The Joke Thread - Try and make it funny, eh?

[mydrugbuddy]

My dear friend we first need to establish for the benefit of our colleagues whats a duck do. We cannot proceed without this knowledge.

 

[Shambles]

whats a duck do.

Surely you must know?

 

[mydrugbuddy]

Yes i do. It Quacks.

 

[pinkpapaver]

[/IMG]

 

[pinkpapaver]

A sexy Irish blonde at a Casino, seemed a little intoxicated. She bet 20,000 Euro on a single roll of dice.

She said-I hope you don't mind, but I feel luckier when I'm nude. With that, she removed her clothes, rolled the dice and yelled- "Come on baby, mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped and yelled-Yes, Yes, I Won.. I Won.. she hugged each dealer and picked up her winnings and clothes and left.

The dealers gazed at each other,dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked - "What number rolled on the dice?"

The other- "I don't know,I thought you were watching."

 

[Shambles]

Yes i do. It Quacks.

Apologies. Buggered that up a bit. Meant to string it along just a wee bit further before giving up but hit "post" before it occurred that was a shitty question however you look at it. Will play nice and not mess with the classics next time

 

[mydrugbuddy]

all bar 1 person has buggered it up so far lol.

 

[Shambles]

I think it's just one of those gags that nobody likes to stooge for. Far more entertaining to act all innocent and pretend you have no idea what protocol is. That last question was pitiful though. Could've at least just used the same quote and gone straight for the punchline. Hijacked gag is much better than buggered gag.

 

[acieed_ed]

U know my dads name is ***** nearly dead now.he has lost his ability to speak and walk.well u know what they say "if u cant talk the talk,dont walk the walk"

thats taking the piss lol i dont mean it

 

[mydrugbuddy]

I think it's just one of those gags that nobody likes to stooge for. Far more entertaining to act all innocent and pretend you have no idea what protocol is. That last question was pitiful though. Could've at least just used the same quote and gone straight for the punchline. Hijacked gag is much better than buggered gag.

Thanks for the tips in the art of comedy Shambles. If that sounded sounded sarcastic it was only partially intentional, as i couldn't think of a less sarcastic sounding way to reply/

Your comment was of course correct though, much as it pains me to say it.

 

[strungout2010]

A woman has reported being sexually assaulted by a fox......................



Police can't determine ,whether it fact or vixen

 

[strungout2010]

I cant believe how thick the snow is out there...........................



I asked a snowman for the time today, and he just stared at me...

 

[pinkpapaver]

^ lovely stuff.

anyway, a quick reminder there. don't get Oscar pistorius socks for valentines day

 

[bogman]

"g'day mate Fosters help line here how can i help"

over here with the girlfriend and she got stung on the fanny by a hornet and it's all closed up, what will i do

" bummer mate"

will do, thanks

 

[bogman]

people who are afraid of pedophiles need to grow up ffs

 

[FlippingTop]

^nice :D

 

[badandwicked]

I fucking hate lollipop ladies.

They make me cross.

 

[masaz]

One from my housemate just now, apropos of nothing: 'Did you know it's ok for a Buddhist monk to use email as long as there are no attachments'

 

[Shambles]

There are far too few Buddist jokes in the world but that one did make me titter, Snolls :D

 

[swedger77]

when asked why he killed his model girlfriend, oscar pistorius shrugged his shoulders and said "I'm stumped!"