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  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

The Joke Thread - Try and make it funny, eh?

Last night, I woke up to the ghost of Gloria Gaynor in my bedroom. ... At first I was afraid. I was petrified.
 
Couple of oldies but goodies.

Man walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging off the end of his knob.

The bartender says "You can't come in here like that, you've got a steering wheel hanging off your knob mate!"

Man says "Tell me about it, it's been driving me nuts all day." :X

----

Two nuns in the bath, one says "Wheres the soap?"

Other one says "Does, doesn't it". 8o

---

During "The Troubles" in Ireland a Chinese restaurant owner is set upon by masked men with guns on his way home:

"Tell me, are you Protestant or Catholic?!" they demand.

"Neither" he replies, terrified: "I'm a Buddhist!"

This confuses them for a minute... then they come back with:

"OK, OK, fine Pal! But are you a CATHOLIC Buddhist or a PROTESTANT Buddhist?"

---

Mother Superior asks Sister Mary "If you're accosted by a man in a dark alley demanding sex, what would you do?"

Sister Mary says "I'd tell him to drop his pants and then I'd raise my habit, of course!"

Her jaw drops. "Sister Mary! I'm shocked, what on earth possesses you to say such a thing?!"

"Well, it's like this Mother Superior, I can run a lot faster with my habit up than he can with his trousers down!" ;)

----

A dastardly racist joke:

Why did the Irish get the potatoes and the Saudis get the oil?

The Irish got to pick first. 8(

---

Yet another, I'm going to hell for sure:

Know why Australians call their beer "XXXX"?

They can't spell "Beer" 8)

---

You know the difference between an Australian and a pot of yoghurt?

More culture in the yoghurt.

---

Ok last one...


Little Johnny is in class and the teacher, Miss Smith, is asking them brain-teasers.

"If there are 3 crows on a wire and I shoot one of them, how many are left"

"None", says Little Johnny. "Because the other 2 were scared off by the shot"

"Actually, the answer is 2 - but I really like the way you're thinking!" Miss Smith replies.

"Thank you!" he says. "Can I ask you one please?"

"Well... of course"
she replies, nonplussed.

"If there are 3 woman walking down the road eating ice creams; the first one is licking her ice-cream softly and slowly, the second one is licking it quickly and the third one has the whole cone in her mouth and is eating it as quickly as she can - which one is married?" Little Johnny says.

"Well... I'd have to guess the first one is married" the teacher replies, a bit flustered.

"No, it's the one with the wedding ring, Miss - but I really like the way you're thinking!" he says.

=D :D :!

---

:D :D :D hope you got a kick out of them.


Oh and last but not least... to make up for the racist ones heres something ultra clean (but pretty sick as youll see in a min)

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

.............







.............









.............Drum roll please..........





Because 7 8 9 ;) lol
 
Dalai lama walks into pizza hut and says "can you make me one with everything"
 
lol knobby,

ok:

How do pirates know, that they are pirates?


- They think, therefore they arrrrrrrrrrr!!
 
a woman runs into the plice station shouting "i ve been graped!, I ve been graped"

The officer says" calm down love, do you mean you have been raped?"

No "I've been graped - there was a bunch of them"
 
During "The Troubles" in Ireland a Chinese restaurant owner is set upon by masked men with guns on his way home:

"Tell me, are you Protestant or Catholic?!" they demand.

"Neither" he replies, terrified: "I'm a Buddhist!"

This confuses them for a minute... then they come back with:

"OK, OK, fine Pal! But are you a CATHOLIC Buddhist or a PROTESTANT Buddhist?"

---
___

A dastardly racist joke:

Why did the Irish get the potatoes and the Saudis get the oil?

The Irish got to pick first. 8(

absolutely hilarious! still cant stop laughing!
 
Yet another, I'm going to hell for sure:

Know why Australians call their beer "XXXX"?

They can't spell "Beer" 8)


Now I'm Australian, but I use this all the time. It's the Queenslanders that drink that crap.

I had to laugh the other day because I saw a Queensland licence plate, the slogan was 'The Smarter State'.
Not smart enough to spell beer properly.

Carry on.
 
An Englishman and an Irishman entered a chocolate shop. As they were busy looking around, the Englishman stole three chocolate bars. When they left the store, the Englishman said to the Irishman "Man, I'm the best thief. I stole three chocolates and no one saw me. You can't beat that!"

The Irishman replied, "You want to see something better? Let's go back to the shop and I'll show you some real stealing."

So ...they went up to the counter and the Irishman said to the shopkeeper, "Do you want to see some real magic man?"

The shopkeeper replied, "Yes."

The Irishman said, "Give me one chocolate bar."

The shopkeeper gave him one, and he ate it. The Irishman asked for a second bar, and he ate that as well. He asked for the third, and finished that one too.

The shopkeeper asked, "But where's the magic?"

The Irishman replied, "Check in my friend's pocket and you will find all three bars of chocolate."

is this racist? I think it's funny coz it's stoopid. I love chocolate.
 
I'm hosting a charity event for people who struggle to orgasm

If you can't come, please let me know.
 
A Rabbi walks into a bar with a frog on his shoulder.
The bartender asks, "where did you get that?!"
And the frog replies, "Brooklyn, they're all over the place".

Badam tsss
=D
 
the wife loves her 80s n 90s music so got her a copy of ice ice baby for her birthday in the local record store.

sales girl asked would she wrap it for me, told her she couldn't be any worse than Vanilla ice
 
the wife loves her 80s n 90s music so got her a copy of ice ice baby for her birthday in the local record store.

Sales girl asked would she wrap it for me, told her she couldn't be any worse than vanilla ice

zing¬!
 
it was Fernando Torres birthday during the week, he missed it.


lol

Rafa Benitez was wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket car park when he noticed an old lady struggling with her bags of shopping. He stopped and asked, “Can you manage dear?” to which the old lady replied, “no way you got yourself into this mess, don’t ask me to sort it out!”


Rafa Benitez has this morning explained why he continued to play the rotation system whilst managing Liverpool. He says it’s kept the burglars guessing, who was at home or who was in the team.

Will get my Coat
 
I just saw this thread. First of all I apologise if this has been posted before, but I really can't be assed to trawl through loads of pages looking - If not, for giggles - this guy is priceless.. . My personal favourite is the disguised weapons one, it's in the top rated section and well worth reading.
http://dontevenreply.com/index.php
 
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