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TDS The Suicide Support Thread

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My Mother took her ownlife a few weeks ago on Heroin I was devastated i tried so hard to make her happy to curve her thoughts take some of the pain away but I couldn't she bought 8 points and slipped away from me and my sister forever.
 
I'm so sorry skye_high. It's not your fault. It's nothing that you could have done. I hope you can find strength and understanding here on bluelight. I have found some. I'm sorry for the loss of your mother and I hope you can find a way to go on in a positive way without her. Bluelight has a lot of support to share.
 
Feeling any better Captain H?

Opium got hold of me again over the summer. No local detox with open beds. Kicking old school.

I had always thought I would eventually decide to kill myself with an opiate od, but now I know I will just get high instead. Working on a proper cocktail of other, non-euphoric cns depressants. Dxm, clonazepam and alcohol? Maybe I will just man up and buy a gun. I am tired of pain.
 
jackie jones said:
Feeling any better Captain H?

Opium got hold of me again over the summer. No local detox with open beds. Kicking old school.

I had always thought I would eventually decide to kill myself with an opiate od, but now I know I will just get high instead. Working on a proper cocktail of other, non-euphoric cns depressants. Dxm, clonazepam and alcohol? Maybe I will just man up and buy a gun. I am tired of pain.
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What is going on in your life that you are feeling this way ? :/
I hope you feel better today :)
 
jackie jones, despair like this can settle in layers, making it feel like you are simply made up of it; like there is no other way to be you. But like garden soil that has layers and layers of pavement choking out the air, it does not have to be permanent, though it looks and feels that is so. The devastation of drug addictions is that they destroy so much of your outer life--relationships, responsibilities, physical well-being so that any attempt to imagine life without the drugs is not at all inviting. If you can hold onto the truth that this destruction is exactly what addiction hopes you will focus on, you can begin to fight again. Addiction wants you to see a worthless self and a worthless life so that it can continue to live in you. Once you refuse that assessment, you gain the upper hand. It will be hard. It will involve pain and suffering. But it will also bring relief. I know that you love your boy and I know that he loves you. Whatever messes we make with our children are inconsequential to the need in them to protect that bond, that truth. You cannot heal for your son, (though it can be a motivator) but what your son will take away from your healing will be the best gift he ever gets in this life. He will suffer, as we all suffer, the pain of living; think what a gift it is to actually see an adult in despair act against that despair rather than succumbing to it. Please do not hesitate to PM me at any time, for anything at all. I can hear the despair in your post and I know that is probably the tip of the iceberg.
 
I read some of these posts and think, "I've been there, and am still there." I don't view suicide as some illness that will never go away, but rather as a crisis that many adults (and adolescents) have to deal with sometime in their life. If resolved, many will look backwards as a way of looking forwards: they now know more about themselves, about their friends, discovering personal strengths and character from something they used to avoid in life.

WD'ing from methadone cold turkey, I thought I was going to die and many times looked at my stash of pills. "How easy," I thought. I could have used a doc at that time to help me out. I found other ways - I hooked up with some old friends, talked things out. I told them what I was going through, that I was unhappy. Just talking helped out 100%. I knew suicide was not the out. Sometimes you have to search your heart - it can be difficult, especially for those of us who are going through wd hell, but you are your own best friend, in the end.

I believe that the number one problem in treating depression/suicidal behavior is that it is largely ignored by professionals. Either they do not take the issue of suicide seriously enough, or they believe it is relegated only to a minority who cannot or do not want help. This does not mean resources are not available to you. If you can't find a psychiatrist who will talk about it with you, a counselor, therapist, social worker, or close friend can help. Talking out your problems is one of the best ways to solve them - you just need to find the right person for the task. For those contemplating suicide, just remember that many of us here on this board, and many people from all walks of life, have been through the same situation. It may seem like there is no way out of whatever situation you are in, but you are not alone. If anyone has any questions, just pm me.
 
I was only feeling sorry for myself. I had been clean a full year and fucked it up by thinking I could do it once. Instead of going cold turkey and getting to the point of romanticizing death, I set myself up a seven day taper. I have held to it and am jumping off tomorrow. I guess I will see how it goes.
 
Im very depressed, I hit 7 "3"s and 1 "2" on that depression quiz at the doctor and was told if one were to hit 5 2-3s out of 9 they are suicidal. I don't think I could do it though because the only cool way to do it is the shamed Samurai who shoves his katana in his chest.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
Try reading a lot (I have some samples of my novel online; I also would suggest any renown dystopian novel). Watch a few movies (I strongly suggest Lucy, Martyrs, and Mysterious Skin). Exercise, eat well, try to sleep well, make sure you're getting fresh air. See the world. Make some non-drug using friends.
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Definitely agree! 1984 or A Brave New World are dense yet light distractions to let you think about the society around you, rather than focusing on inner, personal struggles. Both excellent reads.
Mysterious skin is also a fantastic movie. Very moving and I love Joseph Gordon Levitt. I find comedies and documentaries to be a helpful distraction and mental boost for those depressed times.
Thinking outside yourself helps. Branch out, even if you aren't seeking help, friendship can be a hell of an aid when shit gets rough.
 
jackie jones said:
I was only feeling sorry for myself. I had been clean a full year and fucked it up by thinking I could do it once. Instead of going cold turkey and getting to the point of romanticizing death, I set myself up a seven day taper. I have held to it and am jumping off tomorrow. I guess I will see how it goes.
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How did it go ? Hope you feel better :)


@MYgenitalWartsROCK
Is there a specific reason you are feeling depressed ? Do you want to talk ?
Please don't kill yourself, as long as you are breathing there's hope! Hope you too are feeling better today :)
 
I started my taper again today. I need to start thinking again. I wish I had the time to go back to rehab. Last time was my first go and It truly helped. I was clean for a full year. I made the mistake of thinking I could do it once. I still have not taken a pill in 21 months, so there has been a permanent change.

I get so scared. I cannot be away from my son. He is my life. My best and only friend. I am with him every day and it would hurt him so much if I were to be away. He is the only thing that stops me from taking my life at times.

I am a functioning addict. It is the illegality that frightens me. I need to be with my son. I am going to a meeting tonight. Church tomorrow. I am so scared.
 
^that's great, you can do it!
How's it going today?
What's the difference between kicking it at home vs at rehab?
If you did it once, you can do it again.
But what's important is, that you want to stop yourself, not just for your son, then you will succeed.
I can understand that you are scared, I would be too, but you seem to be a great and intelligent person, so if you really want to, you will accomplish it. And don't beat yourself up too much for relapsing, it's just human and you can't change it anymore, so focus on getting and staying clean again.
Not having taken a pill in 21 is a big achievement you can be proud of :)
I'm wishing you all the best <3
 
Thank you. It is going well. I know they say that you cannot do it for someone else, but if I were by myself I would never stop because I like it too much. My sons (especially my eldest, who is 3) are the only love in my life. I have no other friends and even my wife looks like a different person from who I met and we are likely separating.
 
Jackie,
The fact you realized that you'd need to start over rather quickly or immediately after shows you are committed.
Hope you are feeling better.
 
Thank you for the kind words, Erikmen.

But don't forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he ever wanted - he threw it away due to his opium addiction and blew out his brain stem with a vintage Russian ww2 sniper rifle.

I do so hope it does not come to that, but it's one or the other. To be continued.
 
You can never be sure of what remains on the other side.
Maybe some version of us life would continue here (with all consequences, sequels),
while in a parallel 'word' it could just be dark.

I could tell you about a lot of things but instead I offer my word that's not worth it.
Believe me I know how you feel. People say that all the time, but I believe I've been thorough this.

I won't say that happiness will go back and you will feel 'normal' again but I can tell you I have the feeling you got this.
Erik.
 
I have been having recurring dreams lately. I have had the same ones before, but never with such frequency.

I go somewhere or open something I should not have, this spirit or entity enters my body. It creates a cold fear that I have never known. I can run from it but it always catches me. I try to hide in safe, familiar places. I find that happy place, then there it is, more terrifying than ever.

I wake not wanting to sleep.
 
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