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The Suicide support thread

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^ it's a viscous circle, that I myself suffer from.. are you on any meds to help ya?.. Pm me if u ever wana rant 2 some1.. I feel like I bothr people here a lot of times, so I don't like 2 share 2 often.. But man, I also, have my demons and we can def rant 2 each othr..
 
some days the only thing that actually touches me is art in some form or another. You are a very good writer/artist Death. I know it hardly seems fair that one of your metaphors of hopelessness rekindled my hope but it did.

To everyone that posts here: I don't know if you all read the shrine part of BL but another Bluelighter's body was found in front of his computer yesterday by his mother. Comfort and ease and a sense of belonging in your own skin should be every one of our birthrights--but that isn't how life works. It is heartbreaking to me to see how hard so many people struggle for those basic qualities in their days. I know that you are all struggling to find that place of calm inside and I just want you to know how heroic I think that struggle is. Keep writing, DeathDomokun; you express eloquently something that many want to turn their eyes from and deny. I hope that you can write your way through to light. Writing has been a savior for me many times. When I feel too numb to even write I am often pulled back by reading someone else's writing. Thank you for posting yours. Everybody stay safe, please. All I can think about today is that other mother having to see her son's body, feel the horrible end of all the possibility that life held, and figure out how to go on living herself.
 
i'm a sad panda it's such a bitch being depressed all the fucking time it's a non stop ride straight to hell for me if god or satan are real at least but i'm not the least worried in going to hell what i live everyday hell seems like a holiday at least it's something different right? idk maybe i'd hate it but i don't believe in an afterlife i like what Buddah taught but still can't get behind it at least not fully it'd be nice to give my life to god and think that his plan for me is fine and that i'm going to the promise land when i die anyway so who cares if shit is bad in my life but no all i have is this pitiful life that i lead and the only "promise land" i can see is getting high and that only takes the pain away for a quick moment and after it's back with a fucking vengeance and i know you should never say never but i will never be a happy carefree person EVER i'm sinking into a tar pit called life and i almost can't see the light anymore if it weren't for drugs that light would have slipped away years ago i wish everyone who loves me would die peacefully so i could take my own life guilt free but no i'd just be taking the easy way out and why cut corners to end up dead and nowhere might as well deal with life and have what little fun i'll allow myself before it's all gone idk how long i'm gonna last
 
I don't know why, but I want it now more than ever before. I fiend to turn up every pill bottle I can find more than I used to fiend for meth when I was strung out. It's like I want it more than anything I've ever desired in my entire life. I mean, I know why I want to die, but I don't know why the urge is so fucking strong now. It could so easily be done. It would be a nasty messy way to go; there's nothing that I have that would even closely resemble self-euthenasia, but I've got enough shit to toss down that by the time anyone finds me so much damage will be done to so many systems that there's no chance at all. The only fucking emotion I can feel is anxiety. I'm just having to fight the urge so hard right now. I feel as though I'm on the verge of psychosis. I can't stop hyperventilating, I can't stop rocking back and forth. It's like it just came out of nowhere. Suicide has crossed my mind several times today, but not like this. I've never felt it like this before, not this strongly.

And I realize no one will probably read this for a while but I just needed to say it somewhere.
 
I wish I had the balls to stick a shot gun in my mouth and pull the fucking trigger... I hate my waste of a life and always feeling like shit. I don't believe in god but if he's up there this really is 1 sick fucking joke he's playing...
God, some1 please kill me now..piss on this shitty thing u call a "life"
 
Jktm and sconnie, I am here if you need to talk. If you feel like you might do anything--call a crisis line. Your life, no matter where it is right now, is worth living.<3
 
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If i had a sure fire way to die like a gun id be dead. All i pray for lately is to fall asleep and never wake up Im sick of living in so much pain
 
Doomed,
U and me both brother... Life is sure 1 sick fucking joke isn't it..

Herb,
Sorry but that won't happen.. I'm not gna call any1, ill go through w/ it b4 I do that... I know ur just tryn 2 help, I app that, but I'm a hopeless case..
 
Thinking about things too much. Been giving myself nasty headaches lately, feeling physically sick as a result. Worrying too much. Never knowing if what I'm doing is the right, or the wrong. I hate not knowing till it's too late. When things turn out good, that's great! I'm relieved. But when their wrong, I feel so much guilt and hate myself for it. I recognize this way of reacting is irrational, but I can't help but feel this way at times.

I'm constantly shifting from an amazing mood, to being down as far as I can go. I seem to rely on other people to judge how I'm doing in my own life. For instant, I rely on making people happy to feel good about myself, and when I fail to do that or I annoy someone, I feel horrible inside and hate myself for it.

Fucking hell, life...it's, I don't even know, it's a sick joke as stated above. I feel like it's one big paradox, one big joke and we're the punchline. I feel like we're gonna die and life is gonna be there, manifested in some form or another, laughing at us then saying "Time to do it all over again!" then we are reborn.
 
I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so bad C.H :( You're so helpful in TDS and across Bluelight and don't deserve to feel this way. Please know that there are a lot of people around here that care about you a lot and we're here to support you if you need it. I'm also available by PM if you want to talk. Sending you lots of love and hoping you're feeling better soon. <3 <3 <3
 
Jesus is there something in the air creating suicidal thoughts or something cause it seems like everyone feels like shit myself included. I just wish i had something in my life here or someone to hold. I don't think that's to much to ask for :(
 
um not sure but my insurance won't cover the amount i'm prescribed so my pharmacist and doctor have to do a TAR to get my insurance to pay for it
 
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