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The Suicide Support Thread

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yea as great as this site is, it still leaves so much to wonder what happens to some ppl.... there have been a few ppl ive seen on here and wonder what happened to em
 
@ herbavore sometimes it's just so hard, looking out into the world seeing everyone seemly happy and just why can't I be normal? it hurts cause I've had a gf, so the comments I get about it just make it worse, like "You still don't have a gf after all these years. So all your older cousins are married and have children, I guess your next. You still haven't brought home a girl for us to meet. So any girls in your class or at school? You want to go to all these events that are geared towards couples, but since you don't have anyone you can just tag along. It's ok when your done with school I (my best friends dad) will take you to Asia and we will find a wife for you." So I either deal with that coming from my friends and family or I live alone stay alone and have no contact with anyone unless I'so forced to. But I think I should be alone to work on my self, I honestly don't even know what makes me happy naturally. And I guess not only mentally but physically as well. I've been trying to wear out my body so badly it just stops working. And mentally the thoughts that go thru my mind I know will end me back in that hospital again. I do know I have a lot to work on, sometimes I just don't know if I'm strong enough. But I do agree I shouldn't be with anyone atm. Also hard cause no one knows what I'm going thru, and it's been so hard to keep smiling they have noticed the change in me, even thought I've hid it for about, well forever. Never got help and I guess this is what it's turned into. I do want to thank you for the advice, it means a lot.
 
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Hanns Jones' life was in shambles. The love of his life had kicked him out, his work as an inventor stirred little interest, and a lifelong search for his father had turned up empty.

Jones was born in Mineral Wells, Texas, and was reared alone by his mother. He never knew his father, and hit dead-ends when he tried to look for him. During his teenage years Jones went out on his own, served in the Army Reserve, and began working odd jobs to give him time to work on his inventions. One of them was Sock Locker, a device that keeps socks together in the wash.

At 36 years old, Jones was financially devastated and had just broken up with the girlfriend who had given birth to one of his children.

Alone and hopeless, he drove to the center span of the Sunshine Skyway Bridge and jumped 200 feet into the choppy waters of Tampa Bay. As he got closer to the bottom he had the feeling this was a bad idea, and the image of his 18-month-old son, Braner, flashed before him. Suddenly, life was precious. Jones wanted to live.

Jones slammed into the water feet first and lost consciousness. The impact stripped the clothes from his body. When he came to, he felt his hand move. Despite broken ribs on both sides, a broken neck, a burst spleen, and a collapsed lung, he swam nearly half the length of a football field and clung to a bridge piling until rescuers arrived.

During his two-week hospital stay, a woman who finds missing people read about Jones' bridge jump. In just six days, she found his father.
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In 2000, at the age of 12, Kevin Hines' battle with bipolar disorder became so intense that he finally decided to end his life by jumping from San Francisco's Golden Gate Bridge.

After his first class at school, Hines took a bus to the Golden Gate Bridge. Despite having been crying for 40 minutes in this place, no one approached him to ask what was wrong. A few minutes later, a tourist approached him and asked whether he could take her photo. Immediately, Hines thought that was clear proof that no one cared, so he took the picture and then jumped.

Instantly, he realized that he had made a mistake and thought to himself, “God save me.” As he was falling Hines came up with a plan to save his life, and threw his head back and tried to hit feet first. Hines was hurtled 40 feet underwater, but miraculously survived.

Hines endured arduous physical rehabilitation after his near-death experience. He now lives by a strict schedule, and has found a combination of drugs and therapy that allows him to regulate his manic highs and depressions. Currently, Hines works with several mental health groups and suicide prevention hotlines.
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(Source)

Just before 11 p.m. on May 28, 1979, a 22-year-old young man named John Dittmann stood precariously outside the east rail of the Aurora Bridge; he looked down and saw only darkness and certain death. Then, he jumped.

Dittmann always felt suicidal, blaming it on his daily regimen of gulping tranquilizers to treat mental illness and drinking alcohol to offset the pills. He hated his life, and for three weeks he stared at the bridge before making the fateful decision to end his life.

It took only a fraction of a second for Dittmann to decide that he wanted to live. However, it was too late. He fell downward at a rate of 33 feet per second. He quickly reached a “terminal velocity” of 70 miles per hour. Dittmann threw his arms backward, and managed to straighten his body out so he did not hit the water in a belly flop. He managed to extend his feet and point his toes to enter the water cleanly. It saved his life. Dittmann sank several feet into the water, then rose back to the surface. He managed to swim to shore with only a fractured back and bruised lungs.

"It was just a lot of fear, being out there in midair and going down real fast. I was really scared. I thought about what the other option was. It was clear-cut I wanted to live real bad," said Dittmann.
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<3<3 Your an amazing person <3<3
 
Captain.Heroin said:
Today has been fucking awful

I keep having the impulse to drop what I'm doing, forget everything and everyone, and die

I've been shouting and I get across to no one
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I've felt the same way a lot just want to give up and leave this world. I already know if I did die some people wouldn't even know I'm gone. I was in a psych ward for over a week and only one person tested me during that time about football. I've realized my friends have gone on to another level in life, and I accept now that I'm prob not going to be included in that. So besides this site I have no one. And yet I'm still alive...... I guess what I'm trying to say is maybe someone will hear you out. I admit I was at my end with really no one to turn to, then I found this place. For me who only talk to four walls and myself too much this was just the place. People here have been so nice to give advice and not judge, and if I can someone help you or anyone with just a ear to listen, I'll be more then happy to do so.
 
riddler2k7 said:
I've felt the same way a lot just want to give up and leave this world. I already know if I did die some people wouldn't even know I'm gone. I was in a psych ward for over a week and only one person tested me during that time about football. I've realized my friends have gone on to another level in life, and I accept now that I'm prob not going to be included in that. So besides this site I have no one. And yet I'm still alive...... I guess what I'm trying to say is maybe someone will hear you out. I admit I was at my end with really no one to turn to, then I found this place. For me who only talk to four walls and myself too much this was just the place. People here have been so nice to give advice and not judge, and if I can someone help you or anyone with just a ear to listen, I'll be more then happy to do so.
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thanks man

I'm really depressed. I have a lot coming up in life. I have 3 months off suboxone and I can't stand how I feel all the time. It's probably not the PAWS entirely (though I still have it for sure), it's likely because I need meds for various problems, and am going unmedicated as of now

I'm tired of pretending to be happy, that I care about life, etc. It's sickening to me I can't be honest with anyone who "cares about me". Maybe I can be honest with some people I consider friends, but not my BF/family/psychiatrist. Sickening.

You can always PM me too man, I'm always here to listen to people and give my advice.

I hope you are feeling better after being out of the psych ward? I suspect my ex is in another psych ward (I'm hoping), or jail (I really hope not jail).
 
I have Diazepam(6 x 10mg), Etizolam (12 x 1 mg), Flubromazepam (12mg) & Citalopram (54 x 20mg). Plus, I have consumed 6 litres of 5% Cider. I am tempted, but i think the morning will welcome me with a smile, and thus, I will be glad I passed out, and didn't do the deed.
 
I know I have a wicked degree to complete in less than 4 months, though I find it a crashing bore, and also a wicked party coming up this friday. I dunno how painful a death by ODing on all the mentioned meds would be. It seems like it would deffo kill me. I'd throw in some painkillers just to tip me over. Sounds horrible, but what works, works. Right?
 
i'm sure these words mean nothing to you, and you may not even read it, but I just want you to know you are not alone in how you feel.

i'm just some stranger and you make think i'm writing this to just cheer you up, but that's not the case because I know reading this will not cheer you up. In fact if I read what I just wrote from some random person it would probably make more more sad that someone else knows this pain, but at the same time comforting that someone else is out there with ya.
 
I don't think what you have will work

It's all benzodiazepines, an ssri, and ethanol

You'll likely just feel REALLY bad, and possibly puke everywhere

taking all those SSRI's would leave you with serious long-term serotonergic issues, likely leading to worsened depression

I wouldn't do it man; get help. Want to PM me about what's really stressing you, or at least tell me in detail? Getting a degree is very stressful and I can relate to that.
 
@Captain.Heroin, but, I did not follow through with it. I took 20 mg vals, 2 mg of etiz, fucked off the Flubromazepam... for now... Have one 12 mg dose left, id like to explore on its own. And, well to me, booze is booze. Mainly cider roughly 5 percent UK strength. I think I was just having one of those moments where i felt, "FUCK IT", but i know i have so much knowledge to pass on to others, not to mention, my especially beautiful, though often ignorant twin brother (think Uncle Rico, from Napoleon Dynamite). It always makes me wonder how different we are as people, yet, from the same same household /upbringing. Give or take the odd personal experience, we are so, so different. If he was not my twin, I would seriously dislike him. Very "Jock" type of guy. Anyways, im gonna sleep this shit off and start tomorrow a-fresh.
 
herbavore said:
^Wow, I would love to have both your strength and skills, dizzygypsy! I have some old decrepit floors in this house that need replacing but I would not have a clue how to go about it and can't afford to hire anyone to do it.
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Ty . To be honest, I really had no idea what I was getting into but I did know it needed done. Watched some YouTube videos and did some online research. And offered to pay a friend and her husband to help out. The hardest and most painful part was taking out the old flooring. I have a crushed disk in my lower back as well as other back issues, and I am in need of partial knee replacement so this project really tested me to my physical limits. I don't think I could have handled it alone. Anyway, I hope this finds you well. Peace and light to you.
 
riddler2k7 said:
I'm sorry, this is most of the rest that explains more of my situation.

"Well I guess I have major depression, suicidal thoughts and previous failures of acted out thoughts, schizophrenia, and well I guess extreme paranoia. I was on antidepressants but I gave up after a while. So now to get thought the day I will smoke or roll mdma, or take a benzodiazepine to calm me. I have very few friends and none that I can talk to about any of this. I am also bisexual but I'm so antisocial and have no hope in ever being in a relationship I've never told anyone cause it doesnt matter and I don't think I can take the reaction on my own. Most days are spent alone crying and wondering why I'm even alive. I'm trying not to cry as I write this. I mean what person would want to be with someone like me? Someone so scared and paranoid to be in public alone, if not on drugs just always depressed, and someone who doesnt see a future for themselves. Even when I do see someone, well mostly girls I would be too scared to go up to a boy, only things that come into my mind are I'm not good enough for her, she's to pretty, she's leave me if I show her the true me, just break my heart so why bother. I'm sorry I know this seems like just some loser kid rant, but like I said I don't have anyone at all. Sites like these are the closest I have to a cconversation with another human being. I know it's a lot to read, I don't expect anyone to or any miracle answers, I've kinda given up on it all and just accepted this is my life. But for those who have least given me some advice and for those that do read, thanks. It does mean something to me and I do feel little better writing this."
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I understand where you are coming from, other people's expectations about our life create chaos fueled frustration and depression. I am single, 36, live alone with a couple cats and my dog. I work crazy long hours and almost never socialize even at work... I just work. I am bipolar, ocd, and suffer from PTSD, as well as numerous medical issues. Sometimes fear and mania paralyze me. I can't relate to anyone, and almost never trust anyone. I trait that certainly doesn't incourage personal relationships. Like most people, I do want a romantic relationship, but I also have to be realistic...I am not ready for one. I need to heal before I can offer someone something other than a waltz of madness. I feel that people pity me, my family, and the few I consider friends because I am alone. Often, I am consumed by my loneliness. But here, in this anonymous atmosphere, I am able to find some warmth and light. A feeling that I am not as alone as I feel. I hope you will to.
 
This place has helped me a lot, not only seeing people like me but people so willing to help. It's nice to see, cause hope is something I had given up a long time ago....
 
People hide their loneliness and that makes us all feel alone in our own. The truth is that a lot of those people that you see that you think are happy are not. We live in a culture that conditions us to pretend. Find the most beautiful woman you can and I guarantee she has as many doubts and obsessions about her looks as someone that is considered plain; or a man that seemingly has success and can get any girl he wants--deep inside the same loneliness exists as someone who is actually alone. You just can't tell from the outside is my point. The best we can do is to tear down barriers rather than building them up in our own minds. Practicing kindness towards others (here and IRL) creates a bridge from inside to outside that benefits us all. Much love to everyone in this thread. You really are not alone.<3
 
Thanks, I always did just wear a fake smile wherever I went, taught myself how to smile actually for pictures. Only time I would cry would be when I'm alone, or hurt myself. I never wanted to be emotional in front of anyone. I was always scared to ask for help. And I know I needed it for years. In school I would always here the announcements for the school psychologist and every year I so wanted to go, but I always stopped myself and locked myself in my dorm and just cried. I was just scared to seek help from someone that would turn it against me or just laugh. I'm still struggling to find that one person irl I can talk to, been looking for a while
 
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