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TDS The Suicide Support Thread

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Go to a hospital. I don't know if this is your case, but sometimes our family is hurt in a way that it can jeopardize the treatment.
Trust me, this is a period and with time you'll feel better. We get too vulnerable. Our self esteem is not as it should be and everything else seems not to matter so much. Take good care of yourself.
That will mean a lot for the others who has already tried to help.
Keep wishing you look!
Erik
 
I'm sorry, I only post here when I'm feeling really down but right now I'm thinking pretty hard about just ending my life. It all boils down to relationships and sex, 2 fucking things that seem to be more about dumb luck than anything else. I'm just so tired of working and never getting anywhere with the opposite sex, fuck, tonight my only hope was a friend down the road letting me get in for a 3 way and at this fucking point, I doubt it's going to happen. I'm just tired of the effort, using fucking Facebook and a dating site without anything ever changing, I just can't fucking do it, I just feel like an unfuckable loser. I'm trying to do better too but now all I want is enough subutex to shoot (wish it was fucking heroin) along with alcohol, weed and benzos so I can just be fucking numb and nod out. I feel so alone and unloveable, I rips at my soul reminding me of a pain I fear will follow me all my life and I don't know if I can do it, I'm honestly scared to kill myself but I wish I wasn't, maybe if I finally do it, I can avoid feeling this pain for life. I'm just at a loss and if I don't find a girl soon, I really don't know what will happen be it a relapse on crack or finally putting my rifle in my mouth and ending the almost constant pain of being unable to even find a girl to have sex with for the last year and a half. Right now I beg God to give me one break, without one, I may break because I'm not that far off right this second from deciding to just fold my hand in life..
 
Well we all have these moments and from my experience trying to end is definitely not the solution.
First, you never know where or what is on the other side. Second, if you get to the other side.
I very familiar with people whose impaired for life after trying to end it. You never know. That's very simple.
A niece of a friend shot himself in the head and is now a vegetal, total incapable but the worst is that he's conscious.
People often go on coma after ODs and wake up with disabilities.

That's not even the point. What you are going through is temporary and it can all change with time.
To say the obvious please don't make a temporary action to a permanent problem.
Start over. Find your own God. Search for the bright side somewhere. Go to Alaska. Live and remember that this will all change.
I hope you make a good choice. I have been where you are and trust me, you don't want more suffer in your life.
Take care!
Erik
 
20 pills of 7.5mg Zopiclone (Non-benzo hypnotic)
10 pills of 10mg Valium (Benzo)
20 pills of 5mg Percoset (Opiate: Oxycodone)
3 pills (unknown mg) of metoclopramide (anti-emetic)

I have no tolerance to any of these. I am a methamphetamine addict.

That has to be enough. I cannot face it anymore, I have felt numb/dead inside for ages. I am filled to the core with apathy. I don't care anymore, I don't care that I don't care. I don't care that I don't care that I don't care. It's a never ending vicious circle.

I am tired. I am exhausted. I have no energy left. If I give up on going through the motions, robotically carrying out my activities then I will lose my job and be out of the street. Then it will be worse. But I don't have the energy for it anymore or for anyone. I have no capability for happiness, nothing can make me happy, I forget what that feels like. I don't even feel human anymore. The real me died a long time ago. The anti-depressants, the therapy is all just trying to save someone that isn't there.

I feel rational, I feel like I have thought this out - there's nowhere else to go from here. Trying to find one reason to stay, just one.
 
Stop thinking for a while and try to rest.
People care about you. Even when you write your feelings here in BL.
Give it sometime and don't think about your problems for a while. Give it a rest, to your mind and heart.
Take care!
Erik
 
No one to talk to about how depressed and hopeless I am feeling. I have enough to OD but haven't. It is all I think about. I know in my head I am significantly depressed and give it time, but going on three months of it being in my thoughts. Go through daily motions. Have actually told two people I was having suicidal thoughts and they blew it off and said it will get better. Trying my best to hide from husband but he says don't you think I know your depressed. Says he has seen it for the last two months. Told him he would be the only one who would even miss me. I have major health issues, eight surgeries in seven years. Last time in early January this year. Went with out paycheck for two and half months, have put us in huge financial trouble, can't catch up. Husband would be better off because he would get $200,000 in life insurance and catch up with finances. If I go to hospital and miss more work due to health will be fired for sure. Just tired of physical and emotional pain. Just want to be out of pain. Want to disappear. Know this is all stupid and things will get better but tired of these dark times and they have been going on for 40 years so I know they will never really go away. Don't know what I expect but just had to get it out.
 
At some point most of us experience this emptiness and how it affects our life in general, and like domino effect those daily routines end up being jeopardized by us whether this is conscious or not.

I have just few brief thoughts about suicide and that it can go in different ways. You could make your problem everyone else's problem, you could end up with disabilities for life. Or you could simply go to a worst place. All the options are irreversible so it has come to my attention that this is definitely not the solution.

Despite of risking being cliché I must tell you that you are in control of your life and you choose what's going to be. In a way or another that's what growing mature is all about. Learning how to deal with challenges and suffering experiences and making a way to handle them and still have means to be yourself and do things in your way. Important actions that you could actually come to appreciate.

Money comes and goes and from my experience I can tell that this is something that can be resolved with time and possibly with some guidance. Do you have someone that you could share your problems with? Have you thought of going to a psychologist?

Therapy is a wonderful thing and for me it's like getting mature in a smaller amount of time. You start to see yourself and realize you want to change. How and when depends on you. And as you said yourself, you need to get it out.

Life is tough I think we all can agree with that but maybe we can learn that it does not have to be that tough on us. Not tougher than it is already.

Whatever is your next move, remember that there are people who cares about you. You are still young and have a lot to live for and remember us from Bluelight where I welcome you to start sharing and we'll be glad to join in and help.

Wish you better days. And remember that life is all about phases, this one is just part of the package! ;)
Good luck!
Erik
 
Call a doctor. You don't want to do this. I believe that posting this means that you still want someone to hear you.
Nothing lasts forever, no pain will follow your entire life. Whatever you are going through it will change, please call someone.
Low blood pressure and too much insulin will make you feel horrible. Call a doctor and sleep on it.

I have been where you are right now, trust me this is not the best call. I'm hoping to hear from you.
Remember that you don't want to be alone, in the dark. Regretting what you have done.
We are all in difficult situations here. Give yourself a chance. <3
Erik
 
^
My blood glucose got down to 48 and I started eating a lot of sweets and chips because my anxiety and shaking was starting to get bad so now I am okay, just waiting to see if it goes back down.
Not trying it again any time soon probably. It was kind of impulsive, taking seroquel fucked my mood and mindstate really bad, at least I think that did it. And opiates seemed like they stopped working as if they were being sucked right out of my body no matter how much I took but I am feeling 30mg of hydrocodone now. That has my mood more stable and I kept getting suicidal yesterday and last night.
 
Seroquel can make you really sad, tired and empty.
But I think you should see why you are suicidal.
Opiates will not help you, but I think you know that.
 
Howdy friend...Im a fifteen year veteran when it comes to meth and heroin...I just got clean and sober 11 months ago after being out and about for ten years...
sometimes we forget that when we "dope up" and stay "doped up" for several months or whatever its going to take more than just a couple weeks to get to feeling better...
And to just come right out and say it...its going to take months...Im eleven months clean and sober and boy was I a mess until 8.5 - 9 months sober...I had this horrible depression
that maybe I let myself go too far or too long and that I wast worth a damn at all..anything at all I questioned...If I called someone up on the telephone was I worthy of a phone call
back...or did I
now fit into the catagory of the triple screw up at the shrinks office whos disabled and problems definitely exceed bi-polar....I gained 45 pounds...its just now starting to slowly come off..
but anyways, friend...the answer to you question is do what works for you...and if you think negative REMEMBER!! that if God gave you everything you wanted it would definitely be
a mistake...and the spirit of the universe doesnt make mistakes like that...So, stay positive, caring, reliable, and try to refrain from arrogance...arrogance is a dopers biggest downfall...because
he thinks hes somesort of character...Anyways, Good Luck Dude!!
 
Why you big dummy!! you better get up and get your butt out in the driveway and lay there on the pavement until youre stable enough or clear enough to not act that way...
Every once in a while someone would get suicidle at our apartment I was living at...My boss who lived with us would tell them...you get out in the driveway and lay down on the concrete
if your going to have an attitude like that..
The door will be open just come on back inside when your done with your tantrum or whatever...Anyways dude, you need to read what you posted letter for letter and word for word so you can see
what you sound like...its pretty god awful....so I encourage you to get some therapy..and lastly, if you did fire up a whole bunch of crap you better get to the doctor pronto...Hope you get to feeling better dude!!
 
Hey everybody I'm really feeling like I just want to die I have some amitryptilline 2700 mg maybe more more n have been thinking about just going to sleep n never waking up life sucks even though I lived thru three strokes n heart surgery last summer...but now my pain Dr got shut down n I don't have one have been selfmedicating with used fent patches from a friend just to not go thru withdrawals...now that is over..I will make it last til Fri when I get paid..then I will get something else...vicious cycle...
 
Suicidal thoughts happen when actual pain (maybe physical or emotional or both) couples with fatalistic thinking--thoughts like "It will never be any different". It can be pretty hard not to have these thoughts when you are in the cycle of withdrawals. Have you ever tried to get off everything and treat pain a different way? I know that can be a terrifying thought but the vicious cycle you are talking about really wears a person down.
 
I've had my share of Fent patches and more vicious cycles than my body could take. That will only make you more and more depressed.
This is not worth dying for. These are the opiates talking not you.
I know it seems all dark and hopeless now but trust me this is not how you'll get out of this.
I know we can be very selfish thinking we'll do a favour to the world but it's not at all the case.
There are people who care about you even if you don't think they do.
I wish that you think about it and move on with your life. This has always been the risk with opiates and all other hard things we use, now you have the chance to take care of yourself as you deserve.
 
Yes I know it's bad ...I wish I could get a surgery to replace the vertebra that is gone from chronic compression fractures and being broken by ex....but Medicaid laughs...
 
I got to the point of looking up the mld. Minimum lethal dose for suicide of amitriptalline because that's the only option I have ....thought about head-on with a semi but knowing my luck I would just get fucked up n be a damn vegetable AND STILL have no quality of life...the only thing that does that is being out of pain w opiates...I really wish I could go without altogether...thanks for caring herbivore....u are so so right about the vicious cycle....of addiction and dependency...well we will see what this evening brings....more hell or what....
 
I wish Medicaid would pay for me to have a surgery to help it but they won't so really my only option to have any quality of life is to be on opiates...
 
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