• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

The Suicide support thread

Status
Not open for further replies.
i give up. i really do. i just don't want to go on, i can't, i'm sick of it. there's no point pushing myself further. i just don't want to
 
Pagey~ plz don't give up dear! I know how hard it can get, believe me.. U have a lot of people here though, that care about you.. Pm me anytime, my dear plz.. Dnt give up. Sending lots of <3 2 u
 
Captain.Heroin said:
Why do you feel that way?
Click to expand...

i don't even know. i barely even feel anything at all, just emptiness. i can't stand the thought of myself and i cant stand the thought of going on. i just need to find the courage again and get it done and i know it'll be for the best for everyone

sconnie420 said:
Pagey~ plz don't give up dear! I know how hard it can get, believe me.. U have a lot of people here though, that care about you.. Pm me anytime, my dear plz.. Dnt give up. Sending lots of <3 2 u
Click to expand...

thank you sconnie. i hope you're doing all right because i know you can turn your life around and you have a great future ahead of you because you're a grat person. but i'm horrible and i shouldnt continue
 
do you really think so though? :( i mean...if i think about it yes i can find the reasons, i can find a whole list of reasons why i'm in this state but i don't feel like it helps, i've been trying to resolve my issues for such a long time and literally been going nowhere, it's just been getting worse and worse by the day. so what's the point in continuing to try, you know? i don't feel like life has anything to offer me whatsoever and i'm not curious about what might happen to me in the future, i don't want to know at all what might happen...i just don't want there to be anything more for me

thank you so much for your answers
 
Pagey, you just said you were feeling better earlier today. :( What happened between then and now? You WILL feel better again, just please keep in mind that your thoughts will change. Suicide is a very permanent answer to a temporary problem. We're all rooting for you, sweetie. <3 <3
 
yeah...that lasted about 10 minutes. nothing happened particularly...well i went up to the common room and hung out with a ton of people and felt miserable and lonely and hated it the whole time and then i came back to my room feeling just so empty and miserable and not knowing what to do...and i've been feeling like this 99% of the time and that tiny 1% just isn't worth fighting for
 
Pagey said:
do you really think so though? :(
Click to expand...

Yes, I do. :)

Knowing why you feel that way is certainly going to influence your actions, and hopefully will enable you to feel better in the future.

You totally deserve to take weeks/months/years to yourself to figure it out if needed. Get some ice cream and cuddle up in front of the TV, watch some movies, do some soul searching. You will be glad you did. <3
 
i do know, i don't know why isaid i didn't but i do know why i feel like this. i just dont even want to try to fix it though. i dont think life has anything for me. i dont want to continue feeling like this, i can't deal with this for even another day. i just cant. i just want to die
 
well...to sum up, i grew up with an abusive (physically and psychologically) father, a suicidal mother and raising my own sister while dealing with being told i wasn't worth anything every single day by my father, and i was a waste of space and shouldnt be alive. when i was 14 my best friend died and i feel like it's my fault and haven't been able to talk to anyone about it at all and i cant stop thinking about the guilt. i've had eating disorders since about that year and hate the way i look. in fact i hate every single thing that makes me, me. this last year the one person in my family i felt was actually remotely proud of me died. my boyfriend of 2 years cheated on me with a close friend of mine though tbh i dont even care about that anymore. he was psychologically abusive and for 2 years made me feel like i was stupid and worth nothing and i thought that was a normal relationship because the situation between by parents fucked me up. i was raped and i'm ashamed of that and of what it's done to me and when i told my boyfriend he didn't help or care. i was addicted to drugs. i tried to kill myself and failed and have been regretting that failure for every single day since. i feel like there's no future ahead of me. i've shut myself from every singe person iin my life who ever cared about me and i'm now entirely alone and i don't even want to try to reconnect. but i'm still lonely so i have no fucking idea what to do. i feel like a horrible person who doesn't deserve to live. i can't see any quality worth fighting for in myself or anything in my life worth hanging on for.

edit: CH, thank you so much for staying with me through all this. I cant say how much i appreciate it
 
Last edited:
Pagey said:
well...to sum up, i grew up with an abusive (physically and psychologically) father, a suicidal mother and raising my own sister while dealing with being told i wasn't worth anything every single day by my father, and i was a waste of space and shouldnt be alive. when i was 14 my best friend died and i feel like it's my fault and haven't been able to talk to anyone about it at all and i cant stop thinking about the guilt. i've had eating disorders since about that year and hate the way i look. in fact i hate every single thing that makes me, me. this last year the one person in my family i felt was actually remotely proud of me died. my boyfriend of 2 years cheated on me with a close friend of mine though tbh i dont even care about that anymore. he was psychologically abusive and for 2 years made me feel like i was stupid and worth nothing and i thought that was a normal relationship because the situation between by parents fucked me up. i was raped and i'm ashamed of that and of what it's done to me and when i told my boyfriend he didn't help or care. i was addicted to drugs. i tried to kill myself and failed and have been regretting that failure for every single day since. i feel like there's no future ahead of me. i've shut myself from every singe person iin my life who ever cared about me and i'm now entirely alone and i don't even want to try to reconnect. but i'm still lonely so i have no fucking idea what to do. i feel like a horrible person who doesn't deserve to live. i can't see any quality worth fighting for in myself or anything in my life worth hanging on for.

edit: CH, thank you so much for staying with me through all this. I cant say how much i appreciate it
Click to expand...

Of course!

I think you are an amazing person for making it this far. I am so sorry that your father was beyond abusive :(

Do you still talk to your sister?

Your best friend dying is not your fault Pagey. I promise you that. <3

There is something worth hanging on for. I know it. I can't say what exactly, it's unique for everyone, but it is there.
 
Thanks...it feels good to hear that after feeling like a failure for almost all of my life. i keep thinking i'm overreacting about everything, some people have it so much harder, i should be happy with the life i've had, etc etc. but that just makes me feel like a worse person for being upset with what i've had. My sister is 7 so well yes i do still talk to her but now i'm a country away and i'm extremely worried about her. She's terrified of my father and my mother's barely in any state to take care of her and my brother just...doesn't do it.
I think rationally i do know it wasn't my fault but i can't really believe it, you know? I just feel like there must have been something, anything i could have done to prevent it. He deserved to be alive so much more than me.

thank you. <3
 
Pagey said:
Thanks...it feels good to hear that after feeling like a failure for almost all of my life. i keep thinking i'm overreacting about everything, some people have it so much harder, i should be happy with the life i've had, etc etc. but that just makes me feel like a worse person for being upset with what i've had. My sister is 7 so well yes i do still talk to her but now i'm a country away and i'm extremely worried about her. She's terrified of my father and my mother's barely in any state to take care of her and my brother just...doesn't do it.
I think rationally i do know it wasn't my fault but i can't really believe it, you know? I just feel like there must have been something, anything i could have done to prevent it. He deserved to be alive so much more than me.

thank you. <3
Click to expand...

Just focus on yourself, that's all you can do. If you think your young sister isn't safe, you can always notify authorities and they may be able to help her.

None of this is your fault. <3
 
I'm sure there's an eclectic amalgamation of things contributing to it, but I just feel it this really chaotic blur.
It's there. It's always there. It is a cornerstone to my being, my state of mind, my sober self.
There are small variations from the active feeling of whatever you call this, but it is always active in some way.
My entire experience is affected. This is part of me.
Sometimes my mind is nice enough to provide me distraction with music, movies/TV, art, just information from a machine really.
It's usually lingering during such times, but lately I've felt it so much.
but it's not enough. It's not that pain that puts you into action. It's not a pain that makes me cry.
It's dulled. It's draining. It is not giving me any new pain, it's simply taking away from everything.
I feel this isolation. I am disconnected and disjointed, and I can't even reach the source.
There's always this emptiness between it, between everything.
Nothing can grow from so much of this emptiness, it's stagnant and crusty.
Then there's the void, the lacking. I feel this as desire.
Sometimes I can fool myself into think there's some true emptiness there, akin to healthy soil. Just waiting for a seed, waiting for something to grow.
I know there's nothing. I know it's all dead, and fucked.
Now it's all just a fucking waiting game.
And no, it can't be a good game. There can't be any extremity, no. You get to keep baseless attachment, false hope that's never actively felt, it's like there's something running around your subconscious shitting on everything.
You can't let go.
You're just there, waiting.
I've explained it like this multiple times, so I probably sound pretty agitating to someone who's read a few of my posts, but it's just like a circle. A wobbly circle.
There are small deviations, they're wobbles, but they're part of a greater, perpetual, unwavering form, the circle. There is no real escape from the circle, it never breaks form, but there are enough wobbles to keep it-
it's just fucked.
No amount of fumbling around with a form of expression that I can't really use to express something that I don't understand that can't be expressed because you don't understand.
Simultaneous opposites.
Void.
Meaningless.
Apathy.
Loneliness.
Dissatisfaction.
Other words and shit.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top