^ this is something I am very familiar with.. when you feel like you have someone who cares, and who is looking out for you, you are okay. Once that is taken away (or you worry that it will be taken away - again something I am familiar with!) you feel like you can't cope again.
I'm sure you know, but in the long term you can't count on someone else to always support you. Having supportive people round you is fantastic but having one person is like putting all your eggs in one basket. The ultimate goal for all of us is to be able to support ourselves, but that takes a lot of time and I think that anyone posting in TDS needs a little outsde help. However, it is far better to have a range of people to rely on to lift our mood (maybe not a range who necessarily get us laid, haha, but you know what I mean..) or at least one person we know we can trust to always be there for us.
Do you have anyone else you can talk to and who can help you to feel better while things are tough? Friends, family? If not - you have us
I think that this guy isn't someone you should trust with your life (which is effectively what you are doing, if he takes the suicidal feelings away for you) - he's someone you are "messing round" with, he doesn't always call, he's not a solid fixture in your life. By all means have fun with him, you deserve it! I know how much better it makes you feel having someone interested in you, having the whole reciprocated crush thing, getting laid too haha
but it isn't a lasting solution, no matter how good it feels at the time. If you don't have anyone in real life who you can depend on, then lean on us - talk to us, and let us help you come up with an action plan on how to improve your life. I've not been reading TDS for a while so am very behind, and without knowing more about you I can't really suggest what will help.. but what I do know is your life
is worth improving, and that suicide is most definitely not the answer for you


