw that if I had asked for help when I first wanted to last year, I would be completely done already and not dependent any more. I have about 40 years of my life left. Do I want to be having this argument with myself every month going forward until I can say that if I had asked for help ‘back then’(meaning now/today), I would be back to normal life?

There’s the monthly stress of Dr appts, pharmacy trips, etc. But also the constant pressure of trying to be good but failing. Then wd’s, and feeling like a disappointment to my family, and the $$$. I was miserable just trying to avoid being miserable and it’s not a better life. It’s an endless cycle of misery. The first two months after quitting sucked, a lot, but so did every month for a couple of years before I quit. I told myself I was trying to protect my job and my family but I was only destroying both of them.

If you sit down and really think about how life has been for the last little while...., is what you have now really any better than what you would have if you asked for help? When the answer is “No”, that’s the turning point for me.
 
There’s a moment in time that we are all trying to avoid. That instant when you tell your spouse, or kid, or Dr, etc, “I’m addicted and I need you to help me.” You know they won’t disown you, and you know that a year later they will barely remember what you said, but you feel like that moment would be the end of everything you have worked for in your entire life. It’s not rational and we know it, but it is also terrifying and we just can’t pull the trigger.

There’s a great feeling of freedom when you can say that the moment is behind you. For better or worse I will not have to be afraid of it any more. And I was right.... nobody hated me. The day after I asked for help was better than any day previous. And now I get to look back on the last couple of months and know it was the right choice.
 
Hippy Flower Fairy said:
I'm banned from all antidepressants because I get very bad side effects and serotonin syndrome, they won't give me a thing for my fibromyalgia either
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Sounds like you could use a low dose buprenorphine patch like I have for chronic pain which would be similar to fibromyalga pain, I have a neurological condition where I get pain, tremors and fatigue and the pain patch as been wonderful for me. It is complicated by my ongoing love of opiates in general, but really I think anyone with a similar condition would benefit. Can you ask your doctor about that? Or change your doctor, doing that changed my life, as well as returning to my stoner beginnings!

Edit; It would help with anxiety as well as pain.
 
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