Right, the following is going to probably sound rather pathetic and irresponsible. I'm not proud of my actions but this is the way things are, for whatever reason.
Around 17/18 I started binge drinking, as pretty much everyone in Scotland does. I still drink quite a bit and have a very high tolerance, but I've calmed down a little and I wouldn't say I'm an alcoholic - it's a substance I can take or leave (although usually it's take!). Around about a year ago, after much thought due to my reckless nature with regard to substances, I decided to purchase a 500ml bottle of GBL in a bulk deal with friends online. After 2 or 3 weeks of almost nightly use (few ml a night) I got quite nasty withdrawals. Not major or anything, but they lasted on and off for a week, and were the worst withdrawals I've experienced (I had no benzos then). A few months later I decided that I couldn't control my use and I chucked the bottle out. I'd use it nearly every night, that instant hit of happyness was too alluring. I'd also started using benzos sporadically for comedowns and also sometimes during the middle of the week when I'd often experience bad anxiety, probably down to the benzos wearing off and my gaba related withdrawals hitting me. (My idea is that my weekend binge drinking and long GBL use combined with semi-regular use of long enacting benzos has meant my gaba levels are essentially permanently very high, so whenever the benzos wear off I hit mad anxiety etc).
Recently I purchased GBL again, telling myself I'd only use it on weekends. Then of course that changed to every second night, and before I know it I'm on it practically every day/night again. I keep a note of all my GBL use and the last 2 weeks has seen me doing about 5-10ml (nearer 10 probably) pretty much every day.
I'm basically concerned with all my gaba abuse that I'm going to hit some horrible brick wall soon, or maybe I'm blowing things out of proportion. If I hit GBL withdrawals soon, benzos would be the sensible solution. However, such is my use of benzos (generally valium or nitrazepam a couple of times a week) and all the cross tolerance of GABA substances (despite GHB operating on a different gaba receptor to benzos/booze), I might be about to hit a sticky predicament. I think I'd rather kill myself than go through benzos and gbl withdrawals at the same time.
I'm trying at the moment to stay the hell away from benzos, the long half-lives are making me think everything is ok all the time when its not.
I know what I need to do is simply just go clean, maybe use a tapering schedule of benzos and no other narcotics for a lengthy period. But it's not as easy as that, I always end up giving in after a couple of days and having some of that nice GBL...or a good few drinks etc.
This is something I've been wanting to get help with for a long time, think I might be getting in serious trouble here. Not sure if I've really articulated myself well either. What I probably need is a kick up the arse and a stint in the army or something...XD. I'm not even sure what I'm asking here, I think advice from anyone who's had similar GABA problems would be helpful?
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
