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The Suicide support thread

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Splatchrome, I so hope that you were able to get through those feelings without harming yourself. In the midst of intense pain like that so many of us turn to those thoughts. Calling a crisis line and talking to another human being pulled me through on many occasion. Do whatever you have to do to keep yourself safe through these feelings so that you can start to formulate a plan for changing the things that are making you feel this way.

Do you feel like you want to share any more of what is going on that is making you feel so desperate?
 
be strong, we are all here for you, bl stopped me from taking an insane drug overdose that would definitely have killed me. this place is a magical forum full of absolutely beautiful souls, and they are here to save the others that have got lost is all.if you ever want to pm me, you can <3
 
SplatChrome said:
I'd do anything for an opiate. Might even stop me from wanting to kill myself for a bit if I don't eat all the kpins before hand.
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i feel like this and i haven't even ever taken opiates outside of a hospital situation, where i lay wishing i was dead, so i'm not even too hopeful about them.

i know how you feelabout destroying all the goals you've set, and them being all you hold onto. i don't know how to get around it. its self destruction isn't it, letting everything you've worked for slip by for no apparent reason. try to do what you can to avoid this destruction- mine are all related around academic things so i'm putting together a case for mitigation if i need it. just doing anyhting to stop things getting out of control might help.
 
^ that can be one of the most protective factors - not wanting to put loved ones throuh it. Hopefully in time you wll want to live for you, but I am glad you have a reason not to do it, whatever that reason is. I know it can be hard though, havibg to carry the pain so others don't have to go through it, but at least you have family who care about you.Stay strong <3
 
It's only because of my family and my body's fighting instinct that I am still here. And even though I am in insane amounts of both physical and mental agony, I am glad I am here, if my words bring the smallest amount of comfort to people then I believe that is one of the reasons I survived all 3 overdoses this summer.

Love and healing thoughts to you all <3
 
Ive survived plenty of overdoses too. The survival instinct runs deep, the body rebels against our attempts to poison it - ive tried plenty of times with opiates to no avail mainly due to tolerance. I can relate to everyone's story here, except the parts about having family that would miss you. If I had that I wouldnt be suicidal. I know that if I commited suicide tomorrow noone would lose any sleep over it. I mean that literally. When you're in that position life doesnt seem worth it.
 
That is your depression talking , I thought that too, I even took Thorazine with my opiates and gabapentin so I wouldn't throw up, took 120 30mg mst and 190 300mg gabapentin on the first go with 60mg of Thorazine to stop me barfing them all up. Knocked me out for 3 days.

Pm me Hun please <3


Bucklecroft Rudy said:
Ive survived plenty of overdoses too. The survival instinct runs deep, the body rebels against our attempts to poison it - ive tried plenty of times with opiates to no avail mainly due to tolerance. I can relate to everyone's story here, except the parts about having family that would miss you. If I had that I wouldnt be suicidal. I know that if I commited suicide tomorrow noone would lose any sleep over it. I mean that literally. When you're in that position life doesnt seem worth it.
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It's been 10 years since I first visited BL. Everyone says things get better. The OP says give me 5 minutes, 24 hours, a week... But when do they get better? My first year on BL I also made my first suicide attempt (and hospitalization). Reflecting back on the past 10 years, I'm nearly as depressed now as I was then. I've done everything in life that I thought would make me happy. Got the degree, the job, the girl, the house, all of that young adult stuff. But none of it made me happy. I always feel either depressed, anxious, angry, or numb. I see people around me every day being happy over random shit, while I'm anxious and depressed. I met with a social worker, who recommended I check myself into the hospital again because I didn't sound safe. I said I'd think about it, then got scared and took the bus home. Now it's Christmas Eve, I'm alone on a few benzos, and on BL for a second opinion. I know you guys aren't psychics or magicians, but how do I feel happy? I tried to live life by the rules as well as I could. Why is it all passing me by while my co-workers are laughing, chatting, hanging out after work, feeling happy? It seems more and more like I'll never feel happiness, and that there's just no point in trying anymore.
 
travis2600 said:
It's been 10 years since I first visited BL. Everyone says things get better. The OP says give me 5 minutes, 24 hours, a week... But when do they get better? My first year on BL I also made my first suicide attempt (and hospitalization). Reflecting back on the past 10 years, I'm nearly as depressed now as I was then. I've done everything in life that I thought would make me happy. Got the degree, the job, the girl, the house, all of that young adult stuff. But none of it made me happy. I always feel either depressed, anxious, angry, or numb. I see people around me every day being happy over random shit, while I'm anxious and depressed. I met with a social worker, who recommended I check myself into the hospital again because I didn't sound safe. I said I'd think about it, then got scared and took the bus home. Now it's Christmas Eve, I'm alone on a few benzos, and on BL for a second opinion. I know you guys aren't psychics or magicians, but how do I feel happy? I tried to live life by the rules as well as I could. Why is it all passing me by while my co-workers are laughing, chatting, hanging out after work, feeling happy? It seems more and more like I'll never feel happiness, and that there's just no point in trying anymore.
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I've accepted my life pretty much sucks and that all I can do is distract myself by doing something positive to keep me from feeling negative. I try to find something to improve (there's always something you can take the time to work on and make it better, whether it's organizing something, or figuring out what your purpose is. There's always something to work on.

I know it's hard though. Gotta overcome the negativity one way or another. I don't have any real friends in this world, so I gotta make it on my own. IDK how but I manage somehow. Hope you can find some happiness.
 
Never thought I'd admit it, but I tried to take myself out two weeks ago. I can't bring myself to therapy because I have a panic disorder around people, any suggestions?
 
SplatChrome said:
the person who helped me, doesn't want to talk to me today because I was asleep when she wanted my help. I can stand this. When I get my scripts filled again and enough money for a couple hundred mg of methadone I'm going to kill myself. I cant stand this any more.
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Man it ain't the end of the world. If you re-focus your attention on making it better, instead of hurting yourself, I'm sure you can think of something. Try to make it better because it sounds like she cares about you. I can't imagine how it make her feel if you die..
 
perderner said:
Never thought I'd admit it, but I tried to take myself out two weeks ago. I can't bring myself to therapy because I have a panic disorder around people, any suggestions?
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When I went to see the social worker, I talked mostly about other stuff that I was comfortable with like my boss and stuff, but she could tell I was avoiding something because I was looking down and mumbling and sweating whenever she asked about thoughts of harming myself or others. She ask asked me to think about it and come back for another appointment the next day. When I came back, I just recited what I had thought word-for-word, just like I was reading a script in a play about someone else or a page from a book. I didn't think I could do it, but thinking of it as if I was reading a script about a fake character rather than talking about myself made it so I could do it.
 
Thanks man, but I think I'll talk with my brother about it first. He's the only person I can truly talk with, no offense to you or anyone else.
 
Hey people don't kill yourself, sure you get in the way in line, but it's alright I don't want you dead, I want everyone to have a good time. hey people don't kill yourself, sure you suck at traffic lights, but that doesn't mean that you don't have the right to life. Hey people don't kill yourself, sure you might smell bad when you're depressed, but that doesn't mean that we're all not a little stressed. Hey people don't kill yourself you've got something to share. I might not know what it is, but I'm definitely glad you're there. Hey people don't kill yourself it's just a little part of the world that's getting you down and believe me when I say there's so much more. Hey people don't kill yourself I want everyone to survive their thoughts, and realize who's thinking them, and realize who's boss. Hey people don't kill yourself, it'll all be better soon, as soon as you take away the feeling of imminent doom. That's my christmas rhyme for the people I want to see live through the new year. Feel free to add to it.
Hey people dont kill yourself even if you never got a fair shake, the world is full of people who just know how to take, that doesn't mean they are right, and that you are a flake, all it means is that we've got different lives to make. Hey people don't kill yourself, it's a beautiful sky tonight, come out and see the clouds as they pass right out of sight.
Hey people don't kill yourself I love the fact that you live, even if you make it harder to invest in stock. I don't know where I'm going with this, but I know I'm now better off. dadada don't kill yourself good times will come again....dadada don't kill yourself I'll be your friend...
 
I'm glad your against it man, trust me ending it isn't a wise choice. I'm making a resolution to get clean, almost fucked up my life tonight over bullshit.
 
perderner said:
I'm glad your against it man, trust me ending it isn't a wise choice. I'm making a resolution to get clean, almost fucked up my life tonight over bullshit.
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Sounds like a very good direction to take. There are lots of people here trying to get clean and therefore lots of support for you.Good luck and keep us posted.<3
 
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