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Harm Reduction The Pain Management Megathread (Chronic and Acute Pain Discussion) v6

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I am worried because I am spiralling out of control with the opiates but my spine is so wrecked that I literally don't have a choice. I was the worst person ever to develop a serious back problem with my addictive personality. One year from a percocet a day to a full blown heroin habit. I used to think man an oxy 80 a day? Christ, I couldn't even handle a 30. Now an 80 is nothing to me and it's only been a year. A year of sniffing H (my favourite obviously), sniffing dillies, sniffing oxycontin 80's broken into quarters, sniffing hydromorph contin pellets broken up, smoking opium, and popping thousands of percocets.

All I want is pain relief and I will do whatever it takes. My back is royally fucked, I can't even walk without dope. But more than that I already hated everything about my life and I was always an addict just not to this stuff. Mountains of cannabis used to be enough. I'm worried that it's going to kill me. I'm worried about how depressed I've become. How I want to die and I'm looking forward to it so I don't even care about destroying myself. I worry that I have cut myself with razors when I ran out of H, my arm is a fuckin mess and I haven't even shot up yet. I worry that I clearly see where this is headed but I am powerless to stop it because that back pain is a monster. It's a serious demon in my spine.

I pop as much extended release oxy as I can afford to and then switch to heroin and repeat. I just need to rail it to get that hit; popping pills doesn't do it for me anymore. It gets even worse if I bring up the panic attacks and benzo dependency, but benzos are not addictive to me. I don't give a fuck about them I just take them. I'm talking psychological of course... that heroin is like a vampire. You get bit by it and you're never the same. It's a damned obsession, I need to be in that place where time stops moving and everything gets slow. There is a small hope that they are going to fix my back, but then what? Does anybody know about facet joints, killing the nerve? Does that actually work? Now I'm a fiend and I honestly don't think I could ever stop because I don't want to. It's more than pain relief now it's relief from everything. It's relief from my broken relationship. It's relief from my ruined career. It's relief from my thoughts of suicide and misery. It's relief from my extreme social anxiety and panic disorder. It's relief from my hatred of life on this insane asylum of a rock.

I was chosen. I am a chosen one. I was chosen to suffer. For whatever reason, maybe something I did in a past life. Maybe because it was supposed to help me grow spiritually but it didn't. I didn't like to suffer, I didn't like to be lonely, so I turned to these drugs. It started with weed. That was the first drug I had a serious addiction to. So coming into opiates, heroin being the first one I ever tried, it was just natural to start hitting something daily again. I wasn't knew to the game. I had a few hooks and chains under my belt already. This one takes the cake though. It's just the fucking tolerance is insane. You're blind to it at first but it happens FAST, way faster than with benzo dependency. It's shocking how quickly you need more and it seems exponential, like once you start needing more it keeps doubling and before you know it you're a complete mess. Once I realized what was happening, I tried cutting back but I couldn't. I didn't like wasting my time, suffering and feeling like shit. My tolerance wouldn't budge. I tried for months to get it down by suffering withdrawal but honestly once you have a tolerance to this shit you're just fucked. I was brought into life under conditions that encouraged me to be who I am today. It's a set up! And I've lost control. I regret my past. I regret everything and I want it to end.

I'm supposed to be an engineer but I am disconnected from society completely. I keep getting fired and it's scarred my mind. I've lost all self confidence because thrice in the workplace people have just hated my guts when I was working my ass off. Because of HR people matching me with jobs I'm not qualified for. I get fired because people don't understand that I suffer as well. I guess I need to take a look at disability, if that exists. I should sue those bastard employers but I'm too busy getting high. I can't be sober because I can't handle the way I've been treated by my fellow man. That's one of the preconditions that makes it natural to get addicted, not having a job or a social life. Also, I was lonely and depressed, another precondition. I was a problem drinker and a severe cannabis addict; history of drug abuse being another precondition. I had a panic attack disorder, another precondition. I had chronic extreme physical agony around the clock, and that in itself was enough. I felt hopeless and still do. When is this going to end? Can't I just get a heavy hit already??? I can't take it anymore. I'm directionless, I've lost all my motivation and I have no idea how to snap out of it. I think I'm a little psycho too from all the psychedelics especially from abusing weed at a young age - just really started things off on the wrong foot. I used to have a 20k weed habit. At least I'm a somewhat functional addict on opiates. I'm not nearly as stupid as I was when I was a stoner. I'm pretty damned messed up though, It's halfway through the day and I've already dropped 50 milligrams of oxy. What have I become?
 
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Oh Shroomi,

Hang in there. Pain is a bitch, and will push us to extremes. Please try to pause, look around, and think about what it is you really want. I so understand feeling hopeless; like you're at the bottom of a pit looking up, and have no idea how to get out.

May I suggest by starting something small? It can all feel so overwhelming, but try one task. When I need to bring my tolerance down, I start writing down every dose and time to make myself more accountable. One small, distinct act can empower you and help you to be mindful. I know when I'm there, I can just keep taking without thinking, but writing it down keeps one foot on the ground.

You are not alone.

Thinking of you; sending you positive vibes. You have power.

Best,
AnnaBanana
 
Thank you very much Anna. Seriously thanks. I juts need people to talk to that's very kind and thoughtful of you.

What you mentioned about the writing, I actually keep a benzo journal. So I know how long I have been on one particular benzo and at what dose. That is absolutely necessary for me because otherwise I'll lose track. For example, I'm just on 2 milligrams of klonopin every night now, which is an improvement from earlier this year when I was taking maybe double that. I have gotten to know a whole bunch of benzos so I know at what frequency and at what dose I need to take them to keep my panic attacks at bay. This helps me a lot with keeping my benzo use to a minimum so your suggestion is great.

But thing is my pain is variable - it's not like my panic disorder where I have consistent extreme anxiety. I have horrible days with pain, and I have better days. I shouldn't use 'better' because every day is miserable. I'm kind of making a bet that they will fix my spine before I get too out of control with these opiates, and then I'll just go to rehab. There are some promising treatments that might be coming up in the near future. And the other thing is I can handle extreme anxiety and panic attacks. I can't handle a fucking second of this pain so as soon as I feel it I drop pills. This leads to inevitable tolerance increases.

The problem is not so much my tolerance, it's pretty normal for a year and a half of use. I can't feel anything less than a 15mg dose of IR oxy, and 20mg is what really takes away my suffering and makes me feel great. Just that to get that amount prescribed is not possible for me. I wanted 40 milligrams a day of extended release and I can't get it. I'm prescribed a daily amount that barely touches my pain. The other issue is that I like to sniff my drugs, not so much for the high, but because I will know within 15 minutes whether or not I have taken enough to relieve my pain. I just find it so much easier to get the dose right with sniffing, and the relief is so fast acting that way. I have that tamper-proof oxy and I find it impossible to get the dose right. Like it peaks 5 hours later? It's ridiculous. Extended release was meant to be crushed and eaten, the actual mechanism does not work for me at all. I end up taking larger doses and getting less relief. I'd rather have peaks and valleys. I prefer to work with the natural half life of the drug, not some bullshit intended to make it less abusable. Why do the pharm companies have to fuck around with the medications so much and add poisonous tylenol to them, and make some insane gel-like ER mechanism etc.? Why not just have medical opium like there is medical weed? And breed different strains to have different thebaine content, morphine content, and codeine content? That would be so awesome to me because I am an all-organic natural foods type person and self taught gourmet cook. I hate taking pills with all these binders that probably mess with the PH of my body.

Also it seems dangerous because if you take too much ER you're in it for the long run. I ended up taking 3 times what I'm prescribed just this morning because it wasn't kicking in and I was in agony and then I got nauseated and sick, it was horrible. Wasted half my day thinking I was overdosing. That's not the way to bring my tolerance down. This tamper proof shit is actually making me abuse them more. It was promising at first but I've realized that it totally sucks now. And the percocet is just fucking my liver up with the tylenol. I hate to say it but heroin is my opiate of choice for these reasons. I've always done the best with that one, taking small match-head sized bumps throughout the day. I know that sounds like I am very abusive but I actually abuse heroin less than the prescription pills because I never get what I want out of the pills, unless it's one of those rare, obscure OC 80's that I can break up into quarters. But then you can't sniff those because of all the binders. I've made a gram of heroin last for around 3 or 4 months and I had constant pain relief the whole time.

I feel alone because I am just in my late 20's and I don't know anyone else who has trouble with their mobility at this age. I keep fit at least but even to do a little yoga every day is impossible without taking a couple extra pills. Is it worth it to work out even if it agitates my spine and worsens my pain? For me, it is, because I used to be an athlete. I refuse to be skinny and stiff.

Thank you again. Lately it's been especially bad because I had a promising career and got fired yet again in a very rude way. I didn't have a single performance review, and I kept asking if I was doing ok. I could tell something wasn't right. Then one day they just decided that they didn't like me instead of trying to work with me regarding whatever the fuck it was that they had a problem with they just sent me packing. I was working my ass off despite the chronic pain. Then the HR director screamed in my face. He didn't know I had chronic pain issues and he got hit square in the face. You don't scream in my face unless you are looking for a fight. I guess because I made him look bad because he hired me, he was just concerned about his numbers. Not me of course. Ever since that crap I've been horribly depressed and pretty much unemployed.
 
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^Hey dude,

Sorry to hear you're going through such tough time & sorry I can't type a lengthy msg at this time of night.

Facet joint injections? Depending on cortisone or nerve blocks, (which I think you mean)- can & do work wonders for some!!

I'm so sorry you're not only in pain but have addiction issues too. What's the plan from your drs perspective other than nerve blocks .& opiates?

Are you seeing a real deal PM or a general dr?

I've had plenty of nerve blocks, & only one worked..but caused a flare up of my widespread musculoskeletal pain so I never proceeded with the actual burning off of the nerve.

Btw, 50mg oxy isn't that bad. Don't feel shitty about taking what you need to take!

I'm sorry I don't know your whole story & how it came to you feeling this bad, but I'm online often & happy to chat when it's not so late at night here.

Best wishes, stay strong,

Rtp
 
ShroomySatori said:
He didn't know I had chronic pain issues and he got hit square in the face. You don't scream in my face unless you are looking for a fight.
Click to expand...

I bet that could have been sweet if you really could have teed off on him. I know that's not very PC of me but hell, some folks need to be knocked down a few pegs! I can totally relate to what you're going through. I had a part-time job for years and back in February I got real sick. I was in and out of the hospital a couple times within a week and work was being uncompleted. All I ever got from my boss was, when is going to be done? That's not soon enough! I need it NOW! You get the idea. I told him, I've been in and out of the hospital and frankly I can't give you an exact date of when things will get done. Honestly, that's the best I can do. I swear I think he was practically spitting on himself he was so frustrated. I mean, seriously, I can't turn this shit on and off! On that same call to him, I got to the point where I said, I'm done! He didn't get it and I repeated, I AM DONE. It finally sunk in and I think he lost it. I practically had to hang up on him. My last words were, I just can't see myself working for someone who has absolutely no regard for me as a person, especially when I'm obviously in a very bad way! I am out!

Sometimes in life, you just have to take a stand and say, this situation or you or whatever, are not worth my sanity and health. He had me so messed up by the end, I was practically catatonic. So fuck him and his company! I'm trying to get my health squared away so I might be able to work again but since February it's a no go.

Just thought I share to say, I understand. I hope everyone else is doing OK.
 
Hey Shroomy, have you tried sertraline for anxiety/panic attacks and depression? If not then ask your Dr cos it just may save your life. I'm a chronic pain sufferer with chronic anxiety/panic attacks and depression and sertraline (Zoloft) stopped it all in its tracks and I have experienced no side effects while on it - to me it was a miraculous drug that fixed me over night. You can think negative thoughts and it doesn't go beyond that - no manifestation of physical symptoms like profuse sweating, churning stomach, suicidal thoughts and best of all no panic attacks that have you convinced that the only way to get away from them is to kill yourself. All that stopped for me.
 
Now Shroomy, if you have oxycontin CR (the new formula) you must slice them up finely using a razor blade and swallow it all on an empty stomach....within 20-30mins I'm buzzing (if I take enough) my threshold dose is around 110-120mgs, if I want a buzz I'll need between 160-240mgs.....i can tolerate 320mgs just fine.

Don't feel so freaked out about your 50mg usage, it really is a low dose and if ur getting a little high on it then be thankful and try not to go much beyond that dose. I strongly suggest sertraline so you can get back to living without constant panic and fear. I left mine too long but got it sorted eventually. I wish you all the best, take care
 
Oh yeah and Shroomy, I'm a seasoned vet when it comes to drugs and addiction/addictive obsessive personality. I was clean from hard drugs for 9 years of which I was proud, and now I'm addicted to oxycodone with chronic pain and the worst mental state I have ever had in all my life. Up in supreme court standing in front of the judge as he's handing down my sentence and he tells me that my trafficking charge will get me 5years in a max.....breathes in........wholly suspended for 5 years.....exhales loudly......that whole process hung over my head as all advice I got for my crimes was that it's expected that I get years of jail...waited 2 years to finally get sentenced and whilst the stress from all that was high...it was nothing compared to the suffering I have gone through with these pain, depression, panic issues.

What you're feeling is quite normal and expected given the circumstances, you just hang in there, I really want to know if you have tried sertraline - it's doubtful that you'll need to take benzos very often if at all which is what you need. Take care
 
need to vent/need advice pain management issues with medi-cal

if you dont read the whole thing I would still appreciate any help with the following question:I have cerebral palsy so I dont have full use of my hands so I cant anyway but if one were going to CWE a single 10-325 precosett how much water would one use? thanks, so now on to the venting...

so I have been on pain management with my primary dr for a dislocated hip for over a decade. now every month just about (to some degree or other),my feet swell and I dont sleep for a week, my right side burns, I get weird psorisis like spots, and my hip pain goes to like 20 out of 10. I go to my dr and they do tests that come bk fine. I think its the apa in the percoset. when I was a teen I took 4 grams of tylonol almost everyday with drs approval ( different peds doc) for headaches ( migraines).
when i'm having these weird flare ups nothing helps with my pain like I feel like I could swallow my whole bottle of precoset and feel nothing. on months when I have been unable to get my rx ( dr away pharmacy mix ups etc, the flare ups dont happen.

I do have to take lope for the w/ds but feet stay normal looking. However not having my pain meds makes my hip hurt like hell. I've tried explaining all this to my dr and she just wont hear me about how bad these flare ups hurt and swears it cant be the apa. i'm seriously thinking about trying mmt just because it feels like no one hears me. i'm in pain I cant sleep, my feet barely feet in my brothers shoes 3 sizes bigger than mine. And ive been on a medi-cal waiting list to switch primary drs for months. I have an HMO form of medi-cal and I was told when I called that if I change primary drs without consent they wont cover visits.

the pain affects my relationship with my dad to the point of breaking so I think quite seriously of CT w/d from all my meds just to get my body to the point of zero flare ups. but I know that will make the hell im in worse for a while

My stepdad had something called vicoprophen after a surgery when I heard the name it gave me hope that they do make similar meds without the tylonol. So, not wanting to mention a drug by name, I asked my dr if there were any meds without tylnol we could try and she automatically went off about how I should not be asking for stronger meds... who the hell said anything about stronger?! I dont care if its stronger because the oxy helps when im not having a flare up. I just want the damn apa out of my life to see if that prevents the flare ups. I know no one here is a med professional I just need to vent I feel like i'm stuck in hell. I just cant do these flare ups 2 weeks out of every month anymore. So my questions the one at the top and has anyone had flare ups like this from apa combo meds. if so what I helped. thanks mods sorry about abreivations and any missspellings i'm on day 7 zero sleep
 
MMT and CURES ( californias controlled rx database)

when I went to er for an honest stomach virus they knew I have an rx for pain without asking me. I was admitted and on discharge they said " you get an Rx for pain from your primary, right percoset?" which is fine because i'm not hiding anything. I did not need or want a take home rx after I was discharged. I was however curious how they knew... So on researching it, californa has a database called CUREs that lists any controlled rxs anyone gets. Anyone know if mmt clinics are part of this? if I do switch to mmt out of pure desperation to stop the flare ups will every dr I go to be able to see?
 
It's fucking awesome to get all these responses. Seriously. That's just awesome. Thanks. People who care.

I really appreciate the anxiety advice because my panic disorder is horrific. It's not sporadic attacks. It's 24/7 extreme panic. Before I got on benzos I was like that, ready to kill myself. I was becoming on alcohol. Got on benzos, never touched a beer ever since my first xanax. So that's a good thing in my mind, to take a pill over chugging 10 beers as fast as humanly possible. My livers all healed up. But the advice is a little too late since I'm already heavily dependent on benzos. I still try to experience as much panic as I can handle, I don't think it's healthy to constantly be on benzos and forget that I'm anxious.

I've never tried Sertaline but ever since I got on Klonopin I haven't had panic issues... at least not in the same way. I couldn't handle benzo withdrawal right now, not with the pain in my spine. If they ever fix my back like by killing a nerve or something then I will consider it, but not now. No way. My benzo dose has been stable for years, probably because I switch between them in a constant rotation. But I don't have the tolerance issue that I have with opiates, with benzos, at all. My panic is far and wide managed and when I do have an attack, I can handle that bullshit because I've had hundreds if not thousands of them at this point, severe full blown heart-attack feeling panic attacks. It sucks to be on benzos I know, but I can't really go back at this point. It would be too disrupting I have to deal with one thing at a time. And I can't deal with shit until my back is under control.

I have a real pain doctor yeah. I have an MRI soon. Not sure what the plan is. I don't really know anything other than narcotics treatment. My addiction issue isn't THAT bad.. I'm not out stealing shit and stuff like that... could be worse and I'll probably get there if I'm not careful. Basically I take around 60 to 80 milligrams of oxy a day to be pain free and I'm never really that high, just free of pain. But I have to supplement with heroin sometimes because I can't get that much prescribed no matter how hard I try to explain that I NEED more than I am given. I don't like to supplement with heroin but it's just what makes economic sense, I'm not paying a 2000% markup over pharmacy price for an OC. And also, you can't even trust street pills anymore, they are often fentanyl clones.

And yeah I take around 60mg-80 of oxy a day. I can get high off 20 milligrams. I still have pain a lot of the time. I bake the new formula to defeat the time release. I was chopping them up for a while but it wasn't really doing much for me. Baking at 300F makes it instant release though. I don't like doing that often though because it could cause cancer or some shit so I do chop them up. It was the natural instinct to do that immediately, haha. Chop and encapsulate. I take around 60 milligrams a day but I'm prescribed half that much so I have to supplement with little bumps of heroin sometimes. I take as much as I need to take in order to function, and I know that best - not some doctor who wants to keep me on a dose I can't function on.

No matter how bad the withdrawal will be in the future, if they fix my back I would get off cold turkey immediately, and the pain of that wouldn't hold a candle to this shit I'm going through right now. I'm just hoping they'll fix it some other way, in the mean time all I have is pills.

Thanks for the messages! I can relate to all of this - the work bullshit especially. It's killing my self esteem to even apply for another job, I think I might have to go on disability. We'll see because I'm going to start doing heroin again. I imagine that I'll be functioning much better once I get something to sniff. People who don't have chronic pain just DON'T GET IT.

Is it really addiction though if you just HATE being in pain and won't stand for it? And will take 80 milligrams of oxy a day, or heroin if you can't get that or afford it, or whatever it takes just to avoid the pain? I think I'm addicted to not being in pain, not the drugs. I could give a fuck less about this painkiller bullshit, I just need it like food and water for my stupid back. It's miserable really. I wish I could rely on my natural endorphins since that's what makes sense if you can do that, but I can't.

Like sure I'm a little psychologically addicted, extremely physically dependent obviously, but seriously I was more of a fiend when I used to smoke weed. The 'addiction' aspect is causing me no problems whatsoever in my daily life. Yes sometimes I have breakdowns and say I hate everything about my life. I'm sure most of us can say the same, with chronic pain. We have all lost something or other. It can change a person so much. But I only ever take opiates when my back hurts. And I think that sums it up right there. I think I was exaggerating the addiction aspect because heroin is so much associated with drug abuse. It also happens to be a hell of a good painkiller in low doses. An opiate is an opiate. What matters more is the way that they are used. I'm still an addict I just think it could be worse. I'm not getting fucked up or blissed out. I'm just trying to function like a normal human being and it's sort of, kind of working at least for now.
 
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I completely understand. With sertraline you may be able to continue your benzos but begin to very very gradually reduce them without having to suffer the panic or anxiety along the way. I notice absolutely no side effects at all with this drug except the absence of panic & anxiety. I take valium occasionally but try not to use it often for obvious reasons.

What pills are you baking? The oxy? How is that supposed to make them IR? In my experience heat rarely if ever improves a drugs performance.
 
Ok so this goes against harm reduction but with the new tamper-proof oxy extended release. The time release mechanism breaks down at 250F, and oxy break down at 400F. So I put the pills in a coffee grinder until they are little tidbits. Then I spread them out on a glass baking plate and bake at 300F for 15 minutes. They turn a golden brown colour and then dry up. This converts it to instant release. Usually I just grind them up and eat them in capsules but I find that even on an empty stomach they don't work as well. Plus, you can sniff them if you do this baking thing, and there's no difference between cutting an oxy 80 into quarters or sniffing 20mg of this new stuff, so it's nice to do once in a while. Really nice when I want to get high and very fast relief. Trust me, there isn't a milligram that's wasted in this process. At least from the fast acting, intense relief and opiate high that I get, that I would never come close to from grinding up and just eating the little white pieces. Since the time release is in every molecule of the material, all that dose is aid with absorption and does kick the time release a little bit for sure, but not anywhere near IR. But I've sniffed lots of quarters of OC 80's in my life and this method is indistinguishable, just takes some work. I don't trust that it's safe because I'm not sure what the chemical breaks down to, so it's an occasional thing.

I would talk to my doctor about sertraline, but I don't have a psychiatrist. I never have had one, and I have repeatedly asked for one. I really need one, if I am hopelessly depressed and have thoughts of suicide that is obvious that I need a shrink, but I don't know how to get one. My pain doctor at the pain clinic just says they shouldn't really be prescribing me benzos, that's more for a psychiatrist so I get a low dose, but have a huge stash of a variety of different benzos and etizolam. But they noticed how much calmer I was after I was prescribed clonaz so they keep me on it. I used to be an anxiety ridden wreck in those appointments. Is that an SSRI? Or is it an SNRI? Because I took an SNRI before and I got really nauseated, I felt like puking and I couldn't eat properly. It was messing me up and I heard it took time to adjust but I'm not really sure. I have a history with Mdma and even something like L-tryptophan will fuck with me, I seem to be sensitive to anything that affects serotonin (but I can still have insightful or recreational trips on psychedelics, it's odd but I have no issues handling powerful acid trips and stuff like that with little feelings of panic at all... and I do M twice a year and it's always like my first time but I still feel like it has messed with me a bit long term).

The problem with sertraline is knowing me I'd probably take Mdma or acid at some point and wind up with serotonin syndrome. Fuck I should really give it a shot though. But what if they try prescribing me one of the newer generation ones? The one I tried that didn't help was cipralex. And after being on seroquel, I have damn near PPTSD (post-pharmaceutical traumatic stress disorder)

That sounds like a great way to reduce my benzo intake. I'm already doing it kinda. I keep a 'benzo log' and try to reduce my doses over time. But the skeletal muscle relaxation really helps, not really with xanax but definitely with valium, etizolam, and clonaz. It's a journal and when I've been on a benzo for one month I switch to another one. The problem is I couldn't handle the anxiety before I got on them. I was having constant panic attacks and just chugging vodka or slamming 10 beers to calm down. Ever since I got on benzos, which was years ago, I haven't had so much as an alcohol laced chocolate and I'll never drink again. The first time I ever used a benzo was when I showed up in the ER freaking out, begging for mercy thinking I was on the verge of a heart attack. The psychiatrist told me to stop taking all the anti-psychotics right away (smart doctor) and she put me on xanax twice a day. Immediately my panic attacks were controlled and I picked up some etizolam since 1milligram wasn't enough and I've been pretty fine in terms of anxiety ever since. Obviously it's a bad situation to be in, benzo dependent, but I was ready to give up at that point and when I found something that gave me relief, I just had to go with it. I didn't see any other way at the time and now I am where I am. I've found myself in this predicament but I'm more worried about the opiates. Because I have to take more and more. At the beginning of the year 30 milligrams was giving me constant relief, I wasn't in any pain. Then I got into heroin and after a stint with it, I've never been functioning. My tolerance is way higher now, today I took 75 milligrams of oxycodone and for around 5-6 hours I was still in agony. 40 milligrams of that was insufflated oxy too.

It's weird, I had a couple of appointments at the hospital mental health section and I thought it was going somewhere. But after a few xanax scripts I was doing much better and they cut me off cold turkey. They wrote me down a couple of books on anxiety disorders and sent me on my way

So they introduced me to xanax, cut me off, didn't return my calls when I was inquiring if I could see a psychiatrist at the hospital again because I still really needed help, and then I immediately started buying etizolam and alprazolam powder and self medicating. Eventually migrating to valium and klonopin, ativan and bromazepam. Some medical system, eh? They told me benzos are psychologically addictive, like people start fiending them and taking more and more. Since I asked what they meant by 'addictive' - I knew they were amongst the most physical dependency causing substances in existence, but I've just never ever felt that voice in my head tempting me to take one. And that's what I watch out for, the lack of control. Because it means you can't manage your own taper when the time comes. And when you lose control, it just sucks. I just don't find them psychologically addictive at all, but I guess they can be for some people? I'd hate to knock myself out with them, higher doses feel horrible, like a zombie and leave me with a wicked anxiety and depression rebound. I really try to take the bare minimum and be diligent. Opioids on the other hand... little more challenging to manage those ;)

It's just especially hard to try any other treatment for anxiety because of the skeletal muscle relaxant effects which noticeably relieve my pain. I seriously think etizolam is the best in that regard. It's such an effective medication I find, less sedating than benzos. Before I discovered opiates I was taking massive amounts of benzos just for this muscle relaxing effect... something like 15mg of xanax a day and I weened myself down to around a 3rd of that amount, which is still way too much - and I remember being on the edge while I was doing that - but hey, I am, after all, the most stable person ever. I just soooo have my shit together. Like, the splitting image of mental and physical health. No problems here - well except for the panic attacks, chronic undiagnosed crippling back pain (I swear it's a facet fucking joint. Should that show on my MRI?), relationship issues, anger issues, regular psychedelic use, including daily DMT smoking at times with associated HPPD and depersonalization/derealization (or re-personalization, re-realization as I prefer), unemployment with advanced education, financial bankruptcy, suicidal thoughts, a tendency to cut my arms, constantly getting fired, terrible social anxiety and general misanthropy... but otherwise I'm just the splitting image of stability! This engineering and physics wizard has got his shit together. At least I have a healthy diet, and I'm a gourmet cook and I do yoga every day and take nicely bioavailable vitamins and minerals and fish oil. I drink ridiculous amounts of connoisseur quality green, oolong, and black teas. Tea is weed to me, like how people get crazy about different strains of weed... I'm like that with tea : ) So much kale. I've got the nutrition and yoga part down, but that's about it. A definite sense of humour too. Fuck am I ever useless.

I know my last couple messages were pretty melodramatic and depressing. I'm really grateful for the replies. I bunch of you reached out to me, and it made me happy. I'm not always down like that. I obviously come here to vent, and i think it's healthy to vent and just get fucking pissed the fuck off sometimes instead of holding those feelings in. The hardest thing is honestly the total lack of direction. Like I was on a path... a good path... to the world of high tech... and now I'm just a lost soul... stranded... it totally sucks this feeling...

I think one of the first things I should stop doing is watching horror movies alone late into the night.
 
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Regarding oxy baking, that all makes sense based on ur reasoning. In Australia Sandoz sell a generic Oxycontin pill that is supposed to be an equivalent controlled release medication but it isn't because it crushes to powder and the coating is paper like and can be easily removed or scratched off with your fingernail - they are basically oxy old formula and I'm surprised they sell them but glad they do, its the best "loophole", I get my oxy 80's in the generic but the 15's I get prescribed are the tamper "proof" ones that you bake.

Because the oral BA is so high I do not bother shooting or snorting the 80's or turning the 15's, as you do, into something I can take by another ROA. If I could source pure oxy powder I would probably have a shot from time to time for the buzz, the duration would be noticeably reduced so not good for round the clock pain relief.

Re psychiatrists, it's actually just my GP (general practitioner), normal everyday doctor that prescribes me those so this may be the same for where you are geographically. It's designed for your issues exactly and this way you can save your benzos for fun/emergencies including opiate withdrawals, but more importantly for your health, as you know benzo addiction/dependence is just to risky, you can't just run out and wait for script day lol. You know all of this so you understand where I'm coming from.

If I had no wife and son I would probably start a smack habit, which for me means I'll start dealing again and end up doing 20 years if I'm caught which isn't hard when you're an addict dealing to other addicts. Especially with that particular drug.

I hope you get a good PM doctor Shroomy, they're a gamble that's for sure. Good luck and take care. Us pain patients tend to stick together. There are plenty of knowledgeable folks here that have been and done it all, we're all here to help ourselves and one another.
 
Shroomi,

Have you ever tried Oxymorphone (Opana)? I used to be on OxyContin, but I switched after they changed the formula. I still use Oxycodone IR for break through. And, like you said, it has WAY less stuff in it, no Tylenol. They should give you a short acting with your long acting. Oxy is one of the few that has a super high oral bioavailability. Unfortunately, Oxymorphone does not, and I go back and forth sniffing them and taking them orally. But the Oxymorphone has controlled my pain WAY better.

BTW, I've had every non invasive procedure there is; let me know if you (or anyone) have any questions. Radio frequency usually works really well for me (when they burn your nerve endings off), but it only lasts around 5 months for me. Tomorrow, I'm getting the new spinal cord stimulator put in. This one was just approved for low back pain and runs on a different frequency than the ones in the past. I'm in a trial, but I'm hopeful!

The life of chronic pain is no life. Hope today is a good day for everyone.
 
Have any of you tried hysingla er. My gf's doctor is wanting here to give that a go. Along with oxy ir 10 mg for breakthrough pain. I'm worried that it isn't going to be as effective as the morphine 20's x3. I know the hysingla is hydrocodone minus apap.
Seems like a step backwards to me. Thanks in advance for your replies.
 
have not tried it but anything minus the apa would be a gift from the lord atm, thanks for giving a very woren down me more hope now if only I can find a doc who will listen when I say apa seems to be killing me very slowly and painfully. yeah so thanks again bukwet
 
Regarding Extended Release, what I don't like is that it isn't stead state. I will have no pain... then the pain comes back... then randomly like 5 hours later I won't be in pain again... it's just annoying. And it takes so long to kick it, and I have to watch my stomach contents (which is the sole inconvenience of oral use, my stomach is always full of food since I eat so much). I've always wanted to get pure oxy powder, I mean it must exist right? In the pharmaceutical factories. But like howwww tightly would that be kept under watch. My mouth salivates at the thought of it haha, being able to sniff a matchstick-sized bump that would be equivalent to 2 percocets. It would honest be perfect, I'd just weigh out 20mg doses. But that's a pipe dream.

My PM doctor is actually great. I'm really comfortable around them and we're working together to try and diagnose it and locate the damage. I went through 10's of doctors before them. I often left the appointments infuriated at how ignorant they were. It has taken years to find a great one, they are still no miracle worker but nobody is. I'm lucky to get anything prescribed, I'm grateful to have what I have even if it's not enough, it's so much better than nothing. I had nothing for years so to have something is just wonderful, and it's by no means minimal.

When I had smack, I used it as I would use any other pain med. I sniffed small bumps, equivalent to a percocet or two (like these were bumps were barely even visible), and the difference was that I could use a lot of it without worrying about tylenol, so I had 24/7 pain relief and my tolerance shot up. But I don't like the morphine-based drugs compared to the theabine-derived oxycodone. It has a different character... more stimulating. I feel like if people find out you tried H though, they look at you in a different way. So I always hide that.

Do they have oxymorphone in Canada? I've never tried it. Oh dear. That looks like my kind of opioid. I LOVE hydromorphone but it lasts even shorter than oxycodone, and oxycodone lasts so short as it is. OXYcodone...hydroMORPHONE... maybe oxymorphone is the best of both worlds plus a longer natural half life. Oxymorphone has a longer half life I think? Is that how they 'kill the nerve'? With RF? Since that's where my treatment is headed. Can you feel anything different after or during when you have a nerve fried? Is it 5 months because the nerve grows back or something? I've never tried hydrocodone either but for some reason I've never been interested in that one.
 
Hi. I gotta make this short bc I typed a long message and like has been happening a lot the last week I hit ost and I says I'm not logged in and erases it. So short version, I have chronic pain from blood clots in groin and last June they took my colon out so I'm still hurting a lot from that. I've been on and off opiates since 2009. Now I'm on 15mg Oxycodone ir 6x day and 20mg Opana ER every 8 hrs. I just switched from Dilaudid 8mg cause it's so short acting and oxy has great oral bio. I thought the Opana would work better. It works better than MS Contin I was on but I know oral bio sucks. I'm not against snorting but I got the reformulated so I can't crush. I checked with pharmacy and that's all I can get. I've been researching potentiation but I've tried the usual stuff and nothing. I'm thinking of hydroxizine. I go to shrink tomorrow so I know I can get some. I'm also on Kolonopin 1mg 3x day and Latuda and lithium for my bipolar. I've read hydroxizine works and doesn't work. I know Ityll stop the itchies and add to my anxiety control. I have nasty anxiety and as my pain dr says that makes pain worse. Well, I hope this goes thru and just wanted to introduce myself. If anyone has any tips that would be appreciated. Bless all of you in chronic pain.
 
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