RLP
Bluelighter
Got the results of Cheryl Cole's smear test. Just as I thought, it tastes delicious.
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European & African
Drug Discussion
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The Joke Thread - Try and make it funny, eh?
- Thread starter Myshkin
- Start date
badandwicked
Bluelighter
Why can't a nose be 12 inches?
Cos then it would be a foot.
Boom boom.
Cos then it would be a foot.
Boom boom.
BecomingJulie
Bluelight Crew
Ugh. That was un-called-for.
The dead can't defend themselves.
The dead can't defend themselves.
scrooloose
Bluelighter
Paddy walks into PC World up to the repairs department and says "me laptop,there's no screen and it keeps overheating". The repairs guy looks at paddy and says "sir,that is actually a George Foreman grill"
FlippingTop
Bluelighter
scrooloose
Bluelighter
Oh bolllox,soz.
A potato famine yidwop polak scumbag walks into PC World up to the repairs department.............................................
A potato famine yidwop polak scumbag walks into PC World up to the repairs department.............................................
Jrhguitarist1
Bluelighter
Man I'm having a hell of a time reading this. You guys going back and forth is just bout as good as some of the lame jokes.
YellowPolkaDotHalo
Ex-Bluelighter
Ha Ha Jrhguitarist. It can be funny ay? The best stuff gets deleted.
spudgun
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 31, 2003
- Messages
- 1,676
A French guy, a German guy and a Jewish guy are lost in the desert. They've been trudging for nearly a day.
The French guy says "I am so tired. I am so thirsty. I must..... I must have some fine french wine."
The German guy says "I am so tired. I am so thirsty. I must...... I must have some good German beer.
The Jewish guy says "I am so tired. I am so thirsty. I must........ I must have diabetes"
The French guy says "I am so tired. I am so thirsty. I must..... I must have some fine french wine."
The German guy says "I am so tired. I am so thirsty. I must...... I must have some good German beer.
The Jewish guy says "I am so tired. I am so thirsty. I must........ I must have diabetes"
Last edited:
bogman
Bluelighter
What does a gynaecologist have in common with a pizza delivery boy?
Both can smell it but neither dare eat it.
Both can smell it but neither dare eat it.
bogman
Bluelighter
Prince Charles has just made an announcement from Buckingham Palace regarding Prince Harry's Behaviour in Las Vegas, "if he were my son, I'd disown him
bogman
Bluelighter
I was in the pub on Saturday night. I noticed two large girls by the bar.
They both had strong accents so I said "Hi, are you two girls from Scotland ?"
One of them chirped "It's WALES you ****ing idiot !!!"
So I immediately apologized and said "Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland ?"
They both had strong accents so I said "Hi, are you two girls from Scotland ?"
One of them chirped "It's WALES you ****ing idiot !!!"
So I immediately apologized and said "Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland ?"
matt<3ketamine
Bluelighter
hahaha brilliant :D
bogman
Bluelighter
I've just come out of the 'chippy' with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days' I told him 'I wish I had your f*cking willpower'
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Top tip; if your camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it's so hot she will be sleeping with her flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex...........Wish me luck I appear in court next Monday.
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I got fired on my first day as a male masseuse today. Apparently the instruction ' finish off on her face ' didn't mean ' What I thought it did '
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A fat bird served me food in McDonalds at lunch time, she said ' sorry about the wait ' I said ' don't worry you fat bitch, you'll lose it eventually '
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Paddy is walking down the road eating a bag of doughnuts, Murphy meets him & says ' if I can guess how many doughnuts you have in the bag, can I have one? Paddy said ' if you can guess how many doughnuts are in there you can have both of them!! '...............Murphy says 'Four!'
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I know how those poor bastards in Haiti feel. Last time I had a few aftershocks I couldn't find my house either.
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Marriage councellor to a couple who are contemplating divorce....... ' Tell me something both of you have in common ' Husband after a long awkward silence ' Well neither of us sucks co*k '
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Snow eh! The weather girl said she was expecting 8 inches tonight, I thought to myself ' she'll be f**king lucky with a face like that!'
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I have a new chat up line that works everytime!! It doesn't matter how gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner & I always end up in bed with them..............Here's how it goes ' Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion? Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?'
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Top tip; if your camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it's so hot she will be sleeping with her flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex...........Wish me luck I appear in court next Monday.
------------------
I got fired on my first day as a male masseuse today. Apparently the instruction ' finish off on her face ' didn't mean ' What I thought it did '
------------------
A fat bird served me food in McDonalds at lunch time, she said ' sorry about the wait ' I said ' don't worry you fat bitch, you'll lose it eventually '
------------------
Paddy is walking down the road eating a bag of doughnuts, Murphy meets him & says ' if I can guess how many doughnuts you have in the bag, can I have one? Paddy said ' if you can guess how many doughnuts are in there you can have both of them!! '...............Murphy says 'Four!'
---------------------
I know how those poor bastards in Haiti feel. Last time I had a few aftershocks I couldn't find my house either.
-----------------
Marriage councellor to a couple who are contemplating divorce....... ' Tell me something both of you have in common ' Husband after a long awkward silence ' Well neither of us sucks co*k '
---------------
Snow eh! The weather girl said she was expecting 8 inches tonight, I thought to myself ' she'll be f**king lucky with a face like that!'
-----------------
I have a new chat up line that works everytime!! It doesn't matter how gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner & I always end up in bed with them..............Here's how it goes ' Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion? Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?'
badandwicked
Bluelighter
I've decided to start writing my 8's on their side. It's infinitely better.