Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
What's changed? Just feeling down? Want to talk about it?
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The Suicide Support Thread
- Thread starter tripnotyzm
- Start date
- Status
What's changed? Just feeling down? Want to talk about it?
aq.
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 22, 2012
- Messages
- 5,869
The bridge stories honestly give me shivers.
dizzygypsyred
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 31, 2014
- Messages
- 56
It is probably best to stay away from modes of suicide that could leave you paralyzed rather than dead. Or with severe medical problems. I took all my lithium and a shit ton of morph during my latest suicide attempt. Only thing it did was worsen my situation and further damaged my already ailing body. If you want to talk about it, feel free to hit me up. I know the struggle. I hope you have changed your mind.
Smoky
Bluelight Crew
A mentor once said to me, " Smoky, you might not get that lucky "
When I was seeking the best way to go out, without a huge mess….
She was right, as above poster mentions, If you live (survive the attempt), it could put you in a far worse place, and if you die… well,… you never will know what life could actually BE. It might get worse or better, but if one sticks around.. eventually there is some peace down the road… as long as it takes, it's worth it.
Please stick around
When I was seeking the best way to go out, without a huge mess….
She was right, as above poster mentions, If you live (survive the attempt), it could put you in a far worse place, and if you die… well,… you never will know what life could actually BE. It might get worse or better, but if one sticks around.. eventually there is some peace down the road… as long as it takes, it's worth it.
Please stick around
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Smoky
Bluelight Crew
PetalToTheMetal
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2013
- Messages
- 2,741
A mentor once said to me, " Smoky, you might not get that lucky "
When I was seeking the best way to go out, without a huge mess….
She was right, as above poster mentions, If you live (survive the attempt), it could put you in a far worse place, and if you die… well,… you never will know what life could actually BE. It might get worse or better, but if one sticks around.. eventually there is some peace down the road… as long as it takes, it's worth it.
Please stick around
I'm glad you're still here with us, Smoky. You're an amazing person. I'm still surprised I don't have brain damage from the sick games I used to play with pills and alcohol, or worse. It's certainly not something anyone should even consider.
ihearthemoose
Bluelighter
Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
I hate living, I hate being a human being, and I want to die. I'm tired of living in this world.
PotatoMan
Bluelight Crew
what keeps you here? If you are living miserably then why put yourself through this? I'm not advocating suicide.. Just wondering why u may be the way u are.
Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
I'll soon have enough money to buy a means out of this world. Right now I'm too broke to do it. I'm not putting myself through this, so to speak. I don't feel that this is my will to live this life.
PriestTheyCalledHim
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 7, 2005
- Messages
- 14,714
Talk to a friend, family member, or if it's really bad call this number 1-800-854-7771 or go to a hospital.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
but why tho, man? why do something like that? talk to us here, bro. its OK to let it out. family problems? life problems? what problems are there? I am going through hell myself but I refuse to think I would take myself, or at least not on purpose.
been using forever, a family let down, multiple arrest, still have a DUI now, my 2nd one, weekly classes, monthly payments, cant leave state, cant get into Canada where my HQ of my company WAS before I was let go for having to do a 2 week DUI program; now working contract w/ my dad but because of the snow around here I havent worked in a week and I am struggling.
I also just started Vivitrol and have yet to use dope but still getting the urge; tonight I am fine but it comes and goes and it worries me. many people have tried to shoot through and dropped dead, so thats NOT WHAT I WANT and would not do that to my mother. I always tell my mother the day she goes I will take myself right away; its honestly how I feel but I could never let her see her son pass, esp. w/ me taking myself.
Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
I have 3 months off suboxone
have a relationship, a supporting family
no one can understand what I'm going through so I just keep it to myself, and I'm done pretending to be happy
there is more that is depressing me, that I'll keep to myself. thank you for trying guys. I don't know how much longer I'll be holding on for.
have a relationship, a supporting family
no one can understand what I'm going through so I just keep it to myself, and I'm done pretending to be happy
there is more that is depressing me, that I'll keep to myself. thank you for trying guys. I don't know how much longer I'll be holding on for.
dizzygypsyred
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 31, 2014
- Messages
- 56
One night you sent me a response that had me unload the gun I was planning to stick in my mouth and blow my brains out with...you are here for a reason captain. You are needed. Please stay with us. I know things can seem unbearable but by surviving the struggle and going on you save others. Isn't that reason enough to stay on?
Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
I'm glad I could help
I'll promise to hold on for a few more months
visit my loved ones
see if I can get my medical issues attenuated...
maybe after 9-12 months off suboxone my brain will be back to normal. right now everything is harsh and abrasive, and I hate it.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
sorry but I am going to ask again - please share w/ us what the problem is. you say you are done pretending, right? well, tell us what is going on, maybe we can chime in and help out in who knows which way. maybe one of us is also going through it, been through it, or can help w/ it, ya know!? but we cannot help unless you tell us, so please share w/ us and we can do whatever to help you back.
man, I know we are all very open here but I do not want anyone to be taking their own life; esp. since you have a family and GF who care of you; do not take yourself from them. as I mentioned prior, I would never take myself as long as others are around who care for me the way they do. I refuse to hurt them like that even if it hurts myself more.
Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
-loved ones (in my family) are suffering from medical issues; last leg of their life
-I have health issues and mental health issues (PTSD, agoraphobic tendencies, depression/anxiety)
-I'm severely unhappy with what I've done to myself due to addiction; I don't subscribe to the willpowerless concept of addiction, hence I realize I am at fault for what I've done to myself
-I haven't seen the majority of my family for over 6 years
-I've used suboxone for almost as many years, and have 3 months off it
I could write much more, but this is what I'm willing to share
I didn't want to open up, mostly because no one cares
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
we care, man. we all are going through similar and TRYING to find our way through it all.
I have a brain tumor/cancer myself; my mother is also suffering from something similar but as AS BAD but the problem continues to get worse it seems. I am 32 and have a seizure years back while coming off benzos which led me to find out about my problems; so I am there w/you w/ medical problems. I have an MRI Saturday and will be as Mass General Hospital Monday to follow up; hopefully all is OK but I continue to fight it because my family wants me to and doesnt want to see me go; I dont want to see me go either as long as they are all around and they dont want me to go.
severely unhappy w/ myself, too. been using HEAVY for 14 years; family knows and they just think back to all the OD's, problems, money, etc, I have caused/lost, etc. they are disgusted by it all but they choose to continue to love me and let me TRY to better myself; I try and try but I keep fucking up but I refuse to stop. you have to do the same; you have to just TRY and also understand why you are going through this; whether you better yourself or not, just TRY TO DO UR BEST and make your family see that. your family wants you around, man. dont care what you think, I dont know your or the family but I can assure they dont want to see you go, regardless of what happens elsewhere.
I only stay close w/ my immediate family ;I dont care about the rest. I am going through a ton of shit, so I dont need many parts of my family, 3-4 people is fine by me, so I feel you on that as well.
I am on Vivitrol and fiending for dope still but trying to stay away and not kill myself; I fucked up using Subs, Methadone, dope, whatever. I always used dope on top of whatever else I was using at the time; I stayed "sober" for 8 months using just subs but rushed the dosage down from 24MG to 2-4MG and starting shooting again. then I tried methadone after picking up a 2ND DUI, so I started done' but even when I was at 95MG of done' id still try to shoot cuz I was addicted to that needle/rush. it was a waste of money and time but I was a moron; I did much better on subs. well, I was on a 6 month program on the done' but stopped at 18MG and just stayed home and called out of work: i was dope sick as can be so I started shooting dope again; ended up going to jail for 2 weeks for pissing dirty and then had to go right into a 2 week DUI program which I got kicked out of for being SICK; I said i was regularly sick, just a temperature etc, but I was dope sick as can be. I go out and started shooting right away; my family was disgusted w/ what was happening so I told them I would go to detox; they wanted me to go that DAY but I manged to push off 2 days so I can shoot dope for 2 more days; well, I went in for 3 days and left early but lied to parents and just got back to my apartment but told parents I was still in detox for 3 more days; I used for the 3 days while home but I somehow was no longer that dope sick. to this day I am not that bad and feeling OK but I got on the shot early, while still dirty, but had to get the shot cuz I knew I couldnt go long enough to not have dope in my piss. well, here I am and I am TRYING and TRYING but I wont give up, man. I am getting a new job in my fathers field and going into his biz and maybe will take care of the biz he owns in Asbestos Removal father than Software Sales which is what I did already.
so dude, open up, tell us, because we are all going through similar and maybe we can help one another out. you always seemed like a good dude on this board and hearing/seeing this makes me concerned and I want to help you, so tell me what you need me to do in order to make you think twice before anything?
dude, I am 32 w/ brain tumo/cancer, I been arrested multiple times, did federal and state time, on program now for 2ND DUI, addicted to heroin but now on Vivitrol for first time; I am struggling getting by w/ no car, cash, etc but damn I keep trying because I know I am better than this and can beat this, SO CAN YOU! so lets help one another out, brotha. I post in this section for a reason; I had thoughts myself but I can beat those thoughts and beat this life.
I have a brain tumor/cancer myself; my mother is also suffering from something similar but as AS BAD but the problem continues to get worse it seems. I am 32 and have a seizure years back while coming off benzos which led me to find out about my problems; so I am there w/you w/ medical problems. I have an MRI Saturday and will be as Mass General Hospital Monday to follow up; hopefully all is OK but I continue to fight it because my family wants me to and doesnt want to see me go; I dont want to see me go either as long as they are all around and they dont want me to go.
severely unhappy w/ myself, too. been using HEAVY for 14 years; family knows and they just think back to all the OD's, problems, money, etc, I have caused/lost, etc. they are disgusted by it all but they choose to continue to love me and let me TRY to better myself; I try and try but I keep fucking up but I refuse to stop. you have to do the same; you have to just TRY and also understand why you are going through this; whether you better yourself or not, just TRY TO DO UR BEST and make your family see that. your family wants you around, man. dont care what you think, I dont know your or the family but I can assure they dont want to see you go, regardless of what happens elsewhere.
I only stay close w/ my immediate family ;I dont care about the rest. I am going through a ton of shit, so I dont need many parts of my family, 3-4 people is fine by me, so I feel you on that as well.
I am on Vivitrol and fiending for dope still but trying to stay away and not kill myself; I fucked up using Subs, Methadone, dope, whatever. I always used dope on top of whatever else I was using at the time; I stayed "sober" for 8 months using just subs but rushed the dosage down from 24MG to 2-4MG and starting shooting again. then I tried methadone after picking up a 2ND DUI, so I started done' but even when I was at 95MG of done' id still try to shoot cuz I was addicted to that needle/rush. it was a waste of money and time but I was a moron; I did much better on subs. well, I was on a 6 month program on the done' but stopped at 18MG and just stayed home and called out of work: i was dope sick as can be so I started shooting dope again; ended up going to jail for 2 weeks for pissing dirty and then had to go right into a 2 week DUI program which I got kicked out of for being SICK; I said i was regularly sick, just a temperature etc, but I was dope sick as can be. I go out and started shooting right away; my family was disgusted w/ what was happening so I told them I would go to detox; they wanted me to go that DAY but I manged to push off 2 days so I can shoot dope for 2 more days; well, I went in for 3 days and left early but lied to parents and just got back to my apartment but told parents I was still in detox for 3 more days; I used for the 3 days while home but I somehow was no longer that dope sick. to this day I am not that bad and feeling OK but I got on the shot early, while still dirty, but had to get the shot cuz I knew I couldnt go long enough to not have dope in my piss. well, here I am and I am TRYING and TRYING but I wont give up, man. I am getting a new job in my fathers field and going into his biz and maybe will take care of the biz he owns in Asbestos Removal father than Software Sales which is what I did already.
so dude, open up, tell us, because we are all going through similar and maybe we can help one another out. you always seemed like a good dude on this board and hearing/seeing this makes me concerned and I want to help you, so tell me what you need me to do in order to make you think twice before anything?
dude, I am 32 w/ brain tumo/cancer, I been arrested multiple times, did federal and state time, on program now for 2ND DUI, addicted to heroin but now on Vivitrol for first time; I am struggling getting by w/ no car, cash, etc but damn I keep trying because I know I am better than this and can beat this, SO CAN YOU! so lets help one another out, brotha. I post in this section for a reason; I had thoughts myself but I can beat those thoughts and beat this life.
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