Jesus christ this drug is strong, and it is cold. Others have told me you have to provide your own warmth, but I can't. There's no hope of warmth here and in fact the very idea seems so fucking fruitless. Could you warm a blizzard by lighting an ember?
This thing is cold as a fucking grave to me, it's as cold as death. There are no answers here, and there is no hope. It just is- the rest of your life lied out before you, all of it. The sadness, the disappointment, the alienation, the fucking heartbreak and the hurt. It's all right there for ya, brother. Now take a fucking sip.
And in the face of such coldness as that, there's nothing I can do. There's no sufficient response, nothing reassurring at all to say. Just the depths of alienation, saying *hi* right back to you. As sad as that is, I can't even feel feelings anymore. Christ, I remember when I was a child with a head full of dreams and this limitless fucking future lying ahead, but all that shit is just irrevocably fucking gone and it's like once you've been broken too long you just can't ever quite get back. There's not a sight, a sound, a face that can ever bring it back. And even still I see the beauty to this day. I mean it's all around you. Just open up your fucking eyes. It shames me all the more to feel the way I feel in a world so fucking beautiful as this.
So go on and live another day, ya know? What else can you do. But what of the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next...............and so on into infinity and ever cold space and that final insult when they slam you into the dirt and say 'well here lies just another poor peckerhead, no one gives a crap for you''....... What I want to know is, what of the dreams? What became of all the dreams, the hopes, the wishes and aspirations that lived inside that child's head. What became of all the fucking joy I'd use to feel every waking moment, just simply by virtue of being alive? All of that shit is just so hopelessly fucking gone, every last bit of it. All I can do is mourn its passing, because there lies no hope any longer.