The Suicide Support Thread

[Squashymossy]

Sorry you have been so ill hope you are feeling better hun. Glad my response helped a little. Your message replying was nice too you lifted me up as well x

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I don't want to post about it. I just feel devastated.

I am sure I am not alone in saying I am glad you are still here. I see your posts all over this site and you always seem to be trying to help or lift up someone. Your creative writing is excellent. Before I fell off the wagon and dropped on this dark path, I owned a publishing company and we produced a literary magazine. Keep your head up, you have a wonderful future as a writer. And the world needs your art. As do those of us here. Big hug.

thank you

that means a lot to me, my writing and a few other art forms I produce are central to who I am as a person.

I'm doing a little better now, just waiting on dinner with my partner

we are having a great time and I wish I could feel like this all the time, at least somewhat content and all right with the moment I'm in. I'm working on it.

 

[dizzygypsyred]

thank you
Good to hear it.
that means a lot to me, my writing and a few other art forms I produce are central to who I am as a person.

I'm doing a little better now, just waiting on dinner with my partner

we are having a great time and I wish I could feel like this all the time, at least somewhat content and all right with the moment I'm in. I'm working on it.

Glad to hear it. I find it is the simple sweet moments that help us to surrender to life, be ok just being. I feel you regarding the importance of your art. Honestly, it is often the only thing that keeps me going. What other forms to you work in? Most of my life, I have focused on writing but my art took a detour when I got clean a few years ago. Of course in relapse now but already trying to work out how to get back on the wagon. I've been focusing on abstract oil and mixed medium paintings. Actually have had good response to it. I finished a large commissioned piece a few month ago which I was paid handsomely for. Working on painting a mannequin currently. I think that I turned to paint and abstraction when I could no longer find words to express myself. Most of it is post the event that has caused my ptsd. Still struggling with night terrors and flashbacks and painting helps sooth them. Anywho, hope your night has gone well. Big hug.

 

[dizzygypsyred]

Sorry you have been so ill hope you are feeling better hun. Glad my response helped a little. Your message replying was nice too you lifted me up as well x

Thank you. Feeling better now that the medication they have me is leveling my thyroid levels. Not so shaky today. Happy to hear that my response lifted you as well. I guess that is really what this is all about. Just being able to come here and vent and have others respond truely is a blessing. I feel less alone when I come here. Big hug. Peace and light to you.

 

[dizzygypsyred]

I called a suicide hotline early Friday morning, probably around 3:30-4:00 AM. As soon as I finished the call, five cops were at my door. My mother answered, and they rather barged in demanding that I come with them. I spent the weekend in the hospital, convincing them it was a misunderstanding.

There was detox involved, and they kept me in a room stripped of anything that could possibly be used as self-harm/suicide. There was somebody in the room watching me at all times. Many of them, though, I had wonderful conversations with. The tedium was horrible (lying in bed all day long, not being able to go to the bathroom alone, no meals that require utensils, no phone, all the rest), It was a negative experience that I managed to make my way out of Monday, with a legit discharge. I left in decent spirits, although I picked up some alcohol on the way back. I arrived home, and as soon as I did, my father requested a talk. His main insistence was that it was my fault for being at the hospital. There are more details but really, I don't think it was my fault for being so depressed in the first place.

My better spirits faded having spoken to them. Hours later I stabbed myself towards the heart. I missed my heart. I bled and bandaged up.

Counselor appointment tomorrow.

I truely hope that you are feeling better. It saddens me to hear about your attempt. Your heart must be hurting horrible to have done this to yourself. I am praying for you. Please, Let us know how your appointment goes.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Glad to hear it. I find it is the simple sweet moments that help us to surrender to life, be ok just being. I feel you regarding the importance of your art. Honestly, it is often the only thing that keeps me going. What other forms to you work in? Most of my life, I have focused on writing but my art took a detour when I got clean a few years ago. Of course in relapse now but already trying to work out how to get back on the wagon. I've been focusing on abstract oil and mixed medium paintings. Actually have had good response to it. I finished a large commissioned piece a few month ago which I was paid handsomely for. Working on painting a mannequin currently. I think that I turned to paint and abstraction when I could no longer find words to express myself. Most of it is post the event that has caused my ptsd. Still struggling with night terrors and flashbacks and painting helps sooth them. Anywho, hope your night has gone well. Big hug.

I am sorry to hear you have PTSD too, and am hoping things work out for you.

I am big into making noise music (most people don't like it, and I can't blame them), but I do have my own project and have released some music for free so that people can hear it for all time to come

I've done a little painting (for my first full length; I am in the middle of painting two of the box sets)

Aside from what I do create musically, I've been trained in classical and jazz theory, and can play a few instruments (though I don't anymore)

If there's any advice I can give you on how to get off whatever drugs you are using, please feel free to ask me. You can do it.

 

[dizzygypsyred]

I am sorry to hear you have PTSD too, and am hoping things work out for you.

I am big into making noise music (most people don't like it, and I can't blame them), but I do have my own project and have released some music for free so that people can hear it for all time to come

I've done a little painting (for my first full length; I am in the middle of painting two of the box sets)

Aside from what I do create musically, I've been trained in classical and jazz theory, and can play a few instruments (though I don't anymore)

If there's any advice I can give you on how to get off whatever drugs you are using, please feel free to ask me. You can do it.

Thank you for your encouraging words. Struggling hard with my addiction. I would give anything to break free of these chains again. I am just terrified of withdrawals as I have let my habit spiral out of control. Additionally, I fear my PTSD will worsen. My use largely is an escape mechanism. There are things I still can't process and let go of. However, I know must find a way to stop this madness. My health is dramatically worsen with my use. I have a teenager and I want to do the best I can for him. I know I can only hide it so long. Sigh. I just don't know how to start stopping. Anyway, I to have a love for music. I use to make my living busking with my guitar in the French quarter and other cities open to street performance... also perform with fire poi. Sadly, my last guitarwas thrown on a fire in baton rouge by a drunken jealous ex and have yet to replace it. My souls desperately yearns to caress strings once again. If you don't mind my asking, why did you cease playing? Any who, hope you have had a decent evening. I got another long weekend of back to back doubles, so it is bedtime for me. night night...Big hug...

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Thank you for your encouraging words. Struggling hard with my addiction. I would give anything to break free of these chains again. I am just terrified of withdrawals as I have let my habit spiral out of control. Additionally, I fear my PTSD will worsen. My use largely is an escape mechanism. There are things I still can't process and let go of. However, I know must find a way to stop this madness. My health is dramatically worsen with my use. I have a teenager and I want to do the best I can for him. I know I can only hide it so long. Sigh. I just don't know how to start stopping. Anyway, I to have a love for music. I use to make my living busking with my guitar in the French quarter and other cities open to street performance... also perform with fire poi. Sadly, my last guitarwas thrown on a fire in baton rouge by a drunken jealous ex and have yet to replace it. My souls desperately yearns to caress strings once again. If you don't mind my asking, why did you cease playing? Any who, hope you have had a decent evening. I got another long weekend of back to back doubles, so it is bedtime for me. night night...Big hug...

Well I moved, and it basically meant leaving the instruments behind (and I am glad I did, otherwise they'd have likely been stolen)

My PTSD got dramatically worse during acute WD and the PAWS

but in the long run I am really really glad I made this attempt to get clean

you can always relapse, so why not give it another go? the symptoms can't be as bad as the fear of the withdrawals and the sacrifices we've made to keep a diminishing high going for so long, you know?

 

[Erikmen]

Hey Captain,
It's been a while since you've quit.
Did it get better?
I remember you were facing challenges..
Sorry I've been out for a while..

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I am still suicidal

I am working on my writing

I hope to live more than 4 months from now

 

[dizzygypsyred]

Well I moved, and it basically meant leaving the instruments behind (and I am glad I did, otherwise they'd have likely bee

My PTSD got dramatically worse during acute WD and the PAWS

but in the long run I am really really glad I made this attempt to get clean

you can always relapse, so why not give it another go? the symptoms can't be as bad as the fear of the withdrawals and the sacrifices we've made to keep a diminishing high going for so long, you know?

Damn. Sorry to hear about your instruments. I hope the universe brings some to you soon. I am going to give it another go. I work two 12 hr shifts today and sat. So I am thinking I will give it a go Sunday since I have off. Going to try to start with using pain pills to fight the wds.DDon't think I can handle cold turkey.

 

[dizzygypsyred]

mm I

I am still suicidal

I am working on my writing

I hope to live more than 4 months from now

I pray you do. It would be a shame for your talent to be wasted. You are a source of strength and inspiration to many on here. The world needs you and your compassion. Big hug.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Damn. Sorry to hear about your instruments. I hope the universe brings some to you soon. I am going to give it another go. I work two 12 hr shifts today and sat. So I am thinking I will give it a go Sunday since I have off. Going to try to start with using pain pills to fight the wds.DDon't think I can handle cold turkey.

Let us know how the taper goes

Thank you for caring, and I am always here if you want to talk
Stay strong

 

[Erikmen]

CH, I´ve never told you this, but you are a real good writer.
You have style and write in a way that we want to continue.
Have ever thought about writing a book?
It´s all about finding a good Editor, since you already have the skills.
I see you going far, indeed.
Best of all,
E.

 

[dizzygypsyred]

Thank you. Feeling better now that the medication they have me is leveling my thyroid levels. Not so shaky today. Happy to hear that my response lifted you as well. I guess that is really what this is all about. Just being able to come here and vent and have others respond truely is a blessing. I feel less alone when I come here. Big hug. Peace and light to you.

Let us know how the taper goes

Thank you for caring, and I am always here if you want to talk
Stay strong

thank you I know it will be hard but I also know I can't keep going on like this. I am sure I will need the support.

 

[Burnt Offerings]

What point in there in continuing to live when your physical health just keeps on failing?

 

[Smoky]

Hey hey, Thyroid problems will pass, it takes a while. I had mine completely removed as it would never stabilize. It's level now… I have not had a panic attack since (except for withdrawal from opiates), but not from thyroid in years!

 

[dizzygypsyred]

What point in there in continuing to live when your physical health just keeps on failing?

a question I ask myself often

 

[dizzygypsyred]

Hey hey, Thyroid problems will pass, it takes a while. I had mine completely removed as it would never stabilize. It's level now… I have not had a panic attack since (except for withdrawal from opiates), but not from thyroid in years!

hoping they can stabilize with medication pretty nervous about having it removed

 

[Smoky]

Yes, avoid removing it if possible, the radiation caused me some minor damage. It does take a few months ime to stabilize but when it does you should feel a lot better. Hang in there…
Love and light
~ Smoky